Julia Allison: Homeless

Let the cray begin. . .

The video above was shot almost exactly three years ago (September of 2007), when I moved into my current Hell’s Kitchen apartment, “The Pink Palace.”

I got a call from my landlady today telling me that the place has FINALLY been sold – and I have to be out by August 14th.

Although I knew that I wanted to move … eventually … I think inertia would have kept me here for the foreseeable future.  Very few people hate moving as much as I do (it literally took me a year to unpack).

My subconscious plan was to stay here until at least October 1st, then reassess.  And that reassessment includes considering the following options (in addition to just moving to another – slightly bigger – NYC apt): 1) moving to either LA or SF … 2) going officially bicoastal … or 3) traveling for a period of time.  My parents have been advocating Chicago residence for months now, but I’m not sold on that (not much career for me there, no friends, the whole “really cold winter” thing).

The problem with an August 14th move out is that I am obligated to stay in New York through Fashion Week (which is in mid-September), and I really don’t want to crash on Meghan’s couch for the duration.  The whole “exceptionally allergic to her cat” thing and all.  Plus, there are so many meetings regarding Fashion Week prior to it that I really need to stay in New York City consistently until Sept 20th (ie: I can’t move to LA, then fly back.)

So I … yeah.  I have no idea what to do.  Ugh.


  1. This reminds me of that time that a big oil thingy exploded in the ocean and killed some people, and then all the oil poured out and killed all the animals, and everything got super disgusting and all the people were depressed, and the people who make a living from fishing in the ocean were all poor, and the company that owned the oil thingy was like “wow, we are obligated to stay and fix this mess, but we don’t really want to pay for it, and then there’s the whole ‘exepectedly never had a contingency plan for this ocean oil thingy idea and all'” and then everyone just sort of stood around going “I have no idea what to do. Ugh.”

  2. Bicoastal or traveling for a while = GET A FUCKING JOB. Notice how that’s not one of the options?


    • The reasons she has so many options is because she has absolutely nothing going on in her life. This isn’t a sliding doors moment, this is a rude awakening that you can go anywhere because really, no one wants you anywhere.

      • For serious. Sorry I’m bitter today as I’m fucking exhausted from actually working (and still at the office). Don’t mind me.

        But fuck her again.

      • But but…Fashion Week! Meetings! That’s work, breaking rocks in the hot sun, people!

        “My parents have been advocating Chicago residence for months now,”


        “We’re worried about your sanity. The basement apartment is perfectly nice dear. And there’s a lady we’ve spoken to who’s licensed to administer meds. She’s nice! We just want to keep an eye- we just want what’s best for you, darling. Come home. Down to the basement. There you go. Good girl. Lock the door. “

    • But you have to see it from her rather warped POV: Being JULIA! is her job. And it’s a mighty exhausting and difficult one.

      Regular jobs are for the little people.

  3. Dear Julia,

    It’s called subletting. Someone who was “nice” enough to rent her apartment out to a lovely girl (a reader!) should be “smart” enough to find her own temporary sublet.


  4. Plus, there are so many meetings regarding Fashion Week prior to it that I really need to stay in New York City consistently until Sept 20th (ie: I can’t move to LA, then fly back.)

    SERIOUSLY who the fuck does she think she’s kidding? Oh, what happened to all those NBC Nonstop videos on the queue? What does she do for Fashion Week besides show up looking stupid and not writing anything or producing any segments that are actually shown anywhere?

    I really hate this bitch today.

    • This is for real confusing. How many fucking meetings could one possibly have to go to for Fashion Week?

      At most, she has to meet with her camera man. And sleep with a couple of doormen. And go see a man about making a cover for her fake microphone. Otherwise … WTF is there to meet about?

    • By “meetings” she means free events to get swag from. 100%. She can’t be away from the Robert Verdi lounge, heaven forbid!

    • By meetings she means running around stealing microphones.

      Shut up Julia, anyone actually, literally invited just gets a ticket and goes. Does she need to have meetings with Mayonnaise Breath to discuss how they can sneak into things uninvited? Well hello Julier, let me introduce you to the internet and your iPhone, wonderful tools for exchanging information.

    • If she can’t move to LA and fly back, how is being “bicoastal” even an option?

  5. “not much career for me there, no friends, the whole “really cold winter” thing”

    It’s funny because these exact things didn’t sour her on NY.

    • I know! I’m a chicago-transplant from NYC. The winters aren’t any longer. It’s a tad colder. She’d do well here. I’m being serious. People are still amazed by things like 4 Square here.

      • She’d do well at what? Seriously. What is there in Chicago (or anywhere) for a deluded, deranged, be pelted plastic surgery victim with a massive sense of entitlement?

        She lives as she does (which really isn’t all that glam by NYC standards) only because her parents and/or granny moneybags pay for it.

        What skills or talents does she have? She’s a rather mediocre writer (even with Momsers heavily “editing” for her) and her TV presence is a grating one.

      • bepelted, not be pelted.

      • I can see her working at WGN during the midday newscast talking some donkey spew about new handbags at Bloomingdales or eating cupcakes at Sugar Bliss…dumb donkey shit that tourists would enjoy.

      • I thought that even dimwits who get those gigs need to have real experience and training, not the occasional weekend early morning shit that Donkey does on the lowest rated cable news channel.

        I also assumed that some sort of decent TV presence would be necessary, as well as at least some likability.

  6. Great post jp. Im at an elem school graduation… Boring. This made me laugh! thanks so much bunnies!

  7. All the ‘Fashion Week meetings? Heh …
    For Momser & Dadser’s benefit, no doubt …
    “Daddy! I HAVE to stay in a nice hotel in NYC!”

    The REAL issue to contend with:
    WHERE to kennel the pelts in the interim?

  8. ummm, what city could this woman possibly be in where the no friends thing wouldn’t be an issue? and, who in the hell is she kidding with this stuff about pre-fashion week meetings? does she have a meeting with kinkos to print out a fake NBC mic cover? and… and… donkey.

  9. Oh boo hoo, poor wittle Julier.

    “Daddy, daddy I need some more monies.”
    This girl will never know any kind of real problem.

  10. as if meghannaise didn’t run out and buy her ‘gay cat’ as soon as julia mentioned she was alergic.

  11. Wait….so she’s saying it will actually take her more than A MONTH AND A HALF to decide on something and take action? She really needs four months to choose between a few living options, when she’s been thinking about this for a year or more?

    Julia, indefinitely prolonging the decision making process is just avoidance. You don’t want to do the big girl work and MAKE FUCKING DECISIONS regarding your life.

    Hopefully the ‘homelessness or making a decision’ dilemma will finally force her to put on her big girl panties and work on something like a normal person.

  12. she cant really leave nyc because she doesnt have any name recognition anywhere else [not that shes famous in nyc at all by any means, im just saying she has the karpster and other nobodies that know who she is]. if went to cali, shed have to latch onto randi and the facespace squad and SF is a hard market even when you have skills to offer it.

    this is just a dramatic episode to create suspense for inevitable ~im staying in ny~ conclusion.

    but the real ;( about all of this is as JP pointed out, no one wants her anywhere. she doesnt have a real employer, she doesnt have a close group of friends that genuinely care about her or an organization she volunteers with. she literally has nothing.

  13. FFFFFFFFFFFuck you Julie. A friend of mine had TWO WEEKS to get out of his place and find a new one when his landlord sold… and he has a J.O.B. and is also in grad school. He managed to accomplish this without braying at everyone that would listen… regular people handle their shit without going re-re-ing into a puddle of white whine. Speaking of booze, I need to drink my weight in scorpion bowls now.

    • I moved from the south to NYC in two weeks. I moved my ENTIRE LIFE in two weeks. So go fuck yourself, Donks.

    • I moved almost every other year when I lived in Manhattan! every year for 14 years! People do all the time to find better apts. (liberal use of “better” here). And then to a house in Jersey so my cats have room to roam and more furniture to destroy! Get over it, always lived with BF’s or on Daddy’s dime whiner!

    • Eh, it happens. I grew up in a major city and none of my friends live there anymore. And I don’t know many people who’ve kept in touch with more than a few friends from high school.

  14. Well at least now we know why she was pretending to volunteer at the homeless shelter.

  15. I’m amused that Julia is reluctant to crash on Meghan’s couch for five weeks not because it would inconvenience Meghan, but because Julia is allergic to cats.

    • This was exactly what came to my mind as well. Oblivious to the fact that absolutely no one wants a couch surfer for over a month, Julia can only think how the situation wouldn’t be ideal for her.

      As someone pointed out, you would think that she, as a purported one-time sublettor, would have some idea about how to sublet for a month. But, as JP pointed out, she doesn’t want to pay for such a thing and, I suspect, she has absolutely no experience with subletting in any capacity.

    • Seriously! I couldn’t believe how that sentence progressed… “I’d hate to crash at Meghan’s for so long…. because it would inconvenience me!” Not to mention she’s couchsurfing WITH HER DOG. If my closest, dearest friend in the world asked to live rent free on my couch with a pet, I would honestly say no. This is how adults act.

    • You have to help friends out when they need it, and you never know what situation you might find yourself in when youll need help (a donkey on the couch is a different matter though). BUT if she’s so exceptionally allergic to cats how does she go round there at all, claim to stay overnight/for weekends etc.

      Oh Julia, holes, in your stories, always, so many.

      • I agree that unexpected situations do arise, but FIVE WEEKS is really pushing it. At that point, the couch-surfer might need to help out with rent.

      • I had a friend crash in my apartment with my 2 roommates for a month when we were 22 and just out of college. It sucked, it put a strain on our friendship, but she was in a tough situation and I wasn’t going to put her out, She contributed to rent and food and we recently laughed about how awful it was and how young and silly we were. BUT when you are pushing 30 and have a pet, you suck it up and get a sublet. Idiota.

  16. So there was an interesting nugget of revelation here: Her parents have been asking her to move back to Chicago for months!

    Perhaps they have noticed that NYC isn’t really working out for her?

    Perhaps they have also noticed that LA doesn’t really want her either?

    Perhaps they have concluded she has no chance at b-school on either coast?

    Perhaps their public display at her bicoastal cray party was just keeping up appearances after all?

    Anyhow — i find this admission very interesting. If she was really rocking it in NYC, her status oriented parents would not be calling her home. Especially when she visits them as much as she does.

    • Parents of Julia’s age wouldn’t normally care where their child lives if they weren’t footing the bill. So, basically, she admitted without admitting that they are footing the bill.

      • Actually, I’m Julia’s age and moving in two weeks. While the parents (nor the cat’s parents) didn’t ask anything, they certainly hinted that they would like us to be closer for the inevitable kitties.

        Although that doesn’t quite make sense, as I’m sure Julia’s parents have all but given up on the idea of Juliababies.

      • She pretty much admitted that they were footing the bill during that fucked up “privacy” panel during Internet Week or whatever it was called.

    • I grew up in Winnetka, Illinois very close to Wilmette where Julie grew up. It’s a swell place that gears the New Trier grad for College success. I’ve lived in New York for a long time, and it’s now my home. I have several friends who have returned to Chgo to be big fish in a smaller pond. No one I know who has moved back has ever regretted it—-better lifestyle options esp. for families. But for Euro-trash, gays and heiresses NY is the place to be. Unfortunately, Julia Baugher doesn’t make the natural NY cut—she’s not very worldly, the gays think her make-up is a tragedy, and she’s certainly not rich enough…..So, my advice is go back to Chgo and live in the sky-high downtown condo and be a PR/media freak.

      • I think going back to Chicago is the obvious conclusion here. She does not make the cut in NYC. That is an international playing field, best of the best scenario. She does not measure up.

        In Chicago, she could be successful. But denial is a very powerful condition to be afflicted with!

      • Successful at what? She doesn’t believe she should actually have to do anything as pedestrian as work. Donkey just wants to be famous. Rich, famous, and beloved.

      • Successful as a talking head on some local morning affiliate, obvi, Same as now, but more in demand.

      • She barely gets any on-air time now, and that’s only on early weekend mornings during holidays and on the lowest-rated cable news channel.

        Also, Donkey doesn’t have the work ethic to show up every day for an actual job, as opposed to something she can just flit in and out of at whim while pretending to be busy and in demand.

      • So would her chances of being the first ballerina to be on a Space Shuttle crew. And slightly more likely.

  17. OT!!!!

    Somewhere in Texas, Mary Rambin should start her weekend early by drinking herself silly. What else is a single gal to do when the media outlets refuse to recognize her fitness prowess but instead chose to focus on the fitness prowess of someone who is not even trying to “brand” themselves that way…someone very close to her…


    • I’ve never understood the “Leven is so hot and woderful” theme…..
      ewww. She looks kind-of thick….and she usually looks 30 years old.
      Good for her that she’s a TV star and all…but she’s not looking young.

      • I wasn’t really commenting ON Leven. Just saying that Mary has been desperately trying to carve out a personal brand that focuses heavily on working out and such. And failing miserably.

        Leven, meanwhile, preoccupied herself with work (acting) and BAM, she’s not only shown working out/being congratulated on her working out, BUT is shown on a “celeb” website.

        Scoundrels was horrendous, btw.

      • Burro, Catthing and I made it through about 10 minutes of Scoundrels, and we will NEVER watch again. If they run more than 4 episodes of that trash, I will die of shock.

        Leven is pretty much the WORST actress ever. “Dahdaahhhyyy!”

      • Yea, that’s a bit much. Leven isn’t bony or even skinny, but she looks fine. Maybe it’s because she’s a relatively thin woman in Hollyweird that some would call her “thick.”

        It’s just her acting and personal judgment skills that suck hairy ones.

      • I don’t think she’s anything special, but thick? lol… she looks FIT, which is better than bulimic/adderall/cocaine skinny of most actresses today

      • Leven doesn’t have the super-thin Hollywood-starlet build and isn’t strikingly pretty by any means, but she looks great overall. Good to see an “athletic” build on network TV, even though that thing won’t last 5 episodes.

    • If Mary has the brain cells to process this, she should get some possible schadenfreude going on now that Donkey is about to be homeless.

  18. Time between seeing my current apartment in nyc and moving in? 8 days. Get a grip, freakshow.

    • Exactly. I wonder if she’s going to torture that same realtor she bugged when she was looking for their big TV loft live/work space.

  19. First, the whole bicoastal thing screams bi-polar. The incessant need to travel back and forth.

    Second, if she was actually concerned with a “career” isn’t Chicago a viable option? Ohh, I get it, there aren’t enough techie nerd celebs there to be-friend.

    And lastly, she’s allergic to cats even with that hairy ass dog?

    Cry me a fucking river.

    • Are people who are allergic to cats usually allergic to dogs, and vice versa?

      • no. also, shih tzus are hypoallergenic, which means that some people that have allergies to dog hair will not have an allergic reaction (although it’s not true about people allergic to their saliva and -possibly-dandruff).

      • Interesting. Thanks.

    • Now that Julie has gone to an Ashram, rides her bike, eats vegan, shouldn’t she also start caring about her carbon footprint? Flying that much sounds crazy to me.

  20. I think she is just trolling us. I’d normally get brayge-y at this post but.. meh. It’s too over the top like Arthur Kade. IMHO.

  21. I really, really hate myself for knowing this but…. didn’t we all find out a few months ago that her shoebox sold? For half a mil? I believe it was about a month after her first ‘Where do I go from here?’ dilemma, someone pointed out that the listing for her apartment had a sold stamp on it. I believe there were several comments about how bat-shit crazy Dadsers had to be to purchase that for her, because neither that apartment nor the love of a Donkey is worth that much.

    Am I remembering this correctly? Because if we knew, she knew, because I’m done even *winking* that she doesn’t read here. She does. And so shouldn’t she have known about this- and thusly spun her pretty pelted head into a tizzy- months ago?

      • Hm ok nada. We need JP, Jacy or PP to jump in on this b/c it seems that it was inside info.

      • I’m pretty sure that a listing agreement had expired & was subsequently renewed, that the place hadn’t yet sold at that time …

      • Me imagining that is totally within the realm of possibility. Or that I dreamt it or something. Like how someone could tell you something that ‘happened’ to you when you were five, and you start to actually remember it, even though it never actually took place. Just like Julia and her sub-letter: it took place in her mind, so it must have happened in real life too. But darnit if I don’t remember a comment saying that it had sold/WTF was she going to do/decision time had to come early.

        Cut me some slack? I had just started a new job, my cat left me for another basement, and I was hitting the Franzia hard.

      • I think the expired listing agreement was was correct. Jacy only wrote this post when she saw the apt was no longer available. didn’t specifically say “sold.”

  22. If she actually had a career in NY, she wouldn’t be vaguely thinking about moving to LA or SF, or “traveling.” Go back to Chicago — what’s the difference? You can fantasize from there about getting an LA-based show or a SF-based boyfriend just the same as you do in NYC.

  23. Is the donk in reruns for the summer too? I’m pretty sure I saw this episode a few months ago, complete with pictures of apartments unemployed fat chicks with fake hair can’t afford. Borrrring, she’s obviously going to move into some crappy “luxury” between 28th and 59th street, over it. Do a different dance please princess pelts.

  24. I wonder if Donkey’s going a bit crazy over this in her padded cell tonight? Mad tears, tantrums and tutu slashing. I would feel sorry for her, because having to move at short notice is a pill; but as she’s a layabout, trustfunder ass my sympathy pulled a sneery face and walked away.

  25. Poor thing. She looks like she’s trying her hardest to do her full HEEHAWWW brayface, but all the fillers have immobilized her cheeks and mouth so that this “meerrhh” is the best she can manage.

  26. “or 3) traveling for a period of time.”

    Hmm. Maybe Italy (to eat), Inda (to pray), Bali (for the trifecta)?

    • I love how she makes her life seem so glamorous, “travelling for some time” ” can’t decide where to live, SF/LA”. Has this nutter ever been anywhere in the world outside of her four cities of choice, the prostication or whatever the crap to South Africa and St. Barf’s? Exsqueeze me, and Hawaii? Bitch, all those places suck if you consider Tuscany, Provence and my beloved Santorini! Move there ’cause I can’t afford to go back!

  27. ok I swear to fucking God, if that bitch moves to San Francisco …..

    Julia, because you never read here, SF hates you. Your fake cheesiness and plastic face and coconut thread hair and baboon cheeks will NOT fit in here, and we’re not talking “sticking out in a crowded geek party because my tits are hanging out of my dress” fitting in.

    Go to LA. You’ll be at home there, and it’s big enough that people who hate you (read: everyone) can easily avoid you.

    Even the mere thought of her braying across the bay is enough to ruin my Friday. Thanks jackass Julia.

    • I agree, LA is the only place she has a chance with her plastic face and hair and hideous fashion sense.

      Of course, it’s still not much of a chance, cause, you know, EXPIRATION DATE.

      • She can add Angeline to NS. Another current and relevant contributor who will add meaning to my life by telling me where to buy pink stripper outfits and how to change the airfilter on my ’76 Vette. Actually, welcome Angeline, I just started reading Non-society again!!! How much for a truck stop handy these days?

    • Ever since I joined the RBNS fan club I’ve wondered why she she wasn’t in LA to begin with. She would fit in perfectly with the people and she would have more job opportunities. I dare say she could have actually had a mediocre career in media by now if she’d moved there 8 years ago.

      I am not afraid of the Donkey moving to SF, it would give me a chance to see her in the wild and when she comments about having a MEeting in “blahblah cafe” I would know what the hell she is talking about. Bitchface is right though, she would be lost here. I’m picturing the scene from “Pretty Woman” where Julia Roberts has a sad and realizes how out of place she is while walking down Rodeo Dr with her whore outfit on.

    • I’ve always thought she belongs in LA. While I’m sure much of LA is lovely (I’ve only been there briefly) and people here would argue about it, she’s definitely fucking phony enough and enough of a desperate social climber/starfucker to find some z-list circles to run in. She never fit in in NYC.

  28. A woman I work with just left our company to pursue other interests. We’re both a year or two younger than Julia, just for context. The woman came around to the other young people in the office to say goodbye. The really sad thing? No one cared because she had burnt so many bridges by being full of herself and underhanded in much the same way that Julie is.

    So now she’s leaving NYC to move back in with her parents in another (faraway) state. I used to like her, but she made being a casual friend SO HARD that most people distanced themselves pretty quickly. It’s a sad state of affairs when no one is sorry to see you go. At least my former coworker wasn’t living her ridiculousness out online, though. We’ll leave that to Jankles.

  29. I am slightly offended by the idea that she is not good enough for New York, but could somehow make it in Chicago. In the Chicago suburbs, which is where she’s from, she’d have some kind of parental support. But Chicago itself is way bigger than Manhattan — which is the only New York Julia Allison is aware of. I don’t think she has any passing familiarity with the city of Chicago, or even which neighborhoods outside of downtown/touristland she’d like to hang out in.

    I’m sure if she wanted to hang out with former frat boys in Wrigleyville she’d be perfectly welcome. But she doesn’t seem to really want that. There is no Houston’s here, either. Good bike paths, though!

  30. 1. Call daddy to find out what your budget is.
    2. Call broker who selects 10 suitable options in your budget, whine about parquet, and go see 90 luxury 2 br apartments, all of them well out of your budget.
    3. Complain you can’t find anything.
    4. Repeat 2. Finally settle on a 200 sf 1 br in the same building as that Blair Waldorf chick.
    5. Take taxi to OMG FWNY MEETING while the five underpaid men your daddy hired move all your stuff for you, open laptop, complain about HOW EXHAUSTED you are from the stress of moving.

    Yeah I can see how all that would drive an average adult woman into a fucking tailspin. Get a prescription already, Julia.

      • Yes unfortunately I am moving to a mysterious place called Brooklyn, which is waaaaaaay below this spoiled bitch. I’m sure she will settle for nothing less than a new const doorman building UES with hw throughout. She seriously thinks she deserves to live that way, because she is Julia The Media Personality and her “fans” expect it.

        Personally I think Boggers have finally informed their 30 year old dawdling daughter that pretty soon her free ride is coming to an end, and if she wants to live rent free then come home to the Downtown Condo. Otherwise nut up and find a job and pay your own rent. So I guess she’ll be moving to Chicago soon.

    • I try not to think about her living situation and how much of a cunty bitch she is. I’ve never had a doorman in all of my years here.

      I really wish she would just leave NY once and for all. That whole “get a rich man” thing hasn’t worked here. Maybe in Chicago it would. Just go, please….

      • I never wanted a doorman. They make notes of when you get in and who you bring home. Plus, I have arms, fortunately enough, so the whole door thing has never been that big of an issue. Sometimes I used my butt to prop I open with multiple or heavy items. Luckily, I also have a big butt.

      • Made me laugh, imagery of NYC doormen jobs in jeopardy, thanks to big, utilitarian cat-lady butts 🙂

  31. She’s totally moving to Chicago. She’s set it up as the least desirable option so she can play the “Britt and Allie’s wedding reminded me just what is important in this life, and that is FAMILY” card, but play it alongside a heaping pile of crap about how it’s a sacrifice (but one worth making!) and all and she didn’t REALLY want to squander her endless opportunities as a bi-coastal fashionista media personality but, alas, it was just time to get back to the land o’ deep dish and Momsers’ cran guac.

    • Honestly it’s about fucking time. Julia is 30 geedee years old. She has been diddling around the city for what? 5, 6 years now? playing the role of the young, sexy “journalist”. All she has to show for it are some articles about her life which are about 89% fabrication provided by Julia Bogger, and a 14 month period of internet fameballdom. I hate to say this but it really is about time for her to move back to Chicago, marry whatever schlubby rich lawyer her daddy picks out for her, become a token society wife, and start carving out her role as a big raft in a small pond. She’d probably be a lot happier.

  32. Whatever. Fuck this bitch. Our 12 year old cat ran off today and we can’t find her, and this dumb cunt doesn’t even give enough of a shit about her pet to stop and think for one second that maybe a “bicoastal” lifestyle isn’t exactly dog-friendly.

  33. Here chin look really the weird in that video. And here the eyes. She already have the plastic surgeries in 2007?

    Also, she was no fat then, but she is fat now.

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