Six Words, Endless Opportunities for Snark

So Carrie Bradshaw Julia Allison is on a quest to find six words to put together to make it look like this thing called a “sentence” so they can put it in this thing that is full of paper and other words by other people. She’s a writer, y’all, but writing is hard!

She’s working at it, though. Everyone knows that great literary masterpieces go through multiple drafts. Let’s take a look at what she’s come up with so far.

  • “Sex and the City. Without sex.”
  • “Carrie Bradshaw bought laptop, started blog.”
  • Tumblr. Twitter. Facebook. I need sleep.”

Nevermind the fact that she thinks the Carrie Bradshaw thing is played out (It is!). It’s very telling that this is the fictional identity she still clings to. A deep psychoanalysis of how these “memoirs” are a stunning representation of her intense narcissism and delusion are forthcoming, trust me.

It should be repeated that Julia is going around the twitterverse and Facebook and her blerg implying that she was asked to contribute to the book as if it were an exclusive, high-profile gig. Just so you know: ANYONE can submit their memoir for consideration.

But far be it for me to kick a donkey while it’s down. Right now Julia needs help, and she is the queen of crowd-sourcing and unoriginal ideas (see Carrie Bradshaw above).

Fortunately, the compassionate commenters of RBNS have come to the rescue! Here are the 10 best memoirs (in no particular order) that best reflect our dear Julia Allison, our little cupcake of delusion.

  • “it’s always about me, not you.” – jubba-fat
  • “Legs never open, mouth never closes.” – Reality Stripe
  • “Just keep sending me free shit.” – partypants
  • “I LOVE BLACKS–mainly successful ones!!” – Julia’sButtSweat
  • “Ridonkulously nice; I’ll cut a bitch.” – sad:(
  • “About to expire, please love me.” – awkward.com
  • “You’d like me if we met.” – Dyspeptic2
  • “One time I saw black guy” – NewToLife!

These last two were my personal favorites!

  • “Here I am, World. Now gimme.” – Reality Stripe
  • “Where’s the bridge? I brought matches.” – Going, going, back, back to Wilmette, Wilmette

UPDATE: This one is too good not to get recognized:

  • “Carrie got Big. Julia got Poofy” – pink bunny wabbit

Wonderful job, everyone! It was way too difficult to single out just ten eleven!

On another note: Julia the Journalist is claiming that this idea stems from a six-word story Ernest Hemingway wrote. “For sale. Baby shoes. Never worn.”

While this activity is a whole lot of fun and Hemingway’s “story” is quite haunting, the fact that Hemingway actually wrote the story himself is highly disputed. Here’s some career coaching from your publicist, Julia: Journalists check facts and do research.

58 COMMENTS

  1. Just the name Julia’s Buttsweat makes me LOL. Cheers, you sad, pathetic, angry, jealous haters! Oh, and you’re ugly, too.

  2. I just feel so.ineffably.BLESSED that one of my tokens made the list. Yay.com this is my best day ever!
    Thank you to everyone who loves me. If you are currently my Facebook friend, please note that you will be converted to a fan now that I am so.incomparably.talented!
    Have a nice day! XOXO

  3. oh dear the new tmi oh dear -the bray, the pointing, the bitter bitter rage also-is Mary wearing a swim suit? a least she looks clean and sane.
    If the mens talk about sexy things its bad yet in the last tmi talking about sexy things was gud. I so confuzzled. Help me smart laydees!
    Wants to be Oprah
    Needs Dr Phil

  4. Wow! I made the top 10! I just want to thank all you sad, angry adults for this prestigious honor. I honestly couldn’t have done it without you. I hope that if you’re all lucky enough to marry before you expire, you will not let yourselves go, and you will stay as ineffable, incomparable, insolent, and incontinent as you are today!

    Sniffle! Thank you.

    PS. If you were fighting with your girlfriend and I could hear you, I would never twitter about it, promise. But if you were being all ghetto on the Bolt Bus that shit would be all over the Internet, sorry.

    XOXO

  5. Julia’s an idiot. The 6 word Hemingway story isn’t “”For sale: baby shoes, never used” It’s “For sale: baby shoes, never worn”

    That’s one word, but it’s one word of a total of 6 words. An easy google will correct that. If she calls herself a journalist, she should learn to factcheck.

    • I knew there was something about the way she wrote it that ruined the whole fucking thing. I was like, wait…why isn’t that as intriguing as it usually is? But I guess I am also a dodo bird too. Either that or I don’t really actually pay attention to the tripe she writes.

  6. new rule for my self -will only post if i can close with 6 word memoir referring to Our Lady of Introspection.

    Pride and Predjudice
    Living it Literally.

    • OK, that is lame and I officially retire from the 6-word memoir hijinks for the night.

      I promise.

      • Well, you notice the way I phrased it I COULD technically come back on at 1 minute past midnight and post again, because that would be morning!

  7. where is Jordache?
    where is Harvard Harley ?
    i keep thinking he won a golden ticket to her “lady place” and he has fallen into it never to be seen again like Augustus Gloop.

    Its sad
    And
    Strange
    And
    Worrisome

  8. “Where’s the bridge, I brought matches.” I have been laughing for 10 minutes.

    Oh my God these were all brilliant, there were really NO DUDS among any of them. Can we please start Twittering them in response to her?

  9. Swollen face, itchy pelts, shriveled soul.
    Don’t take it so seriously, ineffably.
    How strange to not quite exist.

  10. first post on this site and you like me, you really like me…

    here’s another jubba fat memoir: oh no’sers! where my fame go?

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