Julia Allison: The Company You Keep

Soooooooo. . . Julia Allison is at a sponsored “think tank” that’s all about shifting paradigms, changing the world, drinking rum and getting sand in your ass (all at the same time!)

It’s like Davos for the tech media elite, so naturally, like Davos, and the inauguration, and CES, and the six word memoirs, and the essay on first arriving to New York, and the letter to her younger self, and her disclosures about sponsors, and much, much, much, much more, we are hearing absolutely nothing of substance about it. (She taking pictures of CLOUDS, people. That’s about as interesting as watching her face puff up and her thighs expand.)

So until the crane lifts her out of her hotel room bathtub, we are gonna have to turn our attentions elsewhere — to wit, Paul Carr.

He’s at the blowhard wankfest too! And it’s so obvious he wants to twittle Julia Allison’s tweeter, but that’s beside the point. He was fired from the Guardian, and now he’s writing for Tech Crunch.

He wrote his first article, which is basically a wordy summary of his asshattery. Of note is this choice bit:

Rule Three: Anonymous comments. If I had my way there would be no absolutely no anonymous comments, not just on TechCrunch but the whole of Internet. They are the last refuge of a child molester. In fact, I would rather encourage my only child to trick-or-treat his way down the sex offenders register than to spend one moment in the company of someone who would leave an anonymous comment on a blog. Man up or fuck off.”

No, you fuck off, Carr! Anyhoo, the best part of his article are the comments. It’s like RBNS, but they’re making fun of a dude!

From “Paul Carr’s Mom”

“Dear myopic, sexless viewers:

Please be nice to my nitwit son Paul. I dressed him up as a girl when he was young, he can’t throw a baseball, and he stutters like a stroke victim.

Mind you: he is an annoying twit, full of himself, and currently lives in my fruit cellar. And for those reasons, he is, how do you kids say it:

Fair game.

Good Luck, Paulie. Remember to refill your inhaler and try not to pass out the first time you see boobies.

All my love:

Mother.”

From “Anon”

“Somewhat interesting. Very wordy. The rules point to you possibly being a pussy, will hold off on that judgement. Sarah Lacey is boring in the extreem, if she was so good your defense would not be needed. Comparisons to valleywag are intentionally rediculous, surprised at your need to hinge your superior abilities on that one. This means your either dense, self obsessed, probably both. If you continue to mention your book, it will lose any attractiveness it might currently hold. And, as for the drinking, and the careless persona, it’s already been done and over done, Hunter S. Thompson you are not, definately. Nice try though.”

From “Clever Commenting Name”

“This is one of those articles that essentially turn out to be glorified forum responses from a troll attempting to troll other trolls.

Further proof that trolling overall is becoming quite the lost art.”

Anyway there is so much more, so have at it. Julia’s on west coast time, so it might be a while before she wakes up.

91 COMMENTS

  1. Dear Paul,

    I will meet you the next time you are in New York. I will show you the meaning of “man up”. Please twitter me the next time you plan to come to NYC.

    Asshat.

  2. I’m already bored with him, and for an worthy target I can drag out my abusive commenting for years.

    Seriously. You know if partypants is already bored with nothing to say, then this guy is truly boring old news.

    Hi Paul! Go die alone in the forest now, you’re done.

  3. Has anyone seen the new “About” page on the TMI site? Funnayyyyy.

    “The View meets Diggnation, TMIWeekly is the first interactive talk show created by and for women. Our hosts Julia, Meghan, and Mary offer your their unique perspectives on life, tech, and style. Like you and your girlfriends each always have a different take on how to tackle life’s challenges. And now they’re asking for your opinion! You’ll probably find you align with Julia if you have ever considered wearing a headband. If you’re more adventuresome you’ll side with Meghan who loves to fly by the seat of her pants. If you’re a go getter with a plan then Mary is your girl. Tell them how to break up with a frenemy, what is the best iphone app, and what to wear to wedding. They want to know what you think. Whether you’re on Team Julia, Mary or Meghan, the girls on TMI will always be ready with a story or a tip so you can weigh all of your options and even offer your own!”

    • Shout out to Kevin Rose & Diggnation!
      teehee!
      (grabs pink pom-pom pen,flops down on PB Teen bed w/Precious Moments diary)

    • they’re offering “your” their unique perspectives but they want you to tell them what those unique perspectives are first. i’ll be sure to offer them some options.

    • “The View meets Diggnation, TMIWeekly is the *first* interactive talk show created by and for women.”

      Honeycankles, you expose the lie in the very sentence it was spewed. Best git to fixin that.

    • And here’s how the new introduction should really read:

      “The View meets Diggnation (HI KEVIN ROSE!! IT’S JULIA!!! CALL ME!!), TMIWeekly is the first interactive talk show created by and for women who obsess endlessly about men. Our hosts Julia, Meghan, and Mary offer your their totally banal perspectives on how not to conduct adult relationships, gadgets that your local Apple store has carried for six months, and style for those with trust fund budgets. Like you and your girlfriends each always have a different take on how to tackle life’s challenges, like what $600 shoes to wear to a summer afternoon wedding. And now they’re asking for your opinion, so long as it agrees with theirs and doesn’t insult their weight, intelligence, or the show! You’ll probably find you align with Julia if you have ever considered wearing a headband, children-sized tutu as a nearing thirty woman (or tennis skirts on casual outtings), and freshwater pearls. If you’re more adventuresssssome you’ll side with Meghan who loves to fly by the seat of her pants, since she has the trust fund to do it. And thank GOD for that trust fund, because she doesn’t have any sort of discernable personality. If you’re a go getter with a plan on how to mooch off of relatives and companies, then Mary is your girl. Tell them how to break up with a frenemy, what is the best iphone app, and what to wear to wedding. They want to know what you think, but have removed any sort of open forum or discussion on their website, as to have complete control over their image. Whether you’re on Team Julia, Mary or Meghan (well, no one’s really on team Meghan – since she’s just THERE, in the financial sense), the girls on TMI will always be ready with a story or a tip so you can weigh all of your options and even offer your own!”

      It MUST be said – they seriously need to find an intern who’s capable of putting together coherent sentences. I’m thinking baby steps – it’s totally obvious that a coherent paragraph is beyond the intern’s comprehension. (wonder if Meghan’s sister wrote it?)

    • somehow i can imagine meghan actually flying by the seat of her pants. i revel in awe at it.

    • This is the most awkward sentence:

      Like you and your girlfriends each always have a different take on how to tackle life’s challenges.

      It is not even a complete sentence, let alone does it make any sense. Who says “each always”?

  4. First, I ignored him. Then, I read his little, cutesy column. Now, I despise him. Next, I return to ignoring.

    The man gives hookers and rum a bad name.

    • My sense was that he comments here ANONOMOUSLY as “GoJuliaGo” … it all fit in with the timing of that clusterf*ck with Feldman/Carr/Yannik (or whatever his name is) and JABa.

  5. Julia Allison provides enough douchery that I don’t need to pity hate anyone else. But I will agree he seems like an annoying twat who def got his ass kicked throughout his teens and twenties.

    He looks exactly like Mr potatoe head come to life, though, which is cool.

  6. Sand in her ass? That’ll go nicely with the gravel in her thighs and the rocks in her head.

  7. Yeah, you somehow just know you’ll find that deer-in-the-headlights portrait when you look in the dictionary for “wanker”.

  8. Nice shoutout to Jabba the Smut in that hideously boring “article”. I’m done with that entire site now. They might as well get my mom to give advice on how to turn on the desktop.

  9. Man, I’ve let myself go. Too much booze.

    In other news, is anyone else concerned that Mary’s blood pressure is like 133/80-something. She is prehypertensive even though she works out like 4 hours/day. What’s up with that?

  10. The funniest thing about that article is that the entire thing is a classic troll post. Just because you signed your real name, that doesn’t make you any less of a troll. Yo ho ho, me hardies!!

    • Actually, I think its just a defense mechanism. You see, eventually all of his dirty laundry will come to light (i.e. drinking, whoring, abusing women, etc…). If he can just get ahead of the issues now then it all becomes so much less objectional. Doesn’t it?

  11. I comment anonymously on the Internet because I’d hate to become permanently known as an idiot like Paul Carr (by the approximately 0.0018% of the Internet population that have ever heard of him that is).

    I love these losers who basically have no job or no responsibilities in the real world and then whine about stupid stuff like this, because in their world being an asshole on the Internet IS their job, not something that could make them LOSE their job. Anonymous commenters are like child molesters? Could that be any more offensive and less sensical? This guy needs a HUGE dose of reality. I think he would find his opinion on this matter wildly unpopular on many levels.

    Since I am feeling otherwise irritable today I would also like to reiterate how fucking annoying and also offensive it is that these dumbshits pass themselves off as “geeks”. Liking twitter does not make you a geek! Twitter is a website were you type in to ONE field….ONE FUCKING FIELD and the only thing you have to do correctly is not go over 140 characters, which is easy because it tells you when you do. How GEEKY! These people are all bonified idiots. It would be like if I put on some Air Jordans and called myself an NBA player. It just doesn’t make sense.

    Now, I’ll admit that Meghan is dorky (not geeky)…bc that dorky ass pointing pose thing is like SO CRINGEWORTHY and dorky I could just UGH. Ok. bye.

    • lolololololol

      I’m sure victims of molestation would big to differ that people giving their opinions without attaching their names to them (OH THE HORROR) are in any way relatable. But what do I know, my name is awkward.com. My parents smoked a lot of crack in the 70s and came up with that all on their own before the intranets were even invented. Eat that, Paul Carr.

      • There should be support groups for people who have been affected by anonymous commenters. Except that only Paul Carr and Julia Allison would show up.

      • Maybe we could trick Jankles into getting the help she needs by saying it’s a support group for people “bullied” on the internet by anonymous commenters. She could show up and we’d have an intervention for her narcissistic personality disorder instead. But in order to stay the anonymous, sort of sad adults that we are, we’d have to wear paper bags on our heads. It could be fun! There would be cupcakes.

      • We could all wear tutus and white tank tops with the letter J on them, with pretty pink pillowcases over our heads with cutouts for eyes and a little blob of lipstick making a kissy face where the mouth should be. It would be very Kubrick-esque (and then Paul Carr could be there to point out the reference!). It would be so splendid that it would be a splendon’t.

    • Amen!

      I have professional certifications. For one of the licenses, I had to sign an ethical contract which requested that I not use my “professional name” online except for as it relates to professional duties and development. I’m not sure that such a contract would be upheld in court (I have a feeling it might), but I don’t want to temp fate.

      He things we are all suckers because we comment anonymously. That we are too chicken to put a face behind the name. Actually, not. I’d be happy to tell both P Carr and J Allison what I think of them in person. However, I don’t need students and clients looking up my name online and finding RBNS comments. For what I’d do, it would be counterproductive to the results that I’m trying to get.

    • Well said. It’s so funny how Mr. Paul Carr does not approve of anonymous commenters when his two pals Julia BAUGHER and Meghan PARIKH are running around the internet with assumed names. Anonymous=bad. Fake names=good???? Alrighty then.

      • I have plenty of anonymous commenters on my blog, which runs in a major market newspaper. And yes, I am on staff there, not an unpaid community blogger. Thing is, the anonymous commenters may slag me, but they also say some really interesting things. I think I’m a better journalist for reading the comments religiously, even when they make me cringe. What part about that does quasi-employed, would-be pundit Paultato Head not understand?

  12. On an unrelated topic, does anyone have a good photo of Megan’s new boob job?

    Asking for a friend.

  13. Also, “I would rather encourage my only child to trick-or-treat his way down the sex offenders register than to spend one moment in the company of someone who would leave an anonymous comment on a blog.” Spoken like a true person who does not, and hopefully will never, have any children of his own. Paul Carr, redefining asshat one lousy article at a time.

    • paul carr, expert on the great injustices of the world. all anonymous commenters ever should be sent to jail!

    • What an obvious provocateur! When all you have is that, you know that there’s not much there.

      • It’s just like Jankles’s “look at meeee, I’m so prettyyyy, look at my booobs!, did I mention I’ve been SEXTING and having BOOTY CALLS?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Such an obvious attempt to be baudy and innappropriate in an attempt to get attention. What she and Paul Carr don’t seem to realize is the kind of attention they are garnering isn’t anything special. Any girl with tits and an ass can do what Julia does. Girls with brains and wit get the kind of attention Jankles craves but will never get. She tried to get the good kind of attention, failed miserably, and has resorted back to the kind of attention she used to get (condom fairy, lots of pics that showed T&A, openly talking about her sex life – Jakob & Julia much?) and she’s failing miserably because her looks are failing. If this is so obvious to me, sort of sad, angry adult that I am, why doesn’t she see it?

    • So Paultato Head would rather leave his kid in the company of a child molester than little old me? Scary, dude, scary. It might be better if he declined to reproduce.

    • As someone who was molested as a child by a stranger, I would just like to testify to the fact that I would much more have preferred to spend the moment with any of the commenters in this forum. You all make me laugh so.

    • Paul Carr’s a fuckwit. I’d like to rub my underarms in his face and call it good morning.

      That’s all I’ve got to say on the subject of Paul Carr and his whiny voice.

      Not very smart I know, but he’s actually duller that my underarms.

    • No kidding. Definitely has never loved a child to be able to make that asinine comment. Seriously, that comment is more offensive than anything I’ve read by anonymous commenters on this site.

  14. I said this in another thread already but, how does this guy keep getting jobs when there are so many great writers pounding the pavement? From what his past employers have posted, he is a borderline criminal in addition to being a grade A wanker.

    How is it that these HR depts don’t vet out their potential employees better? How is it that pretty women actually let him play hide the sausage with them? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.

    That said, I love commenter Paul Carr’s Mother. And…Paul? Jay Leno called. He wants his jaw back.

  15. So let me get this straight—basically, anyone who comments online as “anonymous” is akin to being a child molestor in Paul Carr’s eyes.
    Well allllrighty then! He’s officially fucked up in the head. Can somebody please beam this fruit loop back up to the planet he came from now?

    There’s a reason I choose to not use my name online when I post here or otherwise; I value my privacy and respect the privacy of others. Unless I’m encountering online famewhores the likes of Julia Allison and Paul Carr and those of their annoyingly entitled ilk; then I feel like I have the right to anonymously spew as much love or venom their way as I damned well please.
    It’s the internet, it’s my free right to do so, and if you’re going to put yourself out there online to be fully judged, prepare to either be loved, loathed or both. Otherwise, shut the fuck up and learn to deal with it because that’s the nature of the beast.

    Unlike that douchenozzle and his posse of idiots, some of us have extremely valid professional reasons for remaining anonymous online. In my field and in REAL professions where one is expected to remain somewhat private while online for one’s own professional safety, I would rather not have my name attached to anything out there in the great internet highway, especially my random message board posts.
    But obviously this dicklick is too far up his own ass to even realize this.
    As if using a phoney name is any better than simply being “Anonymous”.

    No, I don’t remain anonymous just so I can spew hateful shit either; I just have my personal preference and it is my RIGHT to abstain from using my name online here or anywhere.

    So fuck him and his fellow internet nazis, attempting to restrain our rights to post whatever the Hell we want just because they don’t like what we have to say.
    Who are they to dare judge the rest of us?

    These fucktards could stand to take a lesson from Perez Hilton, a guy who both welcomes and embraces random trolls to his site; those trolls give him over half his pageviews and keeps his site infamous yet popular. Beyond the constant content he provides too, this is why he’s got one of the biggest websites online and is why he rakes in six figures a year. He may have a big ego like Julia Allison, but he’s also smart enough to realize that he can garner just as much money and fame from his lovers as his haters.

    Learn something from this, Paul Carr: embrace the trolls as much as you fellate your own ridiculous ego. Maybe then you could’ve kept your last job.

  16. Let’s see, Paula Truckk would have gotten this gig because he is kissy-kissy with Meghan who used to schtupp Arrington. Arrington owns Tech Crunch. Leaving aside Tech Crunches rep being fairly mediocre…

    Paula goes goes blazing full attack mode in his first post so that if/when he’s fired, he can say
    “Told you suckers I was too gonzo for you, you lily livered fairies”.
    I guess someone will find this pseudo outrageous “I Will Bust Your Conventions to Smithereens!” stuff entertaining. From my seat it just looks like the posturing of a desperately insecure man with some major rage issues.

    Trying to turn his limitations in the spheres of looks/success with da ladies/his background/work into comedy gold might work if there was something slightly likable abut the dude but he seems intent on ramming his Epic Gonzo-ness in his readers faces.

    To anyone who has ever read any of Hunter Thompson’s work (Kentucky Derby for example) this is just laughable. Truckk is about as close to Thompson as Julia is to Diane Sawyer.

    And, doesn’t Paula look an awful lot like the cartoon characters Terrance and Phillip from South Park?
    http://southpark.wikia.com/wiki/Terrance_and_Phillip

    • lol, he does indeed, but to compare him to them sullies the good names of terrance and philip.

  17. Has anyone else had the theme song from Three’s Company stuck in their head all day? OMGGETITOUT thanks a lot, Jacy!

  18. Actually, the more I read his article, the more I think Julia should actually give him some play. They are perfect for one another. Julia hasn’t been able to find any man whose family could tolerate her and Paul hasn’t had one employer who could tolerate having him as an employee.

    Web2.0’s version of Brangelina in this Internet Clown College they belong to. The Maw and the Jaw.

    • That’d be more like Spiedi. Julia Allison and Paul Carr don’t have enough class in their pinkies to be Brad or Angelina

    • Another thing they have in common is both seem to have a pathalogical fear of enabling comments. Carr’s issue is so bad, he actually devoted his entire first TC post to the issue.

  19. Julia and Carr, the Hegel of the Internetz, should have a drugging contest with firearms handy to see who’s really the new Hunter Thompson.

    Or maybe Julia can just lend Paul her yellow nail polish and Paul can let Julia try on his glasses.

    • i had no idea meghan’s little sister worked at blueprint (interened? whatever). the conflicts of interest these people get themselves into is astounding.

    • paul carr is doing blueprint cleanse? har dee har har. takes a lot more than a green juice to clear out all the douchebaggery.
      and meghan and julia have known the BPC founders for a while and get free juices from them. meghan arranged liz to intern there. if she doesn’t have an eating disorder already i’m sure she’ll acquire one in no time.

  20. Paul Carr is blogging from Lunch.com sponsored Geeks At the Beach WITH NO DISCLOSURE OF IS FREE TRIP.

  21. Oh, look who is jumping in to defend his pal!

    Copy/pasting from the comments section posted above.


    Paul Carr July 30, 2009 at 5:21 pm
    Hi. I was just sent a link to this by a friend in London who, like me, is a friend of Sarah’s. I wasn’t going to dignify it with a response but it’s so inaccurate that you’ve forced.my hand.

    1) sarah has done the juice cleanse numerous times, paying full price. You totally misinterpreted her statement that she felt better after just one. Clearly she means thY’s all it took to feel better.

    2) I hosted Sarah’s second week in london. She remained in town for a week after the travelling geeks had left, totally at her own expense to do the Techcrunch reporting.

    3) arrington was encouraged to try the cleanse by sarah, not the other way around. I’m trying it this week too. It sounds lime hokum to me but I’m open minded.

    I dont know who you are – and don’t care – but this post is dripping with agenda, speculation and nonsense.

    Leave the reporting to reporters, Bernstein.

    P

  22. juliaallison: High on life, about to cruise down the 405 South in my little Smart Car – with the TOP DOWN! I feel like I’m in Clueless, 2009 edition.

    Truer words have never been twitten.

    • Alone, unloved, and passing your expiration date, but HIGH.ON.LIFE. That’s the spirit, you poor dumb cluck.

    • Oh, the 405 is the worst. When I lived in L.A. I avoided that parking lot at all costs. I can see why she’s bragging about it.

      • Yeah, not sure why she would think she could “cruise” down the 405 at 5 pm on a Thursday. I guess she wouldn’t know about rush hour, because it’s when people stop work that they’ve been doing.

  23. God, this woman is an asshole:

    Attempting to persuade my reticent 6’3″ date to allow me to tweet his name. No luck yet, but wait till I get 3 sake bombs in him. Booyah!

    • So many anonymous “dates’, “he’s the one’s”, “booty caller’s”, “jewish writer’s”, “shot caller’s”, “ballers” … it must be the magnetic powers of the magenta or maybe not, maybe Jowlia is simply a sad pretender.

      • She’s a horror. If these guys exist, they’re running for the hills. If she’s trying to get back at Harvard Harley for not falling at her feet, I bet he really gives a shit, right? She’s a total fail.

        Poor Paul Carr, though. I hope he doesn’t get tennis elbow from jerking off.

  24. Read the secret date ims and twitters and I really hoe this blog doesn’t even acknowledge that bs. It’s totally made up – you can tell – to just fuck with us. Please don’t give into speculation and give that asshat the attention she so desperately craves.

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