There Is Now A Place Where Donkey’s Kitchen Table Stories Can Be Funny-fied

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The brilliant minds at Cracked.com have about as much affection for Family Circus as we do, and have done something brilliant with all those painfully unfunny comic strips involving a boring-ass family and their lame conversations. Maybe they can do the same with the Baugher chats around the kitchen table? God knows we’re soon to be treated to a series of cringingly unfunny Momsers and Dadsers conversations now that Donkey’s “stopping by” Chicago before “moving to L.A.,” nudge nudge wink wink.

67 COMMENTS

    • Oh my god, the comments on the STFU Couples post.

      “AmyTheEmbittered 3 hours ago
      I can imagine Donkey Girl sitting forlornly in the middle of her darkened living room, mascara tracks running down her face and dressed in a long ago purchased (and yet to be utilised) wedding dress, tweeting furiously and compiling a memento scrapbook with what should have been her Big Day until her arsehole brother went and upstaged her..”

      How does she know!?!

      • Amy’s got a way of seeing right to the heart of the matter at hand – and doing it in an especially amusing way.

        It a submission that I especially enjoyed. Could someone direct me to the Donkey Girl we mocked in passing, but that y’all mock on a regular basis? I promise not to stalk. I’ll just giggle from afar.

      • Thanks, juliaspublicist! I know it’s terribly rude to come into another community and ask for information you can find if you dig a little. I appreciate you treating me kindly instead of blasting me.

        It was worth it just to collect this little gem:
        “How soon can you demand to see photos of the family to find out whether your potential sig other will “age well”?” Nice. Keep it classy, Julia.

        Where did the “donkey” moniker come from?

    • Well someone who submitted it is definitely RBNS – how else to explain the Donkey X-ing logo.

    • Wow. It’s like a control group for the Donkey. None of them know who she is, yet they immediately GET HER.

  1. How does this chick make it into the news so much?! I live in a 4 sq mile town, and I’ve been mentioned….once. It’s like she blows a fart and the Tribune screams “brilliant!”

    http://pqasb.pqarchiver.com/chicagotribune/access/41792650.html?dids=41792650:41792650&FMT=ABS&FMTS=ABS:FT&type=current&date=May+23%2C+1999&author=Ross+Werland&pub=Chicago+Tribune&desc=COED+SLEEPOVERS%3F+SHE+SAYS%2C+%22YES!%22+HE+SAYS%2C+%22NO!%22&pqatl=google

    she was 18 and arguing with daddy. hardly seems like news. but anyone subscribe to the tribune or the washington post??

    • a subscription doesn’t cover the archives. that article is from like 12 yrs ago, when julia was a HS senior. so you’d need to buy it out of the archives, not merely log in to your tribune subscription

      • @ shoppe the frock up — it’s probably only like $5 to just buy the article. maybe less. why not just buy it if you’re interested? im sure it confirms what we already know–that robin and peter enabled julie baugher to cultivate a nasty habit of self promotion

      • “It also shreds the thin veil that precariously protects the `Don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy that allows parents to coexist with hormone-bathed teens.”

        She comes by her tee-hee overwritten sentences honestly, it seems. “Hormone-bathed”? Put it away, Dadsers.

      • Aren’t “sleep-overs” for tweens? We certainly didn’t call them that in HS. What kind of sanctimonious dweeb launches a public campaign for co-ed sleepovers in HS? Takes all the fun out of sneaking around…. Julia must have been as uncool and annoying as all howfuck in HS.

      • From things Julia Bogger has written about her high school experience, I get the idea she was an unpopular, unliked ugly duckling with no friends. It really explains why she became such a crazy, botoxed, be-pelted loon after high school. It’s like she’s spent the last ten years trying to overcompensate for a shitty adolescence and not feeling “pretty.”

        But what about INDIANA UNIVERSITY???

  2. Is tomorrow the big day? Are the movers really going to box up the tutus and tampons? Will Jordan’s tiara be packed in bubble wrap or will Donks put it in her carry on along with the latest Elizabeth Gilbert and seven copies of TK’s brother’s wife’s book? Inquiring minds want to know!

      • There is some important history surrounding that video. A month earlier, Julia had persuaded David Karp to remove RBNS and the wonderful Baugher blogger from Tumblr, either for the crime of lèse-majesté or because she was crying too much to give head, I forget which.

        Anyway, RBNS and Reblogging Julia immediately moved to new platforms over which Julia had no sway with her mouth, and Julia rushed to assert control over her critics (notice she ignores the inauthenticity rap and explains that hey, of course she’s inconsistent, she’s a Pisces). What you’re watching is a temper tantrum.

      • I’ve never seen that. She does a great job playing victim but ignores the glaring truth: there’s very little on RBNS or previous blogs that is untrue. She’s saying that it hurts her feelings, but all that’s happening is that her own actions are being mirrored back to her.

        She seems to genuinely not get that. And she hasn’t made one goddamn improvement to her character after all this time.

        She once said that she had “no idea how to stop” the haters. I know one way: stop being such an incredibly shitty person.

      • That nauseating video showcases the never-ending affectations that are so much a part of Julia Allison. Just talk, Donkey, without all the cutesy facial expressions. There’s not one second of genuineness in that video…it’s all acting. I love it when insufferable assholes like Julia get mad because people won’t embrace their shit.

      • She is nail in her own coffin. If you don’t want haters, or as you call them, “readers,” stop living publicly. Bam, it’s that easy. If there’s no content to critique, you won’t get criticized.

        But then you’d have to get a real job and um, er, oops you’ve got some blank years on your résumé by now…

  3. Maybe it’s because it’s 3 am that I’m noticing it but the new banner is really pretty (not including the 2 donks). The saturation of the colors just makes it really visually appealing.

      • that jizzy pool grossed me out – Julia’s photos are always so unpleasant and unappealing.
        The pool reminded me of a horrifying experience I had as child in the eighties and I encountered a nasty, foamy pubic-cy hot tub at my single aunt’s apartment complex in LA – too this day I refuse to set foot in a hot tub.

      • oh wow! That is hilariously disgusting. When swinging goes horribly wrong!!

    • She’s lived in New York for how many years and has NEVER been on the Highline? What. Is. Wrong. With. Her.

      • That sucks for her, I was in NY for 5 days and made it to the High Line, it was one of my favorite parts of the visit. I’m sure it’s beautiful at night but seeing it during the day was a treat too.

  4. On the day Julia leaves New York, can the RBNS mods hold an Unsubstantiated Rumor Time blowout celebration and just post every crazy ass thing you’ve ever received? That would be awesome and hilarious.

    • She’s changing states not moving Mars. I like the mods’ discretion – it lends credability to this site.

    • “Am wondering what 22 has in store. So far, only good things: tonight, we’re having dinner at that traditional, off-the-beaten-path dinner bistro, T.G.I. Friday’s. ”

      I’m confused. I mean, I think she’s really going there *shudder*, so why the attempted ironic tone? Or…?

      • they are really going to Friday’s. One of Emily Rose’s schticks is that she’s a trashy midwesterner at heart. She loves TGI Friday’s and Applebee’s. And drinking cheap beer, sitting on ratty couches, playing beer pong, all that kind of stuff.

        She’s gross. I want to do that stuff with my guy friends, not with some fake “guy’s girl” who hangs out with Baugher and Co.

    • I mentioned this a while back because my bf had that test and it came out negative for Celiac. He was convinced he had it before the test because his mother definitely does. Throughout this drama, I’ve maintained that 1) she needed the test to prove Celiac and 2) it would turn out negative.

      “extent of my Celiac Disease…” my foot. She is such a liar.

      • she also must think very highly of her readers to assume that none of them will figure out that she’s massaging the living hell out of “truth” .

  5. I think it’s fascinating that we’ve become so jaded with the donkey that no one is even trying to figure out what her plans in LA are…because no one believes she’s going.

    The assumption that she’s a liar and “truth massager” is just so ingrained by now.

    • As far as I can tell from her allusions, she is going to Chicago for the next two months, so she isn’t actually moving to LA yet. I think that “two months” will turn into “until menopause.”

      • She alluded to this? I missed it. So I guess she’ll hang out there to see if any work in LA materializes? How miserable she’s going to be! At least the pink palace being sold put an end to this fantasy that she actually had a reason to be in nyc.

      • Ah, ok. What a GREAT lifecaster she is. Not a word on “they’re loadin’ up the truck and movin’ to Wilmette. North Shore, that is.”

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