Julia Allison: Sweet Mary Mother of Fuck

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I had a bottle and a half of wine tonight, so here we go. . .

Megan: No, I can’t go out with him. He’s too old.
Me: Don’t say that. Checklists are a bad idea.
Megan: HA! Like you should talk, you have like 50 things on your checklist.
Me: Yeah, and New Boy violates almost all of them!

Julia, you’re a dating columnist, or at least Sony thinks so. This coy route with the boyfriend in California that you are totes in lurve with after one date really doesn’t add to your credibility. Jesus Christ, Cathy comics came across less desperate.

But if you did actually happen to land a man, a man who like tent dresses, sparkles and hooker heels, then good for you.

44 COMMENTS

    • what is that picture even from? where are her clothes? if this is supposed to be a sexy photo shoot why is she wearing the largest panties under the sun? seriously those things are ginormous.

    • i don’t know when he will tire of being called “boy”, but i know for sure the only thing that could stop julia from calling him “boy” would be to call him “fiance”
      (ugh i shudder at the thought of a future of jackles referring ad nauseam to the fiance or the hubby)

      • HAHAHAHA “… from calling him boy would be to call him fiance.”
        That made me laugh. Loudly.

    • I think she’s dating someone younger than her. Just a hunch, nothing more. Dan was younger than her and after that she only dated older guys — going for younger “violated the rules” or something. It would also explain why she hasn’t said anything about his background. I will guess he’s 23, from a wealthy family, just out of college and may actually have something to gain by association. They were FB friends and now she’s desperate to find a guy she can control, so he is it.

      • On second thought, “just out of college” might be a stretch. But I am honestly guessing he is a bit younger than 28 — it makes too much sense.

      • Not to mention that most people around 30 use FB for getting back in touch with old friends, networking, etc. – not trolling for dates like it’s match.com.

      • someone needs to compile a list of her rules so that we can compare it against the leading suspects and see how many rules each of them breaks. we should also include said list of rules on the Wiki.

  1. Blerg!! Let’s not get sloppy, people!

    “Julia, you’RE a dating columnist, or at least Sony thinks so….”

    Please.

  2. oh boy, new gawker post. the delight is that it links back to this story from August 7, 2008

    http://valleywag.gawker.com/5034394/julia-allison-thinks-shes-the-future-of-online-advertising

    “Allison has higher goals. “12 months from now,” she tells us, “you will no longer refer to me as a nontrepreneur.” True. Product placement requires some level of trust from the audience. If even Allison’s non-product-placement endorsements continue to be so gushily nongenuine, we likely won’t have to refer to her at all.”

    Its been 12 months, hon. sad 🙁

  3. Julia is seriously the human equivalent of genital warts. As soon as you think she’s gone, she comes back again, and you’re left reaching for the Valtrex.

      • Seriously, it’s disgusting. None of the comments are particularly mean, but she is in there being catty. She must have had some white zinfindel.

    • i wish i were a gawker commenter just so i could comment on how different her face in her gawker commenter icon is from her current one. it looks like it’s been about a decade since that picture when in reality it’s been a year.

    • Seriously, does any other “celeb” that Gawker covers do this – or is just a Julia Allison special, commenting on posts about herself? She’s a total nut.

      • Ryan is incredibly defensive, which I find unusual. As far as Julia, some of the commenters bring up valid points. I’d have more respect for her if she directly addressed them.

        When you have to make up words like “life-casting” to describe what you do, then you aren’t really doing anything.

    • This is my favorite excerpt.

      FaceMelter
      12:34 AM
      I still have no idea what she does or why anybody pays attention to her. Unlike Sedaris, Timberlake, and Manning who excel in their fields and can (possibly) lend authenticity to a product, Allison has no credentials and really no defined personality outside of the false one she attaches to people/products at any given moment. Sure, Gawker and others talk her up as some dating columnist/new-media entrepreneur, but anyone who does the least bit of research knows that to be a bunch of bullshit.

      At the end of the day, Allison is just a face that is going to be pimping out a bunch of Sony products. There is nothing behind the veneer, and few people will even notice her presence. For Sedaris et al. this is just a quick paycheck. They put on a smile, pretend to like some Sony crap, get paid, and go back to their day jobs. For Allison, this is her life’s work. There is nothing outside of this, and there is no person behind the image. It’s a bit sad and depressing, but I guess that’s the life of someone who aspires to be a “brand”.

      I guess in the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15-60 seconds.

      Julia Allison
      12:51 AM
      @FaceMelter: Okay, okay, I get it. You don’t like me. You think I’m untalented. You don’t “know what [I] do.” You believe me to have no personality and you seem to doubt I’m a real person. I get it!! I think you sound a bit repetitive (seeing as you comment on almost every single one of the posts concerning me here), but you’re entitled to your opinions.

      However – revising the revision of that beyond played out Andy Warhol quote? Umm … might want to rethink your particular brand of “clever” there.

      FaceMelter
      01:24 AM
      @Julia Allison: Julia, I’ll admit my opinions of you may be incorrect and are definitely misinformed. However, it is this misinformation that keeps me posting in these threads. The disconnect between what is said about you and what you actually do (again, what? … I’m asking) is astonishing. I’ve no doubt that you are a real person, but I find your lack of creative output to be incredibly boring. I’m not saying I don’t like you, I’m just saying that I don’t understand what all the fuss is about. You have created a persona that exists solely to be a persona, and have spent little time building a base to fall back on. There is a shell that I see through quite transparently, but which others cannot. It is this dynamic that piques my curiosity, and in fact, your involvement is inconsequential.

      If I’ve offended you in any way, I do apologize.

      Ryan Tate
      01:28 AM
      @FaceMelter: I talked her up as a columnist, did I? Was it the part where I specifically pointed out she has no column?

      I talked her up as an entrepreneur? Was that in the section where I specifically pointed out how little money NonSociety made last year, or where I specifically said she has yet to prove she is a real entrepreneur?

      Do you even read the posts before commenting?

      • facemelter gets it.

        also, the only reason gawker is all over this shit is because it’s a national pop for them. what do you get when you search for julia allison? the top of the second page (after all of her own crap) is gawker.

        they helped create her, hoping to capitalize off of her future fame. But they dropped her like a hot potato once they thought she was over. they’re only using her to promote themselves. Denton’s not stupid.

      • “However – revising the revision of that beyond played out Andy Warhol quote? Umm … might want to rethink your particular brand of “clever” there.”

        Love this. As if she has any idea what cleverness is. Someone write something witty about my thoughts here, my brain is hungover and fried.

  4. That’s probably her on the Sony site tonight too, though I suspect Rachel Billow, who has been in here among us before, posting stupid comments about what jealous haters we are.

  5. Congrats JA, you are on the fast track for being the next Billy Mays!! Way to shift paradigms, you go girl, I smell fuck you money!! hehe! Rumor has it Ms. Baugher has been throwing tantrums this evening about the Sony comments and is demanding that they be removed. You RBNS’ers are all going to hell.

  6. I used to work at a high-profile gossip rag similar to Star.

    Julia’s name came up in the room in a random meeting. To my surprise (not), the other reporters trashed her.

    An editor piped in that he had actually arranged JA’s meeting with Bonnie Fuller that would launch her to talking head fame.

    He then shook his head and said, “It’s one of the biggest regrets of my career.”

    She’s a joke.

  7. Here’s the amazing part: this all apparently happened some time ago tho it’s just being announced now, which means it was on Quiet Lockdown Secret Status. So it IS possible that some things can be kept quiet. Interesting!

  8. Sweet mother of Mary! Is that Julia or Mary? Holy shit she looks good in that photo though! Okay…I OFFICIALLY don’t care if they can speak, write or are fashion disasters…just look like that and replace the cigar with…well you get my point…GOOD GOD! LMFAO! Candy from a baby baby! 🙂

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