Poofy: More fake photo shoots — homeless edition!

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Photo removed at the request of Monika de Myer of Monika de Myer Photography. She also has issues with her name being mentioned: Monika de Myer.

Photo removed at the request of Monika de Myer of Monika de Myer Photography. She also has issues with her name being mentioned: Monika de Myer.

From the shoot we did last Monday, by Monika de Myer.

I will never understand peoples who want to take photographias of the middle-aged one. They put her in ridiculous frocks, they do awful things to this lady’s hair, they shoot her man-thighs from unflattering angle. AND EVERYONE THINK IT NORMAL!!!

Well, it not normal. And she no model. But at least they highlight her plight of now.

Oh, Poofy. You are having retardashe-off with me girl T.J. AND I NOT SURE WHO WINNING!!

106 COMMENTS

  1. This doesn’t even look like her. Besides the hamhocks, she looks totally different. Are my eyes off? Was it “ashram” or her old friend, Photoshop?

    • I forget how to check the metadata on jpeg files but I would be $1,000 that all those files read PHOTOSHOP as the software.

      • Nikon D90, no mention of PS but obviously they are not RAW since she watermarked it. To not retouch a digital photo is abnormal these days.

  2. She did more work to her face, and really I cannot understand why. She reads here, we tell her time and time again to stop butchering her face. Enough is enough. And she somehow gleans from all that, “Oh, I need MORE plastic surgery!” No. They way to get your old face back does NOT INCLUDE MORE WORK. You are an idiot. A fucking idiot. Stop touching your face. Just stop.

    • She did more work to her face, and really I cannot understand why. She reads here, we tell her time and time again to stop butchering her face.

      Right. Like Donkey’s going to pay attention to what we tell her to do.

      That said, I love her epic fails and continuous circling of the drain.

  3. I think the setting nicely illustrates the wreckage of her life, surrounded by ruin, lost in the woods of cluelessness, dressed like an infant except for the impractical whore-hooves. The first pic is kind of perfection, really.

  4. I actually think she looks good here — the dress is a flattering fit and the empire waist is a nice change. And I’m always impressed when women can pull off dark red lipstick.

    BUT THOSE SHOES!!! Those are the chunkiest, most disgusting colored shoes I’ve ever seen.

    And what on earth is this fauxtoshoot for? Purportedly?

    • How is the waist different from any of her other dresses? And what was this for if not solely for Julia’s vanity? It’s not normal to go to Glamour Shots in the mall every week.

      • I think it’s that the waistband is wider, JP, so it makes the skirt start lower than her normal boob-high skirts do. A small improvement, but still an improvement.

        And if this were Glamour Shots in the mall, her hair would look better.

    • I agree, Whore.

      This looks NOTHING like her, but I do think the photos are kind of awesome, and I think she looks good, especially in the second photo. Despite the shoes.

    • Really? I think the dress is an awful fit, it’s too short, and the way it sort of flares out emphasizes just how wiiiiiiiide her hips and ass are.

      She still thinks she’s a 5’9″ waif.

      • What exactly is wrong with having wide hips? I always thought hips and ass are sexy on women. You say “wide hips” like that’s a bad thing.

      • Oh, for fuck’s sake! I know I can always count on you to get all pissy as soon as her extreme pear shape is mentioned.

        Julia insists on dressing in a way that highlights and exaggerates her already wide bottom half. Yes, hips and ass can be sexy, but not when they’re way out of proportion to the rest of the body.

      • You know what else is sexy on a woman? Being old! I can’t wait to look 45 because 45 is so totes fine and ageism is ruining America!

        Seriously, I’m not usually with She Are Drink Etc Etc Etc, but, yeah. Get over it. Julia dresses like shit for her build. Not a secret. So her gigantic hips don’t look sexy.

      • “Seriously, I’m not usually with She Are Drink Etc Etc Etc, but, yeah. Get over it. Julia dresses like shit for her build. Not a secret. So her gigantic hips don’t look sexy.”

        I don’t disagree with that. She doesn’t dress right for her body type. I just think making fun of her body type is ridic. I’d KILL to have her body.

      • I’d KILL to have her body.

        Inhale lots of cupcakes every day, then do a butt juice “cleanse,” then repeat. And make sure to never exercise.

  5. ZOMG. These are making me giggle so much. I’m very thankful I’m not an overly confident moron with knees the size of my waist. You look like an absolute FOOL Bogger!!!! Ridiculous. (But funny)

    • I’m very thankful I’m not an overly confident moron with knees the size of my waist….

      I start my day with, among other things, an affirmation. I just found my new favorite!

  6. Ok, I hate to do this but… that dress is cute. Does anybody recognize it, did she ever post buying it before and saying where its from? It’s exactly what I’m looking for in a rehearsal dinner dress.

  7. What is with the proportions in these? In the second one, the distance from her heel to her knee is the same as the distance from her knee to her chin and her calf is the width of her face!

    • Oh Hai, Mini….

      Let me help.

      What you’re looking at here is the work of someone who fancies herself a photographer much the same way Donkey fancies herself a writer.

      In Julia’s case: You get what you “pay” for. Ha!

      As far as the photog goes: Oopportunity for exposure + a blog read only by h8er cat ladies = no worries, chica! No one of any importance is going to see these. Keep taking those photography classes! We’re all rooting for you, kid!

    • I know it’s so funny, right?!? It’s camera tricks to make the “model” look leaner and leggier. Works great if she’s 5’7″ and lithe and wants to look 5’9″ and teeny. But you can’t turn mutton into lamb.

    • The whole thing is very funhouse mirror.

      Also, fucking suede shoes for your dirrrty in the woods fauxtoshoot? Hopefully they were finally destroyed.

    • these pics make her look like her upper body (incl. upper legs) are the same length as her lower legs (incl. hooves)

      the dress is cute, but just looks like it’s a size smaller than what she would actually need (nothing new here)

  8. Is there some sort of vine wrapped around her shoulders and entwined in her pelts…WHY?!

  9. I suspect this “dresses and heels in the woods!” photoshoot means that Julia has discovered fashion bloggers. Always at least a few years behind the curve.

  10. There’s a huge dent in her cheek in the first photo. It looks like she’s sucking her cheeks in. I don’t think Tyra ever taught that trick.

  11. Top fauxto caption:

    “I iz holding mah head so teh cheap clip on pelts do not fall out.”

    • more like “I iz holding mah head so I don’t hear the voices but they always yell so loud!”

  12. For the life of me I will never understand why someone with such unattractive legs would insist on wearing short skirts and dresses at all times.

    • I know. Her legs are super thick and chunky. They are her worst feature and in major need of photoshopping.

  13. What is the opposite of Pedobear? Because that is who wants to molest her. JA needs, like, the diaper-wearing septuagenarian seal of approval.

  14. Hooray for the side part! Her hair does look pretty good in these photos. Here’s to hoping she never returns to the center part, bobby-pinned faux mullet. Small steps, people, small steps. Those shoes, on the other hand, make me want to hurl in the shower.

    • Bah! I hope she returns to the bobby pin mullet in all its sausage curl glory.

      It’s not like she’s going to take advice from anyone here. Not only are we all frumpy, unstylish cat ladies who live in our parents’ basements, but we are h8rz.

  15. Are you sure these aren’t old stills from Russ Meyers’ Vixen or Common Law Cabin? The white trash homeless in green hooves trope is simply too overdetermined. Or is Cindy Sherman having one over on us?

    • Awesome, awesome reference!!!!!
      The shoot also reminds me of Barbara Hershey in Boxcar Bertha – an early film Scorsese did for Roger Corman.
      Lordy, if Julia had any culturally literacy these dress-up faux photo-shoots could be loaded.

      • Yes, indeed! But Donks cultural literacy consists of crappy TV episodes she’s watched over and over again, and airport books she pretends to read but really has only looked up on wikipedia. She wouldn’t even appreciate your compliment re: Scorsese. Cameron Diaz didn’t star in that movie.

    • I am excited and intrigued to know there’s a Russ Myer film called “Common Law Cabin”. Thank you!

  16. LULZ SHE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE MY ROMANIAN SLUT COUSINS. It’s uncanny, actually. And much like JAB, they aren’t inherently busted, but insist upon making themselves look like they are all the time.

    In other news, I don’t hate that dress either, although it’s too short (Donkey, dear, you are not tiny – it’s okay, but STOP) and WTF TIMES INFINITY to those winter ’09 Steve Madden tragedies on her hooves. Seriously, she’s rocking 12 feet of hair (and the pelts are even looking alright here) and she’s tromping around the woods in a white sundress … why the hell wouldn’t she just wear some flat gladiator sandals? It’s SO EASY to know what the right styling here should be. I would even accept intricate wraparound straps climbing her freaking calves, but JESUS CHRIST. Suede platform stilettos? How. Fuck.

    Finally, what did she do to her face? It looks like she gained about five pounds in it alone. Did she realize she was melting and actually inject fat in her cheeks to look younger? I can’t figure it out.

  17. The face! The face! It is constantly changing and not for the better. The dress is fine, the hair and head grab are atrocious and obviously by the angles and proportions, the fauxtog has zero clue how to frame a fauxto.

    Note to the fauxtog: not everyone can make outdoor flashes work. You are not one of those who can. Thanks!

  18. Also, she isn’t attractive or sexy anymore. Whatever she had in that arena is just gone.

    • Oh great accomplished one. Show us what you look like so we can judge you. Snow White piece of shit. You waste of human life.

      • Julia, shouldn’t you be rushing over to visit the Duh-Rye-Us salon? Someone brought them cupcakes.

      • That’s Blair Waldorf, troll. You’ve been told before.

        Sheesh. You’d think a Julia defender would know.

      • Oh dear, lone defender! Why are you singling me out? I barely comment here. You are a weird one.

        And yes, everyone here knows this is Blair Waldorf and not Snow White. Idiot.

  19. Wow. No wonder Julia didn’t even link to the photographer, she’s got every cheesy trick in her arsenal. . .photos she decolorized except for the denim shirt, group shots where everyone is wearing the same thing, dogs in baseball outfits, sad still lifes of blue cheese and orange slices.

    Even Julia has enough sense to be embarrassed by it.
    http://monikademyer.com/

    • Seriously, this. We need to find out what’s going on with the face. It just keeps morphing.

      • Stop being such a victim, NYNY. It was your face over a month ago. No one even cares anymore.

      • Is is possible that it’s just different makeup and hair making her face look different?

  20. What are these “shoots” for? Does she just pay someone a bunch of money and do it for herself? What a fucking waste.

    Julia, your legs are pretty nasty. Just sayin

  21. I think she looks hot in these.

    1) Side part is doing her major favors
    2) Loving the new pelts
    3) Maw is shut
    4) Doesn’t look like herself

    But yeah – agreeing with the rest of the comments in re what the hell are these for

  22. In other gross things that I wish I did not have to envisage:

    Yoga with no fan or A/C tonight. So sweaty I practically slid off the mat. about 2 hours ago via Echofon

    Oh donkey, you’re just…just…gross.

    • Especially when you factor in her lax hygiene habits.

  23. Wow the hands on head poses SUCK SO BAD and mean that she has apparently NEVER watched America’s Next Top Model. Super worrisome.

    • Looks like she got caught readjusting her pelts.

  24. The “Off-Brand Bratz Doll Removes Its Own Head” thing in the first shot is just creepy.

    • lol [“Off-Brand Bratz Doll Removes Its Own Head” would make a good name for someone]…. that was freaking me out too

    • Pelt readjustment.

  25. Where the FUCK does she find these photographers??? There is a BEAM coming out of her ASS! Badly composed photos enrage me.

    I think she looks cute, except for her shoes and except that it looks nothing like her.

  26. I actually love the second photo, minus the awkward line her front leg is making with her body. She’s managed to look pretty and sweet in at least one of the 100+ photos that were taken during this shoot, though it probably has something to do with the fact that she’s not looking directly into the lens…

  27. Everything about those shots offends my eyes. The setting, the lighting, the stringy hair, the eff-me red lipstick, those SHOES! These are not photographs that will be in the photographer’s portfolio or Ms. de Myer (pronounced “Mogger”) will be stuck taking pictures of the Internet famous. Yuck.

  28. “What are these for?”

    I thought that was obvious: she’s got a meaty role in the new Italian galli thriller I’dento Spumente i’ll Buesto Nuevo Centro Decadementia aka “I Spoon Champagne Sorbet From the Eye Sockets of the Once Lovely Agnes.”

  29. Re: Photo removed at the request of MONIKA DE MEYER.
    But they’re our memories, too!

    Oh wide-leg stanced donkey in a dark forest,
    Did you so badly need to pee?
    Perhaps the photographer has embarrased herself posting that private moment for all to see?

    Oh bow-legged girl in a too short dress,
    foreshortening isn’t your friend
    And it appears your photographer also forget
    the all-important vaseline on the lens.

    etc.

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