The Strange Boomarang Law of Happiness
So, I just sent the adorable girlfriend of one of my exes a facebook message (we’ve talked many times before, so it wasn’t a first time thing) congratulating them on moving in together. When I reread the note, I realized it was a bit … well … “overly nice.” I mean, why would I be so happy they moved in together? (He did, after all, dump me for her.) But actually? I was. I meant every word.
I sat there and thought about it for a bit, trying to figure out why I wasn’t just cool with it, but actively excited. It pretty much came down to this: I think she’s pretty amazing (not to mention tiny and cute), I think he’s pretty amazing, and I also think – by the transitive property, and also by the property of I’ve-hung-out-with-them-as-a-couple – they’re pretty amazing together. They make each, other happy. And I love that! (Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t love it a year ago, but I definitely do now.)
In fact, when he told me they were moving in together, I actually squealed with joy. I really like to see good people in love and coupling up and … (yes!) getting married. And (perhaps the most important point) she’s been really sweet to me – so I felt the same way I would if a girl friend of mine were moving in with her bf. Really, hysterically enthusiastic.
I pretty much said as much in the quasi over-the-top nice FB message. Which got me thinking, “God, I hope she doesn’t think I’m being fake. Maybe I should tone this down a bit?” Obsequious isn’t a good look.
And then I realized this:
Fuck that! I *LIKE* being nice.
It made me feel GOOD to write those things to her. It made me happy to send that message and it makes me happy thinking that she’ll be happy reading it.
I wonder why people don’t do more things like this? Tonight, a guy friend of mine, knowing I’ve had a hard week month, drove into the city, took me to dinner, and gave me the most beautiful present. It was so thoughtful, so kind, and so unexpected, I almost cried.
This world is filled with a lot of crap and quite a bit of disappointment, much of which we have no control over. But we can control how we treat other people, and if we treat them with kindness, if we share their joy, if we genuinely wish them well and very much want the best for them – well, I’ve found it’s fairly contagious. I was actually happier after telling her that I was happy for her happiness! Crazy, right?
Try it. You’ll see …
So much to parse here. Jesus, I feel like her shrink.
Firstly, poor fucking Eater Guy. She’s like a barnacle that cannot be removed. She’s even been sucking up to the woman he dumped her for. Dear God, how chilling.
“Not to mention tiny …” You didn’t really type that, did you? Tininess really adds to her appeal, huh? Says something about her character? Christ you’re a loser.
And spare us the lecture, Princess Mentalcase, about human kindness. Was that kindness you were displaying when you had your friend out the identity of your latest victim as part of some twisted revenge fantasy? How about all the other nasty shit you’ve pulled on exes and dates, from the Macbook Air incident to calling the comedy writer boring and unfunny on via Twitter.
And speaking of Twitter, this is rich:
The world would be a much better place if we were all more honest – and gave each other the benefit of the doubt.
This coming from someone who so transparently and honestly got a friend to leak her latest “boyfriend’s” true identity here. Who is renowned for being one of the most dishonest bloggers on the Internet.
JA Twitter Translator: “Men shouldn’t lie to me, but I can lie to them and my lies should be believed without question!”
p.s. She spelled boomerang wrong.