Julia Allison Forgets Her Homosexual Does Nails

Julia Allison, lover of the sparkly gays, had a super productive day of getting her nails did.

Just got my nails painted Essie’s “Turquoise & Caicos” at the Julien Farel Salon (thanks to a gift certificate from my wonderful sister-in-law!!) Best manicure I’ve gotten in years. Ask for Jenny!

Awwww. Wasn’t that sweet of Allie? And wasn’t it absolutely asshole-ish of Julia that she forgets that her best gay friend in the whole wide world is A MANICURIST! Way to undercut your fellow NonSociety partner on his birthday.

Also? Nice gigantic hands, you cow.

60 COMMENTS

  1. I don’t usually comment on Julesie’s hands since I have fairly Peppridge Farm-y fingers myself, BUT her nails look weird. And, no, not because of the color. Something’s changed there, no?

    Also, is that what TJ does? I honestly had no idea until now.

  2. She has disgusting sausage fingers. I broke up with a girl once because she had gross hands. It’s one of those things you would never notice on a first date. But as soon as you do notice, you can’t stop thinking about it.

    Add “creepy-meat fingers” to the long list of reasons she doesn’t have a man.

  3. I hate hate HATE how she shapes her nails. She should do them a whole lot shorter and get rid of the point on the end. Julia, check what all the cool girls in Brooklyn are doing.

    Short nails, fairly flat and square, with dark or bright pink/orange colors for summer.

    That blue is a travesty.

    • I’m guessing she believes the shape she goes for is the most “feminine”, if not “girly” one. It’s the same thing with all those awful dresses and all the pink (and I do like the color pink myself). She just tries so hard all the time.

      Also, “lover of sparkly gays.” *chuckle*

    • I actually love that color, I got the Essie resort collection mini set (like, months and months ago, too) and that particular color is one of my favorites.

      But not on Julia.

      If you’re going to have old-fashioned nails (long, rounded is nowhere near current), at least go with a pink or something. That color on her hands makes me think of being 7 and getting that peel-off nail polish in sweet tart colors. It just looks wrong.

      • Yeah, I have a turquoise that I get compliments on all the time. There’s just something off about her nails. Maybe it’s the shape.

      • If she’s choosing that nail shape, she should really stick with a pale pink color. She’s trying to be “on trend” with her nail colors but the shape doesn’t work.

    • @JON – I can not stand that nail shape. And not that I’m an incredibly fashion-forward, up-to-date, fashionista. H-h-h-h-h-h-hate that friggin’ roundy/pointy shit. Like- rage hate. I know not why (??) Shortish and square(ish) calms me.
      I want to clip her nails right at the tip.

    • I completely agree. I’ve got little elfin fingers also (I like to think they’re a lot more endearing than hers) and you’ve just got to keep your nails short, or you look like a carny. And even if you’re not going to keep your nails short, you’ve got to lay off the whimsical colors and stick to something classic, or you look even more like a circus performer. I have dark orange nails now, but I’ve had all those green shades recently, and my manicurist only suggested them because my nails are always short, so I wouldn’t look like a witch. What I suppose I’m suggesting is that possibly this is all fitting in with Julia’s Glinda the Good witch vibe that she tries to “sartorially” cultivate.

    • I’ll be honest – I have Julia hands. They’re longish fingers but kinda chubs for some random reason (I mean, aside from the fact that I’m obviously 300 lbs with a cathusband) from when I’ve been a 2 or a 10. It sucks, but they haven’t changed. Which is why FOR THE LOVE, I do a short squarish rounded edge shape rather than an oval!

      Good God, if she’d get over this re-re “BOYS ONLY LOVE SUPER LONG HAIR/SUPER LONG NAILS” thing, she’d be slightly prettier. Ditch the weave. Ditch the acrylics. And if a Dallas girl is telling you this, girl, you know it’s over.

  4. i have said this many times – if she simply got her nails squoval-ed i would be nicer about her. her nails look crazy cat lady with dream catchers for earrings. How fuck.

  5. my bonkers great aunt hazel had nails like that -she also had a velvet painting of a tiger which i thought was the pinnacle of cool when i was 4.

  6. Nothing on your body should be that color not currently being looked at by a doctor in a spaceship orbiting another planet.

    • I have such a crush on you…
      And thinking you hate me just makes my desire stronger (I feel the same about JP too… so hot)

      • However could you think I hate you? You and I are soulmates (or would be if I had a soul)!

  7. As evidenced by her non-stop contortions, she’s obviously insecure about many aspects of her body. She goes to great lengths to hide the parts she doesn’t like.

    So it stands to reason her frequent display of those fat, stubby mitts is a sign of pride. Which is just weird given how truly unattractive they are. I’m not mindlessly bashing her either — 3 years ago, pre-Botox and 20 lbs lighter — she had a moment when she looked hot. But those flippers really need to stay out of the limelight.

  8. It is one of those complicated SAT questions – if two banal attention whores attempt to share the limelight on a square inch of internet real estate, how long will it take one to emerge as the Regina/alpha Heather?

    Has TJ ever done her nails? If so, this was a pretty deliberate slam.

    • Didn’t he just write something to the effect of: ” … Julia has never hurt me and until she does … ”
      That day is nigh, minstrel TeeJ. Hark! You can just hear the distant sound of clomping hooves thundering toward you.

  9. “Best manicure I’ve gotten in years!”

    Christ, what an asshole. She writes like she considers it unthinkable, maybe even a form of cheating or mean-spiritedness, that you remember anything beyond whatever she happens to be writing at that moment.

  10. What, she couldn’t get Nouvelle Vague?

    Also, I think it’s hilarious re: (possible unintentional) slam on Teej. How out of touch is this chick? It’s more amazing by the day.

    But I don’t buy for a second that her fuckery is performance art (I missed that post/thread). Seriously, Julia. Move home. Seek help. Take drugs.

  11. holy christ. i don’t like to body snark, but her hands are grossing me out. why are her fingers so fat?! how does she not see how unflattering this photo is?

  12. She makes me laugh that she thinks she discovers hot, new stuff. This color was cool when it first came out a few months ago. And I may add, I had Turquoise & Caicos pedicure in the end of May, early June and it looked fab! I also honeymooned in Turks and Caicos which made me want that color even more 🙂 Anyway, now, it may be played out already. That’s how JA rolls.

    oh and ps – your nail style is all wrong & your hands look fat. Sorry… couldn’t help it.

  13. Hidge. Hideous. No no no, nobody’s nails should be that color. If you’re an aging lesbian in Santa Fe, maybe. As long as i don’t have to see it. Just a dreadful color. Sorry, I just really hate turquoise, an overrated color. I temped at HBO in the early 90’s (yes I’m old) and the walls were painted turqoise contrasted with a deep raspberry sherbet color. Stripes and shit. Yes it was goddamned hideous, don’t tell me anyone anywhere would want their nails painted that turquoise color except in some hostage situation. Awful. End. of.

    • I’m trying to imagine the hostage situation… Maybe something with Jodorable and the Human Swiss Army Knife.
      ARGH NOW I AM IMAGINING WIFE SWAPPING WITH SWISS ARMY KNIFE< JODORABLE, QUENDRICHE, AND SCHISZZZZCHQ !!! Ouch my eyes! Ouch my clam dungeon! Ouch my brain!

  14. I just got really upset because I thought Julia was wearing one of my favorite nail polishes this season: Essie’s Mint Candy Apple (http://www.essieshop.com/product_info.php?cPath=82&products_id=705). I was so relieved to see a different name in the caption. I know some of you aren’t digging this turquoise color, but I promise it’s really pretty on short nails (I do my manicures MYSELF, Julia) – highly recommended! Seriously, I get compliments all the time, even from dudes, and dudes don’t care about things like nail polish.

  15. Her hands look like that because she has never WORKED WITH THEM. They are unformed, untried, blobby because they’ve never done anything more difficult than masturbate.

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