Julia Allison Doesn’t Want You To Know That She Wears A Diaper

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Or that it’s full. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. That sort of thing happens when you visit Chipotle. Although, it usually doesn’t happen before you eat their food.

Chipotle!!! Yeah, baby. I get the veggie bowl, all healthy like. Emphasis on “like.” 😉

The sound you just heard was Adrien Field giving himself a home colonic with a firehose in solidarity. Yes, Poofy the Puffy Vested Donkey lives in one of the greatest culinary cities in the world, yet insists on voraciously consuming corporate high-caloric crap so she can spend hours on the toilet, while Lily scratches on the balcony door in hopes to escape the smell.

It’s quite amazing how she shilled for both Chipotle and Depends in one single post. I mean, LOOK AT THAT STANCE! What is going on there? Even in sweats she looks completely uncomfortable, like she’s squeezing her rosebud so hard to make a diamond that she could pawn off to pay for her next plane ticket.

And are those the PELTS? Jesus, GOD, when will she move to LA so I can stop writing about her?

38 COMMENTS

  1. That wide stance coupled with the feet pointed inward makes her bottom half look just like Tommy Pickles’.

    • I’m always wondering who’s roped into photographing our lady. Did she just grab some poor shmoo who wanted a burrito, do the wide-legged donkey stance, and scream “take it now!” cause she’s so likable? Or does Lasagna just follow Jackles around with her phone, taking idiotic pictures when she’s not caressing Julia’s love button?

    • If some dumb bitch in line at Chipotle asked me to take a picture I’d tell her to get a fucking life. It has to be one of the staff, probably the register jockey at the end of the line. “Oh pleeeeeeeze come on, take my picture!!!” and they did it to shut her up and get her out of there.

      She thinks it’s cute and everyone loves her and thinks she’s adorable, but if her track record of human interaction has taught her anything it’s that people find all her cutesy quirky omgisms FUCKING OBNOXIOUS YOU DONKEY.

      ps: DONKEY

  2. I thought the same thing when I saw this photo. Bitch is practically doing the splits. She looks soooo stupid!!

  3. I just realized part of Julia’s appeal to JoBe as a friend is that JoBe knows how to “write for TV.” Since Julia is always writing a pilot or something…seems coincidental her new BFF is someone who has had a show make it to tv (despite not making it WITH the show).

    I love Chipotle and eat at it here in Manhattan all the time. Don’t judge me.

  4. Does she stand like that to de-emphasize her ass? Does she get her talons done on a daily basis? Does she realize she has horse teeth?

  5. Seriously, does anyone give a shit what this bitch eats for dinner? This is her “lifecast” aka her “job?” Going to Chipotle in sweatpants? I’m sure the person behind the counter really appreciates her photo being taken too, jackass.

  6. The girl in this picture looks kind of “special” and has buck teeth. And what looks like a gammy leg. Julia Allison you say?

    • I tried to pull their nutrition in for Chiptole for this post. I remember seeing it once and being completely shocked that their salad bowl thing had like 800 calories.

    • Servicey.

      http://www.thedailyplate.com/nutrition-calories/food/chipotle-mexican-grill/vegetarian-burrito-bowl

      Tip: Try one of these other items from Chipotle Mexican Grill instead of the Vegetarian Burrito Bowl to consume fewer calories.
      Veggie Taco (321 fewer calories), Burrito Salad (321 fewer calories), Hard Shell Taco (each), (319 fewer calories), Crispy Chicken Tacos (313 fewer calories)

      Tip: Try one of these other items from Chipotle Mexican Grill instead of the Vegetarian Burrito Bowl to consume less carbohydrates.
      Chicken And Cheese Soft Shell Taco (25g less carbohydrates), Low-carb Steak Burrito Bowl (25g less carbohydrates), Flour Tortilla (taco) (25g less carbohydrates), Chipotle Burrito Bowl With No Rice Or Beans (24g less carbohydrates)

      Tip: Try one of these other items from Chipotle Mexican Grill instead of the Vegetarian Burrito Bowl to consume less fat.
      Chicken Soft Tacos(3) (18g less fat), 2 Hard Barbacoa Taco’s (18g less fat), Laur’s Chipotle Burrito Bol (wo/guac)
      (18g less fat), Burrito Bol + Tomato, Corn, Beans, Veg, Lettuce (18g less fat)

      All healthy like indeed.

  7. In addition to everything else already mentioned here, I am thinking she needs to return to the orthodondist for a new retainer. Donkey is getting Buggs Bunny-ish.

  8. And WHY does she only eat at these garish chain restaurants? My god; New York is filled with all sort of bodegas and pizza places and delis; why in the world go to some place to get the same kind of dinner they’re eating in Topeka, Kansas (nothing against Topeka, Kansas). I’m just waiting for her to head to the Olive Garden on 23rd and have her post a thumbs-up photo of their never-ending salad bowl. What a country-fried rube…

    • I know. And I hate that I’ve become this way. But for real. To live in NYC and go to Chipolte and that awful veggie burger place is insane. Her neck of the woods is not as great as some of the outerboroughs and corners of Manhattan where there’s all sorts of ethnic dives, and exotic food. But still. It’s the restaurant capital of the world. And on one hand: whatever. Girl would rather hit Sbarro than a cool pizza joint. McDonald’s over Momofoku. Fine.

      But the whole young woman-in-NYC is central to her schtick. But she can’t be bothered to learn about it. Couple it with her absolute ignorance of all things literary and cultural here, and the way she ignores the content of the websites and magazines she is trying to emulate. It’s self-absorption on an epic scale. God! if she would just, for a week, point that camera away from herself, and look at what’s going on around her in NYC. Um, you know, it’s a happening little town…

      • What’s worse is she used to write for Time Out! I live 45 minutes away from the city and that’s one of my favorite mags, with all the different options and ideas for trying new things like restaurants and activities. It’s seriously beyond sad and stupid.

      • Actually there is a decent amount of eateries by her. She can easily go to half of the little Brazil joints and get her feedbag on. Rice and beans are plentiful for the Donkey.

        Fuck it, even Mangia y Beve is nearby, totally tacky, but it’s right up her alley.

      • The only Africans the Donkey considers are the ones whose names are preceded with “The Congressman from…”

        The Donkey doesn’t mix well with the ethnics.

  9. I got it! I finally figured it out!

    Her L.A. audition was for the lead in “The Larry Craig Story” and she was still practicing her wide stance!

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