Julia: Holly Golightly Fantasy Continues

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So much of this is hilarious. First off, it’s clear that she really believes she deserves this apartment, with its “romance” and walls of mirrors that would allow her to gaze at herself endlessly.

I love the line about the office nook best of all: “This would very much meet my needs.” Yes, Jackles, your NEEDS. It really does require an office to pull all-nighters Googling yourself and Tweeting about your boyfriend like a 15-year-old.

And: “It’s unfortunate it doesn’t have a washer/dryer; if it did, I’d take it in a second.” And: “This is going to be a really tough decision, really tough.”

At $4,000 a month. Riggggght.

67 COMMENTS

  1. By the way, her line about the office nook is even a little worse than what you wrote. She says that it “would serve very well my needs.” First of all, who the fuck talks like that? Second of all, that phrasing just fits her ethos, doesn’t it? It’s all about making the world “serve very well” her “needs.” Also? FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS. Blech. Okay, let’s go party at partypants’ house.

  2. i don’t think she realizes that getting the apartment is a two way thing: it’s not just her putting in the offer-the owner/renter has to accept it based on her financial history and often references.

    but she would totally take it yet won’t offer the extra $250 a month for her DREAM apartment?
    yeah, i’m totally buying it.

    • Ha ha totally. Her whole attitude and persona on that house tour were hilarious. She was acting like they’d begged her to take it and she just had to make the tough decisions about whether or not it was acceptable to her to have her laundry downstairs instead of in her unit and the bathroom darker and smaller than her highness would like.

      She was so putting on airs, speaking in this psuedo royal/proper manner the whole time. There were some real gems in this one: “My goodness! I tell you! It’s very romantic, I have to say, very romantic!”

      It was a new level of contrived even for JA. Too bad she couldn’t find some grand word to describe those two beautiful side “things” in the dining room, ha ha. And the “ummm”ing in this one was out of hand. I usually don’t notice her “ums” but this one was like every other word.

      What I really want to know is how did they not accept litte miss royal queen’s offer, I mean wasn’t it just about her approving the apartment and not the other way arond? The world has gone mad I tell you. My goodness!

      • Her endless ummmmmmms and, still, that accent, get on my nerves. BTW, most NYC apartments do not have w/d in the apartment, particularly in the prewars, as they would completely have to retrofit the water lines, and downstairs neighbor would worry about flooding.

        She sounds like such a moron when you actually hear her speak. Her accent/manner is horrrrrrrrreendous!

  3. Um…. and… um…. and… CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP Ummm…. SOUTHERN EXPOSURE!

    I love how she tosses around stale real estate terms. Yawn. And I am sure the present tenant really appreciates her filming the insides of her closets and posting on the internet for anyone to see. What a fucking rude pig.

    • Why doesn’t she become a real estate agent? I know, I know, the economy sucks, blah, blah, blah. But really, she has some sort of passion for it. She also has a certain kind of persistence which is critical for a sales job. Finally, even if she sucked at it, it has to pay better than NonSociety. I just don’t understand.

      • Because she would have to take courses, study for test, pass licensing exams, etc. and clearly does not have the mental capacity or attention span for something that takes longer than three hours. But I am sure the whole process is much easier than HARVARD BUSINESS SCHOOL.

    • Along with posting her full address. Nice.

      BTW – she said Southern ExposureS while looking at one window. You know an apartment is really special when it gets more than one exposure in a window, all from the same direction.

  4. oh and julia, honey: the “view of the garden” does not have the view of the garden. It would have if you didn’t have to smush your face into the window.

    To help you out: it has a view of a semi-attractive building that opposes it.

  5. one thing to note is that the videos she is posting are clearly from condo rentals not typical rental buildings – it’s why there are nice big soaking tubs and showers along with the “higher” end finishes

    and for $4,000 a 1BR better be nice – considering that a standard 1bed at a new building in midtown is in the low to mid $3k.

    and do we really need narration? i think she does this to appeal to the broker. she sure seemed dressed up as well.

    and agree with the other commenter – taking a video in someone else’s closet is crap.

    • “she sure seemed dressed up as well.” — The Hick is clearly attempting to “dress the part” of someone that can afford a $4,000 a month apartment and talking in a way that seems to suggest that it’s “below her standards” (ie the washer /dryer comment). Julia dear? You can’t paint a turd. There’s a reason the tenants are turning down your tacky low ball offers and probably getting a good laugh at your application/financial history/references.

      PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE leave New York, you tacky, tacky cow.

      • I got the same impression. The laundry comment, the “small, dark” bathroom. The “tough decision” it would be. The whole tone she used and persona she put on.

        Maybe this is just my ridiculous interpretation and overinterpreting on my part but it feels to me like she puts on a new personality for every situation, and she doesn’t seem to mind if the same people see all of the contradictory personas and wonder who, if anyone, she really is inside.

      • No – you’re absolutely right. Her “fancy” persona was absolutely hilarious because I could see straight through it from a mile away – sooooo tacky. I am sure the broker and / or owner was dying laughing as soon as that clomping cow with a drugstore dye job left their apartment after her attempting to snobbishly dismiss the “small” and “dark” bathroom.

        I really do think she’s gone to a whole other level of crayyyyzeeee. I mean, once you grow out of putting on plastic tiaras and having tea parties with your teddy bears, who ACTS LIKE THIS? It’s disturbing.

      • She seemed like she was trying really hard and seemed almost nervous to come off the way she wanted. It was kind of like her first mtv appearance where she had that crazy persona and just seemed so desperate to come across a certain way.

    • You’re absolutely correct. These are condo buildings/buyer buildings. I’ve rented from the owner of an apartment before and the most important thing, for that owner, was that she could trust me with her apartment. Julia must be meeting the owners and I don’t blame them for turning down her deals.

  6. Oh, and if you’re keeping score at home for Baugher Bingo Chicago, give yourself a square:

    – pictures of the lake
    – posting banal conversations with the parents

  7. oh my, ‘i’d have to buy more clothes to fill these closets.’ but what of the bookshelves dear?? there was lots of storage space for books in there too, but i guess you don’t need to worry about that — those can store trinkets just as well.

    what a tacky pig.

    the video commentary is hilarious. she has the voice of a raspy stripper and attempting to be up-market for her is a laugh and a half.

    where to begin?

    people seriously looking for a place probably do so without a video camera attached to their faces / rambling off stupid shit

    low balling the price (by 250$ — which seems a significant monthly decrease) is not a serious offer

    indeed, getting a place is a two way street porkchop, the above seems a sure fire way to be re-jec-ted.

    lastly, and as an aside — how fucking tacky to video someone’s current abode and but it on the internet.

    the selfishness of this scunt knows no bounds. what a worthless bitch.

    • PORKCHOP!! That’s the best descriptor since Corndog in a Tutu.

      Can you imagine the snickering that these brokers must do the second she leaves? Here comes this tacky cow clomping through expensive apartments with a fucking VIDEO CAMERA, plastic high heels and that deep fried hair, sniffing that “if it had a washer and dryer I’d take it in a second.” HAHAHHAHAHAH. What a fucking gauche piece of trash.

      • It actually is Van “Hoff” There’s a lot of phlegmmy, gutteral sounds made with the “Go” and the “ugh”.

        I just say.

  8. I would be absolutely furious if a video of my home wound up online without my consent.

    Why did the real estate agents allow her to do this?!

      • I imagine it’s (semi) normal for people to video the apartment so that when time comes to make a decision they can look through the videos without bugging the renter to see it again.
        I think that’s what she’s pretending to do.

      • It’s semi-normal for people to make a video for their own reference, it is NOT normal for people to make a video and post it on a public website. She is a tacky cow for doing that and if I was the owner, I’d be PISSED that anyone could see what I had in my bathroom closets. But I guess the owner really doesn’t have that much to worry about… it’s not like Julia’s blog gets a lot of traffic anyway.

      • I totally agree. I’m sure she asked if she can tape it for reference but NO ONE is that disrespectful and inconsiderate to post it online.

        Potential landlord of this world: meet Julia Allison (aka Julia Baugher).

    • I was wondering about that. If I were a RE broker, and some chick clomped in and started taking vid of apt I would ask her to leave… if nothing else, she might be casing the joint for a future robbery. (Hey, I’m a ny’er and you never know…)

      Just seems really odd behavior.

  9. For $4000 that place is a steal, especially since it seems to come furnished. Any buyer serious in that range would probably have taken it right away. That’s probably around a $1.2 million condo. Her complaints are ridiculous. If I was a broker I would drop her. She is wasting their time.

    • How does she even get brokers to show her these places out of her price range? I’m not familiar with the process, but don’t they do some sort of preliminary financial check before you even start looking (like when you buy a home)? If I were a broker, I’d take one look at her Forever 21 clothes and plastic nails and laugh her right out of my office is she clomped in there asking to look at $4,000 a month apartments.

      • I’m pretty sure that they don’t do any financial checks: they just ask you about your price range and what are you looking for, because:
        1. no one is that psychotic to take up so much time of an agent without actually wanting what is in their price range, or close to it.
        2. no one is that sociopathic to spend crazy amounts of time fake apartment searching.

        But maybe they should star?

        I MAY BE WRONG AND FINANCIAL CHECKS ARE NECESSARY.

  10. What’s so special about finding a nice apartment in that price range, anyway? The “One”??? Ohhhhhkay…

    She can’t narrate for shit. Her voice is a droning, boring thing, as is her commentary. Why does she post this bullshit, by the way? I’d ask why she bothered to film it, too, but it’s Jackles.

  11. I wonder if the agent secretly thought Jankles was a high-class call girl. “Oh, of course dear, you work from home.”

  12. Another thing: It IS a beautiful apartment. Imagine how she’d wreck it with her teenaged fuchsia and petal pink couches, pillows, chairs, dining room suite, dishes, etc.? Thank God it’s way out of her price range. She would have done criminal things to this place.

    • omg! i didn’t even think of that. you are right!

      But this is what i don’t get: if it *is* your dream apartment, why wouldn’t she agree to pay the additional $250 a month? it already includes electric and THE MAID !!!! it’s merely extra 3k a year.

      • Because it’s all a fucking ploy. It’s some act in her stage show. It will soon become clear what she’s up to — it’s always something.

  13. but seriously, what will she do come Sept 30th? she’s in chicago till Monday, at least and as far as we know she already gave notice to her current landlord.

    I’m pretty relaxed about things, but I’d be pretty nervous if I were her. Unless she’ll go on a month to month with her current landlord.

    • The post about driving to LA sounds like our favorite pink princess is moving out West. I have an almost totally baseless theory that MA is envious that MR went back to LA and is making plans to move back to SF. Maybe Jules is scurrying on out there so that when Megs moves, it won’t look like JA is a sad follower running after them. The NNN/NBC deal is probably up soon anyway, so she’ll try to spin it as a group decision to try their luck in CA. What. A. Tool.

    • btw: I really honestly think that moving out of New York would be good for her. If I were her friend (and she needs one) I’d advise her to move for a year at least. She obviously hates it here, and she seemed really happy and relaxed in LA and DC and even seemed normal-ish in Chicago.

      Ok, so she was crazy in LA too, but i really want her to get married already.

  14. My theory on how she has enough money to entertain a 4K apartment is that she is a “consultant” to Facebook. I am sure Randy can easily throw a few thousand books her way for her services as a PR consultant.

    • I actually TOTALLY agree with this theory.

      I think this is how she wound up on MTV too.

      The first appearance was all Facebook all the time and they were taking questions via FACEBOOK. This is clearly an MTV / Facebook partnership and Miss Hackles Porkchops is part of the package.

      I did not watch her second appearance, did Facebook come up again in the conversation?

      Remember when she ‘ran into’ Randi at MTV? Remember the visit to Facebook HQ? This is the foul offspring of those meetings. I don’t think 4000.00$ per month is in her price range, but i don’t think Miss Hackles Porkchops is brokers either.

      And this is why i cancelled my Facebook account. It’s run by Miss Hackles Porkchops enablers.

      Fuck that noise.

    • Does Jankles’ consulting recommendations include posting crazy-ass ugly pictures to your “fan” page? Randi Suckerberg is really getting her money’s worth! But really, if that was the case, how much could she possibly getting paid to go on an MTV show once a month for two minutes? It’s clear that she’s hard up for cash – otherwise she wouldn’t be canceling cable and she’d stay put in her present apartment with the cheaper negotiated rent. Something is up – I agree with Jacy. There is some ploy/plot twist brewing in her sad little “drama.” I just hope that for her sake, it involves inpatient therapy because she is off her rocker crazy lately.

      • all i can say is that this ‘twist’ had better be good.

        i am not saying she is making much $$ off facebook, but it is clear that there is something stinky going on there.

      • There is definitely something shady going on with FB, starting with her unauthorized converting of friends to fans. And there is something sketchy about A LOT of her “fans” – I clicked on a few of them and most of them are people with less than 50 friends, don’t look like heavy FB users, etc. Something makes me think there is something shady going on there with little used / fake accounts being added to boost her number of “fans.”

  15. Why is Randi going to Chicago, by the way? To lay out a plan for JABA’s parents to convince them she’s actually employed?

  16. My favorite is, “There is a, um, for lack of a better word, utility closet here.” That is what’s it’s called! There doesn’t need to be a better word. Why does she always have to fluff shit up?? Her sentences are always twice as long as a normal human’s. She drives me insane.

    • I believe that’s part and parcel of Miss Julia Allison Romperpanties’ patented massaging of the truth style, Bun M. Thompkins. Say twice as much as you need to and you double the opportunities to misdirect.

    • I howled at that too. It IS a utility closet, you tool. Also when she couldn’t figure out what the built-in china cabinets in the dining room were called.

      • That was hilarious. She finally gave up, called them “things” and rushed off to talk about something else that she could come up with a word for.

  17. you guys… she made the video to send to her parents/grandma moneybags for them to see the amazing unbelieveable apartment/HOME that was a bit out of the price range they told her they would finance

  18. Jesus CHRIST, I can’t get over the obsessive need for a washer-dryer IN her apartment. Especially if there’s one in the motherf***ing building?!!!

    Does she know that there are plenty of rich co-op owners who aren’t ALLOWED to install a washer-dryer in their apartments? Is it that hard to take your laundry to the drop-off service down the street?

    • I know. She is SO FUCKING LAZY. If she wants a big, clean, new, affordable apartment with a washer and dryer included, she should move the the hickville suburbs where she belongs and move into one of those cheesy complexes called “Brighton Manor” or something. It would fit her generic, tasteless personality.

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