Darling Julia!

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Hmmmm. It appears Donk has a new favorite word:

@nicholaslopez – darling, 83-year-olds don’t need tampons 😉 hahahha


Playing on my new iMac’s sick speakers right now: Countdown by Phoenix. And now, to bed. Goodnight, darlings.

Can another “Darling Julia” reader e-mail be far behind, darlings??

40 COMMENTS

  1. Can I still call you my darling, Jacy? Even with Julia co-opting our favorite term of endearment? You know how I feel, how we all feel, about your darling self!

  2. Jacy & Jack Bulldog are my biggest darlings – I’m spent and will be even more spent with MFA work until the 15th but wanted to bray my warmest regards. that new mac is wasted on Donkey.

    • Master of Feline Arts is hard – good luck and lots of catnip to you! Long distance learning has been a godsend to we catladies. So. Blessed.

      • Thundercalves, She Are Drink, Delusions of Bradshaw, Mad Yoga Skillz, Super Saggers & Creepy Daddy Issues

        More room in the kitchen cabinets!

  3. Hi it’s me, NS’s newest contributante!!! I met miss julia when I was working at my freelance writing gig (writing menu orders for this amazeballs restaurant in times square). Julia came in all teary eyed pushing a pink bicycle and her taxidermied dog thing (she says her friend on that area of new york on the way to the hamptons keeps the live one). Anywaysers, I said, “why are you crying?” And she said she had just passed a homeless man who hadn’t eaten and days and was super skinny and she was so jealous. And I said I knew exactly how she felt but she–the grass is always greener on the other side of the cardboard fence. She laughed and then cried, which was kinda scary because of this wheezing sound she makes like there’s something caught in her airpipe. When she finally stopped, she told ne to get her a veggie burger cooked in brie and then asked if I wanted to join nonsociety. I didn’t really know what that was, but said yes hoping for an extra tip, which I got, though she forgot to pay the bill (but no worries, her intern is bringing me the money so it doesn’t come out of my freelance writing down orders gig). While I sit here and wait for it, I’m looking through all the nonsociety princesses and queens and wow, this is the most adorable group of people ever, and I can’t wait to freelance with them too! I’ve decided since I started to major in psychology at south dakota state, that I’m best suited to contribute as the self-helperator (miss julia helped me come up with that title). Tomorrow she’s going to give a tour of her palace in heaven’s kitchen. She even promised to show me deep inside her closet by letting me go through piles of laundry and join her exclusive smell or fold party!!!

    • stop. it’s too hard to scroll down this late, rrr. or just link to your shit if you want to comment so much. this is not appealing. I could be wrong, some catladies may love it, but these are just long. and annoying. and I will keep skipping over, jackass.

      maybe i’m just bitchy. oh wait, maybe this isn’t you. whatevs. stop being re.

      • My Dear Miss Austen,

        I am so glad to receive your kind words of support! Prithee, forsooth, I am afeared that Darcy (Captain) shall not return my affections due to the fact that we are estranged in point of pride and predjudice. Also, and that being, my mother, lady though she is, cut the cheese last Tuesday at Miss Ampersand’s bridge party that had even the lowliest footman exclaiming “what in the mother of fuck?” Plus peltvest is a twat. Verily.

        Ran out of Regency Era slang,

        RollsRoyceRevenge (a sort of horseless carriage, as it were, with a little metal chick on the front of it sunning her tits)

      • What’s wrong with being mean on a snark site? Either take it as the challenge it is and be funnier, or stfu. But you don’t get to be annoying and boring with impunity.

        “stop being re” > “buy yourself a caps key”

        point: peltvest

      • It doesn’t surprise me that you would find “stop being re” an amusing comment, IamLA. The term suggests that the user has yet to graduate from the Charles Schultz’s Peanuts Big Boy Pants stage of life (“Get a decal of Snoopy every time you make poopy!”).

    • You don’t know how long I’ve waited to say that. But, I waited. I knew my time would come. She’s not letting that one go in a hurry.

  4. Um, cat ladies of the world, can we also talk about the male versions of cupcake? John F. Page and Jake Pavelka? Pluuease? I know they’re old and their grossiopathy well established, but I am fascinated by their male Julia Allisoness, especially of late.

  5. Oh hi bunnies, me again. Just wanted to be clear that my name is self-helperator and not selfhelpbookess, like I signed off last time oopsidaisies. Thank gosh miss julia is editing all of my writing. I’d hate to misspell annithing or get my name incorrect. Miss julia says that if i can’t remember it, it’s okay–she’ll have an @ necklace made for me with MY NAME ON IT! Can you believe. It? I’ve never had my name on any piece of julry except that ankle bracelet, but they write your info on the inside so it isn’t very flashy except when it’s really flashing. ; ) that just made me think of my first piece of advice as the selfhelperator: don’t mix alcohol and shrooms at the bronx zoo without a designated sober buddy.

    Update: miss julia says this is good advice, but better advice is don’t go to the bronx until it “transitions.” I asked her what that means, and she said “until it looks more like your hometown in soth dakota.” Can someone please explain this to me? It’s getting late and julia’s intern still hasn’t showed up.

    • “don’t mix alcohol and shrooms at the bronx zoo without a designated sober buddy.” Oh fucking threadjack me you damn bookish slut you. I am all drunk and high after a STRESSFUL weekend out of town with the new b.f.. who is DIFFICULT! There I said it. It is making me not write, but you chere sir/madam, you make my proverbial drunken day/night day/night. RollsRoyceRevenge, continue down the page, printer,

    • Humph! This is not me, NS’s other newest contributor! It is some imposter hoping to get to know people by riding on the coattails of Miss Julia Allison!!! And even though I have resigned from Non-Society because I did not enjoy spending three days ina fire escape with Randi and the peeing girl plus Miss Meghan Smilecreepyface, I will say that Julia will soon see through the lies and lying of this dumb girl and tell her that she is not talented or anything helpinatorific (which is aword I made up BY MYSELF SO THERE! She will send her packing and it will be all she (the dumb girl) can do to get a job to buy herlsef some pepto-bismol colorerd tights (That is a hint!!!!) By the way, if you do not know what Pepsi bismol is, it is a pink drink that I think old people drink when they cannot go to the bathroom (so it makes sense that a girl is is always talking about peeing would want to buy tights that color, right?) (another hint!!) Anyway I do not care, work for NS if you like, you can meet Emily gould all the times you want to and you are very welcome to her. I hope she makes fun of you the way she did me that one time when she remembered who I was.

      • RRR tries to take all the credit at nonsociety, which is why Miss Julia is kicking her out (Miss Julia told me that herself and she told me she never lies). I’m sorry for having written very long (miss Julia says verbosity earns me points, though I don’t know what verbosity means but it sounds sexy like volupchewous which is what Miss Julia says people think she is in some photos but it’s just the angle). I’m a new contributante so please be nice and not jealous or mean. Thanks guys!

        Oh oh: 2nd piece of advice: niceness is contagious like a bad case of herpes.

    • Also, where is the rug gifted her by her subletter?? All I see are matching bathmats and toilet covers.

    • the andy warhol faces in the closet with the washing machine!
      GAWD.
      and major sads, she made this on july 4, all by her lonesome.

      i’m waiting for this:
      @juliaallison Did you do a video of that amazing Chelsea apt you put a deposit on and bailed? I always loved your apt videos! UGH parquet!

      @jonok – I TOTALLY did! Will upload now … hahaha

      • Good to know I’m not the only one refreshing her vimeo. (Slow day at work)

        And to think all this anticipation might be in vain as the vid could be “in queue” until 2014.

  6. Um, it’s 1-fucking-AM west coast right now and this

    OMG I definitely just got BOOTY CALLED. AH HAHAHA I haven’t gotten booty called in … a long time. Booty texted? Yes. Booty called? No
    about 1 hour ago via web

    • She is seriously cracked in the head. Wow. She worships herself!

      Maybe it’s because she is so different looking than how she imagines herself? Meaning, because of all her surgical transformations, she looks different on the outside and feels like that little honk-nosed loser inside. So, she needs constant reminders of her outside…mirrors, paintings, and photos all over the fuckin place!?!?

      Or she’s sick. Really sick.

      • But is it biology? 😉

        Interesting theory, btw.

        It just shocked me, seeing the solo photobooth shots &etc. After majoring in Narcissist Studies at RBNS U (minor in Cat Wrangling) I shouldn’t be shocked anymore, but golly. This fridge shot REALLY sums up the self-love cray cray.

    • Wow. Sad. The “inspirational” quotes ala Eat Bray Love and the 13 or so self-portraits really paint a picture.

  7. “Narcissism?
    I’m no narssist, I’m just really, really, really, ridiculusly good looking… “

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