Julia Allison is a Writer


It is physically impossible to describe how cold it is in New York this evening without using expletives.

Actually, it’s not physically impossible, you dumb donkey.


  1. How fuck. She posted the temps for the next week in NYC, all in the 30s. She’s from Chicago and it’s way colder here. Donkey is ridonk.

    Try getting your ass the EL to teach each morning, with a big tote bag of books in hand, and the temperature hovering around 8 degrees. That was my last week. You know what? I wore my Marmot fleece beneath my down coat, put on gloves and a hat, and got on with it.

    *And unlike JA, I’m a NYer, bore and bread, some I’m not used to temperature THIS cold. How can she be started by NY weather which is way more moderate than her origin climate?

    • Correction:

      “*And unlike JA, I’m a NYer, born and bread, so I’m not used to temperatures THIS cold. How can she be startled by NY weather which is way more moderate than her origin climate (Chicago)?

    • All she does is lie around in her slanket. She has a nerve complaining about the cold weather because she has to step out of her building and get into a cab to go to a party. Try working in it, Donkey.

      • pshaw! this bitch just flat out does not work. don’t confuse her with concepts of working inside vs. working outside. that is too profound a reality for her to grapple with.

    • Ya’ know… wearing PANTS would be a lot more comfy in this cold. I know this to be true since I’m only about 40 miles away from her!!!
      The only way I’d wear a skirt is with knit tights and fur-lined boots. Because I’m a wimp like that.

      • I wore two pairs of opaque tights when it was 8 degrees last week!! I had a meeting and didn’t have any trousers clean. It actually wasn’t awful. But, yeah, I agree with your point 😉

  2. She is so fucking dumb. What does physicality have to do with her failure to be mentally alert enough to know many words and their correct uses.

    Adjectives Allison fails again.

    • Yup, because what does she mean “physically describe?” That would mean some sort of Mummenschanz interpretive dance. Like, using hand gestures or pointing and stomping. However, if she means it’s difficult to convey how cold it is to someone in a conversation, that would be “verbally describe.” To do so in print, or on her website, that’d be “literally” describing it. Or she could have just left it as “describe” but, once again, she gets herself into trouble trying to so ineffably clever OMG!

      • it would be classic if she did an interpretive dance to express how cold it is out there. someone get on a parody. with puppets, maybe?

        (PS–saw the “Julier” puppet in a store the other day and I almost peed myself. I wish I’d had my camera.)

      • @Lars Von New Trier

        “That would mean some sort of Mummenschanz interpretive dance. Like, using hand gestures or pointing and stomping.”

        I laughed so hard when I read this, I spit water out of my mouth like they do in the movies.

  3. Try Yellowknife, NWT. -40. My eyelashes froze shut while walking to work. Trying to unfreeze them while your hands are encased in giant gauntlets is fun, let me tell you.

    • hi yellowknife!! i’m originally from northern ontario…i remember my eyelashes freezing while walking home from school as a child…however, i’m sure our temps were positively tropical compared to yours!

  4. Correct usage: “It is physically impossible for me to puke in Donkey’s lap right now, because I am 2000 miles away from her.”

  5. Perhaps she ment it was so cold her fingers became stiff, thereby not allowing her to type words like ‘frigid’, ‘chilly’, or ‘goddamn freezing, Jesus Christ’?

    Though I don’t believe she’d ever try to be so literal.

  6. OT: Any new media people want to be servicey? I’ve been tasked by my bosses with finding sites that feature viral videos that aren’t viral yet. Yeah, I know. It’s no use arguing. It’s not even one of the dumber assignments I’ve been given this month.

    So, anybody have any favorite tumblrs or vimeos (I’m not up on any of this stuff) that at least feature some things that haven’t been linked to death already? I need to at least make an effort until my bosses are distracted by something shiny.

  7. Ha! She doesn’t read here at all.

    My comment from a few days ago: Apropos of not very much at all … blah blah…

    Julia’s entry today: Apropos of nothing, I’ve recently become … etc

    Dammit. I gave her a word.

  8. This is especially poetic considering how she mocked Asha’s use of “it’s wilderness out there”. I think JA’s use of language is equally, if not even more dumb.

  9. I am feeling incredibly stabby due to the Scrooge-like motherfuckers I work for. Apropos of that, I would physically like to tell Julia to go suck a donkey dick.

  10. Donkey Kant ever seem to find the right words, but Mary’s good to go:

    [blah blah some holiday crap] “… TMI weekly has run its course and will be ending this month, but I am slated to start a new show with Next in the new year. Something fun, not particularly different for me, but it’s sure to keep you informed and entertained!”

    • Mary’s my hero.

      And I kind of LOVE her for jumping the gun on this (not letting Julia announce it) after Julia jumped the gin (typo, but leaving it because it is apt according to what we heard about Julia’s state when she spilled the beans) on letting people know Mary was leaving NS.

      • I knew it was dead, was wondering when they were going to admit it. What I didn’t know is that Mary is continuing to work with NNN, now I want to know THAT story. What went on behind the scenes to convince NNN to get rid of Julia and not Mary, besides the fact that Mary is infinitely better on camera.

    • Gawd. Lady Julia linked *today* to that same Next New Networks Christmas puff, with the caption “Happy Holidays from TMIweekly!”

      And now we find out the rumors were true that TMIWeekly is deader than the dick of Sancho Panza’s donkey.

      • that bothered me… the card was from NNN not TMI.
        Very lazy and insincere of Julia.
        happy howfuck holidays xoxo, Donkey

  11. So, without TMIWeekly, what does Julia have going on?

    -That syndicated column she was rumored to be getting with the Washington Post. Rumored, it would seem, by her.

    -That Mark Burnett pilot or whatever. 3 days of shooting and not a word since.

    -That piece on the ‘best sex of her life’ she was supposedly writing for an Erika Jong anthology.

    Anything else? The Sony ad cycle is done y.e. 2009.

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