The Pelts: Mystery Explained

126
198

Do these look familiar, anyone?

Last night a puzzled commenter e-mailed us, confused about why Jackles was sporting glossy sausage curls once again when the hair over top the sausage curls looked dry, wispy and damaged.

Remember a few months ago when for a brief few seconds, there was a Vimeo up of a braying, hammy, agonizingly fawning Jackles kissing Ted Gibson’s ass on camera, as well as his hair pelts? The Vimeo disappeared about two minutes after one of our commenters linked to it. Strange!

Fast forward a few months and Jackles is getting her hair dyed red at Ted Gibson’s salon — what do you know!! And for free!!  She also blogged a photo of Ted last week, something along the lines of  “HERE’S TED GIBSON — THE MAN HIMSELF!!!” as though he was Barack Obama and not a wig-maker who  peddles his pelts on QVC  just like any other cheesy salesman. Looks like Jackles is wearing “the Deborah,” and she most certainly got it in exchange for blogging about his salon and the “great man” himself.

Let’s spell this out for exactly what it is: Jackles routinely wears a wig, pure and simple  — a made-in-China, synthetic wig. And she got her hair colored for free at the salon that provides her with fake hair pelts (and still had the class to bitch about it on Twitter in the hours following the visit to the salon).

Fake nose, fake teeth, fake plump lips, some suspect fake tits, Restylane injections, laser hair removal, fake fucking hair, fake “I’m so nice!!!” personality  — Fraudia McFraudypants, pelt-wearer.

126 COMMENTS

  1. ugh, i thought that the change in hair color also meant the end of pelts and bobby pins. guess not!

    • What is her obsession with bobby pins and headbands! Just get a friggin banana clip or a scrunchie like all the other chubby midwestern secretaries already.

      • LOL banana clip! honestly, i would love to see her in a scrunchie. it would be a vast improvement on all of this overdone hairdo crap. but she would NEVER wear one because carrie once said on SATC that real NYErs don’t wear scrunchies.

      • Oh come on, who hasn’t worn a scrunchie left over from 7th grade to clean house or do laundry? Ya know, before she was Carrie Bradshaw she was the scrunchie wearing Janie in “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”.

        Cmon NYC! Don’t be so stuck up!

      • Partypants, I live in NY and I own and wear SEVERAL scrunchies. Love ’em!! But, I also don’t live and die by what is said on SATC. Something tells me Miss Julia might.

      • I also wear scrunchies, albeit small ones in dark colors. I wear them to the gym, when I don’t feel like washing my hair and when it’s hot as hell out there and I want my hair off my neck and back.

        And I agree with narcissistheadband about SATC and JABa.

      • I am pretty sure Carrie Bradshaw also never wore plastic shoes, fake hair pelts, Dress Barn-esque dresses and jackets five times in a row, cheap headbands and bobby pins, but who’s paying attention? I am also pretty sure Carrie would never shop the Bloomie’s discount line, but I guess that’s splitting [fried, frayed, drugstore dyed] hairs.

        So in Julia’s “TV alter ego” life, does this red hair make her Miranda? You know… the sad, lonely, neurotic one?

  2. The way to disguise stringy, broken and over processed hair is NOT to clip in some fake plastic hair on top. God, what a hideous train wreck!! It’s like she is actively going out of her way to look as heinous as possible!

    Let’s ponder that for a minute: JULIA WEARS A HAIRPIECE. A FEMALE TOUPEE.

    • If you said that to JABa’s face (or to her via e-mail), she’d say,”you’re right: ‘The way to disguise stringy, broken and over processed hair is NOT to clip in some fake plastic hair on top.'” And she’d be being honest, in her creepy, lawyer-speak way because Julia clips her pelts UNDER her stringy, broken, over-processed hair.

  3. And all that at the tender age of 28. Judging by this, it feels safe to assume hat oOnce she reaches Joan Rivers’ age bracket, she will not have a single original bone in her body left. At least then her physical state will match her writing talent.

  4. So disillusioned. So sad. Julia was my everything. She was the wind beneath my wings. But bad weaves…..our love is over.

  5. I wont post the link, but there was this quote from her night out last night.

    “Sorry I look a bit douchey in this photo. It was 4 am and I’d been going at full extrovert throttle since 9 am yesterday morning, so I was exhausted – and of course fell back on the “pursed lips” pose. Oh well.”

    I’m just waiting for the moment when she calls her self “Jackles” or “Jankles”.

  6. I wish I had thought of this sooner! I sometimes curl my hair with a curling iron or hot rollers but mine never holds or looks that way. Mine looks realistic. It would be too hard to make every single curl look exactly even like hers unless someone else was curling it for her. Fake hair, now this is sad.

  7. Fashion/dating tip from the Y chromosome minority: if you have a big ass and hair below the shoulder, after 11 dates prepare to be bent over something with communication consisting mainly of grunting, ass slapping and hair pulling. Please accessorize accordingly.

  8. such a stupid twitter:

    I have to say, Avenue is a fucking awesome club. By far the best opening in NY in the last year.about 9 hours ago from TwitterFon

    yeah, right. Julia Allison knows oh so much about club openings.

    • Maybe she was applying for a job as a bathroom attendant? She has the right look.

      And she gets all her club info from this oh-so-klassy Chicago club guy, so you know she knows what she’s talking about:

      http://julia.nonsociety.com/lifecast/133462620-0-0

      The club is not just “awesome” it’s “fucking awesome” – such an expressive wordsmith, that one.

      • Glad she showed her Dad how to follow her on Twitter. He’ll be so proud of the one constant go-to word in her vocabulary. She certainly doesn’t express herself like the educated, privileged girl she wants everyone to believe she is.

  9. Those boxed in areas remind me of the Iranian missle propaganda photos. Good work, people. And like that country she is about to implode as her mania is at a fever pitch.

      • I don’t know but it’s really just pathetic at this point. I’m feeling like a Mean Girl, I mean she’s such a loser it hardly seems sporting to mock her.

      • i kind of feel the same way, like really stepping on someone when they are already so far down

      • Julia doesn’t think she’s so far down so she’s fair game. As soon as she admits she’s a total fail and does a complete personality overhaul, I will leave her alone. That will never happen, btw.
        She’s wretched. I’ve “followed” her for a year or two, I started sometime around the trainwreck that was jakobandjulia.com and just can’t believe her sense of entitlement. Now I’m just grossed out by her and she’s literally like the scene of a grotesque accident from which I cannot look away. (See that, Jules? That’s how you use which.)

      • And still she jets all over lecturing people about how to be a web 2.0 success or something. And braying about net sexism etc.

  10. Well, that certainly explains the swift return of those gawdawful Bo-Peep sausage curls, don’t it? Such a bad look for a 28 year old woman.

  11. More Tweets of Insanity. What a lazy, pathetic fuck up. Clubbing until 5 a.m. and then complaining about being too tired to make a lunch date. Texting crushes like a high schooler. And this is her day. And she’s almost 30. How fucking sad.

    ——
    Now, the question is … am I going to get a date out of this!??! Dammit, I better. Either that or “Putting Yourself Out There” Karma.
    about 1 hour ago from web

    Just texted a guy I’ve had a crush on for the last few years that … well, this: “You know I’ve always had a crush on you.” EEK!
    about 1 hour ago from web

    Grogggggy as hell. Lunch with The Ex (one of my many!) at Houston’s in a half hour. Can’t stomach eating when I’m still bleary-eyed.
    about 1 hour ago from web

    Nothing better than climbing into a hot bubble bath after 16 plus hours in 5 inch heels. Yes, I realize it’s 4:54 am. Er… Oops?
    about 8 hours ago from TwitterFon

    • Who is she talking to when she says, “Yes, I know it’s 4:54 am”??! It’s like she has imaginary conversations about herself too!

      I really hope something EXTREME happens to her.

    • I guess HarHar hasn’t been paying Jules enough attention. So now she’s baiting him. Texting chrushes! Lunching with exes! HarHar better commit before this catch gets away!

  12. She seems like someone who had all the breaks and completely threw them away.

    At some point people did take her seriously to have gotten her as far as she has.

    She should stick to one topic like Meghan has done. She should keep her private life completely private.

    She should treat the “little people” with respect. You never know who will be in power position on the way down.

  13. You forgot fake eyelashes. And 12 inches deep tranny makeup. There is nothing – not one thing, authentic about her. I really don’t understand how she gets dates at all, ever. There is no bigger boner killer than a high maintenance woman. It must take her 3 hours to get ready to go out.

  14. No wonder she doesn’t sleep with anyone for, like, 6 months. Can you imagine some poor guy trying to grab a handful of that synthetic crap on a one night stand? She’d have to wait that long in order to prepare the poor sap for what she really looks like.

  15. And the fact that Houston’s is her go-to spot is so perfect. It’s a midtown Bennigans for tourists and office drones.

    • Yeah, I snorted at that oh-so-suburban restaurant choice–she LOVES Houston’s, bunnies, & has mentioned it before. Guess dating Ben “Eater” Leventhal didn’t raise her taste level much.

  16. Did anybody see this recent tweet?

    “Walking past Carnegie Hall, wondering why I’ve been there only 3x before. I will go out w the next guy who invites me on a date there!!”

    Doesn’t this–plus the recent outfits–OFFICIALLY make her a whore?

      • One of my dreams when I came to NYC was to go to Carnegie Hall and the year that I bought my first subscription was one of my NYC dreams come true.

      • Yes, OhHoneyDont!!! Just buy some goddamned tickets, Ghoulia!! Why do you need a date to take you there? Oh Ms. Gloria Steinem must have just LOVED meeting you last month or whenever it was.

      • Of course not. In return, the date will just get the amazing privilege of being in her awesome neon red presence.

        And wow … check out the tidal wave of CREEPY twitter responses. EWWWW.

        She is just … disgusting.
        ———–

        NickFahrenkopf @juliaallison What do you like? Ballet? Opera? Orch.?
        7 minutes ago from Yatca

        Mosthated @juliaallison Carnegie hall it is!
        26 minutes ago from TwitterBerry

        Marcshellafresh @juliaallison then let’s go! lol
        about 1 hour ago from TwitterFon

        NYupDates Walking past Carnegie Hall, why I’ve been there only 3x. I will go out w the next guy who invites me on a date there!! (via @juliaallison)
        about 1 hour ago from Tweetie

        OpinionatedGift @juliaallison You haven’t been practicing enough
        about 1 hour ago from TweetDeck

        lds627 @juliaallison Dang – they don’;t have anything opening until OCTOBER.
        about 1 hour ago from web

        vincentcu @juliaallison how far in advance can that said date be set?
        about 1 hour ago from TwitterFon

        pjdixon77 @juliaallison Not sure I can do Carnegie Hall…how about Carnegie Deli?
        about 1 hour ago from TwitterFox

        senseless1 @juliaallison Can I get a tentative date since it might be a few years until Im back in NYC – and I would need to divorce my wife first. 🙂
        about 1 hour ago from web

        cheeky_geeky @juliaallison Dammit. Was staying at hotel next to Carnegie Hall. Oversight – checked out this morning. There goes my chance at “hot red.”
        about 1 hour ago from web

        john_jordan @juliaallison wanna do dinner, and then go out to Carnegie Hall sometime soon? 😉
        about 1 hour ago from TweetDeck

        iwyp @juliaallison trust me the guy already knows you have a crush on him. He is either gay or not interested.
        about 2 hours ago from web

        PhilippeKeb @juliaallison – Be patient, all right? I’ll only be available for a date later in the summer 😛
        about 2 hours ago from web

  17. Every direct link in the past three posts have been deleted. What a shock.

    I thought she “never reads the hate sites.”

  18. Like OMG – check out this rocking question TMI Weakly posted on Facebook!!!!!

    TMI weekly: Do guys find girls wearing pony tails outside the gym cute?
    2 hours ago ·

  19. Hahahahaahahaha

    The technical prowess of Meghan Asha Parikh is rearing it’s dopey head again. All the content on NS is unavailable.

    Great job Meghan Asha Parikh!!

    • Maybe when the “geekette” reconfigures the “sight” she can update dear Julia’s descriptor, considering she is no longer a “dating columnist”. Thanks TONY!

  20. Most young Women in NY who work in Media, Jouro, PR-
    have atleast one Gay Good Friend…. Is JA so loathsome
    that she doesn’t have one or two? Or is it her Republican
    Heart of Hearts showing? Maybe the Gays have some BS-radar
    (skank-dar?) that shields them from her.

    • Once again: she is NOT a Republican.

      I feel like a broken record here, but let’s review: she was a vocal Obama supporter and according to her old blog, she went to the Bush inauguration (in 2001) and was bummed out that it wasn’t for Gore.

      Just because her mother was a speechwriter for a Republican president some 35 years ago does not make JABa a Republican.

      Plenty of us who are Republicans have gay friends – we’re just not loathsome assholes, as she is.

      • I would venture to say that she is not anything. She expresses an interest in politics, but only on a surface level, i.e. I could’ve been Obama’s speechwriter if I kept on sleeping with congressmen.

        The fact of the matter is that a true knowledge and interest in politics is something that requires you to think beyond your own sphere, which Orange Julius (God I love that nickname) is completely incapable of doing.

      • You’re right, JBP, she is probably nothing politically. I’m just sick and tired of people claiming that since (fill in whatever hideous quality JABa possesses), she MUST be a Republican.

      • What about when she worked for Mark Kirk– Republican congressman from North Shore of Chicago?
        Don’t they have to take loyalty oaths?
        I heard they sometimes implant chips….

      • $10,000 since 1999…..
        donating every year and getting stronger.
        How much does a starter job for a daughter cost?

      • I’d be willing to bet that she is a registered Democrat. Although, she just goes with what’s popular.

      • As a gay, I have often wondered about that.
        I do know that my friends and I are all naturally repelled by her, maybe it is just something in our genes? I always assumed I didn’t like her because she was just so oddly annoying and self-promoting, but maybe it is my mind trying to subversively tell me something.

        I mean, good God, who is so unappealing to the gays? Even Mary has that sad little pocket queen to call a BFF.

      • She’s nothing. She was a republican until several years ago. She has no political opinions of her own. just check out each time she tries to state a political opinion–it’s uncommited and unresearched-ALWAYS.

      • I agree with TJ on this one. Today J feigns to be a democrat because she thinks a photo with obama would be perfect. But in the past she has uttered ‘off’ comments that had a bit of disdain for democrats. She didn’t like biden ’cause his son ignored her. But if the story of grandma’s money is true, I’m betting girlfrend pokes the Republican chad.

      • Imagine it all you want, but once again, she claimed to have been disappointed that she was going to the Bush inauguration instead of Gore’s. She has also claimed to be an Obama supporter.

        Why some of you keep insisting that she’s some sort of stealth Republican, that just defies reality.

        It’s one thing to take her to task for the shit she does, but to project your own issues onto her is just stupid and nonsensical.

      • Redacted–I can’t speak for others but I’m not projecting anything onto Julia. She has no political convictions. If Jules had been in her 20s during the Reagan era, she would be have been a Republican booster. Whatever APPEARS to be the party that has cachet, that will bring JULIA some sort of recognition, is the party that she will profess to uphold. Obama appears to be the hip prez and Randi OMG gets Julia’s puss onto C-Span when looking the other way while Obama is talking, so Julia likes Obama. Heck, she was nearly his speechwriter! Again, Julia has no political convictions, and for someone with a poli sci degree, Julia’s actual understanding of government and the political process is woefully naive.

    • I’ve actually wondered about Julia’s lack of gay friends. I find it strange! That and the fact that she really does not have any friends who are minorities (and by that I mean black and hispanic).

      She comes from such an insular, whitewashed world that no wonder that she can barely look beyond herself.

    • Guess that I need to sound like a broken record here as well. No matter how many times Jackles goes to lunch with a certain black sportscaster old enough to be her daddy or bangs some light-skinned politico, our pelted lady prefers minorities who sit at the back of the bus. I’ve sat in a classroom with Jules in which the two African-American women in the class loathed our lady after comments made about Hallie Berry. When Jules told the gay professor that she thought it best when gay men pranced about and fixed hair, he looked about ready to vomit. Actually, most everybody in the class looked as though they were going to hurl at one time or another on the asshole.

      • I wish people discussed this more — Julia’s perception of gays and minorities — because although it rarely comes to the forefront, it is one of the most loathesome things I hate about her.

        Her little bus freak out about the girl on the phone was totally about race.

  21. Oh, PS—today is REALLY New Year’s Resolution RE-Commitment Day.
    Remember, y’all????——-” A-Game Content”
    Let’s See— how is that going for JA? Has she even tried to
    buckle down?
    Heard this on the radio today.

  22. Can someone please explain why she would be at dinner with Michael Wilbon? As a loyal viewer of Pardon the Interruption (a witty, creative and informative show! Imagine!) this puzzles me.

  23. why do i read her tweets? I loathe her so much. there’s this news:

    Harvard Harley’s still around, @wachner, but I’m not so into getting too serious too fast. I actually like dating and being single!!26 minutes ago from TwitterFon in reply to wachner

    • Yes, because reading the bridal edition of New York magazine before your date with HarHar, getting teary eyed while reading it, and being late to said date because of reading the aforementioned New York magazine … that just SCREAMS “I love being single, and I’m so not taking this fast!”

      Same thing with boasting about how Jordache Jeans got engaged within six weeks of meeting her now husband.

    • The HarHar thing is pathetic. Dude’s not into her, and she paints it like he’s the one looking to get serious. “Still around” == alive and breathing and not taking her calls.

  24. Tonight is the Trust Fund Five* show at the Bowery Ballroom that Julia said she would attend (fishing to comped). Nothing so far about Jordache…this should be fun.

    *a.k.a. Harlem Shakes

  25. Hey guys,

    Enough about my sister’s dopey friend. Don’t you guys want to comment on my huge stone crushing jawline? I mean srsly I can snap 2 x 4’s with my chompers!

    My sister is dumb, and so is Jackles..

  26. “juliaallison: Running late to join lovely @JordanBerkow for her hubby’s @HarlemShakes concert. I want to wear what I wore last night. Is that so wrong? ”

    Of course she wanted to REPEAT the outfit. Safety zone; the outfit made her feel THIN.

    • And the jacket/jumper combo is the ONE “edgy” (HA!) outfit she owns, and the only one that goes with her fug hair. I don’t think Jordan looks too fondly on the pink ruffle skirts and two-sizes-too-small white puff sleeve blouses.

      It’s really sort of sad how she can’t fit into ANY of her old clothes and can no longer afford to buy new ones. She’s such a nobody now that she can’t even borrow clothes anymore.

      • she’s been buying aqua like crazy though. ever since manta weekend and her “vacation” she seems to have slightly more spending money.

  27. Too hilarious – Julia’s new tweet is actually “edited” version of her horoscope:

    @juliaallison: In all your trials & tribulations, remember that it’s not what you face that counts, but rather how you cope with those circumstances.
    22 minutes ago from web

    Susan Millar at AstrologyZone: “In all of the trials and tribulations of Saturn opposition the Sun (what you have now if you are March-born), remember that it’s not what you face that counts, but rather how you cope with those circumstances. When we are under stress, we don’t have the energy to put on any kind of pretense, and we come face to face with our true self, to the very essence of our soul.”
    http://www.astrologyzone.com/forecasts/monthly/pisces_full.php

    • Wow… believing in horoscopes, acupuncture for weight loss, colon cleansing, juice diets, The Secret …. she really is a dim bulb isn’t she? Julia falls for any and all quackery out there. What an unintelligent dolt.

      • Zelda she says she need acupuncture for an aching back. Me thinks if she simply didn’t wear 5.5 inch heels to galavant all over th city for 16 hours a day, her back would feel a lot better. problem solved.

  28. TMI weekly (let’s just call him TIM) has 89 Facebook fans! Bwahahahahaha! 89!!!
    Even with that awesome Caress giveaway, they still couldn’t crack 100.

    Hee-larios!

  29. In the latest installment of Things You Never Asked And Really Don’t Want To Know:

    In the cab en route to @HarlemShakes concert, rocking the same outfit, tonight with a distinctly less comfortable thong. Grr.

Comments are closed.