Julia Allison Needs Help. . .

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. . . so she is hanging out with a LIFE-STYLIST!!!

Jared Matthew Weiss is in the Pink Palace!

Now as Julia’s publicist, I am all about her actively repairing her mangled image. But is inviting this dude into her über-pink, castrating cupcake kingdom the right way to go?

Apparently, JMW is the guy who teaches you how to do what you already know is best for you (huh?). But let’s face it, we all know that Julia is completely unaware of what is best for her. Otherwise she’d step away from the blog, shutter the twitter and start dressing like a real woman.

Anyway, JMW admittedly has no credentials, but for $25 a month you can receive “unlimited email coaching.” (Hey look, Julia, he has a fake job too!)

It’s a good thing he is somewhat attractive, because otherwise I don’t think anyone would be buying his snake oil. But drink up, Baugher, because I have some sobering advice for you.

I know you are in a cupcake-induced introspective stupor. The only thing you need to do is stop complaining about all the vicious haters and really ask yourself what it is about your sad candyland existence that causes such vitriol. Once you answer that question, you’ll know what to do.

UPDATE: Oh, Christ. This is going well. From Julia Allison’s twitter:

“I have such a bad memory that I have to record everything or else … pretty much I wouldn’t know my life had happened.” – me to Jared

136 COMMENTS

  1. Cut to Julia sitting cross legged on her bed, pursed lips, notebook and pencil at hand while this loopy guy rambles on telling her to follow her dreams and think positive thoughts and just be herself!!!
    Not many psychiatrists do gratis therapy sessions in exchange for a tweet or blog post unfortunately, or we might be looking at some real progress.
    (reposting myself fr other thread)

  2. oh its so on -this man has a novelty hat and a pretend job. Will they launch a JV of ineffable proportions? Will there be a faux-mance or will he just disappear? like so many others. Poor Kyle King -was one life coach not enough? Comedy gold.
    Will he feature in a tmi video with julia pointing madly …”here’s the thing HERES THE THING”… as he tries to get a word in edgewise
    Finger snaps!!

  3. I’ll admit it. The guy is kind of cute, but after watching a couple of his You Tube videos, I can’t decide if I want to love him or punch him in the face.

    Best. Imaginary Hate Sex. Ever.

  4. oh emm gee she has a boy in her room is he talking about sexy things?
    wow golly gee have they had .5 of a date yet?

  5. Omg. I know where he got his credentials … playing the new SimFriend Sims 3 teaser game: http://simfriend.thesims3.com/.

    After playing for a couple of weeks, his SimFriend didn’t kill herself, so now he thinks it’s okay to inflict himself (and his advice) on actual paying customers.

    ((If he charges $25/month for phone consults (insanely cheap), I wonder what he charges for late night visits to a tiny pink closet with few seats and even less good company.))

  6. Interesting dude; he seems to be very active in raising money for breast cancer research by donating profits from an album of songs he wrote:
    http://www.songsthatheal.org/News.html

    Even more interesting, he is friends with someone named Payal Parikh, who shot the cover photo for his album.

    • Does this mean he won’t be advising her to get rid of all that pink shit?

      I guess I’m just a cynical asshole, but the whole “Songs that Heal” schtick he’s got going just reeks of self-promotion. I want to like him, but my hinky meter is edging into the WTF? zone.

  7. You know why she has no memory? Because every moment of her existence is spent obsessing over her appearance. It’s all she thinks about, meaning she is never entirely in the moment. There is always some underlying obsession about her hair, her pose, her tits, her arm placement, her outfit, etc etc., so that she’s not really experiencing anything.

    Julia’s Publicist, you rule.

    • One convenient thing about being honest is that it’s easy to keep your story straight. I think Julia “has no memory” (endquote) is because she is constantly making crap up, changing the story, misleading, “massaging the truth” so it’s impossible for her to keep track of all the bs she’s tried to pass off as that day’s reality. It’s not a memory problem, it’s a dishonesty problem.

      • I think Mark Twain gets credit for the related remark, along the lines of I’m not smart enough to keep track of a pack of lies so I tell the truth cuz it’s simpler

    • She takes photographs to commemorate every detail of her life; yet, all those photos are staged and completely phony. It’s no wonder she can look through her pretty pink digital scrapbook and not recognize a single moment of her life.

    • Looks like she’s either a Jankles style clone, or Jankles is copying her. Her blog is overrun with rompers, white ankle cuff high-heels, and pictures of her little dog on her poufy white bed.

    • Georgina appears to be a friend of Mary’s. They tweet back and forth all the time. Not so with Jankles.

    • Someone posted on the blogger version of RBNS that Georgie felt really taken advantage of re: Lily sitting. She barely got a thank you, Jackles was rude and presumptuous, and she also felt Jackles was a bad pet owner. And so the friendship has pretty much ended.

      • I wonder what Julia will do now? I mean, she’s SO BUSY with her appearance schedule, speaking dates, photo shoots, interviews, party invites, tv spots…

      • I heard it through the grapvine that the shit in the fan the last time Georgie doggy sat, too. She posted an blog about Lilly’s poor behavior effecting her then-puppy and they never seemed to communicate after.

  8. Seriously…does she live in a thimble? Every pic of her place makes it look like a freaking closet. My bathroom looks bigger than her entire living space. Is she in a studio or something, because her bed is in every pic.

    • Not sure if this is a serious question … but, yes, it is a thimble. She posted a tour at some point, so it might be in her vemo (or however that’s spelled), but it’s basically, you walk in and there’s a small kitchen immediately on your right (or maybe it’s left) and across a hall is the laundry room (basically a closet with a stacked washer dryer) and next to that, the bathroom. Then, if you walk two more steps down the hall, it opens up into a tiny room, I’s guess about 10’ x 15’. In there, she’s got the bed, an armoire (with her TV), a little petal table and I think just two chairs. And the closet, which I think I remember is actually one of the ones in the wall with sliding doors. I think that’s it.

      I feel like a total creeper now.

      • No it was a serious question, because I thought maybe all the jokes about her tiny place were blown out of proportion to make fun of her. But the more pics of her place I see the more it’s starting to look like a dorm room. Or like that Flight of the Concords episode where Jermaine moves into a closet.

        I mean…10′ x 15′?? How the hell does she live in that? And if she is really paying like 2800 a month for 10′ x 15′ she is a whackadoodle! I hope she’s living in the most awesome, impressive building and neighborhood in Manhattan for that kind of ends.

        All this time I thought she just had her laptop in the bedroom and you guys were just making fun of her small apartment. I didn’t know she actually lived in a freaking closet.

      • Oh, she pays $2880? Correction, I pay $200 less a month for 4x the space. What a dumbass.

      • Oh, partypants, sometimes I feel like we were separated at birth.

        The building does have a 24 hour doorman, as we learned from Charlsie, but I really don’t see how that makes the apartment worth so much more.

        One of the other regular commenters knows where the apartment is. She always says Hells Kitchen, but I don’t think it actually is there. That detail somehow escaped my brain.

        She’s Just Stupid: Are you in Manhattan?! $200 less for 4x the space seems crazy cheap!!

        (Also, this really is me. I am just not logged in to wordpress b/c I am at work.)

      • Also, she lives in Hells Kitchen, somewhere around 53rd St. on the west side. I remember when she found the place and mentioned that it would be convenient for last minute FOX Channel appearances (Cit needed).
        Yes, she is a Republican!
        Also, she has OFTEN falsely stated that she lives on the Upper West Side….(many cits needed)
        It’s a newly developing area which is quite dumpy especially after dark. Lots of traffic—trucks & buses galore.

      • PP, you are a treasure.

        This made me I remember why I used to only hate her for being a bitch to me and not for her existance! She’s actually kind of real in that video. Do you think maybe living in that tiny space for 2 years made her go a little insane??

        Isn’t it cute how she thinks that, now that she has a gym and kitchen, she’s going to work out and cook for herself. HA!

      • Melissa Sue, yes I’m in Manhattan. My apartment is 900 sq feet and the LIST rent is $3,000 (so…not 4x the size her JABA’s–I overestimated). Because of harsh economic times, landlords all over the city are offering 2 – 3 months off a year’s rent. It may go up after a year, but I’m moving anyway. She could have negotiated that rent down if she re-signed her lease, but, as I say, she’s just stupid.

      • Oh…and Hell’s Kitchen? Great neighborhood. Tons of interesting restaurants, close to theater, and it’s not far from Central Park. I can see why it’s too “grungy” for her, though. It’s hilarious she says she lives on the UWS. Not even close.

      • She’s Just Stupid: didn’t mean to sound accusatory!! It still seems like you’re getting an awesome deal.

        I was only in New York for 9 months before I got a better job offer elsewhere. Do you know where you’re planning to go? Rent is a lot more doable elsewhere in the country, for sure … my first apartment was in the Finger Lakes region in upstate New York, and it was 900 square feet for $500/month … New York rents always seems crazy to me. But, then again, I can drive 3 miles and be in a corn field, so what do I know?

      • Melissa Sue,

        I’m staying in NYC–I’ve been here too long and have Stockhomn Syndrome with the City. Just going to move out of the current apartment. Like it, but don’t love it for a variety of reasons.

      • Um, how has no one mentioned the fact that she has a washer & dryer in her apartment, yet doesn’t actually wash her clothes before she re-wears them the following day?!

    • I have a one bedroom, but lived in studios for years. Manhattan is expensive. HER apartment is stupidly so, although, having seen the description above, having your own washer and dryer will add to the rent. My rent is the same as hers, but for three or four times the space.

      The rent for that apartment for a new person moving in HAS to be lower in this economic environment. She’s probably too stupid to renegotiate her lease, though.

      (note: we are all crazy for living here).

      • I guess what I meant was, it seems awfully impractical for an unemployed person. 2880 bucks? She doesn’t have a job. How is this getting paid for? If I were Granny Moneypanties I would tell her to find a new place that was reasonable. She’s so retarded.

      • This remain the greatest mystery to me. She denies a trust fund but we all see what she does (and doesn’t do) for a living. Even random blog for pay gigs doesn’t pay for 2800/month plus expenses. Something is up!

    • The apartment is 350 sq ft….which is tiny. She mentions this on her decorating blog, that just didn’t go anywhere and ended. The link was posted on a previous RNS, and she stated the rent.

      • The closet is much bigger than I thought!! (Maybe the walkin wasn’t in the tour I saw??) Also, I had misplaced the wash room and the closet, but that’s pretty much what I remember.

      • I live on the UWS, alone in one-bedroom, no elevator building – and I still pay significantly less than JA. I don’t have a washer/dryer, or a dishwasher, and I can regularly see my neighbors in the building behind me having sex. But, I freaking love my apartment … particularly because I lived in quite a few shitholes when I was making next to nothing in my first position.

        Most of my friends (in their mid to late 20s as well) live on the UWS – in non-CPW addresses like yours truly, in Brooklyn, or in Astoria. The only people I know who live in Midtown are the Scary Sadshaws at my office (no offense to any RBNS who may live in midtown!). They claim that it’s “so much easier” to live close to their place of employment … but refuse to ever, ever get on a subway.

      • she was so much prettier than…nice jawline, profile, etc. BUT she is loathsome all the same. She is so “performing” in that video.
        And as someone who was a grad student in NYC for 6 years, that apartment that is reducing her to tears of pity in the video looks like a fucking palace compared to the shitholes i lived in. nobody paid for my lifestyle, and i didn’t get 6 figures to appear on tv and talk about something i knew nothing about. so i was reduced to sharing a horrible place in manhattan for a year, then a nicer place in astoria, queens. i know miss julia would never set foot in queens. one time on her blog, about a year ago, she mentioned that she had never been to queens, and knew nothing about it. way to get to know your place of residence, asshole.

      • Modulate those TEETH. What are those? Big Chiclets??
        Why didn’t anyone tell me she had giant veneers?
        Up-close that is one shockingly bright-brite porcelain
        brick-job….
        EVERYONE must view this ineffable video—
        My gawd, what a sad-sack actress–oops–they are
        all “Actors” now.

      • Wow! I am so sad for her. I always wondered who held the video camera for her. Here, you see it reflected in the mirrors. Just Julia. Sad, lonely Julia.

        Shudder.

        I am thinking about the Journey lip dub she did walking NYC streets. What a freak she must have looked like to passers by. What an idiot.

        Sad, but idiotic.

    • Ok, after the initial jealousy over how gorgeous i thought her kitchen and bathroom were, I was in shock over the rest of it. Is it seriously that small? And she pays $2500 a month for that? Was she on crack when she signed that lease? I know the boston side of insane rents really well, but that is just messed up.

  9. Good lawd, her tinyassed apartment sucks ass. I’d be so ashamed to invite any man up there if I lived in a glorified dorm room like that. With all the pink princess accessories and goddamned teddy bears, it really does look like a teenager lives up in there, and not some sadly unemployed woman pushing 30. And she wonders why she’s still single.
    So did she and this hipster dude stage wacky soap operas starring her teddy bears all night, or what?

  10. That guy looks like a huge douchebasket. A Life Stylist? Uh…really? Shouldn’t you be having an ironic moustache growing contest in front of the American Apparel or something?

  11. That guy—–at a loss for words. But he is exactly what is wrong with New York City and America in General. Using your middle name, wearing a costume of HAT and TIE inside, posing with a pointing finger (is that the NEW Gang-sign pose?), self-described Healer, or whatever he does. Doing a deal wth JA for free publicity…gawd, she’s so good at stirring up a mess.

  12. Julia’s apartment, in addition to her shoes, her restaurant choices and her general approach to life, is yet another example of how un-NYC she really is.

    I have a lot of girlfriends from college who moved to NYC. Having no clue about the city, they got the same types of overpriced studio apartments — clean-looking, in a safe neighborhood, with “luxuries” such as a balcony and washer/dryer. Then a year later, they got real, found a roommate for a bigger place, or got a real apartment — not one that’s as sterile as corporate housing.

    • Forgot about the balcony. That will push the price up too.

      Sorry, just in a real estate of mind.

    • Balcony—No one in NYC boasts of a balcony or even uses them.
      Roofdeck yes, balcony—-hicks only. Do you know how gritty and soot-covered NYC is? especially around Hells Kitchen with all the commuter buses and trucks. Gross. Probably also looks onto a brick wall—that’s why there are no JA posts about the balcony.

      • Oh HELL no. Balconies are great. They afford a great view and a place for guests to smoke outside when you throw killer parties. They’re also private, so you don’t have to worry about undesirables.

      • Not to disagree but I somehow doubt there are herds of people trying to crash the “killer parties” julia allison throws there in her pink Lilliput. I don’t think she needs to worry about undesirables, or anyone else, crashing her shindigs.

      • Yeah, have to disagree here as well. I live in NYC for 6 years and finally lucked out with a balcony. Balconies in NYC are great! Maybe you just had a shit one. We had a giant patio in our last NYC apartment, and paid $2400 for a 700 sq ft 1br on the UES with a 600 sq ft patio. The patio was off the back, so off the street and we put an entire garden on it, hammock, grill and cooked and hung out there all the time. The place was a steal, we found it through friends who lived there and were leaving.

        All the best apartments in NYC are word of mouth. They NEVER come up on the real estate market via traditional (agent, craigslist) channels, because they’re too good and get snatched up before they need to be advertised.

        That’s Julia’s problem. She has no legitimate social circle to speak of, or REAL FRIENDS who give a shit about her and would hook her up with a sweet place. That’s why she had to use a broker like an idiot when she was shopping around for her Bravo paid place, which never materialized.

    • dahling, you are absolutely right. when i first moved to NYC, i thought i HAD to live in manhattan. i couldn’t afford a place like hers, but i had a wreck somewhere in greenwich village. within 6 months i had found friends and got a rather nice place in queens with them. for her to be still living in this overpriced dorm room speaks volumes.

  13. Clinton Hill, aka Hell’s Kitchen was over-promoted as the next big thing. It’s slowly reverting back to what it was, a ‘meh’ neighborhood filled with traffic, where the residents migrate north for a decent social scene.

    I knew a bunch of people who overpaid for condo’s in the area who are regretting the decision to buy there.

    • clinton hill is actually in brooklyn and is a real estate term for “bed-stuy” (which, by the by, i have lived in and is a fantastic neighborhood)

  14. The line about recording herself because of her bad memory is utter bullshit. This is what she tells herself…this is how she justifies the documentation project that is her life. She can’t admit that she loves photos of herself and words written about her…she can’t admit that’s why she has 56 folders on her computer dedicated to her ‘accomplishments’ (i.e. being snapped at a chichi party).

    She’s in such denial.

  15. It would appear she is incapable of honest introspective and internalization, hence her comment about recording herself.

  16. Revisiting the Resolutions. http://julia.nonsociety.com/lifecast/67930464– Has she kept a single one?

    My favorites: emphasis on honesty, being on time, widening her perspective, “date responsibly – no drama,” sleeping by 2am, only two desserts a week, exercising three times a week every week, buying and riding a bicycle, walking the dog in Central Park, raising nonsociety views up to 3 million by April.

    Also, she has an asterisk for “* – this shall be recorded right there in this here blahhg.”

    Things that are asterisked?
    – Try one new thing every week (yes, it’s the “let’s go to an Art Museum or a Serious Play” resolution! Nothing wrong with that. Although I’ll go beyond just those, hopefully.)*
    – Do something healthy every. single. day.*
    – Exercise – at that “gym” place down the street (or in the basement of my building) – at least three times a week, every single week.*

    Could she have failed more miserably?

    • Also, let us not forget the unmitigated shit she gave Mary Rambin for refusing to post a huge effin’ unrealistic list of HER resolutions on NonSensical. That, in retrospect, seems to have been the beginning of the end for those two.

  17. READ THIS NOW:
    Julia on internet fame in 2007:
    http://blog.juliaallison.com/2007/09/post_4.html

    She has now become what she spoke about:

    “…people will DO things for you if you’re famous or well-known. It’s a type of power. So let’s say, back in the day, you were famous amongst your little tribe, well, people would be more likely to bring you back nuts & berries & shit. They’d be more likely to give you the better cave, the better cave women, the better spot in the hunting pack, whatever (I hate these stupid “back in the cave days” examples, but still, I can’t think of anything better). Thus, fame was a type of currency very early on.

    In any case, how does this relate to web fame? Well …

    Fame is funny. If you REALLY think about it, it doesn’t MATTER whether you’re famous throughout the entire world, like Brad Pitt, or all of America, like Mandy Moore, or famous just at your college, or famous in your chosen career (maybe you’re the most famous electrician in Des Moines!) In any of these cases, you’re going to accrue the benefits of fame – the adulation, the sense of false familiarity, the reassurance that people you don’t know personally will treat you well and help you out when you need something.

    As long as you’re surrounded by people who think you’re famous, it doesn’t matter where they are. So the web, in a sense, has created billions of heretofore nonexistent opportunities for people to become famous in their own niches – whereas before they were limited to real world communities….the internet also leads many people to believe they are famous and, as such, begin acting in fame-addled ways. As anyone who is familiar with E! or the celebrity newsweeklies, such as my employer, Star, fame often goes hand-in-hand with rampant and unrestrained egotism. “It is a shift that happens in the head and that very few celebrities will ever really speak about. … One begins to believe in the specialness, and a dangerous sense of entitlement takes over. … When celebrity addiction starts, you become impatient with, and even angry at necessary obstacles. You think could run a red light or two. And then you do.”

    Therefore, due to the internet, a huge (and growing) number of people have acquired what a good friend of mine termed “situational narcissism.””…
    !!!!

  18. I can’t seem to get past this crack and hooker phase that I’m presently going through. I e-mail Jared Matthew Weiss everyday and he tells me its okay – I’m just being myself.

    He’s such a sweety! He so totally gets me.

  19. Before you go thinking she was human then, here is the VERY next post on that blog –
    ” I’m not really sure who dumped whom. Part of me thinks it was him. The other part thinks it was me. Mostly I think it was him. … Although I’m actually the kind of girl who loves to go around telling people I’ve been dumped. Maybe it’s the sympathy…or maybe it’s the instant camaraderie – like the prominent gossip columnist getting her makeup done this morning in the next chair who, upon hearing my description of the events, said “Are you talking about the tech geek? Why the fuck were you with that loser, anyway? You should’ve dumped him after the first date.” And she knew exactly who he was, too. ”

    http://blog.juliaallison.com/2007/09/what_really_happened.html#more

    • I’m not really up on my Jankles history, but the whole email “breakup” saga sounds to me like she was dating some dude was wasn’t that into her, she got pissed that he was too busy and unwilling to make her a priority in his life, she sent him an ultimatum (shape up or I’ll ship out), and he called her bluff (yeah, you’re a great gal but this situation is shaping up to be a giant pain in the ass, so don’t let the door hit ya on your way out, buh-bye now). They hadn’t even slept together, and yet she calls it a relationship and a breakup.

      She doesn’t know one goddamn thing about the psychology of men, dating, or relationships.

    • From the link you posted, this is fucking unbelievable:

      “But if you read back through my columns (don’t feel the need to do this, just trust me on it), you’ll find that while I might allude to an old anecdote (infrequently!) – I never name significant others, I never talk about our relationships, and I never post photos of them.”

      More JA legalese? She never talks about old relationships and never posts their photos in her column…her BLOG, however, is another matter entirely. What a two-faced idiot bitch.

  20. RBNSers – in DC, there’s a message board/online community called Late Night Shots, basically a place for preppy GTown grads and ex-frat boy Hill staffers to waste time during the day talking about what bars and parties are cool. The site spawned “Blonde Charity Mafia” coming out on CW this Fall.

    Someone just posted that a “former GTowner” just inked a deal for a reality show on MTV starting in 2010.

    In the words of a poster on the site, “sweet fucking god if it is Julia Allison I am going to punch a koala bear”.

    Julia’s pics from the correspondents dinner found their way to the site, I have no doubt she trolls it…someone say it isn’t so!

    • It’s so funny that Julia never seems to get more than a D level project. (If this MTV thing is true) I am pretty sure that a reality show is something that she listed along with this blog, and Perez Hilton, as things she wants no part of anymore. And yet there she is! “I don’t read gossip blogs anymore. But watch me on MSNBC talking about Jon and Kate!” I am betting this show will never air. Test audiences are a bitch Jules.

    • I could see this: an MTV reality show about tha internetz, featuring one of it’s most hated characters and all the dramz that follows her. Hopefully, to stir things up, MTV would give RBNS time in the spotlight, as well; you know, as the foil to JA’s representation of herself. RBNS, actually, may have helped to make her seem more interesting than she actually is. I can see the tooly producers, stroking their soul patches …hmmm. There might actually be something here.

      Off-camera voice: And how would you respond to this statement: Lilly dog can (beep) granny moneypants right up her rancid, gray, (beep)?

      Julia: (Looking flustered, then defiant) Well, exactly. I mean….can you imagine????? It’s absolutely atrocious. (kisses Lilly) You don’t want to (beep) granny’s (beep), do you, sweetie?

      This will be Valerie Cherish: The Sequel. 🙂 Can’t wait!!!

    • I don’t know. Jules is pretty old for the MTV demo. Like, the closest they get to age 28 are the Duel shows from the washed up Real Worlders.

  21. I can only imagine — if it’s true, it might explain those mysterious “meetings” — that she would be the host or judge of some MTV dating reality show. She is too old for a show that would focus on her love life. Otherwise it might make sense.

  22. I can’t imagine what kind of show it would be??? It’s gotta be something about social media…I think the whole ‘crew’ is in on it…Randi, Megs, etc. I think that’s what all the dinners have been about and whatever else. If you look back, a lot of them were at MTV lately…didn’t she mention ‘seeing’ Randi there?

    It’s gotta have some facebook-related theme? Facebookesque structure/content/interaction…

    And, if you’re really coo coo like me, maybe this also explains her transfer of friends to fans??

    Something fishy………….

  23. Dude, if you’re auditioning for The Hat Squad, it went off the air in 1993.

    And, yes, that’s called a teddy bear. You get them in stores.

  24. She is so not getting “coaching” on ho to live from that dude. She is picking his mind for tips on how SHE can come to be known as a coach. Don’t you guys remember? She is allllll about helping others and self-empowerment, like OPRAH…

  25. Anything for a little attention. Any attention!!!!!! Like twittering this:

    @juliaallison: Already brainstorming about the lip dub I’ll do for Little Brother’s wedding – here’s the one I did in England: http://tinyurl.com/kwjpcmabout 1 hour ago from web

    If someone at MTV is deluded enough to give his chick her own show its just going to provide her a platform to demonstrate her complete stupidity and unlikeability ala Kelly on Real housewives of New York. Bring it on!

    • Agreed! I doubt she will come across in a flattering light. MTV has a soft spot for kunty kritters like JAB.

    • Julia on MTV would probably be as successful as that dumb blond girl from the Real World who said “don’t get ghetto! I don’t care if you’re from inner city blackville!” and then was all like “oops don’t take it so seriously”. That’s about what I would expect from Poo-lia.

  26. $25 a month seems awful cheap. It seems to me his services should be worth either $0 a month or, say, $200 a month.

    Anyways, I have this miniature mermaid that I’ll let you see for $1. Step right up and see the fish with the monkey head I made, ERRRR, I mean the mermaid I found!!

  27. Also, the whole MTV thing would be maddening except that there is not one cell in my body that would like to be on MTV. It’s like, good luck with that! Embarassing. The contract is like “We will make you look like an asshole…FOREVER”. Who’s going to sign on the dotted line? Assholes. That’s who.

    It’s very true too, MTV reality contracts state that they have the right to edit you in any way they see fit, for all eternity, including if years later you are at another location where they are filming, they can film you and incorporate you in to the show in any way with no further consent. So let’s say you were on Sorority Life and then you got over the embarassment of being the girl who had Jew-Lez tattooed on her back, and then later you are at a bar in Cancun and the Real World idiots are there…well MTV can film you and do whatever they want even if you’re like “hey I don’t want to be on the Real World Cancun!”. Sorry suckas!

    I mean what kind of a dumbass would sign up for that??

    • Exactly. I am actually excited about the prospect. The audience of haters will swell! We will no longer be alone! There will be thousands of us!

      I hope Mary’s involved.

    • Is Tila Tequila doing another love search? That way, Julia wouldn’t have to fake the sexual attraction.

  28. I don’t get it? Was her lifecasting falling out of fashion or something?

    Also:
    “I have such a bad memory that I have to record everything or else … pretty much I wouldn’t know my life had happened.” – me to Jared

    “You don’t need to have a good memory if you tell the truth.” – Judge Judy

  29. I just want to know how she gets these TV deals in the first place since she has absolutely zero camera presence. But I’m totally looking forward to the new people who will learn about her and hate her along with the rest of us.

  30. back in the olden days (2000-2001) there was a show called real sex in the city it featured many a NY singleton including a group of ladies who were “of a certain age” and their quest for love . There were strappy shoes, d-baggy men, a lot of hair flicking, slightly crepey necks & an air of desperation -this would be the perfect vehicle for her and Meghanise espec judging by her latest twitpic. Dear God she is all self deprecating about it but you can tell it was cherry picked from a million others

    • I loved that show! Only one of the women wasn’t completely heinous, and she kind of sucked too.

    • YES! It was on the Metro Channel (or something close) and most of it was shot in the hamptons, right?

    • OMG i had totally forgotten about those…they had different ones for every geographical location, like “hamptons”, “NYC”, and “Miami” or something too, right? Am I thinking of the right show?
      I LOVED watching those. I remember there was this total prick on the Hamptons show. Women kept fucking him, but I had no idea how he got any tail at all.
      Yes our Toolia would be perfect for this type of show.
      Unrelated side note: does anyone remember the original “Bridezillas” show? It was also on some local NY channel and it was GREAT. Most of the brides were wealthy, annoying Manhattan types whose parents were footing the bill. You loved to hate them. But after one season, they sold the whole concept to We TV. Their version features very non-wealthy people who act crazy, so you don’t love to hate them, you just feel sad for them. Also, the original had a really snarky narrator. I miss that old version.

  31. the lady barber the wine expert the actress -oh good times
    the blonde lady who had very questionable taste in men -ie she was completely obsessed with a man who seemed like the most agressive bouncer on earth and franly made me recoil everytime i saw him on screen

    • Poor bowlegged Jankles, her calves appear bigger than Meghan’s upper thighs. I believe the hair pelts are meant to strategically obscure the bingo wings. It’s so much easier than exercise.

  32. Bridezillas=Karen =awesomeness!!! The melt down at the hotel and also another other couple .. the hoo ha over Joe wanting to ring a dinner bell at the Tavern on the green. The Polish girl marrying into a very tradional Korean family. The wacky actress and her fluffy ottomans -Jabs and crew would be perfect for this type of show -people who think they have good tv personalities and can control the medium but hmmm maybe not.
    Jaba and Megs going to bad parties etc. with a snarky narration -just like here! But on tv! It would be comedy platinum!

  33. Oh Jared, please run, fast.

    I don’t know if someone has said this yet, but I’m going to admit my geekiness and cop to it.

    Jared was a national speech and debate champion in Oratory. He is a very good speaker, and now he life coaches. What do I remember about Jared?

    He used a rewrite of Vanilla Ice in his winning speech: Weiss, Weiss, baby.

    I like Jared, he was always a good competitor and nice to me. Please get away from this crazy quickly.

    • Whoo! Another forensics nerd!

      Do you think that Jules is regaling Jared with tales of her illustrious high school debate career?

      Or possibly getting some (much needed) help in the realm of public speaking?

    • Nope. it’s all there.

      BUT…I so loved her twittering about walking for two hours in Central Park.

      Tip of the tutu to whomever brought up the abandoned New Years resolutions.

  34. I was in a coffee shop this am and saw a woman in a going out type getup and high high heels at 10 am, which is too late for the walk of shame, and she looked cleaner than that, but it was a totally wtf, what is she doing, what tv show is she living in moment

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