Julia Allison Hates Traveling


Julia Allison, who has nothing better to do, deigns to criss-cross the country for no apparent reason other than the fact that she desperately wants to change locales because no one in horrible New York City likes her any more and sitting around in her penis-softener of an apartment is BOOOORING, y’all.

Ugh.  Non-stops were $400 so I had to go with the “let’s spend all day flying” option.

Oh well.  Seeing my parents & grandmother (along with my Thurs night date) = worth it.

PS. Rachel, I didn’t forget you.  You’re worth it, too.  😉

Things which make me irrationally angry: $25 bag charges from bullshit airlines. This is one reason I like flying Jetblue. No extra $$! Grr

Yes, it’s a travel day here at NonSociety. Which means we get to hear Julia bitch about the world not bending over backwards and bending spacetime just to make her journey easier.


  1. BEST POST EVER!! I love the similarities, right down to the pearls!! HAHAHHAHA!

    And Julia? Please stop pretending like you’re some rich, glamorous party girl who flies around the country on a whim. People like that usually don’t complain about $25 baggage fees or have to take multi-leg flights because they can’t afford a $400 plane ticket. Those people are also usually flying to international destinations a little more glamorous than Chicago and actually purchase the clothes at Bergdorf’s, as opposed to taking pictures of themselves trying things on.

    We all know you’re broke as a joke, Princess Plastic Pelts.

    • The Julia Allison Find-A-Man Roadshow 2009 can’t be planned that far in advance, Sideshow Bob! DUH! She’s just going to the next city based on the quality of the sloppy drunk hook up in the last city. Did he buy her breakfast the next day? Swear her to secrecy? Never text her back? Make her drive herself home from her date? Was he worthy of a smiley or winky emoticon? Did he invite her back for another visit…errr.. incentive? Does he wear clear plastic shoes?

      There are SOOO many factors in play! You can’t expect her to plan it in advance. She just has to LET IT UNFOLD, YO.

      • “The Julia Alison Find-A-Man Roadshow 2009” just made snapple come out of my nose I laughed so hard. brilliant post and great comments!!

      • My philosophy has always been that the treasure doesn’t do the hunting.

        Carry on, Miss Julia. Carry on.

    • Reason: She was hoping one of her Facebook friends would offer her the services of their private jet.

      I have a sneaking suspicion that someone offered to pay for half of her ticket out to CA for that guy’s birthday party (maybe Randi or that guy himself) because she was whining about it. Instead of just buying the other half of the ticket at the time of purchase, Julia decided that she would wing it, cozy up to all the rich young men in Silicon Valley (who already have cute asian gfs who went to Stanford) in the hopes that they will rescue our damsel and fly her to Chicago. Didn’t happen.

      I imagine that Julia thinks of herself as the poor-ish but sparkly personality spice to her rich friends’ lives and that they would always take the opportunity to pay for her needs. Like she is their muse or something. Only problem is, aside from self-esteem sad sack Randi, no one likes her.

  2. “We’re kind of taking a little bit of a break. We’re not so romantically involved as people thought we were at one time.”

    –Miss Piggy

  3. Question: Why not put a pic of her in that horrendous lavender frock from “Dave Morin’s birthday fete” below the pic of Miss Piggy in the purple dress? That’s what I was expecting for sure! And I kind of love Miss Piggy and even Jankles can’t ruin that for me.

    Boogers coming out my nose! Snorting. Tearing eyes.
    My child thinks I’m insane.
    It’s the last pics of the legwarmers that put me over.

  5. Oh, by the way, didn’t she just wear a purple dress much like Ms. Piggy’s photo up there? Just recently? To a birthday party? On the west coast?

  6. Um yeah…something else that should be kept private….your machinations w/ men who maybe are just not that into you after one date.

    Dear various guys who “forget” to return texts promptly, You suck, suck, suckity suck. Xoxo, all of the deeply frustrated ladies
    41 minutes ago from Echofon

    • Like these?

      “Dave I was up all nite thinking of you I mean your S5”
      “You Englishmen shouldn’t have kept that special fun just for schoolboys”
      “I dig the Digger I dig the Digger I dig the Digger”
      “Honey it is work but more than 4 hours a week is OK with me!”

    • It’s not that hard to figure out. She suckity-sucks, then they suckity-suck right back. Maybe she should stop already with the drinky-time suckity-suck.

  7. That last one is even funnier if you read the text on the Miss Piggy aerobics album:

    America’s most talented and glamorous superstar shows you how to keep fit and stay slimme and trimme with just a few minutes of daily dance movements so simple you can actually perform some of them in your sleep!

    – No lifting heaving things
    – No boring calisthenics
    – No getting out of breath
    – No messing up your clothes
    – No dippy double-talk from know it alls
    – No smarty pants lectures on “bad foods”
    – No brain-numbifying instructions before you can begin
    – No feeling like a wet noodle after you have finished

    The banana split
    Sitting in place
    Exercising your rights
    The frog

  8. Oh shut the fuck up Julia! All this travel is a luxury, a folly, its not remotely “work” related. stop bitching, lazy ass stupid twat.

    • Oh my god, I don’t even wanna know what kind of sicko photoshops Miss Piggy with nipple jewelry.

      Unless you happen to have his phone number handy, that is.

      (Also: awesome post, JP!)

  9. Holy Crap! These past two posts are right up there with the first RBNS photo-shop picture contest, battle of the banner head pics…
    This place is comedy gold.
    Ya’lls talents are wasted. WASTED I tell ya!!!!

  10. Awesome entertainment right here – the workout clothes one is just the icing on the cake. How very sad to dress up like a fool, solely for attention from strangers.
    Miss Piggy = intentional dumb blonde. Success.
    Julia Allison = dum-dum glamor girl when it suits her, alternating with shrill cries of “respect me for my mind!!!” Failure.

  11. I really love this, although I have to say, I LOVED piggy growing up, and she is way, way cooler than JA.

    It makes too much sense though. JA is a caricature, even of herself at this point.

  12. i actually was thinking of miss piggy when someone said “they are doe eyes not deer eyes” in reference to her makeup. remember the scene in muppets take manhattan when joan rivers does miss piggy’s makeup???

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