I’m Sorry, But Julia’s Family is Really Lame

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My dad is READING US POEMS about snowflakes. I am … Incredulous.

My mom is jumping around the kitchen making egg nog. Literally jumping. Hysterical.

Julia should also never use the words “incredulous” and “literally” ever again.

168 COMMENTS

  1. The matching sweaters are not cute. They are a twisted, mean, nasty, bitter insult that is all about me

    I am not sure which is more shameful, the agreement to wear them or the poisoned giving.

    • Feeding narcissism is the exact wrong thing to do. Britt seems smarter than the rest of them, almost normal — but then he enables her like this, or by filming hideous lipdubs. I guess it would suck to be in his position, but now that he’s dragging Allie into it … ugh, they are all awful.

  2. The Baugher home is so fucking ugly. I can’t get over it. Their living room is filled with weird 80s office furniture and there is nothing on the white walls. And those hideous floor lamps and vertical blinds… It looks like a dentist office waiting room.

    • I actually find that after a trip to a bong, I’m less inclined to put up with Jules. She’s one of those girls that’s a total buzzkill and probably elicits paranoia when in contact with those under the influence.

  3. Fuck you, Santa.

    I wrote you a very clear letter asking for just one thing this year – a dictionary for Julia, the “writer”.

    I even left cookies out for you, to sweeten the request.

    Clearly, you decided to give her a bushel of chocolate and headbands instead.

    Do you think that I make these requests just for the fun of it, Santa? Do you?

    Now 2010 is destined to be yet another year that we all have to suffer through Julia’s unrelenting abuse of the English language.

    You ruined Christmas, Santa.

  4. Well her holiday braying has made my life look 1000 times less pathetic in comparison. We have so many more days left of this classic entertainment including New Years Eve which should be her epic failing meltdown. This is about to get good and I will supply the popcorn and vodka.

    • yes, please! i’ll take a vodka & cranberry. i am SO looking forward to Epic Meltdown: New Years Eve Edition 2009.

      • Dr. Gary, I think this calls for a little more festivity. Andre $5 champ anyone? I’ll buy extra dry so the cheapness won’t show itself too much. And obv shots of whiskey beforehand so who gives a shit what we’re drinking after that.

  5. The dad-reading-aloud thing that he’s always doing when she’s home screams of a huge egomaniac. So that’s where she got it from.

  6. Her family is so. blessed. that she is respecting their privacy.

    Also: I am convinced that Allie (Ali? Ally? whatever) and Britt are complicit in all of this. They agree to pose for the pictures, knowing full well that they are going to be posted. Ergo, they are as awful as she is.

    The whole extended clan is giving me the famewhore willies. They really are a bunch of hicks who are getting off on her tiny, sad modicum of infamy.

      • I don’t know – to me, that would be a great excuse to refrain from being in the pictures – “I’m trying to maintain distance between my private life and my students, so I’d rather not be in pictures posted on a public blog. Thanks for understanding!”

      • Good point. Her future sister-in-law’s online antics could mess up her career. Not too bright that one maybe.

    • The mother seems to enjoy being filmed. Or is a good faker. I wonder if we’re looking at massive denial (perfect people have perfect children), mixed in with a bit of perfect-people exhibitionism, and no sense of boundaries, or if it’s just resignation, because Julia refuses to seek help and her temper tantrums are spectacular.

      • @HowFuckNewYear

        Agree completely. Indulging Julia out of fear of her anger isn’t doing her any good, if that’s what’s going on. Even if the justification is that there’s a grandparent and future daughter-in-law in the house and the parents just want peace and quiet. But there seem to be other cases of enabling Julia where the justification is harder to understand.

      • I feel like a broken record, but it all goes back to the Easter whore outfit and her parents’ complicity in not only taking her to church dressed like that, but them actively participating in her fauxto shoot in the church.

        I don’t know how things work in churches, but in my synagogue, when some woman, who was only there for a family ceremony, whipped out a camera and started snapping pictures, there were audible gasps from so many of the other women, and these are not judgey types at all. It was just such a grossly offensive thing that it startled people.

    • yeah this fam is very weird. i don’t find the activities themselves that weird- i mean a lot of families do corny shit- but it’s the fact that they seem to encourage julia to record every single activity on her website. i agree that they’re getting off on this and it’s creepy. it’s creepy!

      • Do you think they know? Maybe it’s one of those parental things a la “I would rather not know about it.” I mean yeah she has a blog but do you think they actually read it? Maybe they have no idea all these pics are for her bullshit narcissism project blog.

      • Wunderbar, she once claimed (in an interview with ABC News.com) that her mother stopped speaking with her for a while because of something online. So they must be at least somewhat aware of her behavior.

      • they have to know about the blog. i mean julia really has nothing else going on in her life, so it must be all she talks about. “daddy, i have SO many fans! my blog…er, business is soooo popular! look at my pictures, daddy! aren’t i pretty? AREN’T I PRETTY??”

  7. Julia’s family is perfect! Yay! They are educated and peaceful and fun loving and so awesome. The rest of us live in complete despair and dysfunction!

    • allie sans makeup is prettier than julia with lots of makeup, carefully-chosen outfits, and and multiple operations from Dr Bobby Frankenstein

      • Dr. Bobby is a dermatologist, not a surgeon, so I’d guess that most of the damage he does is with syringes full of Botox and various synthetic fillers, not the scalpel.

      • wasn’t implying that a scalpel was involved… i was trying to make allusions to the whole Frankenstein angle… like he is “creating” a monster.

        in some ways, i don’t think it’s that much of a stretch. sorry if i wasn’t clear about that

      • No problemo. I’m sure there’s an equally disreputable plastic surgeon out there who does cheap work for her.

  8. Why does she always have to fill posts with shit like momsers was “jumping” and then “literally jumping.” Reitterating stupid shit does not make it any more witty or “hysterical.” Momser sounds unhinged.
    Lordy she’s posted more in the last three days then she has all month and its seriously dreary crap – excessive sharing of unremarkable family photos are rarely that amusing to family members much less her audience.

    • I agree. Something about Momser is definitely off. She creeps me out even more than Dadsers.

      I’ve never seen a family think they are as adorable as this one does. NEWSFLASH: You all look like a bunch of morons.

      • That outfit haunts me in my nightmares. I see Julia, dropping her iPhone during a faux-to session/hymn, and bending over to pick it up. Thank heavens I wake up at that point, terrified of what she’s not wearing under that smelly skirt.

      • Ugh, oh gawd, i can’t decide which part is the worst. The TURQUOISE too short skirt? The fucking white gloves? The humongous white bow on her head? Is that a matching turquoise bag?

        Really Momsers? Dadsers? NO ONE could tell her she looked like a highly sexualized 6 year old?

      • Nutty Granny: I’m always fighting the urge to wonder what the fuck she wears under these skirts that obviously expose her ass if she bends over. Frilly white underwear? A flesh-colored thong? Lord help us, please tell me she is not going commando…

    • How does one make a beverage, egg nog, while jumping? Literally jumping? Wouldn’t the egg nog literally be all over the floor?

  9. why do i get the feeling that the painting on the wall is a painting of the beach view they see when they look out the adjacent window? oh, this family

    • I think you are right. It is definitely a painting of a lake. I wonder if they have paintings of buildings at the OMG DOWNTOWN CONDO.

  10. Whoa. For the first time in idontknowhowlong, someone is posing on the left other than Julia. I assume Allie will be safe at home by the time she finds the scrawled note in her luggage reading STAY AWAY FROM MY FAM, BITCH.

  11. Why is Allie’s sweater 2 sizes too big and Julia’s 2 sizes too small? What a passive-aggressive move. Julia, your old face is making a comeback, not your old body.
    Save Allie.

    • 2 sizes too small? Nay, it is indeed 2 sizes too big on JA. Remember, it’s not the love handles it’s the bulky sweater bunching up.

  12. Oh joy! We shall gather in the main lawn hence for a rousing ruddy cheeked game of stick ball. Papa always ends it with a victorious thrust of said stick into my rapacious nether regions which he then employs as a skull tapper (on brother britt’s formidible occipital protuberance, natch) during yon nude reading of Bambi.

    Oh huzzah my glorious Twain family!

  13. OMG Nonsociety New Years in the Baughers’ OMG Downtown Condo will be so, so EPIC, ladybugs. Right there in view of tropical Lake Michigan. Eat your hearts out, haterz.

    • oh oh the New Years party got moved to Family area..

      Hey Jules where are all those new Media new Years Invites?

      PS, Donkey

  14. This family has some weird dynamics, no uncles, aunts or cousins seen at the holidays. The grandfather shows up but of course grandma can’t because she and Mama Baugher don’t get along. I don’t care how much Julia tries to paint everything as perfect, there is something very wrong with these people.

    • I agree. I always find families that ONLY socialize within their own nuclear family very weird. I dated a guy like that — the mom, dad, and three kids never interacted with any other family members but one another.

      • Word, Jacy. I have a few extended fam members with whom I’ll spend some (limited) time, but the rest are kept at a distance. A looooooong distance.

        Maybe Jaba and her nuclear family are the relatives that everyone else in their respective clans shuns?

      • Same here. They’re all at my family’s OMG NOT A LAKEHOUSE tonight; luckily I get to miss the once-a-year visit because oops, couldn’t get a flight. It’s all about the planning.

      • Probably the reverse for Julia’s family… the extended fam refuses to spend any time with them.

        I can’t recall her mentioning any family except maybe a cousin here and there (one got married at YALE!!!!!!).

    • Seriously, do Momsers or Dadsers have any siblings? No great aunts to be found anywhere? And poor Grams is still sitting home alone? Maybe she’s at a more favored child’s abode. I can only hope so.

    • I think Grandpa is Momser’s Dad, who was widowed recently, not Grandpa Baugher, who I think is dead.

      There are cousins on her mother’s side in California and one of them is some freakish New Age whackjob, if I am not mistaken. Every once in a blue moon Jackles mentions her. She linked to her website once and it was hilariously deranged, just like the dreck puked out regularly by Donkey.

      • Was this grandmother Phyllis Stickney, died Oct’ 04, ’08 ~ is this where Donkey makes the Wikipedia entry on her great-grandfather something Eastman or Eastman something & lets the world know his great-granddaughter is Julia Allison?

      • I think so, yes. OMG, the night she died!!!

        Donkey didn’t go to the funeral and Tweeted something that night that was bone-chillingly self-absorbed even as she had also Tweeted about the death of her grandmother and how her mother was racing to California to be with the grandfather. Something about “Why can’t I have it all?” yet again. This was around the time Eater Guy was dumping her.

        That might have been the moment I realized she was absolutely off her nut.

      • so strange she doesn’t appear to be close to her grandparents – and her maternal grandmother died in 08 and she didn’t milk it?
        I miss my grandparents esp. around the holidays. Most of my living extended family not so much care to see though.
        Maybe older people make Donkey nervous.

      • No, she didn’t milk it, and I went back and looked and she deleted the two or three blog posts I recall her having about her grandmother’s illness/death, and her mother’s words of wisdom to her re: death. Because in addition to dealing with her own grief and her father’s, Momsers had to deal with JA’s poor-me-isms. But those posts seem to be gone.

        Wish I could find the Tweet from Oct. ’08.

      • That’s also relatively close to the time I remember JA blogging that her mother wasn’t really speaking with her, AGAIN. Perhaps she took those blogs down as a result.

  15. The Baugher clan going to Allie’s family’s house was hilarious. Julia all by herself while everyone gushes about the upcoming wedding.

    Momsers: “Allie, have you chosen a cake for the wedding?”
    Allie: “Well, we thi-”
    Julia: (interrupting) “Did I tell you I went to Miami? For a day. On a date. We went sky-diving and I got crabs. And he paid. I work for Sony. On television. One time I was a condom fairy. Allie, you use birth control? I don’t, Dr. Bobby says it has bad side effects with the Restylane shots I give myself. I love fish, can you make me a catfish. I have three boyfriends, but CodenameTK is the one I’m gonna marry. Do you have any chocolate I’m hungry. My pants itch.”
    Silence

    And, scene.

  16. Stop trying to use big words Hamhock legs. And your family is not “zany” or “wacky” or “sane.” They sound like a bunch of boring blowhards to be honest.

    How many more days of this? 13? I want a lobotomy.

    • Seriously. The older I get, the more I realize that using big words doesn’t make you seem smarter – it makes you seem pretentious and probably pisses off/confuses everyone around you. As the saying goes – if you can’t explain it to a five year old…

      • (i) Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
        (ii) Never us a long word where a short one will do.
        (iii) If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
        (iv) Never use the passive where you can use the active.
        (v) Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
        (vi) Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.

      • I love that, Esq. With regards to some of those rules – I didn’t even know why people irked me when they broke them and now I know. I mean I’m no saint in the grammar department but I try.

      • To be totally honest, the only times I purposely use big words is when I’m intentionally trying to make the other person feel insecure and stupid. It’s a rare occurrence, but there are usually a couple of times a year when I find it necessary.

      • That’s from one of Orwell’s essays, “Politics and the English Language”. His gist was that in the name of defending the indefensible, writers had deformed the language they were writing in. And those influenced by those writers, even when they had no ideological axe to grind, were speaking in the same “nobody language” and in effect using literature to obfuscate and lie to themselves, rather than tell the truth.

        As Jules is an route to an ineffable Das Neue Jahr with the ridiculously talented MA and the rest of the gaggle of the hauntingly estimable and tres brilliant Poof Posse, she might want to read it. He was no Carrie Bradshaw and I’m not sure of his view on drunk txting but Orwell did some decent stuff.

      • Wow fascinating, Esq. Now I want to read that book. Orwell was one of my favorite authors growing up. Btw, 10: 1 odds Jules has never even heard of Orwell.

      • Orwell is definitely my favorite writer, so I’m extremely biased. It’s one of those things that you read because someone tells you to (or at least told me to), and years later you (or I) just fall in love with his words. Reading even something as packed with ideology as 1984 strictly for the concepts rather than the literary value is tragic: I’ve never seen a better description of terror than in 1984, and it’s on damn near every other page.

        I’m guessing Jules might have seen that Hallmark version of Animal Farm on TV a few years ago, and this made her cognizant of the fact that Russian horses had a very hard life before the Internet.

      • That is some brilliant advice, Granville. Are you really an Esq.? Because some of that advice reminds me of things I learned in Legal Writing in law school. I vaguely remember the prof. telling us to try not to write any sentences with more than 15 words, for one. Always use active voice. Take out extraneous expressions like “the fact that…” No colloquialisms. And as an undergrad English major I learned to cringe when confronted with cliches.

        JA does NOT get it. She has no idea that pith is the hallmark of a great writer. An economy of words, that’s what she should try to achieve. She goes on and ON about the epic failings of her life. She expresses in 7 paragraphs and 1000 words what she can say better in 3 sentences. “I was engaged. I didn’t want to get married and I met someone else. It was a bad breakup and then I left.” You’d think Momsers the speechwriter would have told her this. Someone buy her a copy of “The Elements of Style” forthwith.

        But my absolute least favorite tactic she employs is the cliche. “I fell in love in Paris! It was magic.” “I was so naive back then.” “I gained 20 pounds. That’s the price you pay for joy.” The use of cliche consistently exposes her as a hack with nothing original to say and no writing talent whatsoever.

      • That obvious? Yes I have a law degree but am not practicing (but not disbarred! which is usually what “non-practicing” or “recovering lawyer” usually means).

        That Jules calls herself a writer is actually what first repelled me. I hate getting all Truman Capote on anyone’s ass but she’s just objectively terrible. It’s not writing, it’s copy. Endless rolls of copy.

      • Man lots of lawyers up in here. JA must be frothing at the mouth trying to figure out which one of the many is a male. Watch out, esquires. Practicing or not, you have a JD and that’s all that matters.

  17. If my dad read me poems about snowflakes I’d be like “eehhhhhh hehhh hehhh hehhhhhhh ….” while backing away slowly and looking for the phone book so I could call Shady Pines because clearly it’s time.

    • Question: what does a poem about a snowflake even sound like? Are we talking about Robert Frost here, Sheil Silverstein, the back of a Rice Krispies box? The difference is like a litmus test for insanity.

      • So somewhat OT but it’s 5am and I’m drunk. My parents moved to Minnesota from Maryland two years ago and I’m constantly marveling at the differences. And the SNOWFLAKES here are actual snowflakes! Like gorgeous with pointy edges and symmetry and how a snowflake is portrayed in real life. In Maryland they’re just little balls of snow. So fascinating! I was gonna attempt at haiku to channel daddy Baugher but whatever.

  18. This is getting into, like, Blue Velvet territory; it’s all just surface surface surface, and it’s all just fake fake fake. The more she tries to make it sound like the Waltons, the more it seems like Heathers. (Of course, she probably wants to be like the Glass family, or a Wes Anderson film, but in order to achieve those heights she’d need to read real novels and not just diet books and self-help).

    • But these bloggers actually know/write about fashion. The guy in the photo Bryanboy is a friend of mine – he lives and breathes the stuff and WORKS VERY HARD (and he’s not only after the freebies)-Marc Jacobs named a bag after him last year. It was hideous but eat that Donkey.
      I’m not into Bryanboy’s scene but it is amazing that he started out writing his blog at his folks’ house in the Philippines and now gets flown out to shows around the world. Bryan has developed a unique voice and posts often and is always witty. Like Donkey, he’s created a unique, um, bizarre, online persona and puts himself in many of his posts, but unlike the nonsociety gals its not all about him and and he brings expertise and insight to the table. He puts that creepy hairless moppet Adrien to shame.

      • Btw, when Bryanboy got that Marc Jacobs bag in the mail, that video with Candi Staton’s “You Got to Love” in the background was priceless. I absolutely lost it. You’re so right that he was what NS wanted to be – he was an outsider and a pioneer at a time where blogs were mostly personal blogs (hellooo livejournal) and fashion was constrained to major websites (style.com esque websites not sure that website existed at the time yet) and magazines.

        All these bloggers bring something very unique to the blog world – blending both excellent fashion photography (omg Fashion Toast) and fashion reporting; all while being responsive to their readers, something mags can’t really do.

        What is NS? Who the fuck knows. A glorified facebook with the comments turned off.

    • I’m gonna second that. I read these fashion blogs religiously and these people put their heart and soul into their blogs. They research, research, research and they have a natural talent for fashion. Garance Dore and Scott Shulman (Sarotialist) are fashion photographers who travel the globe and take excellent pics of stylish people. Bryanboy does the same. Tavi is just a little bundle of energy who reads everything. Style Bubble constantly seeks out new brands, analyzes them, and shows pics of her outfits. All of these people live and breathe fashion. None of these people will ever mention the word “on trend.” “On trend” is Wet seal speak – are they gonna feature plaid or glittery sequeens? The fashion world is much more complicated than that and these bloggers understand that. It’s not just about what you wear but how and if you can pull it off. And you need to also be able to analyze – fashion is an art. You can’t just post pics from style.com and say “this is interesting…what do you think?” God even just plain style blogs where people post their daily outfits can be non-pretentios (hellloooo Love…Maegan). These people have daily jobs and a great sense of style. I want Maegan’s entire wardrobe. They just do it for fun to inspire their readers.

      Same goes with cooking blogs – it’s written by people who truly love to cook and they may o may not have a dayjob. Same goes with Dooce. She has made a career out of describing her life in a witty way with great pics and has knocked out a couple of books.

      This is why NS is a fucking failure. None of these people are good at what they do. They’re not professionals and they pretend to be. I can do what NS does. I can fucking walk through Nordstroms and take pictures of shoes. I can open a Cosmo, see what’s “hot,” awkwardly put it on and then call myself a fashionista…all while clearly sporting sweats most of the time. I can google the newest gadgets and quote other blogs. They suck, they’re not new they don’t have anything new to bring to the table. They’re not experts and they act like they’ve created the next best thing. They just suck.

      NS and its progenies need to get desk jobs and shut down their blogs. Or don’t. I don’t care anymore, I’ll continue reading RBNS’ comments but I’m so so so done with reading any of these fake blogs that litter GOMI.

      The only reason that I’m still around is for the commenteres on RBNS. I would have abandoned this shis a long time ago.

      • thanks for hitting the nail on the head with more eloquence, Wunderbar, and I’m with you on all points. I stick around because of the wit and brilliance on RBNS – talk about a blog with authors who know their stuff, are tremendously witty and fun and work hard and inspire a scene!!! 🙂
        That Tavi is a dynamo, no?
        And for as annoying as he might seem to some, I have give Bryan props because he was a COMPLETE outsider to the fashion world and made his way in through hard work and love and understanding of the industry. He’s told me a lot of what he does – the affectations, ridiculous poses and situations – are like “performance art.”
        Sometimes the nosociety gals are so inane and stoopid, you’d think its performance art. But they take themselves too seriously for that.

      • Aww thanks, Jordache. I thought it was a little over the place but at least I don’t advertise myself for being a coherent journalist. I just like to read stuff 🙂

  19. Anon inspired me to go back and read Old Nose posts. Found this:

    In terms of couplings, as far as I can tell, here are your only options:

    1) Monogamous and Very Very Bored
    2) Alone and Very Very Lonely
    3) Polygamous and Very Very Mormon
    4) Divorced and Very Very Poor
    5) Adulterous and Very Very Going to Burn in Hell

    or ….

    6) Open-Relationship-ous and Very Very … Satisfied?”

    ****
    Hmm. So is that how Hipster Lawyer/Dadsers, Prop Thing, and Wild ‘Tard all feel?

    • I’ve been reading her old blog. Lord in heaven, she can’t keep her own personality straight. And her apex was undoubtedly her one-year gig at Star, wherein she got to go on tv multiple times a day and post screenshots and her own DVR’d videos of such. She also showed her knockers on tv WAY more than is necessary/appropriate. Even she seems to have realized this is the only reason she got famous to begin with.

      But this is my favorite entry so far. I guess before the main breakup she and (redacted) had a fake breakup? Besides her hilarious email to him (“You didn’t call me and I was going to give you advice about YOUR BUSINESS! You missed out!” and his hilarious response, “Yeah, you should probably not see me anymore, bye!”) I love the part where she says she NEVER EVER NEVER NOPE divulges details about past boyfriends/breakups.

      BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHHHAAAAA!!!!!

      http://blog.juliaallison.com/2007/09/what_really_happened.html

      • Wow, that one is treasure trove:

        “I won’t name him. It’s not my style. But I will reprint the breakup email after the jump, with a bit of context. And yeah, a link to his blog.”

        “…but I’m really conscious of admitting when I’ve been sort of a shit friend or partner.”

        “…we were meant to go to Chicago for a weekend away. He canceled. He didn’t make plans with me for Friday, and decided to “take a Mushroom trip” on Saturday. He said he would call so we could “hang out on Sunday.””

        “I didn’t actually get pissed today until I checked your blog around 4:30 to see whether you were using that camera thing, and I noticed that you had managed to update it, but not send me a text regarding our plans. It was just so unbelievably inconsiderate and selfish.”

        Anytime I wonder if she’s gotten crazier as her expiration date nears, I only have to go back to her old blog and see that she’s been just as crazy then as she is now.

      • She doesn’t name him, except that she had BEEN LINKING TO HIS BLOG AND POSTING HIS PICTURE ON HER SITE FOR WEEKS BEFORE.

        I guess “not naming him” even when we clearly know who she is talking about is her definition of discretion.

        And she posts fucking pictures of her ex’s all the goddang time now. (multiple times of Alex and Michael, at the very least) I guess she pretty much got over that whole “I don’t divulge intimate details” bullshit. Wasn’t she always a dating columnist anyway??? Isn’t the essence of that kissing and telling? She never makes a whit of sense.

      • JFA

        Yes, it boggles my mind. Similar to “I’m protecting my parents by changing my last name”–but I will post 50+ pictures of them a day. “I’m covering Dan’s face in order to preserve privacy”—even though I post about his illness, past relationship, pictures of his face in the past, and link to his personal blog.

  20. Peter Baugher, prosecutor extraordinaire, is reading poems about snowflakes????!!!! You know how fucking embarrassing this is? I hope no one from his firm ever gets wind of this.

    • Law firms are full of vultures. His is probably full of Ivy-educated vultures, but they’ll still look for dirt on the partners anyway. I’m sure this is getting emailed around as we speak.

      • I’d be surprised if his daughter’s psycho antics hadn’t already been emailed around and around many times over.

      • For SURE. I was a paralegal and then later a law clerk. I’ve never worked in a normal office and I’m sure politics there are similar, but law firms are vicious. Everyone talks trash about EVERYONE.
        I think it has something to do with a high pressure environment where people are not afraid to show their colors when crunchtime comes around.

        The worst are secretaries and they’re the ones that spend the most time on the internet. I can’t even imagine the stuff they snicker about over coffee at Baugher, LLP.

  21. I wish I remembered where the quote is from but it went something like “damn SATC for giving a generation of girls the idea that being a sex/dating columnists was an easy lucrative career.” Sure there were a few growing up (Dear Caroline…not sure if it was published anywher other than Washington Post; and of course the little columns in Cosmo or whatever), but the market is oversaturated. It is a JOKE that JA thought she could bring something new to the table.

    PS all the new sex advice columnists just end up sounding like vapid sluts. Case in point: “how to get over your break up.” Step 5: sleep with his best friend. I mean COME ON. At least Carrie Bradshaw/Candace Bushell was/were intelligent and wrote about love and all of its twists in an earnest matter. NOT seeking out relationships just to write about them.. GOOD LUCK JA FINDING A HUSBAND WHEN EVERY GODDAMN GUY CAN READ THAT YOU DATED THREE DIFFERENT MEN IN A ONE WEEK SPAN.

    Sorry guys, had to vent. I’m PMSing. Gonna go drink some red wine and chill the fuck out.

    • Bushnell didn’t only write about dates, sex and namechecking trendy places. She wrote about relationships. Real relationships and real emotions.

  22. This family strikes me as being very “Ordinary People”. Looks like the perfect All-American suburban family from the outside, but lots of deep, dark secrets on the inside.

    Of course, this is all speculation, so no one get their panties in a wad (I’m looking at YOU, Dadsers).

    Maybe someone is a closet alcoholic? Bottles of booze stashed around the house in secret hiding places, e.g. back of the linen closet, under the kitchen sink behind the cleaning products.

    Maybe someone has a secret gay lifestyle? They like to pick up hot young Latino boys in town, and entertain them at their OMG! DOWNTOWN! CONDO!

    Perhaps someone is a secret pill popper? Vicodin, xanax, adderall, oxycontin, etc, hidden in the bottom of the lingerie drawer, so as not to be found by Nosy Nellies going through the medicine cabinet.

    Or, there could be someone with a secret S+M or Sub/Dom fetish? Likes to visit his/her mistress or master? Enjoys getting dressed up in leather, restraints and ball gag, and being told what a bad boy/girl he/she is’?

    I just say.

    • I mean momsers was jumping, literally jumping! with egg nog around. Wouldn’t be surprised if egg nogg was flowing the entire december. That said, something about momsers seems sweet but maybe I just have a soft spot for mommies….especially if they man an entire thanksgiving feast and then bake pumpkin flan the next morning.

    • Also, Peter Baugher will be forgiven for his daughter if he gives me and Familial Hairy Times (you’re the unemployed atty at RBNS, right?) a job. Can we work out some kind of blackmail/ransom.

      • I need one too!

        I don’t care what Julia says to the contrary, there is no way Dadsers doesn’t subconsciously at least wonder what the hell went wrong, and why his daughter is such a miserable failure. You have to work pretty damn hard to become a capital partner at a major law firm. The son is at MIT getting a PhD. But the daughter barely graduated Georgetown (after strings were obviously pulled) and posts pictures of her cleavage for a living. What a waste of education and money. Pull the goddamn plug already and make her get a real job, parents.

      • JFA, I think I mixed you up with Familial Hairy Times. I just remember the atty was the one with three words in their handle here.

      • I am neither unemployed nor an attorney. And I would need to be in much more dire straights to start working at a midwestern boutique firm.

  23. Look at this fauxto of the Donkey:

    http://twitpic.com/vaj4n

    I swear to God, this is the first time that I truly thought she is batshit insane. She’s got the ‘crazy’ eyes. Click on ‘view full size’ and tell me she doesn’t look completely bonkers.


    • I mean I know he’s already an established attorney/partner and all but COME ON. Clients have facebook. Clients don’t want THAT representing them when they’re having legal issues.

  24. Also, don’t know if this has ever been discussed, but I found this transcript of Momsers & JA on Rita Cosby. They talk about the sex column and Ol’ Granny Moneybags. Sorry for the long ass comment, but otherwise you have to jump thru hoops to get to the article.

    Interview With Julia Baugher, Robin Baugher.
    The America’s Intelligence Wire
    | September 06, 2003

    (From Fox News Channel)

    Byline: Rita Cosby

    COSBY: Who’s on top? A sex columnist, Julia Baugher, is with her hit Georgetown University sex column, “Sex On The Hill Top.” Some of her latest titles get this, “To Booty Call Or Not To Booty Call,” and the “Do’s And Don’ts Of Ex-Sex.” What makes her column different from all the others?

    Well, her column is for students at a conservative Catholic university and, get this, her mother, Robin, is her editor. The mother-daughter sex- perts join us now. Robin is in Chicago and Julia is in Washington.

    Julia, first of all, you have a really unique situation here. I mean, most young women don’t want to tell their mother about anything that they’re doing with their sex life, let alone share it. Here you’re putting it on the table, so it seems, with your mother. Do how do you feel about that?

    JULIA BAUGHER, GEORGETOWN UNIVERSITY SEX COLUMNIST: Actually, I think it’s wonderful. She was actually out in D.C. when she was 22 years old, which is how old I am, working for the Nixon administration, and I found that it’s brought our relationship a lot closer.

    COSBY: How did you come up with this idea, and how long have you been doing it?

    J. BAUGHER: Well, I’ve been doing it for a year and half now. And I came up with it because this is a pretty much what girls and a lot of guys talk about 90 percent of the time in college.

    COSBY: You mean other than classes, right?

    J. BAUGHER: Well, other than — how they are going to get their paper in on time. But, yes. They talk about this. And in the paper, you only see articles about, you know, Israel, Palestinian, or the Iraqi war. And I thought, this would be great to write article about this, to write columns this, like “Sex In The City, The College Years”.

    COSBY: And how do your subjects feel about the column? Because you’ve written about some of the people you’ve dated.

    J. BAUGHER: I have.

    COSBY: Do they feel invaded here? They go on a date with you and then all of a sudden everybody knows?

    J. BAUGHER: They’re a little worried, yes.

    COSBY: Are guys scared to date you?

    J. BAUGHER: Well, actually I’ve boyfriend right now I think he has ambivalent about what I may write about him. But, yes, originally guys didn’t know I was writing the sex column, so they would be their natural selves, and sometimes they got in trouble for that in my column.

    COSBY: And do you list them by name in the column? You do, right? You have. J. BAUGHER: I have, yes. Sometimes I’ll use pseudonyms. You know, it depends on how much they’ve angered me.

    COSBY: Oh oh, don’t want to get you angry on a date. Now, mom, I’m surprised you’re not angry about this.

    ROBIN BAUGHER, MOTHER: No way.

    COSBY: You know, a lot of moms, I don’t know how my mother would have felt when I was in college and I said, look, will you help me write this column. You know, a lot of mothers don’t want to know what their daughters are doing.

    R. BAUGHER: No. I definitely want to know. I enjoy it. We bonded.

    COSBY: Do you want to know everything? Do you want to know everything though?

    R. BAUGHER: Well, pretty much. But, you know, Julia knows when to stop.

    COSBY: Now, is anything that she’s written that you’ve disapproved of, or you’ve been a little uncomfortable about?

    R. BAUGHER: Well, nothing that I’ve disapproved of. But I’m not always real comfortable. But I always feel like I’m learning, so that’s good.

    COSBY: And, Julia, I understand you’ve sort of — some of the administration folks have not been too thrilled with some of the things you wrote, but you’ve sort of been able to slide things through the sensors. How?

    J. BAUGHER: Yes. Well, I have. My column has checks and balances just like the government does. And my mother is one of those, my father is definitely a big check. But my editors and the administration are also checks. They’re not — the administration hasn’t been as vocal as my editors have. But, I know I’m always towing the line with what I can get away with at a Catholic university.

    COSBY: And they took out the word, I understand, “sex” a few times even though it is a sex column.

    J. BAUGHER: Yes. They don’t like that word. Obviously most of us are unmarried and so technically we shouldn’t be having sex. So sometimes they prefer me to use playful, fooling around.

    COSBY: Now, I have a question. Have you gotten some pretty tough reaction. I mean, you pointed out it is a very conservative university. I was in Washington for many years. Georgetown is extremely conservative, many people would think. And I would imagine some students are also uncomfortable. Have you gotten some pretty nasty letters, or any people saying, oh yes, I want to read this?

    J. BAUGHER: Yes. I have gotten a couple letters to the editor that were disapproving. But actually the majority of students are glad that I’m writing about this kind of thing. Because there is what they think about. This is what they obsess about and they need good advice and they need to know that they’re not alone in their humorous and oftentimes embarrassing stories of hooking up.

    COSBY: And have you had — how do you advise people? I mean, do you feel that your experience in some ways is different or maybe you’ve had more experiences in dating than other people, that you’re an expert? What makes you the pro?

    J. BAUGHER: Well, I think it’s because I’ve been a little bit more, perhaps more open about dating. I think students are oftentimes scared of rejection, of getting hurt, and I’ve been like, let’s get out there and let’s date people and let’s meet new people and have new experiences.

    So I’ve dated a lot. And I think the more do you that the more comfortable you become. And then I also accumulate stories from all of my girlfriends who have crazy experiences, and it’s just great to share them with other people.

    COSBY: And one of the people you dated, Harold Ford, Jr. That was written in one of your columns, I understand. Right?

    J. BAUGHER: Yes. It was supposed to be subtle and not obvious, but unfortunately.

    COSBY: But, apparently it came out in the column, I guess. Right? Or people knew who it was?

    J. BAUGHER: The “Washington Post” saw… (CROSSTALK)

    COSBY: Picked it up, right, and that’s how the whole thing happened. See, that’s what happens when you put — even try to allude to it in print. See what happens.

    J. BAUGHER: Right. COSBY: And now you’re dating someone now.

    J. BAUGHER: I am.

    COSBY: And who is this person? In vague terms.

    J. BAUGHER: His name is James Fay (ph), and he’s from New Zealand. He’s a Georgetown student.

    COSBY: Son of a New Zealand billionaire.

    J. BAUGHER: Sort of not going to say. That’s right.

    COSBY: And, Mom, real quick, how do you feel, do you feel uncomfortable at all about reading about any of these things, about dates she goes on, especially when it comes to her own personal stuff?

    R. BAUGHER: Not really. Because she makes me laugh. And in a good way. Julia is not afraid of making fun of herself and poking fun of herself as well as poking fun of a lot of the different dating conventions. And I really like that about her. She’s a joy to read and it’s really fun. I’m really proud of her.

    COSBY: But now, grandma, I understand, is horrified. Tell us about grandma.

    J. BAUGHER: I think she thinks we’re disgracing the Baugher name.

    COSBY: Mom, what do you say to grandma?

    R. BAUGHER: Well, not much. But we just take it as a generational thing. The higher generations tend to have a little bit more trouble with this, so…

    COSBY: Mom, do you think she should get married? Do you think your daughter should get married or not?

    R. BAUGHER: Oh, some time. Absolutely. But she’s having too much fun. (CROSSTALK)

    COSBY: But in the immediate future? I’ve seen she said she’s still has seven years of good dating left in her. Is that right, Julia?

    J. BAUGHER: At the least. That’s right. I’m scheduling it around 2009 or so.

    COSBY: And, mom, are you available in 2009? Are you going to still help her until then?

    R. BAUGHER: I’m absolutely available until 2009. No problem.

    COSBY: All right, both of you, thank you very, very much. Julia and Robin, thank you. Great to have you on.

    J. BAUGHER: Thank you. R. BAUGHER: You’re welcome. Bye-bye. COSBY: Going to look at that column. All right.

    And that’s all the time that we have for tonight. Please be sure to catch me tomorrow night at 6:00 p.m. eastern time for all the latest news on “FOX NEWS LIVE.” We’ll have all the very latest, also leading up to the president’s address to the nation taking place later in the evening.

      • Not sure which is the greatest hit, that or announcing on television that she dated the congressman. Maybe it was Momser’s seriously misguided Nixonian attempt at damage control?

      • You can pick any number of greatest hits here. I like when she drops dox on James. This is made out of awesome:

        COSBY: And who is this person? In vague terms.
        J. BAUGHER: His name is James Fay (ph), and he’s from New Zealand. He’s a Georgetown student.

        Well that was pretty vague there, Jules.

    • I mean…I….can someone coherently comment on how absolutely fucking ridiculous, absurd and shittastic this is for me? Because I’m speechless.

      Also, how did she get into Georgetown?

    • “J. BAUGHER: At the least. That’s right. I’m scheduling it around 2009 or so.”

      DAMMIT! Only five more days left before Julia has to get married! Did you hear that PK/Wild Card/Dadsers Lawyer? 5 DAYS!

      Wow, that’s a post right there. If only we had a Momsers to edit for us.

      • That’s my favorite part. She had the whole thing scheduled, just assuming she’d have someone by then. Nice try dickhead. Tick tock, tick tock…

    • Yeah, I’m sorry for the giant, TL;DR-ness of this huge-ass thing. I got excited and posted! Then felt like an ass. Also, whoever took the transcription makes them sound like recent immigrants.

    • So December 31, 2009 is Julia’s self-selected expiration date? This explains SO MUCH! This is going to be another epic New Year’s meltdown, people.

    • Her mother is creepy as FUCK. Man, you guys, with a mother like that, I wouldn’t be surprised if all of y’alls theories are correct and she really is mentally ill…. Her mother is one of those freak “stage” moms…. I honest to god feel a little bad for Julia right now.

      • See I have NO idea what to think of Mrs. Baugher. On the one hand, it’s creepy, on the other hand, I know a bunch of moms (mine included) who are hippies at heart and who support whatever their kids do as long as it is somehow furthering their career. Think about it, ,at the time the article was written, JA seemed like the new Carrie Bradshaw…so I don’t know.

        PS, this is coming from someone who knows a girl who gave her mom a vibrator for christmas. So….what JA is doing here is so PG it’s not even funny.

    • Sounds like some nasty stage mother shit going on there. And,hm, Julia sees men as meal tickets / career enhancers…couldn’t possibly be related.

      • And if mom really is Hipster Lawyer…taking those photos in Hawaii, filming the lip dub, going along with the charade…holy shit.

      • Toddlers and Tiaras anyone? The top 10 worst parents are streaming right now online. Such guilty pleasure entertainment.

    • Another Christmas Miracle, thank you so much for this
      blessed turd! So grateful to finally know the expiration date
      of Julia Baugher. Now we need the video.
      Pretty Please! xxoo

    • I cannot even begin to count the ways in which this is bad and creepy and wrong — it is physically impossible.

  25. I thought Meghan was going abroad for new years, thanks to some British Airways shill deal. I can’t imagine how lame this new years shindig is going to be. Scary Sadshaws in a cheesy Chicago night club. Gross.

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