Julia Takes Her Defacation as a Sign From God

Oh, Jesus.

Headed to get my bridesmaid dress fitted at Chloe & Reese now … I’m mostly okay when it comes to not having a sig other but oy, sometimes life is just so talented at dramatically emphasizing the lack in that area of my life. 😉

If she was OK with not having a significant other, then she wouldn’t be begging to attend singles’ yacht cruises, but whatever. Keep lying to yourself, Eeyore. Here’s her bridesmaid monstrosity. I hope this is a sample size for the morbidly obese.

Also, she is seeing Sex and the City 2 tonight with her main gays. Prepare to want to kill yourselves.

103 COMMENTS

  1. She’s going to post about how much she used to love SATC, but post-ashram, she is over all that now. So much more mature. Calmer. More blessed.

    Namaste, bitches.

    • No, she is gonna post about how it sucked. Just like everyone else did. FOUR FUCKING WEEKS AGO. Always on the cutting edge of current events, our Julia.

  2. Right. Because whenever I’m out and need to pee I don’t look for a Starbucks or something similar, I look for a bridal shop. Donkey….STFU!

  3. I love how even her text convos are 99% her “talking” and the other party is always all yeah, whatever, you’re boring as fuck dumb bitch.

    • Bingo. I was about to say, every single one gets a courtesy “haha” and then nothing else because NOBODY CARES. I’ve sent those responses to people before. haha = STFU.

    • She’s either back to clip in pelts, or that was an old photo she posted last night. OR she’s turned into one of those dolls whose hair you can grow by just pulling it from the top of the head.

    • http://julia.nonsociety.com/post/726924935

      “PS. In case you were confused, I’m wearing extensions bobbypinned from a photoshoot I had earlier in the day. I got my regular Platinum Seamless extensions taken out last week … will talk more about that when I get a chance! Suffice it to say, I miss them. hahaha”

      Shut up. Also, her face has changed again. I’m starting to think she just has changeable clip on heads.

      • Or at least clip on noses.

      • I think there *has* been a really recent nose job. Not asshram recent, but during her last meltdown after Wallet Thing dumped her. There were no photos for at least a week. And that’s just NOT our Julie.

      • Edited:

        “PS. Because my only readers over at RBNS are confused, let me tell you that I’m wearing pelts bobbypinned from an OMGphotoshoot I had earlier in the day because I am so important and glamorous.”

      • agreed, free boat rides. there was also a pic of her at that time with her face covered. too lazy to look it up, but i remember thinking at the time how weird that was.

  4. I’m surprised that David’s Bridal let a random lunatic off the street use their bathroom – I mean, allowed Julia to be forced by the world to use their bathroom.

    • She was probably just in there pretending to look at dresses. And weeping.
      And probably dragged her dirty little bike in there as well.

    • Typical, ugly, raft-ass-concealing Donkeyfrock. I guess she got her way when they picked them out.

      Also, I don’t think it’s appropriate to attempt to upstage the bride with your big old cutlet-enhanced sweaty cleavage.

      • I don’t know who is behind it but it’s not funny and it is generally agreed upon (by people here) that it has nothing to do with Stern’s show. It is someone impersonating a person on Stern’s show. So meta I farted in my pants a little.

        Stalk and be funny or stalk and be creepy but just stalking is BOR-ING.

  5. Methinks this won’t be her first time seeing SATC 2.

    And why is it ironic that the universe pulls her into a bridal shop? Yes, she herself isn’t getting married soon but she certainly TALKS about weddings plenty.

    • Have you been in a David’s Bridal lately? The dresses are so awful that you can’t even imagine – the only saving grace is that you’re only shelling out $100 for that crap. Even the better ones look too cheap for a junior prom.

      So far, I’ve made it through life without being a bridesmaid (yay for all guy friends, no sisters, and professional, career-focused female friends!) and I hope I never am. This is just horrid, no matter WHO picked it out.

      • Sorry, reading comprehension fail. Just realized it’s not a David’s Bridal dress, and she apparently was in two different wedding-dress-type-shoppes in one day.

        If I wanted to be mean, I would suggest that Ally picked out dresses at DB, but JA went to C&R in order to show the dress that SHE thinks is better, and took these pics to send to Ally that “see? you can’t even tell it’s different! but it looks sooo much better on me!”

    • Oh JP… you have NO idea!! I have a pink monstrosity from a friend’s wedding that SHE DESIGNED AND WE HAD TO PAY FOR AND GO TO REPEATED FITTINGS!!! The only thing missing was a wand with a star and sparkly streamers.
      During one ‘bridesmaid-fitting-sessions’, (sans to-be bride), the bride’s sister looked in the mirror and said, “Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?” (needs to be said in “The Wizard of Oz”, Glenda the good-witch voice).
      The collective laughter lifted the roof off the building. The seamstress had to muffle herself too.

      • i have had the pleasure three fucking times. the first two were the worst monstrosities on the planet. i mean, just ugly. not flattering in the slightest. the third was a dream…a red spaghetti strap gown that wasn’t shimmery, just sexy and nice. and the bride fucking paid for them! i will always love her for that dress. she was totally secure with how gorgeous she is/was, and wanted us to look good too,

    • It’s $630. Other than the price I sort of like it. I don’t know why she’s thinking she can pick out her own jewelry… if the ceremony is as ultraformal as the floor-length gown indicates, that’s going to be standardized among the party. At most weddings I’ve been involved in the bride will gift her maids identical jewelry to wear on the big day.

      • $630 for a bridesmaid dress?!?!?!?! I don’t care how much money you have, that’s just silly.

  6. Julia is “usually okay” when she doesn’t have a sig other. Really. This make me want to compose the top 500 “Single Julia in Agony” moments in RBNS history. This is the woman who can’t see Jared commercial without sobbing.

  7. Lets, billowing dress..check!
    Her date Megan Asha, check

    sounds like a perfect wedding comedy movie to me..

  8. What is this dress? What is this Victorian funeral themed wedding? How do you even get that dress on a plane to Chicago?

    • Lol. I actually really like how kind of gothic/Victorian the dress is. It’s pretty and dramatic, and it makes ZERO sense for a summer wedding, black tie or not. But definitely not the worst think Julia’s worn.

      If it’s true she’s picking her own jewelry, though, she’s going to ruin it all. Ranawhateverkhan or omgfreshwaterpearlz! are not going to work.

  9. Um, the blurry night shot of her with the Beach Bike was semi-flattering. In higher-res …. Something. Is. Wrong. I can’t put my finger on it, but face looks … decidedly strange.

    • Agreed. The one that’s on her blog right now looks nothing like her! Maybe that’s a good thing?

    • I think she’s had yet more work done recently.

      She keeps focussing on the nose but the problem really is the mouth/chicklet veneers.

  10. That dress looks like a purple wedding dress. I thought bridesmaid dresses were supposed to be uber simple and unassuming?

    • Or totally tacky and full of ruffles and ginormous bows.

    • That’s exactly what I was thinking. If this wedding isn’t between halloween and new years this thing is wildly out of place.

  11. OT–I love these double tweets show her vocabulary machinations:

    “Extolling tech multi-tasking virtues! RT @AriMelber: “Even rocket scientists don’t do rocket science all day long.” http://nyti.ms/cak7pl
    12:33 PM Jun 21st via Echofon”

    “Espousing tech multi-tasking benefits! RT @AriMelber: “Even rocket scientists don’t do rocket science all day long.” http://nyti.ms/cak7pl
    12:32 PM Jun 21st via Echofon”

    Effluxing! Emoting! Exclaiming! Embracing! Essaying! Effecting!

    Exhausting.

  12. Q: Does Julia cry when she pees?

    A: Only at bridal boutiques.

    – a zen koan

  13. What the fuck is up with her saying “oy” all the time lately? Is it just me or has the “oy” frequency jumped lately?

      • yeah, I think it’s just a crappy picture with fatface. The kind the rest of us would delete from the camera, not post to our tumblr.

    • She’s probably still post-op swollen from the plastic surgery she had when she was supposed to be at the ashram. Am I the only one who thinks that she’s had (yet another) nose job? I just spent five minutes clicking back and forth between her lifecast photo page and the recent shots from the Webby Awards, and that schnoz looks different.

  14. how fucking tacky is it that she is posting photos of the dress just weeks before the wedding?
    i mean, granted, it’s not like bridesmaid dresses are top secret but really? like, who does this?
    she can’t just wait & post a million pictures in July…..she has to ruin the surprise for everyone.

    • Oh, come on. That’s just reaching. Bridesmaid dresses are not a surprise. No one is even supposed to care what they look like save for the bride. EVERYONE with a blog who is in a wedding party posts their bridesmaid dress, and they usually bitch openly about it. At least she didn’t do that.

      I’m definitely not putting it past her to post blurred or from the back photos of Allie in hers, though, which would be super tacky.

      • Yeah I’m with you on this one. I don’t think posting a bridesmaids dress ahead of time is ruining a “surprise” or “tacky”

      • my bad!

        (my friend made a big deal about keeping her stuff secret…i thought that was the norm. oops)

    • Indeedy.

      After seeing this it’s probably safe to assume she’d skirt-pull while wearing a full sized circus tent.

  15. I think I figured out why all the sudden new NS illiterates: she needs people to attend the NY leg of her next bicurious birthbray bash. Time for her to show up Randi and finally have a few people there who don’t totally loathe her.

  16. her friends have to be like ‘”HAHA” (STFU already)’ when they get her texts. They just say “Haha” because it’s not totally mean and hides the annoyed sarcasm well.

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