Media Maven Looks Into Future, Blah, Blah, Blah

Julia Allison is psychic.

I (somewhat conveniently) agree with my own prediction. 😉

US Media This is Your Future

“The UK will become the first major economy to see advertisers spend more on the internet than on TV ads, according to the latest forecast from a leading media buying agency.”

I’ve been predicting for a while now that television and the internet will eventually merge into one creative, dynamic, on-demand vat of programming. You can see it already happening with shows like Gossip Girl, which have DVD-like “special features,” such as shorts describing each of the characters’ wardrobe choices, available only on the web.

Another remarkable phenomenom, which I predict will be ubiquitous before long, is the method Gossip Girl has used to finance the show. They don’t rely solely on ads – instead, they have a sponsorship deal with Victoria’s Secret, which makes a lot of sense, given their audience. Of course there’s product placement; the last show had a storyline in which Blair’s mom gets hired to design a line of lingerie for VS, and later in the show, there’s a scene with VS models in the pink santa suits walking around her holiday party. It’s not as egregious as Donald’s infamous Dove episode on the Apprentice, because, unless you remember that VS sponsors Gossip Girl, you wouldn’t necessarily think anything of it. But if you go on the website you’ll see that they have videos which specifically link to VS. *THIS* is the future. Not just product placement – but product placement where you can pause the show, click on a link and buy the item.

There are already websites out there that specialize in tracking down the brands that various characters on your favorite tv shows wear, and providing you oh-so-helpfully with links.

With TV and internet entertainment programming being integrated, I see this happening with nearly everything shown in a given episode – from the necklace to the shoes to the couch to the vacations.

By 2012, “tv” and “internet” will have completely merged into one giant amalgamation of programming. Print media companies will continue to vertically integrate in the vein of Elle’s Project Runway or Men’s Health abs diet workout dvds or the Onion’s ONN (Onion News Network – which is BRILLIANT).

This is similar to the transition from radio to television – during the early years, producers tried to mimic radio, but with a picture! Didn’t work so well, but they adapted quickly, and that’s exactly what’s happening here. New medium, new methodology. The media conglomerates who succeed are those who get that they can’t just paste their magazine or newspaper or tv show onto a website and expect it to work. They have to substantially alter it to fit the environment.

OK, linking to this post was totally random (but totally calculated for some job she’s desperate for), and is itn’t even a prediction really, because TV/internet integration has been happening for years, so I’ll throw her a chorizo and pat her on her greasy, pelted head and congratulate her on being such a smart TV industry expert, especially one who disparages having a cable and watching shows on an actual television.

Oh, let’s see. What else happened? Julia is wanting a new Nikon camera even though she just got a free one from Canon. Oh, and she went to the Webby’s, which is apparently an awards show, but you wouldn’t be able to tell from her pictures of the event, which were of just her posing on the red carpet in that Betsey Johnson monstrosity.

God, she is boring and insufferable. When is Britt’s wedding again, so she can be psychotic and insufferable?

100 COMMENTS

  1. I’m appalled that they can’t even edit a blurb to remove THREE USES of the word “great”. Jaysus.

  2. Does that 11 number include Mega, who hasn’t posted in ages? Does it count Mary and Jordo, who ran screaming from Le Donks?

    I am just curious.

    • I’ll never forget the time my writing teacher, in Freshman year of college, circled all the “verys” on my paper and connected them with lines, creating a giant web. This traumatic experience left an imprint and, I too, am appalled.

      • Wow, that’s a great teaching tool (no sarcasm, I believe in tough love). I’ll have to use it when I get adverb-happy freshmen of my own…

  3. Wow, the DOUBLE skirt pull!

    I feel like recently we’ve only seen the one-sided skirt pull.

    The double skirt pull really has that extra “hey i’m really obviously attempting to hiding my wide hips and ass” feel!

    • I PREDICT that the hem-measuring fitting of Donkey’s BRAYSmaid dress will include a clenching, double-fisted skirt pull, rather than simply LETTING IT (the fabric) UNFOLD.

    • This is some serious, breakthrough, skirt-pulling technique we’ve got here from Julie Albertson. No more messing around with the amateurish single skirt-pull for her.

  4. GUYS: I HAVE A PREDICTION

    Advertisers will start to utilize social networking sites to maximize their reach.

    • I think Julia should use “prescient” as one of her many descriptive adjectives about her personality. I mean this notion of television merging with the internet has only been around since…the dawn of the internet.

      Hulu, anyone?

      Can’t help but hear Criswell in her voice (from “Ed Wood”) when she uses the “I predict” line.

      “I predict by 1970 the U.S. will have colonized Mars!”

    • I THINK PRODUCT PLACEMENTS LIKE ON GOSSIP GIRL WILL BECOME POPULARZ!

      Ugh. She’s so stuck in the past. I actually enjoy the tacky badness of Gossip Girl , but wtf with the “DVD extras!” she’s talking about? She watches the extra shit on the CW site? Also, the CW doesn’t show GG episodes on their site til a week after it airs on the old rabbit-ears tv. A week! No Hulu, shitty presentation, as annoying as she is. My point is that of all the shows she could have picked to speak of some synthesis between TV and the Internet, this one is extremely poor.

      Information superhighway coming to yr teveez people!1!

  5. Is that last picture real? She looks like a.. umm.. ‘little’ person. Huge head and hair, small weirdly proportioned body almost as wide as it is tall. Not hot.

    • I was just going to say that. How can someone be soooo stumpy in high heels?

      It just boggles

    • Doncha know? Donkey used to be a dancer!

      Obviously, her stumpy appearance can only be attributed to that nefarious FREE Canon camera, & THIS is why the Human Gimme Pig deserves a brand spanking new, FREE Nikon camera …

    • When I saw that picture — holy cow! She does look like a little person. Her legs look like they belong on Snooki. So short and stumpy!

    • I know, right? It looks like one of my photochop jobs! The length from the top of her head to her chest looks about twice that of her legs. I can’t believe she would post this picture — can she not see how weird it looks?

      Or maybe it’s how she actually looks in real life.

      • it’s the bowlegged-ness. the legs are so bowed, they give the illusion of being really short, especially since the bowed part is mainly hidden by her (hideous) dress in this shot.

      • ^ and exaggerated by her wiiiiide stance.

  6. I posted this a few threads down yesterday, but maybe it fits better here:

    Oh, happy happy joy joy. Another tedious twit who doesn’t let illiteracy and a total lack of anything interesting to say stop her from telling the world how HAPPY she is with her WONDERFUL life.

    First of all, if you have to tell us that you have SUCH an exciting life, I’m gonna assume that you don’t. Those of us who’ve been here in NY forever aren’t impressed by the cool places you’ve found. We either found them a long time ago and are over them, or we knew right away that they’re for easily impressed goobers like you.

    Secondly, if you don’t know the difference between “me” and “I,” please don’t write for public consumption.
    E.g.: Today I wandered in and picked up a little afternoon treat for John and I

    • JP’s girl TJ is the worst offender of this. He does the whole “and I” thing constantly, misusing it. But then again, he’s an idge.

  7. These contributors are getting more random by the second.

    In two weeks, she’ll be welcoming April, a 25-year old dental hygienist from Indianapolis who can’t live without her Act fluoride rinse and her grandpa’s shotgun. She’ll take us deep into the world of impacted molars, receding gums, and crazy dental office politics.

  8. Okay no seriously, what is wrong with her in that picture. It’s like the top half of her body doesn’t coincide with the bottom half. And she needs to put those damn shoes to bed already.

    • Reminds me of a Best in Show line:
      “She looks like a cocktail waitress on an oil rig.”

    • I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. She is built like a Heineken bottle.

      • I’m a pear-shaped person myself, but this is something different. Her right leg is clearly not attached to her body above. Also body snark smark bla bla, but if your calf is the size of your waist, you might wanna get that checked out at some point by a doctor.

      • JFA: I think the right-leg problem is due to the fact that, as usual, the waistline of Julia’s dress is higher than her actual waist. This creates the illusion that her legs meet somewhere below her pelvis. If her waistline were at her natural waist, everything would be moved down a few inches. Also, she seems to be bending really far forward.

      • JFA, there’s pear-shaped, and then there’s extreeeeeeeeeme pear-shaped. Almost like the kit from which she was assembled was defective because it included two very different sized (upper and lower) halves.

        The pear shape is a very common one (at least here in the U.S. – I don’t know about the rest of the world), but Donkey’s shape is not in that norm.

      • Meh, her pear shape annoys me far less than those calves, which I am convinced have formed because she refuses to wear anything less than 5 inch heels, constantly straining the shit out of them. I can only imagine how fucking stupid she looks clomping around on those OMG YSLS!!!! Cannot be graceful. I still think if she would own her big ass (this is coming from someone who also has one) and stopped with the quinciera poofy dresses she would look eleventy billion times hotter. Talk about beating a fucking fashion trend to death.

        Expert Gay, you could be right. Her bowleggedness ain’t helping matters either.

        In closing, Fran Drescher.

  9. These super-smug “expert” predictions that she gives from time to time about her industry — call them “keynotes” — give me the brayges.

  10. Every single non-Julia/Masha post on NS:

    Hi guys! I am soooooooooo thrilled to be part of this website shout out to my homies hee (3). I love my life, my totes cute husband (well, boyfriend, but we have been together for three beautiful months so it’s like we’re practically married!!) ;), my furry thing…wait….shit. Forget the furry thing (dog? Hamster?). Forgot to poke holes in the saran wrap again I LOVE SARAN WRAP THOUGH !!!1! I put it over things like casseroles which I love to make (green beans and crunchy little onion things yum yum), blankets (I love them) shoes hells to the yeah! ;). I basically love cooking and decals and those little chips of wood that smell nice (can’t spell the word—you know what I mean). I could cook all day. I mean walk into my apartment and expect to see my head in the oven!! I am a real homebody and love snuggling with my hubby. Sometimes I watch old movies and cry. I used to lock myself in the closet and make tiny little cuts in my forearms with a razor but hey the meds are pretty good. I can’t wait to be one of the NS girls and go to fashion shows. I am what you would call “fashion conscious” and a real “label whore”. Once my hubby accused me of loving a pocketbook I own more than him hahahahaha I bashed him over the head with it until the strap broke and then locked myself in the closet. Pencils are not really what you would think of as sharp but you can break the skin with them where was I. Yes, I am hoping that you all like my blog and I am hoping to read your comments once Julia explains how that works here. I think she and I will be besties I love her sense of style! It’s so nice to see someone with a wide pelvis so at ease with her shape and you can tell by looking that she is a Stevie Nicks fan like no other. Sometimes, back when the world was very dark to me, I would put a yard of black lace on my head and twirl around to “Rumors.” Then I would go to the bathroom and stare at all the pills. Balance. Balance. Balance. Balance.

    • Holy shit. You’re about to welcomed as THE newest NS contributor!

    • This made me LITERALLY LOL for 5 mins: “Once my hubby accused me of loving a pocketbook I own more than him hahahahaha I bashed him over the head with it until the strap broke and then locked myself in the closet. ”

      Also, Jordan just got her bi-annual keratin treatment. Has she ever mentioned this before?

      • I seem to recall that [Jordacted] had mentioned getting a very expensive hait trmt once, just about immediately after saying she couldn’t afford to buy her dogs a bed.

      • Why thank you!!!11! I am starting my own blog called RollsRoyceshackle Glam which will have top tips on crate-tables and making white rice which is harder to do than you think because = sticky mess. I am buying myself a new furry thing maybe a rabbit and will remember to have holes this time. I felt bad about the other furry thing (it was a gerbil)(the plumber told me)(he had to kind of take it out of the toilet pipe)  My life is superglamourous and full of win and I am basically feel that I am Carrie more than Mirnada except that I think my nose is no longer so big. DAMN how do people walk in these shoes! I will see you at fab parties this July we have a timeshare in Sag Harbour with Kari Ferrell and Emily Gould who seem really nice I hope they like my stuffed pepper recipe you know sshe has a cooking show? (Emily) But it is only for people who are writers. Or maybe people with crap tattoos hahahahahahahahah just kidding!

    • It’s so nice to see someone with a wide pelvis so at ease with her shape and you can tell by looking that she is a Stevie Nicks fan like no other. Sometimes, back when the world was very dark to me, I would put a yard of black lace on my head and twirl around to “Rumors.” Then I would go to the bathroom and stare at all the pills. Balance. Balance. Balance. Balance.

      LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

    • So I had my first assignment from NS last night! I was so excited 🙂 Julia e-mailed me and said “I was invited to a party on a boat” so I said that’s nice and she said I can’t go why don’t you go and then write something about it and I said I would love to if it was no bother and she said oh, it’s no bother and made the words no bother with the underline thing under them which I have not learned how to do with e-mail yet. So I went! And it was a big boat, I guess, but kind of full of mostly guys and someone spilled something on the gangplank I think it was soup because I saw corn. I have a recipe for corn I will share with you in another post where you boil it. Plus some of the guys were cheering “rape raft! Rape raft! Rape raft!” which made me a bit nervous feeling and reminded me of the doll they gave me to show where was I. But there were drinks and the harbor is nice and you can see all the tall buildings but this one guy who was a fat guy kept on pointing to buildings and then talking about, you know, his thing. So I was like I have a husband (well boyfriend, but three months!!! Yays!) and he was like why are you here then. So I said I write for Julia Allison and he said who’s that. So I said she is a wonderful person who has a website and then I kind of didn’t know what else to say about her because we have not had the breakfast meeting yet and the only other thing I know about her is that she likes bran. So he said that sounded stupid and why was I “uptight” (uptight! Me! As if! I have a photo of myself standing on a table!) and then he did something with his hand I think because it was a blur after that and my hands were going fast fast fast and he was yelling “get this crazy cunt off me” and someone heard him. So I think I am suing somebody and does anyone know a car company with a no-smoking policy because I need a ride home from the precinct and the last cab smelled like an ashtray and I vommed.

      • But vomming is GOOD actually because you know those last five pounds? They aren’t going to go away just by doing a couple of asanas. However, while I was doing delicate ladylike karate chops just oh so gently to his neck, I did split a seam on this dress but it’s okay because I think Bergdorf has a no questions return policy? Well Dillard’s does, or did, anyway, because every year Granny would get the old cardigans out from the mothballs and take the ones she didn’t like (they got too BIG on her because of the cancer can you imagine? LUCKY GRANNY) and return them and they were always so nice, but of course this was in Savannah, where I am from, not New York, where I am now. So I have to return this dress and I am sure they are high class like me and won’t mind a few corn kernels or wine (? maybe schnapps?) stains on it.

    • OT: This had be laughing yesterday..
      juliaallison: Walked into MILK studios for a meeting & they said “The casting’s down the hall!” Now I sort of want to go to a casting instead.link

      THAT’S BECAUSE YOU ARE WEARING A COSTUME 24/7 SILLY Donkey! They probably thought you were there for “Little Miss Princess People Intervention For The Love Of Christ”

  11. New Girl’s name is the motherlode of anagrams: http://wordsmith.org/anagram/anagram.cgi?anagram=crystal+ingorvaia&t=1000&a=n

    My fave = No Satirical Gravy

    I like her blog for the recipes, BUT, for someone who calls herself a gourmet cook, buying taco seasoning by the envelope is highly suspect, IMHO. She did enable comments though, which jobless Donkey & her jobless intern haven’t yet had time to do.

    BTW, DONKEY WHO NEVER READS HERE: What’s up w/ your Twitter link on your blog page being dead? You might want to get a Tech Diva on that shit.

  12. What. Is the purpose. Of all these new “contributors.” I would understand if Donkey were actually DOING SOMETHING to try to get more traffic, sponsorship deals, etc. But she’s not. She’s done nothing to improve the design and there is no incentive for people to click around.

    If impressionable girls in flyover country want lifestyle porn, there’s plenty of tripe on actual TV for them to devour. There’s nothing about this whole enterprise that gives it any actual value. Does it all exist just to make Julia feel like the girl with the most cake?

  13. Another OT:
    She was referring to SATC2:
    I’m pretty sure I’m the last person on the planet to see this movie (& decry it as awful) – heading in now for a 10:30 showing with my boys

    TIME PARADOX ALERT: You can’t say it is awful as you are walking in to see it you fucking tard. The 3/10 IMDB rating *is* the lowest I’ve ever seen but that doesn’t mean Carrie 2.0 won’t adore it.

  14. I’ve never said this about an NS contributor before (except Julia, who I was a fan of in 07/08), but I like Krystal. Or at least, I like her recipes. I’m planning to make one for dinner tomorrow night.

    • Different strokes for different folks. Crystal’s “I’m SOOOO happy and blessed” shtick reminds me of how Donkey pulls the same shit.

      Then again, I never liked Donkey and always knew how vicious and full of shit she is.

      • Crystal on Whole Foods: ” their salad bar makes it really convenient for me to pick up raw sliced peppers, onion, cucumber and tomatoes without having to buy more than I need.”

        So the girl buys her produce at the salad bar, at 7 ish bucks a pound rather than simply buying produce. Right now vine ripe tomatoes, the most expensive item on this list cost 2.25 a pound at fancy places, and even heirlooms cost 4 bucks a pound at the farmers market.

        I therefore conclude:
        1. Girl is not a foodie.
        2. Girl is loaded with cash.
        3. Girl is re-re.

        Also, her blowout is MISS PIGGY SCARY.
        RBNS is turning into a loser sorority.

      • ^WHAT? Who are these people that they can’t even buy and a slice a single pepper between them?

        The salad bar at Whole Wages is ridiculous, it’s cheaper to eat out.

  15. Crystal. She works hard, plays hard. Loves fine food and wine, cute out of the way restaurants. Loves travelling, great music. She’s open to all the joys life has to offer.

    SHE’S SO UNUSUAL

    • As well as being as trite and tedious in her behind-the-curve tastes, just like Donkey.

      • it looks like she shares another feature with julierrr. she was apparently engaged at one time, but never got married. even thoughs he managed to get her engagement (and the weird way she met the guy) written up in the wall st journal…

        weird. another fameball with somewhat dim tastates in clothing, vacations, food, etc.

  16. I’ll never forget the time my writing teacher, in Freshman year of college, circled all the “verys” on my paper and connected them with lines, creating a giant web. This traumatic experience left an imprint and, I too, am appalled.

  17. I actually like Cristal too. I tried one of her recipes and loved it. Also she seems pretty down to earth.

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