Julia Allison is Going to Pull a Muscle

Only one week until three weeks at a yoga ashram!! So excited. Slash scared. Hahaha

I finally figured out who Julia Allison reminds me of. Especially with the constant all nighters.

She needs a meltdown like Jessie’s.

140 COMMENTS

  1. man, it fucking sucks for the other people that are going to be there with her. i mean, they signed up for peace and quiet, meditation and reflection, and here you have some donkey ruining it all. ugh, she’s only going there to meet rich men anyway. hee fucking haw.

    • Rich men? I was going to go to Kripalu but then I looked at the catalog, opened to the first page, which featured four middle aged women holding hands in some kind of joyful yogic circle, and decided it was not for me. If she wants to snag a rich hubby, she should go on a wild game hunting trip or something. And those middle aged ladies are going to cut a bitch. I know it.

      NO EFFING WAY she lasts three weeks. Cannot imagine the kind of epic meltdown that will occur and I’m sad it probably won’t be liveblogged.

    • @JP I remember this incident well. She looks a hot mess up there too. I don’t think the yoga instructors are going to smile upon fauxga fautographs. Who knows, maybe a crazy pants Lodwick type will be there.

      • It’s not– I was just saying I wanted to go to Kripalu. I don’t think her ashram is going to be crawling with eligible men.

    • That is the first and only known picture in history of fat ass donkey doing any sort of exercise. Of course, that leg lift was the entirety of her workout. After she documented this monumental occasion, she went and ate 100 cupcakes. Fat ass donkey.

    • How did nobody notice that on Jordan’s blog, she wrote about her apartment being broken into by a woman. She suspects it was somebody that she personally knows due to the items that they stole from her. Get this, they stole her “wedding tiara” that she was going to pass down.

      I wonder who could have possibly broken into Jordan’s apartment? Anybody have any intel on this? A certain someone comes to mind. This needs to be discussed. This shit would be totally out of control if it was who I am thinking.

      Anyone????

      http://ramshackleglam.com/blog/2010/04/our-break-in/

      Seriously, you can’t make this shit up.

      • It’s been noticed. It’s been dissected in great detail in almost every comment thread — including this one — over the past three to four days.

      • I hear you, but for obvious reasons this is an allegation/accusation that we’d have to be very careful with. Turning it into its own post = maybe not such a great idea.

      • True, Melissa Sue, but The Taint Of The Donkey never quite goes away.

        In other words, once someone willingly associates with her (and doesn’t flee screaming after a few minutes), he or she is known as someone who chose to spend time (or be in business) with her, which means that person has – at best – piss poor judgment skills.

    • Yeah, going to a yoga ashram sounds pretty intense even for someone with a moderate level of physical fitness, much less for someone who takes cabs everywhere and can’t commit to a ten day exercise plan.

      I think she’d be happier if she could do normal levels of things instead of taking everything to an extreme. Go to therapy once a week, go to yoga twice a week, eat mostly healthily but allow guilt-free splurges, try to get a normal job… you know, like most well-adjusted people. Not everything has to be an Eat, Bray, Love -sized grand gesture to constitute an effective change.

    • Because what she really fucking needs is a fucking vacation. Because she has a fucking job and all.

  2. Oh, please. She’ll last MAYBE an entire week at the most. Pics or it didn’t (isn’t going to) happen.

  3. Gawd. Can you imagine the quote parade she will unleash upon her return.

    She will have learned so much about life, and love and self that she will want to educate us all…right after her intern types is up.

  4. I hope they’ve got a special ‘Fauxga for Fucktards’ isolation area so her braying doesn’t shatter the tranquility.

  5. yeah….she won’t last.

    I did a 4 day yoga retreat a year ago. No computers, no gabbing on cell phones. Lots of quiet time, yoga 3x a day, breathing and meditation workshops. By day 2, no one was wearing make up or making any attempt at image. The food was simple, light and healthy. I can’t see her making it three weeks. hell, I can’t see her making it three days.

    Also, it’s your inconsistency, stupid.

    You told all your fans and readers that you were going to Chicago. You are a bouncy little burro, but it’s neither charming nor adorable.

    • after one week, she’ll retreat to some pristine beach-front property in arizona to recuperate.

  6. There’s no chance this is a shill, right? How much does three weeks at a yoga retreat cost anyway?

    • thousands, if you’re paying for it. who knows if she is? who cares? she’s shady, so i always assume she’s getting discounted stuff.

    • It depends. There’s a place called Yogaville in North Carolina that’s dirt-cheap. But the amenities are also very minimal. So I doubt that’s where she’s going.

  7. Oh jesus christ. This is one of those RBNS weekends when each subsequent post here gets more and more *facepalm* from me. Wonder what’s in store for Sat night. Hope it’s something epic to round out this ridiculous week. Can’t wait!

  8. Any thoughts on what substance might be fueling this epic manic insanity? I just checked her twitter. WTF is she on?

    • I love how she treats bookstores like libraries. Also…Houstons! And one of her “favorite guys in the world” who I’m sure has asked to not be named.

      • I guess that means Dadsers is back in town?

        My first thought is that she said that to keep it vague and make all of her exes – you know, the ones who breathlessly read her every word – seething wiht intense, unrelenting jealousy.

  9. Wow, I’m done. No, really, this post of hers did it. This was what made the mushroom cloud of rage go off for me for some reason.

    THREE WEEKS at a yoga ashram!? To get away from WHAT? Brunching? Cyberstalking exes? AAAAAAAAAAAH I can’t take it anymore, seriously! How do her parents, who are both successful people who work/worked for a living, cosign and FINANCE this total bullsh*t existence!?

    Any shred of tolerance I had for her is gone. She must realize that everyone… EVERYONE in her life must also feel this way… right!?

    P.S. The “only 30K to invest” thing almost totally set me off, too. So it was coming.

    • Chill. The 30K thing is pure bullshit. She said that to make the catlady haterz jealous and show PK and the other exes that she’s got money and doesn’t really need theirs.

      • right but remember how she said she could only repay PK for his generosity with small gestures like making his bed and buying wilting tulips.

    • Yeah, I finally unfollowed her on Twitter. I had tweeted some things that were critical of her and she started DMing me… whatevs. But her self-righteousness and COMPLETE lack of gratitude for what she has makes me want to puke.

      From her talk of her “cheap” shoes at $100, and $30k being preceded by “only”…whether it’s an act or not, she’s out of touch with reality, what it means to work for a living, and how to display gratitude for what she has been blessed with. We don’t all have parents who live on the North Shore and have condos in downtown Chicago where we can blow off a few weeks while we recover from… what is it she’s recovering from again?

  10. as someone who, you know, does yoga? daily? this is sort of annoying. you don’t just… go… to an ashram. like it’s a spa. try going to a yoga class 3x a week and seeing if you love it and THEN think about going to an ashram. she has no tolerance for learning curves, and i don’t think she has ever gotten past the “beginner” stage of anything in her life. i can see how dancers could be offended by the way she muscles in on their territory with her, “oh, i *could* have been a dancer!” just like you could have gone to stanford. just, stop.

    • Thank you, KK! The ashram’s not going to be very enjoyable or relaxing for someone who never practices yoga, or does any kind of exercise for that matter. I wonder if she realizes phones and laptops are usually banned (or at least there’s no wireless). Way to trivialize something that a lot of people take very seriously and practice with dedication.

  11. Are we assuming she’s really going where she says she is? “Three weeks at a yoga ashram” could be code for “fat farm” or “yet more plastic surgery.” Too bad she can’t get personality and motivation implants.

    • imagine the new and improved julia allison, exiting the plastic surgeon’s office after her motivation implant surgery, just brimming with energy and ready to take on a full-time job with overtime, raising octomom’s brood ‘o babies, doing community service, exercising 3x a week, and only sleeping 6 hours a night! brain. explodes.

    • HELLO!
      I was scanning posts to see had anyone had brought this up yet…

      I’m guessing she’s getting her neck waddle &/or cheek jowls worked on (can the nose even take another hit?) & she’s saying ‘yoga ashram’ for the same window of time that she said she’d be back home, because she’s getting it done where Momser can take care of her w/ pescachickenarian broth, etc.

  12. Ok before everyone tips over their cat litter box in anger, consider this:

    We’ve all kind of agreed that she is losing it. Lost it. Whatever. Everyone was openly wondering how on earth her friends/parents could allow this to happen right in front of them.

    So maybe someone has stepped in and is sending the Donkey to “go live on a farm” somewhere. In other words, a quietly forced home-arrest Intervention (with capital “I”) under the guise of an “ashram retreat”.

    • Maybe. But who would do that? Her parents seem as deluded as she is. And her friends? What friends? Meghanaise? Sklar? Courtney Friel?

      • Is If The Intervention Was Female?
        (translation: masha wouldn’t know to intervene if julia took her gullible ass for all she was worth… oh wait…)

      • Maybe Masha sat down with her accountant who said, “Who is this Julia Allison person and why have you been giving her all your money?”

    • I thought about that too, but I’m leaning towards more plastic surgery.

  13. She just bought Ivanka Trump’s book “The Trump Card: How to Win in Work and Life.” Great read for the ashram.

    • So rich that one of her big problems with the frat boy was that he never read. Is it better to never read or to exclusively read the kind of dummy drek she’s always braying about? I think I’d rather deal with tabula rasa than someone whose idea of great literature is The Secret. I wonder if she’ll whip out the highlighter for Ivanka’s wit and wisdom too.

  14. Ok, I’m now changing my bet from “lasts three days” to “doesn’t go at all.” It’s sooo Donkalicious to throw something out there and then let it disappear into the ether.

    If she does go? And lasts? I think this could be a really good thing for her.

    Or maybe it’s just rehab and this twitter mania is one last binge before getting clean (from the internet, narcississm, sugar, crack, adderall, whatever).

    • Jacy! I love when you get all Nancy Drew! It’s amazing. So what’s your theory? Rehab? Lies??

      Goddammit I love Julia Allison for her insanely hilarious brand of crazy. You can set your watch to it. I can’t wait for some kind of late night vlog with her face smeared in Joker makeup, wearing the wedding tiara, braying like a lunatic.

      • I think all her recent manic blogging is deflective — she’s done something bad and she wants to distract attention away from it, in addition to drumming up sympathy in case it comes back to bite her in the ass. I think she has people calling around appealing to other people to “help” her — again, for sympathy purposes — because she’s in such bad shape because, boohoo, it’s SO. DIFFICULT. when you treat people like shit and they get fed up and end their association with you. And, suddenly, in the last week or two, she seems desperate to get out of Dodge in a hurry and for a fairly long stretch of time.

        Hmmmmmm.

      • Britt’s getting married in 2 and a bit months. Donk needs to drop two dress sizes. I’m guessing it’s an extended stay at the ol’ fat farm.

  15. Isn’t she supposed to be going to Chicago for the month starting like next week?

  16. Three weeks at an ashram is a long time for someone who is an extremely regular yoga’er (yoger? yogi?). There is now way this chick is spending 3 days in an ashram. She’s spending it in her parents condo with a freezer full of Rocky Road crying and repeatedly watching all the private videos of PK on Vimeo that her ‘idiot’ friend hasn’t leaked yet.

    • In her DMs to me yesterday, she said she’s in therapy, has no problems, and will be fine. 🙂 (And we all know she doesn’t lie…)

      • “Has no problems.” Oh, that is too hilarious. Nooooo … no problems at all. It’s TOTALLY NORMAL AND SANE to post/Tweet endlessly about a guy who’s getting married and despises your ass and really wants you to leave him and his GF the fuck alone. TOTALLY NORMAL.

      • It’s a very rare individual who is so well-adjusted that they wouldn’t benefit from some level of therapy (a percentage many spaces to the right of a decimal point)…

        At the OTHER end of the spectrum, there’s La Donk ~ the intense & ongoing therapy that she should seek would put some psych doc’s kids through college.

      • Yeah the doctor gave her a full bill of clean health, signed a note and she can move on. Usually it’s one or two sessions and then you’re “okay.” That’s how therapy works, right?

      • Um, everything can benefit from therapy, and I can’t imagine a therapist ever saying that to *anyone*… I

  17. So..the intern applications close May 5th, then approximately two days later the boss for whom they will intern(cough…slave) is disappearing to an ashram for three weeks. What an awesome unpaid learning opportunity. Unless the poor interns have to go along with Donkey and live in a tent at the ashram whilst they record her every deep Eat Bray Sleep moment of profundity.
    Methinks there will be many requests for refunds as the other paying guests in search of serenity flee the scene.

    • Did Lasagna fly the coop too? Maybe she can process the applications, select the top three from the talented pool of applicants, make the selections and train the interns.

  18. i gotta say, the last few days have really brought some of the most epic cray in a while. when i start despairing, i can always count on old Donktacula to rev up the crazy. thanks julia!

  19. I’m drunk. So I haven’t read any of the previous comments, but HOW FUCK????!!!
    How can she talk about looking for a therapist only a few weeks ago, then go crazy for a little while and THEN broadcast to the world that she is going to a yoga ashram if she knows fuck all about yoga and anything to keep body and mind in shape?! Seriously. WHAT is wrong with her? How very fuck??? I’ll try to be more elaborate tomorrow, right now I’m just one big red wine soaked HOW FUCK?!

  20. I call bullshit. But if she does got to an “ashram” she’ll probs come out like Rielle Hunter spouting new age bullshit to validate her opportunistic behavior, poor choices, and general nastiness – basically, even worse. She is incapable of selflessness.

  21. That was quick! Just yesterday, she was crowd-sourcing suggestions for ashrams.

    The internet works, peoples!

    What is the Sanskrit word for plastic surgery?

    • “Lipo Yoga” would be my guess, too, Sacred S. Do we have a betting pool going? The nose can’t take another reshaping, so unless she’s getting the chin implant removed, it’s gotta be fat suckage.

    • Also kind of tight for plastic surgery, given that she’d need to have her pre-surgical bloodwork and primary care physical exam done before surgery.

      • Take insurance out of the equation (plastic surgery being elective & cash pymt) ~ those are things that can be done in a few short hours.

  22. Riddle me this. If someone DMed you, why wouldn’t you DM them back instead of putting it in your public Twitter feed? Because it’s OMG OMG OMG a Z-list celebrity??

    What a tool. THERAPY!

    Hey @ShiraLazar! Just got your DM … trying to see if I can make it tonight to see you, but not sure yet. 🙂 Either way, will see you SOON!

    • That is fucking nuts. No really. Certifiable.
      I’m going to start responding to emails from co-workers by screaming into my intercom. Wtf.

    • I am actually starting to feel sorry for her. Like, Lindsay Lohan, Tila Tequila sorry. Some people are just too pathetic.

      She is a pimple on the ass cheek of humanity.

      • I ask again. Where are her fucking parents? Her friends apparently know she’s off the rails, so I am told, and her parents are just completely oblivious? What the fuck?

      • Given what people have observed in person about her parents and what we’ve seen via her blergh, they’re as batshit delusional as she is.

        Right now, I’m thinking that the only reasonably sane one is Lilly (sic).

    • three week intensives are for people who know what they are doing and can flow from asana to asana.

      She’ll be lost in 10 minutes.

      She probably lied (it comes as easy to her as breathing) and told them that she knew yoga (see above).

      She’ll probably be asked to leave after day two.

  23. so wait. is jabs wearing green all the time now so she has an excuse to wear the emerald earrings that michael gave her?

    sorry if this was covered in other comments..i am studying for finals (at indiana university! the horrors!) in addition to working a full time job. so i am a little behind on the bray.

  24. Feel sorry for her? This is a woman who wants breast cancer walk shoes because they’re pink and she can put HER name on them. By the way, when is that walk anyway?

    • The walk is in June, I believe. Should be interesting…. let’s see if she follows through with it. Apologies for thread hijacking but.. completely OT:

      “Okay, I had NO IDEA who that woman was until I scrolled back in your lifecast, Katrina. What happened to Courtney Love??? She looks like she just rolled out of a bed in a single family home with two kids and a dog in Westchester.”

      In the pic posted, CL looks better/more normal than she has in a LONG time, and what she just condescendingly described as CL’s “look” is probably the life she could only ever WISH to have. Whatever happened to donks feeling “ambivalent” about talking shit about celebs on TV? Guess not. So E! just plain passed, then. Thanks for the verification, donks.

      • There’s no way she can do the walk. My aunt (a breast cancer survivor) trained for awhile for that walk and she works out hardcore on the regular. It is my understanding that a three day/week long walk like this does require some level of prep and training. Also, they camp. There is no way Julia Allison is doing this walk, sleeping on the ground or doing anything of the sort. She just wants the fucking pink sneakers. It’s actually really insulting and offensive to the people that are serious about it.

    • CHICAGO: August 6-8, 2010

      Note how she makes it about HER by naming her team: “TEAM Julia”.
      * She’s raised NO money
      * SHE hasn’t even donated (has $30k to toss around?)
      * Journalist that she is, coupled w/ her technology expertise, she can’t even modify default solicitation verbiage?

      How long has she been braying about about pink tennies w/ HER name emblazoned on them, for this walk that’s still three months away?

      THAT is why I’m a firm believer that the yoga ashram is cover-up for three weeks of plastic surgery & recovery, else she’d be braying about tiny & cute pink yoga clothes.

  25. this is totally OT and possibly covered elsewhere but i had to point out that JA has recently become ‘friends’ with PK on facebook. oh i can just imagine the angst-filled de-friending and subsequent awkward RE-friending. oh it gives me a serious case of the lulz.

    • I just looked at her facebook wall where she posted a picture of herself and Colin Powell. She refers to him as her “BFF”. Yeah you stupid bitch, one of the most decorated military leaders in American history is your BFF. FUCK YOU!
      For some reason this pissed me off more than the pic of her and Gloria Steinem.

  26. This hurts my brain. She can’t even stay in the same city for more than two-and-a-half weeks, how the hell will she manage in some cloistered, focused environment? With Ivanka by her side, she will overcome/

  27. Ok so three weeks at the ashram then off to Princeton for dadsers reunion on the 25th? Whatever she’s doing, I bet it’s all in prep for hooking some Leaguer at the reunion.

  28. JP and Jacy, thanks for startin’ off my weekend with the beloved FAUXGA pic!!! I heart this pic to pieces.

  29. @jratlee – DONEEEEEEEEEEEEE. I’m picking out my Orange & Black outfit RIGHT NOW. Okay, that’s a lie. But I will soon.

    Translation:

    PRINCETON PRINCETON PRINCETON PRINCETON PRINCETON HEY GUYS I (have a father who) WENT TO PRINCETON

    Stop it, Julia. The Ivy Leaguers I know mention their schools an average of zero times per day.

    • I can’t imagine ever going to another person’s reunion. (Except MAYBE my significant other, but even then, I’d probably pass.) Reunions are about, um, you know, reuniting. There is no reason to be there if you have no connection to the group. Not only is Donkey going just to bask in the reflected glory of OMGPrinceton, but she’s ADVERTISING it on her fucking twitter? “Anyone else going to the Princeton Reunions May 27th – 30th?” That’s just so embarrassing.

      • For reals. Maybe if she had actually gone to Princeton, she would already know who’s going to be there. You know, like CLASSMATES. God, she is so tacky.

      • all anyone does at P reunions, in my experience (actual grad here) is eat and drink. donk will rock the eating, but what the hell is she going to do in the evenings?

        she won’t want to wake up early enough for the academic presentations and awards that happen that week. if i recall correctly, most of those things are over by lunchtime.

        what a weirdo.

    • Totally right. Since she has accomplished jack shit in her life, she resorts to trying to take credit for the success of her dad or potential boyfriends. In her mind, their success is her success. What a fucking psycho. Once she finally realizes that no guy will have anything to do with her and she has to face the cold reality that she is a nobody who hasn’t accomplished anything, she is going to have an epic meltdown. That is, if she ever grows the fuck up enough to realize this.

  30. Oh God, now she’s started with the “Happy” tweets.

    A “so blessed” cannot be far behind. Again, something she does when she’s trying to battle against the impression that she is in fact a miserably insane lunatic. The “happy” and “so blessed” always follow the crazy days and nights when she’s really fucked up somehow.

    Remember when we busted her for leaking Toph’s name to us? Sort of like that. SO BLESSED!! SO VERY VERY HAPPY!!!

      • Creepy Dadsers doesn’t have enough money for that. Hell, I don’t think the Sultan of Brunei has enough.

    • ” Headed downtown to see friends, weather is perfect. Nights like tonight are why I love NY. Plus, I’m wearing shoes shaped like bunnies. 😉 “
      about 3 hours ago via Echofon

      BUNNIES & TIARAS, OH MY!

      I’ve never heard of the onset of dementia / 2nd childhood at her age …

  31. NEWSFLASH: Julia thinks she’s a creative risk-taker as per her quote on NS.

  32. Ugh, she is apparently doing some stunt with DJ Mayonnaise Breath tonight at the Fairey opening.

    #norespectforartgetoutoftowndonkey

      • Man, I love that crazy psychopath. (Who clearly *is* a psychopath, unlike Julia, I presume.) She can write, and make self-deprecating jokes, and grift huge amounts of money from trusting friends. She’s an awful person, but in a way, she sort of wins.

    • i absolutely LOVE this photo. i love the grimace she’s got on her face, how she’s gripping the wall, and how she mixes the serenity and loveliness of yoga with taking a fucking iphone narciss-photo of herself.

    • Agreed – this may be the best photo of her ever. I seem to remember she posted two or three of these, does anyone remember there were others? It was right after the private jet thing, and I think all of those posts were deleted. Or at least, I can’t find them any more.

      I love it because she’s trying soooo hard get her legs into splits that she’s actually grabbing the wall to bend farther down. Too too funny.

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