Jessica Simpson Called. She Wants Her Hair Back.

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Honestly, the hair looks like a full-fledged wig now — not just pelts, but an entire wig, as though she’s bald underneath. She also looks like she’s about to burst out into a rendition of  “Stand By Your Man.” Is she fucking serious???? Is she truly out of her mind? How crazy does a person have to be to make Jessica Simpson’s hair look stylish and demure by comparison?

45 COMMENTS

  1. Is the grab her head so it looks like she’s pulling her hair out frustration her new signature pose? Or is she just trying to pat her weave because she’s got an itch?

  2. How does she expect people to take her seriously when she looks like a former coke whore stripper who finally growed up, got some kids, and moved out to the burbs?

    Seriously. Someone mentioned in a previous thread that she’s angling for a reality show. I can only imagine her in a Real Housewives of Chicago scenario. *Shudder*

    • Please. The Real Housewives of Chicago (yes, they are casting now) will be wealthy traders’ wives. Julia is, well, nobody’s wife. And certainly not glam in any kind of sense — not even a Jersey sense.

  3. It’s almost like she has two balls of yarn hanging down from her hair.

    Also, those shoes? Horrible!!! Those are formal shoes. They’re black satin. That dress is casual. I love mixing night/day but, honey, an undershirt inspired sun dress with a color blocked, tiered summer 08′ skirt bottom is super casual.

    Also, I own a black satin sandal. I know from experience that the satin needs a spot cleaning and cannot handle every day wear. I can only imagine what they smell like. In julia lingo, AK!

    • They’re not formal shoes, they’re the same stinking over-worn suede Zappos shoes she wears with every outfit. Hurl.

      • Julia, poofy skirts do not hide the fat thighs beneath. No wonder why you never give it up in the bedroom: you’re too scared for them to see what’s underneath.

      • hah I didn’t say she was thin or fit, but our lady at least has an hourglass figure. simpson looks like a pig in that photo. we all know julia is a pig …

        oh who am i kidding?

      • Hourglass? More like excessively pear-shaped, with a lousy attempt at camouflage with yet another poufy skirt.

    • Meghan looks like the old joke that ends: “Who gave you the nickel?” “All of them!”

      • i had no idea what you were talking about until i googled “Who gave you the nickel?” “All of them!”

        the only response was on a umass-amherst publication.

        will you tell me what it meant?

        also, i’m high.

    • Yes, true she looks awkward—-not the Model that she was,
      and often mentions….
      She needs some coaching too.

  4. Can’t she ever wear a pair of ballet flats? or flip-flops in fucking summer in NYC?!?!?
    Oh wait, I just remembered in another thread there was a pic of her in ballet flats. But I know I have seen these black monstrosities and those white horrors too many times this summer.

  5. Oh, I get the red hair now. It doesn’t matter to her if it looks shitty, as long as she stands out more than naturally pretty Meghan in photos. Stand out she does, like a tacky sore thumb in bad shoes.

  6. Why do these girls need freaking photo shoots for every possible new business idea/venture?

    There’s more to a business plan than smiling pretty for a camera. For example, if you’re angling for a reality TV show, how about getting a personality first – or in the case of Julia, one that isn’t so instantly dislikable. A helpful hint: if you keep on needing to remind the audience of your various personality traits (i.e., I’m so nice, so smart, so wonderful, really, I swear!), you probably aren’t doing the best job of conveying such.

    • I’ll go out on a limb and say there there isn’t any deal at MTV other than a potential for a pilot. If it’s her and Dum Dum Parikh, I can’t see it getting green lighted for anything more.

  7. Gawd, that red hair is screaming I AM FAKE, BORN IN A LAB, MOVE ALONG – NOTHING NATURAL TO SEE HERE. Who goes for a primary color unless they are the lead singer of an 80s new wave tribute band?

  8. If those pictures mean that they turned into prostitutes, at least Julia can finally say that she has a real job.

  9. Ok, well re: this photo. OMG eww! Right? Like I never thought flabby McSuburbs was attractive in ’07 but she looks straight up busted in these pictures. Waist the same size as the titties with thighs/hips over twice as big. 36/34/46 measurements, not hot. And the hair is just not working g sweetie. We’ve covered this by a. U her of people in a number of posts and several hundred comments but you look like a spaha hooker who can’t make rent.

    Also, like, I have no idea what the fuchlj dumb and dumber/ugly and fatter do and maybe there are old men who pay them for it but most business ideas don’t require pictures of a fat chick and her friend who doesn’t speak the English jumping around SoHo

    So kill yourselves please. You’re washed up and ugly and in your works that is,in fact, the end of the line.

  10. Pictures of our trip to that big crazy New York City for the St. Alphonzo’s bingo newsletter. Look at us! We had such fun! See ya at IHOP!

  11. actually that dress is cute and looks good on jules, but the shoes and hair kill it. and i’m glad to see that meghan isn’t wearing a tent like she usually does.

  12. but i wish she would stop that wide-legged stance. SO UNATTRACTIVE. it’s okay if your legs touch, really, it is.

  13. God, the shoes. THE SHOES AGAIN. I don’t think she’s ever spent over $60 for a pair of shoes in her life. And we can tell.

  14. I hope to hell this was taken in an alley alongside the New Yorker hotel and not the New Yorker magazine (see the sign behind them).

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