Julia: Ashram? What Ashram?

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Remember just two short weeks ago, when Donk returned from the ashram to boast about her life-altering experience? The best two weeks of MY. ENTIRE. LIFE!

The eating habits were better! Her state of mind was clearer! She found her balance! She saw heaven up in the sky! She let God in! She got into a regular, normal sleeping pattern! No more all-nighters!

Oh dear. That lasted, what, two days and she was back on the pancakes and the veggie burgers and the shilling for free stuff and the bragging and the prom dresses and the “Find a Husband” cruises and the incessant need for validation and the parties in which she makes an ass of herself, etc etc. As for the sleep habits? This was last night’s activity:

1:54: Some Glee blubbering.
2:11: More Glee blubbering (p.s. She NEVER watches TV, people!)
2:28: Some pretty girl who looks so “happy and free.”
2:30: Mark Twain quote
3:19: She’s reposted some commencement address from years ago. I saw the video for this thing and it was stunning in its self-absorption and jokes that went over like a lead balloon. And she’s proud of it. Still.
5:04: Reminder that she’s at Internet week with Jeff Jarvis in just seven short hours!
5:51: Cosmo cover.

33 COMMENTS

  1. I didn’t realize people over the age of 24 still subscribed to Cosmo. I canceled that shit as soon as I graduated from college.

    • I just came in to post the same thing! Once you’ve subscribed to it for about two years, you can start to predict which “Secret Place Will Drive Him Nuts” (protip: Cosmo, stop trying to make taint happen – try that with one homophobe frat boy, and you’ll know why) and “Foods That Will Make You Skinny FAST.”

      • One of my friends told me she only reads men’s magazines, because they don’t have all of these topics about how women can please men, be more sexy, or any of the other topics frequently covered by women’s magazines. She said the articles are much more intelligently written.

      • Sorry, but your friend sounds like she’s just trying to be cool for the omgboyz. Has she actually read a men’s magazine? Better written than Cosmo, yes, but not a high bar. Half of the issue tells men to work on their abs and ignore stupid chatty women, and the other half has pictures of very skinny, very scantily clad women talking about how they love giving head, making out with girlfriends at bars, and watching/playing sports. Pretty much the exact same topics as women’s magazines, just from the male perspective.

      • That’s probably why I don’t read magazines at all. Unless they are trashy tabloids. At least with those, what you see is what you get.

      • Actually, I agree. Men’s magazine have way cooler articles like “How To Saw Your Arm Off The Correct Way If A Boulder Were To Fall On It”. Cuz you never know.

  2. Sivananda Ashram Yoga Ranch ® hereby disavows any knowledge of or acquaintance with any person named “Julia Allison Baugher.” Any entity, person or corporation, who associates the name, corporate image, teachings or other ephemera of Sivananda Ashram Yoga Ranch ® with said individual is hereby notified of liability for legal action by Fine, Gold and Fine, LLC, legal representatives of Sivananda Ashram Yoga Ranch ®

    PUBLIC NOTIFICATION IAW NY LEG. PUB. ACT. 89-142.

    Andrew Fine, Chief Counsel

  3. “Anyway, I don’t think I ever posted it, or if I did, I don’t remember doing so. Then again, I rarely remember anything except that I really like dessert.”

    BULLLLLLSHIT JULIA… every move you make is calculated… you fucking remember. give me a fucking BREAK!

  4. The “happy and carefree” woman she posted actually looks like she “used to be a dancer”. Julia clumsily bounding into the air with gravity vigorously fighting back during a fauxto shoot? Not so much.

    • FYI, I seriously doubt Twain ever wrote that. In the mid-nineteenth century, people did not write things like “Live. Dream. Discover.” It kills me how Hallmark platitudes attributed to Twain, Shakespeare, or Marcus Aurelius make their way around Tumblr.

  5. Apologies if this has already been posted, I haven’t had a chance to read through everything, I just noticed that http://tv.gawker.com/5559270/ Donk was the first comment on this post. How very Ashram of her. I’d like to know how many times she’s checked her google alerts in the last 48 hours.

    • “Good job winning the giant vase! Is it platinum? Will you marry me beardy boys??”

      Hipster Blackhawk Hockey Player would be a really annoying new boy code name.

      • There is quite literally no way in hell she could land a pro hockey player. Not even an ugly one, like Danny Briere, Rod Brind’Amour … or Sidney Crosby. (I kid!)

      • (in reply to Lord Stanley’s Ghost) Ha especially since some of them are about a decade younger than her…. and her not drinking schtick really would put a damper on the boys’ celebrations… and because they could have anyone so why in hell would they want a washed-up famewhore

  6. That Jeff Jarvis event starts in 45 minutes. Wondering what a pink pile of crazy she is right now, having stayed up all night after a disappointing evening. She hasn’t twittered since the cruise ended 12 hours ago. Is she going to remind her adoring readers about the event? (3, 2, 1.)

    OT – so she did win, according to Gawker TV? Arthur Kade did not win?

  7. Ah, JAB’s commencement address. A Vimeo of it was posted here some time ago and I was so stunned by its egomaniacal empty-headedness that I resolved to transcribe it. I only got about three minutes in before being seized by a bout of Canklehausen so powerful that the only viable treatment was an Ativan and a belt of bourbon.

    So I never made it in quite this far:

    “But not a great consolation when you have to call up your parents and explain, like I did when I was a junior, why you got an “F” in your Intro to Film class. (Who knew you needed to actually WATCH the assigned movies?) I’m a very creative thinker, so I told my parents that the registrar automatically fills students’ transcripts with Fs until the professors send in their REAL grades, and mine was, uh … late … with my “B.”

    What’s wrong with this paragraph?

    a) Julia failed a class because she was too lazy to watch movies.

    b) Julia does not seem in the least embarrassed to have lied to her parents about having wasted the college education for which they were paying.

    c) By delivering this address to a graduating high school class, Julia is encouraging these kids to follow her lead. After all, there are no apparent repercussions for her deception. Dadsers remains fooled to this day! Haw haw!

    d) Julia uses this anecdote to illustrate that she is a “very creative thinker,” in an attempt to play off mendacity as a virtue.

    e) Julia is, to this day, publicizing a speech that illustrates she has no problems telling outrageous lies to avoid the consequences of her sloth.

    f) A through E.

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