Julia: She Is Gettin’ Her Hike On, Yo, While Scanning The Landscape Desperately For TK

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Donkey’s wardrobe choices are VERSATILE, yo! She can pull that Lululemon down or hike it up to show off all that luscious Donkey flesh! After all, TK might have been hiking today!

I think Mini Driver said it best:

“Hey, Topher, it’s me. Julia, that is. Ah ha ha! I guess I have to say my name now since it’s been so long since we talked. You haven’t been picking up my calls or returning my voicemails or emails or Facebook comments or Twitter direct messages or Myspace bulletins. What are you trying to make me do, resort to snail mail? Ah ha ha! You know I can’t hold a pen in my kielbasa fingers! Remember how you used to call them kielbasas? I miss that! I think of you every time I don’t eat meat. It’s lucky fish are plants or I’d never get my sushi on. I don’t have your ground address anyway. How do I get a hold of you, hire a private investigator to track your every move? Ah ha ha! Jay kay!

“So, I’m gettin’ my Runyon Canyon on and I thought I’d call you from the summit, as a reward for this huuuuuge vertical elevation I surmounted. It’s like climbing the stairs to Jordan’s apartment except it smells better than her stairwell, ah ha ha! You know, every time I’m here I think of you, because you took me here my first time and I’m kinda half-hoping I’ll run into you every time I see this smoggy view. For some weird reason I’m here every day I’m in L.A. Who does that, right? And what is smog, anyway? Is it smoke or is it fog? It’s like, make up your mind, cloud! Ah ha ha!

“Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that even though you had a girlfriend the whole time you were Facebooking and then sleeping with me, I’m totally over that. We all make mistakes, and I used to forget I had a boyfriend all the time back when I had one. Just plum forgot.

“I googled her last week when I couldn’t sleep and it turns out that she’s tiny and cute… so very tiny! So of course I couldn’t be happier for you. You deserve an itty-bitty girlfriend sooooo much. Remember to invite me to the wedding! I’m not even a little bitter and I love chocolate fountains and satin-finish acetate dresses. Maybe that petite little bunny of yours can toss the bouquet my way. Ah ha ha! Like I’d ever marry anyone but you! Jay kay… that means just kidding. El oh el dot com, right? I know! I’m so glad we had this talk. Later, cutie!”

39 COMMENTS

      • 1st pose: squeeze your buttcheeks as hard as you can like your holding in a dookie.

        2nd pose: find your bulgiest bulges. put your hands/arms there. pop your hip out of the socket for good measure. (if youre far enough away from camera, lean forward and let out all the farts you were holding in in the first photo)

  1. Her face looks creeptastical in the first shot. Also, earth to Julia: TK doesn’t care if you’re in Runyon Canyon ever, and he really might be specifically avoiding it altogether whenever he catches wind of your being in LA. Just so you know.

      • Have you noticed it too, SJS? It’s definitely a new thing. She does it in all her face close ups (like the mac camera, ones). It appears like she’s pulling in half of each lip and smiling. Very bizarro! You know she practiced it for hours to settle on most flattering lippage.

      • Some HST loving hipster dude must have told her that her teeth looked fake. Poor thing, with her nosejob and veneers she suited up for the I-banker types but she’s all wrong for the intellecshuals and now it’s too late.She SHOULD be reading The Custom of the Country, she might even learn something.

    • I actually agree. Other than the weird lip thing, I think she looks skinny, normal, and less-trowel-makeup than usual. Also, I think Meghan’s legs look ScarySkinny.

      • There is a rumor that when she disappeared in the spring to SF and took a blogging “break” that she got her tits done. There have been scant few peeks at the bosom since but they do look bigger/firmer/implant-y.

    • I don’t understand the huge goggle sun glasses. Who would want to hike in those? And she was jogging with them up hill! Is she in a witness protection program?

      • I’m not a hiker, but every other physical sport that I participate in I use wrap arounds. Oakley, Nike, whatever as long as they are snug. I can’t imagine that La Burra and the tech doofus are doing anything strenuous, because those saucepans would be falling off with ease.

  2. Signs of a hick in NYC or if you prefer donkey in NYC:

    1. She eats tuna sushi because she does not eat meat not realizing that tuna sushi is always miss-labeled and should be avoided as it makes you sick most of the time and get REAL SUSHI..

    PS Donkey you are an effing IDIOT!

  3. Let’s all just sit quietly for a moment and think about the amount of time Julia Allison spends on researching, developing and implementing a suite of poses for pictures that she takes of herself and posts on the internet.

    • I was thinking that very thing. The amount of time that must be spent in front of a full-length mirror perfecting “the pose.” Not to mention the various facial expressions. It’s worrisome!

  4. Thank god Meghan is in this post so this isn’t completely OT. As a complete testament to her incompetence of being a tech blogger, she recently got excited about an iPhone app that was more likely than not made just for cheap laughs. http://meghan.nonsociety.com/post/248483740/theres-an-app-for-that-dating-we-now-have-the. From their website to the reviews, everyone seems to view it tongue-in-cheek. Asha, on the other hand, completely misses the point and thinks it’s innovative. Good lord you’re an idiot.

    Also, Julia Allison needs that thing ASAP because it will free up all the time spent texting guys in her busy schedule.

    • Oops missed the below post about wifi where this would be more applicable. Damnit, a minute late to the party.

    • I was going to say the same thing. Something IS very off. I think she got some work done last time she was in LA. She stayed holed up in a hotel room by herself for DAYS and didn’t take any pictures of herself after the sad Halloween party crashing.

  5. Her face is a fright in that first pic.

    OT but since I was subjected to her Sony commercial like 8 times today, could her performance be ANY worse?? If you watch, when Peyton’s line is about to be the one about Wack A Mole, the Donkey is already staring downwards like 3 seconds prior to the mallets and moles popping up. Then when they mallets do pop up, she hesitates like 3 seconds and seems to not be able to get her kielbasas on the mallet. It reminds me of Wayne’s World when they can’t stop mouthing as the camera man counts down 5…4…3…2…1. Like she’s like “Something is going to appear downwards. I will look downwards until it appears.”

    I DON’T KNOW SHE’S JUST FUCKING ANNOYING AND TERRIBLE OK. I just don’t get it. Was iJustine completely unavailable??

    Also, my husband told me today that I do sound a little fucking crazy with how much the commercial enrages me considering she is an unknown, then I explained about [redacted] and the outing of the bipolar, and about women “having an expiration date” and he was like, “wow what a cunt. But I still have no clue who she is or why you know of her.”

  6. i seen meghan and the baked ziti that is the other one in my hood all the time. i wish both of the would leave.

  7. Earth to Mayonaise…Earth to Mayonaise
    PUT DOWN THE BUTT JUICE repeat PUT DOWN THE BUTT JUICE

    You look like a skeleton. The sunglasses take up more than half your face and even your butt juice baseball cap is too big. How is that possible? Did you poop out what little bit of brain you had left?

    • She’s seriously the most scary looking woman I’ve ever seen. She looks 85 years old and dying in that picture. She needs to gain some weight in the face to tone down the scariness of her large features. And something is DEFINITELY off about wonk-face next to her.

  8. Whenever I see her in a picture like the second one up there, I wish I were the photographer, saying, “Looking good, Jules; now just back up a few steps…good…now just a few steps more…”

    • J Randoms must scratch their heads after they agree to take the donkey’s picture–first she strikes a pose, but it isn’t funny, and she isn’t laughing–then she keeps asking them to snap just one more.

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