Julia Allison Obviously Not Annoying

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Saturday night with Miss Allie at her condo (which she shares with Britt now that they’re engaged)

So you’re hanging out with your fiance on a Saturday. Maybe you’ve had a long week and you were hoping to throw on whatever version of the poncho blanket you have, crack open the Chunky Monkey, and watch a Law & Order marathon on TNT. Suddenly, the person your future children will call “weird old maid aunt” shows up braying and honking and demanding you watch “An American in Paris” and Gossip Girl and making her mortified brother take fake laugh pictures.

This is why I’m not married, folks.

82 COMMENTS

  1. I actually thought her caption was really weirdly phrased. Like, instead of just a simple “I’m at Allie and Britt’s condo,” she wrote out some weird, over-explanatory thing about how they moved in after they got engaged? It almost sounds priggish, like she had to explain why they’re living together — IT’S OK, CUZ THEY’RE ENGAGED!

    But then, Julia is no stranger to shacking up at a boyfriend’s place. Even a full year after dumping said boyfriend.

      • BINGO. She has a CONDO everyone! She OWNS. She doesn’t RENT.

        And don’t forget people! She points out they are living together because she is SO. HAPPY. FOR THEM. She gets SO. HAPPY. When people move in together. Like her ex boyfriend’s new live-in girlfriends whom she emails to tell them how fucking HAPPY she is they are co-habitating.

  2. Oh, and Julia looks like she could be Allie’s mom. Also note how Allie is dressed for a Saturday night at home versus Julia’s outfit.

    • Julia is always dressed the way she thinks the girl in a romcom would be dressed – you know, skipping through the streets in her cute little dress and heels, stopping for a green tea when a cute Yale educated pediatrician initiates a meet cute. That sweats shit she was wearing would be better for a night in like this, but whatever.

  3. It looks like Julia expected to be invited somewhere fancy (OBO! OBO!) and then crashed her brother’s plans when that invite failed to appear. I agree w/ Dahling, it’s weirdly puritanical to point out that they live together now that they’re engaged. It’s their business, I shouldn’t even KNOW that.

    I love “whatever version of the poncho blanket” though.

    • I hate Julia’s condescending use of “miss”, it’s like she wants to point out that she’s not the only single woman in her circle of “friends”.

      You know what other sick institution overuses the “miss”? Kiddie beauty pageants, all the contestants are “Miss so and so” and they all refer to their coaches as “miss”. It’s worrisome!

      • Little kids refer to adult women as “Miss (first name)” all the time. Julia has the brain of a small child; ergo, every grown-up lady is a “Miss” to her.

        Just another childish affectation from this dope.

      • in aus when kids go to pre-school they refer to their teachers as miss x etc.. sometimes my boyfriend says it thinking i’ll think it’s cute and my side eye puts him in his place. inappropriate past the age of 5 much like julia’s wardrobe!

  4. I am getting acclimated here. I read the first sentance and without looking I knew it was a pp post. I felt like I was in the room feelings Allies pain.

  5. WHY is it so impossible for her to take a normal photo? I would have to say no to all her photo requests. She’s a maniac.

    • What? That’s a TOTALLY normal photo! She just HAPPENED to be sitting on the right good side, laughing hysterically! She’s HAPPY.

    • This! She looks so small and young in this pic next to Jackles. Not in a “tiny and cute” way, but in a hopeless, deadened sort of way.

      Also, why is that apartment decorated like a hotel lobby or an assisted living condo in south FL?

      • Look at Allie’s hands…it’s like a hostage scene (do whatever she says!)…Bro is gonna get his nuts slapped when sis visits after the marriage.

      • ‘Bro is gonna get his nuts slapped’,’Bitch doesn’t even use a coaster’ You guys are killing me today. The stellar children’s books followed by 24 hours off just sharpened ya’ll up.

      • “…why is that apartment decorated like a hotel lobby or an assisted living condo in south FL?” For reals. Is she 45?

        Rich people be STRANGE. And boring.

    • Allie also has that “not-expecting/don’t want to deal with uninvited company” look. And she certainly doesn’t look like she wants to be photographed.
      As someone who values my privacy an quiet nights at home, and as a grad student who cherishes a moment of a chill, I feel for Allie and this invasion of personal space and privacy.
      Also, Julia looks stinky and unkempt in those rags. She’s family so I suppose poor Allie is reconciling that she comes with the Baugher package and will be in her life forever – it must add a sense of sadness to her engagement bliss.

      • How dare you malign Princess Keynote Tutu’s official keynote costume, JordacheATP? She came straight from her important speaking engagement at Harvard, wearing her biznesswimmin peplum plaid jacket and pencil skirt. She’s in demand and professional, y’all. Do not forget it.

  6. Poor Allie’s expression and body language say it all:

    “Please for the love of god get your fucking hooves off of me.”

    • “Please for the love of god get your fucking hooves off of me.”

      You guys are all killing me this morning. But this made me LOL.

      • I am 35 and have a brother who is 33, which I assume is the approximate age difference between Julia and Britt. I would NEVER pose like this with him. MAYBE arms wrapped around shoulders if it was a shot taken at a party or at a bar. But my tits would never be thrust anywhere near his person, nor would his hands be anywhere near my waist/bust area. I find this picture creepster.

    • She behaved oddly with professors at Georgetown, too. Not recognizing boundaries and always getting too close. After I had graduated, one of my profs who wrote my grad school recs said that he never knew if she might pull a knife on him or unzip his pants. Profs tended to tell other profs in the next offices if Julia was scheduled to see them.

    • Is that a cheetah print on that little misplaced belt? I gather that tired top – which has never flattered her in the million times she’s worn it – and the rest of the creepy ensemble is what she wore to her Harvard appearance. She’s always so off, so inappropriate.

    • I believe those upper arm speckles are technically referred to as “liver spots,” although “age spots” is perfectly acceptable, as well. They are most commonly seen on women over the age of 40, but Julia has always been somewhat of a pioneer, so I’m not surprised to see her ahead of the curve on this one.

  7. What a lovely candid shot of natural, joyful laughter!

    Of course bro just doesn’t ever get enough of taking photos of his sis the 800 times per visit that she demands he shoot her hip-popping, wide-stance-ing, crazy-bird jumping, holding up props, using parents AS props, displaying frightening holiday outfits. No, no it is not enough; he also needs a candid. He glanced over and saw HOW HAPPY his sister looked on the couch and he just had to grab the camera!

  8. This picture is just sad. All I can envisage is that Julia will get increasingly cray-cray and that poor Allie and Britt will have to tolerate it. At least they have each other for solidarity against the Braying Maniac.

  9. You guys, she totally knows/cares about political things or whatever something? She frowny-faced about an amendment!

    “Me too. 🙁 RT @rachelsklar I’m so disgusted by the passage of that anti-abortion amendment to #HCR though. So so disgusted.”

  10. Does anyone know Julia Allison in real life? Does she stomach her own BS? Or, is it just bad marketing? I would like to believe that she only pretends to be crazy.

  11. I just can’t believe a real person would be like this. Ever since she cropped the photo of Randi’s bday cake, I haven’t been able to look away. The Easter outfit, the tweets about birth control, the fakeness- who acts this way ALL the time. Does no one care enough to stop her? I just don’t get it. I wish I were a fly in that room. What do they really think of her?

  12. Wonder how many takes it took to get that “candid” of Julia tossing her head back in laughter? She looks deranged.

  13. Unrelated: but have you checked out Jordache’s blog this morning? She went out and had an EPIC evening with Mega and Lasagna. Not a Jaba (or even a mention of her) in site/cite/sight. It must really burn to get cut out of your own company (and “friendships”).

    • Yeah, I have to admit, Jordan’s “lifecast” is…sticky. Servicey. Interesting. With varied moods. Also: visual, fun, informative. She is the pick of the litter for sure.

  14. OK beyond the extreme psychological issues,
    I’m seeing fashion problems. Let’s see:
    Black and white spotted coat.
    Over plaid beige and different shade of black short sleeved jacket
    Over different shade of black T shirt
    Atop different shade of black skirt
    With coral colored nails.
    And furry cheetah/ different shade of black belt.
    With clip on hair.
    I just hope she wore the nude Tributes not the black ankle strapped monsters.

  15. In addition to the “miss” thing she does, the repeated use of Britt N Allie is driving me nuts. Like Kate n Allie? Is this what she’s aiming for? Is it another one of her so cute and funny literary devices?

    It’s Britt AND Allie, for God’s sake.

    • Brit and Allie, consider yourselves branded! By new media marketing genius brand, Julia Allison. Other successful branding clients includes Momsers and Lilidog.

  16. Also, here is the panel:
    http://www.huwib.org/ibc/panels.html
    Megan Meagher, Senior VP of Sales for the Americas, Stylesight
    Julie Farago, Product Manager, Google
    Stephanie Frias, Manager, NBCU Digital Media, iVillage Ad Sales Finance & Pricing, NBC Universal
    Katherine Capelluto, Business Development, Sugar, Inc.
    Julia Allison, journalist & web entrepreneur, NonSociety
    Moderator: Meghan Muntean
    I just love how everyone else at the panel has a real job – and is giving her a ‘bish please’ face in the picture she posted on NS.

  17. RE: http://julia.nonsociety.com/post/236562553:

    JA: OMG OMG OMG you guyzzzzzz! I’m in Boston to speak at HARVARD! Hook a sister up with a DATE yo! An Ivy league college man with a penis!! I’ll put a ring on it!

    Britt: Oh uh, well, I don’t really know any single dudes right now…

    JA: Whatever I’ll take you! Just kidding Miss Allie! OK then let’s be gettin’ our college party on! Woo HOOO!! Grad or undergrad, whatever, I totes don’t care, I crash em all the time! I can fit the beer tap all the way into my mouth! We could crash an undergraduate BU party –

    Allie: ( interrupting) I’m sick.

    Britt: Oh yeah right I forgot, yeah, yeah she’s sick —

    Allie: Yeah I think we’re going to just like stay in and be boring.

    Britt: Yeah really boring.

    Allie: And watch like 28 Days Later or something.

    Britt: Yeah Allie likes zombie movies when she’s sick. But you should go out if you want.

    Allie: Yeah. Go out, have fun!

    Britt: Yeah, don’t let us stop you! You should enjoy Boston while you’re here and not sit at home watching DVDS you could watch anywhere.

    Allie: Yeah feel free to go out…

  18. Has Jackles posted a screenshot with a map of her exact whereabouts today? Because I need to track her down and pelt her with rancid bits of chum for referring to a television as a “teevs.”

  19. Who says that? “Hanging out in x’s CONDO.” Really? Who fucking says that? You can’t just say “apartment?” Go fuck.

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