Short Answer To Stupid Question

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Is it weird that I have girl crushes on *most* of the gorgeous, intelligent women my exes date after (or before) me? Shouldn’t I hate them?!

Yes, it’s fucking weird, and just another example of you attempting to cling onto your exes in whatever way possible, even if it’s to convince yourself you simply LOVE his next girlfriend and want to be Pretty Pony besties with her. You do this because you want people to think you’re nice, when actually you’re unwell.

Next question?

110 COMMENTS

  1. Yes, it is absolutely weird and you should get professional halp. Also, why do you share this with the world?

  2. P.S. I don’t know where it comes from, but the picture of the sad saggy clown is perfect for the occasion.

  3. Yes, stop pretending to be the “cool” girl who is so chill she is BFF’s with her exes and their new girlfriends. You are not that girl. Painting yourself as NOT JEALOUS!!! because you have a “crush” on the new gf is just weird.

    • True. A frenemy has dated a man for years who dates her, dates others, dates her, dates others. She is so cool she says it doesn’t bother her. To which I say bullshit.

  4. If she has crushes on them, then she must be just as great as they are! People probably have crushes on her! She must *also* be gorgeous and intelligent…just like they are! It’s almost like having a crush on herself!

    • Exactly.

      Good GOD Julia just come out already. Spend a week in the mountains alone and come back and wake up and realize that you love ladies. It would probably be better for your mental health to wake up to who you are and there are pleanty of power lesbians out there in Hollywood who are willing to make you a TV cable non-political pundit STAH!

      • Dr. Gary: A Rhodes scholar and successful political commenter paired with Jankles? That would be like pairing a great steak with boxed supermarket brand wine.

        I picture Jankles with an older but still kinda lipstick-y agent who knows enough to ignore JA’s braying and gives Julia all the attention she could want when they are together (also, enough cash to steer Julia away from the plastic shoe selection). In a few years she will dump JA for a young, lithe brunette beauty who is an art director at some ad firm out in LA.

      • Oh, don’t worry CurrentGawkerEmployee, I was just jokin’ about Rachel Maddow.

        When I googled ‘butch dyke’ to find a good photo, Rachel was the first (and best) one that popped up. Thought it would be funny to pair Rachel with ol’ Jankles, since it wouldn’t happen in a million years.

        Although, if they did hook up, can you imagine how tired we would be of Jankle’s constantly tweeting OMG! OMG! RHODES SCHOLAR!! OXFORD!!

        And, InAnotherLife? Even though I’m not into girls, Rachel is also MY fantasy dream date.

        Perhaps this ‘guy’ is a little more Jankle’s type:

        http://i43.tinypic.com/2cqm9ns.jpg

    • That’s what I was thinking.

      I bet Jankles is suppressing some SERIOUS lesbian tendencies/urges. Hence:

      *The hyper-feminized persona
      *Rejection of/strict self-imposed waiting periods to engage in heterosexual sex
      *Excessive obsession with vibrators
      *Inability to sustain a long-term intimate relationship.

      The ‘Über Lipstick Lesbian’, if you will.

  5. The way those shadows fall on her in that picture…
    The shadows from her false eyelashes…
    The red bow…
    The tutu and pouty lips…

    This picture actually makes my heart ache for her. It’s a split second in time of the shadowy-existence and emptiness that greets her every day. Truly sad.

  6. ugh, how did this photo get out??
    frightening, and simply sad.
    She just looks so busted.

  7. AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA

    Which of her exes is she even friends with? All of her exes that I can think of laugh at her behind her back and vehemently hate her.

    Oh Julia, you are not that “cool girl,” and you never will be.

  8. I’m trying to, but I’m just not hearing ‘Vesti la Giubba’ from Pagliacci when looking at this pic. I’m hearing braying.

  9. Ugh. She is extremely jealous that her ex BF’s have new girlfriends, which is why she attempts to insert herself back into the equation (‘Well if I can’t be your girlfriend I’ll be your new girlfriends BFF! We’re a family again!’) in the hope of sabotaging the whole relationship. It’s so fucking pathetic.

  10. Uh-oh, new question, and she’s back on the sauce again:

    “Is it so wrong to feel strongly that cupcake shop employees should be cheerful at all times??11 minutes ago from TwitterFon”

    Yes, Julia, it’s wrong, because they’re not extras in your remake of SATC.

    Buy an extra dozen to celebrate the family reunion, while you’re at it.

    • obviously, people making minimum wage at a cupcake shop, serving up the braying jackles should be smiling at all times. life is good.

      • Well, having worked in a country club kitchen to help put myself through school, more often than one might think.

      • A country club kitchen? Oh, man.

        I was at one in the south where seriously all the staff are 80 year old black men and all the “guests” are 80 year old white people. I ran out of there screaming.

    • I just made cupcakes for my daughter’s 5th birthday. They were yellow cake… made w/ real butter… and fun-fetti icing (chocolate). It was a COMPLETE hit with her entire pre-school class and the hubby and siblings demanded the extras.

      I shall adopt Julia and show her the path to woman-hood via Betty Crocker and canned icing. (bought only on sale of course)

      • Baking is the most fun. I have a collection of the Williams Sonoma pans with fun shapes. Bugs are the best. I start with a mix and skip the icing. We do sprinkles instead. It is so so so so so so fun.

      • I will service you BettyCrocker… any way you wish.
        Just to sample your Williams Sonoma pans with fun shapes. I’m in awe of your ability to make the cupcakes with only sprinkles and no icing. You must SURELY be a wizard or warlock!! Either way, like Julia, I’m CRUSHING on you! (because of your pans… haha)

      • Well, all right then. Just sprinkles is the rule here. Trying to regulate the crap intake. Hoping to hold the line re icing.

  11. Her retarded cupcake obsession is just…old. She’s too old to be pulling this hair twirling teehee toe cocking tween crap. It’s just sort of boring and pathetic at this point.

  12. Let me guess – she reprimanded the store clerk for not being off the wall perky and “doesn’t she know she has the funnest job evah!!!!”
    The store clerk probably added Julia’s picture to the wall of “weird customers with special needs”.

    • Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
      Do you think she does these things just so she can read about it here???? Seriously… do you think??

    • Jesus. She really has the daddy issues. This would be cute if the girl in the photo was four years old.
      Also? no grace whatsoever. Ballerina, my ass.

  13. Oh Julia, that heightened emotion you feel when you meet the new girlfriend of your ex-BF is not adoration or admiration. It’s jealousy.

    You lie so much to others and yourself you can’t even accurately gauge your own emotions.

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  15. Can anyone make heads or tails of her last two Tweets?

    “SDM Part 5 is about to begin. Oh hells yeah. Hahah”

    followed by 🙂

  16. I just don’t buy her relationships with anyone. I feel like it is all imaginary. I know you all say this all the time…

    Her tweet/post about what her mom did for her (buy groceries) that made her tear up is just so weird to me. I just feel she is out to convince the world of something and it is so embarrassing FOR ME.

    The way she does things lacks a certain something…she is just not genuine. It doesn’t come across at all, Julia. It’s too showy…too cringe-worthy…too desperate.

    Just be quiet!

    • Yea, I agree. Like a normal person would meet a new friend and maybe give her a shoutout. Julia builds a tribute to her on her blog. A normal person would say thanks for the lettuce, Mom. Julia ‘tears up’ while making a ‘salad’ (cupcake salad?)

      It’s like she lacks normal human interaction. Fucking weird. (I think she maybe thinks she’s cure and quirky and everyone adores her over the topness. But she just comes off as fucking stupid.)

    • Like I said before – I think she is perhaps mildly retarded. Engaging in or even talking about normal human interactions are outside of her mental capabilities. We talk a lot here about how she maybe has mental issues that go unaddressed and OMG how can her parents be so cruel as to not send her to a therapist and OMG how can they pay for her to live by herself but if she was mildly retarded and did not just suffer from mental issues then maybe it’s a big accomplishment that she is living on her own at all. (even with parental assistance) Maybe she is tearing up making a salad because momsers is so proud that their special needs daughter can almost function as an adult on her own?

  17. I’m sorry but her parents are enablers. We thought the Easter debacle was just a one-time slip-up but the picture of Julia in a contorted freakshow leap across the ‘Yale Library Courtyard’, being photographed from afar by her father…

    Like, honestly, take a few seconds and think of how that went down. ” Dad, ok, take this camera, and then I am going to run over there and do a big jump and when I am in midair, arms akimbo, snap the picture! If it doesn’t catch me in midair we have to do it again. Love you! Thanks!”

    My father would look at me like I was deranged. And I’m only 25.

    • She has also clearly not received the memo re: Aqua. It’s Bloomie’s private Forever 21. She’s obviously decided her target demographic is no longer “NY media folk” but rather “impressionable 17 year olds for whom Atoosa Rubenstein’s “Alpha Kitty” movement came too early”.

  18. OMG I had totally forgotten about Atoosa.

    Also, what in the world would that crinoline/petticoat (not tutu) actually go under?

  19. A Petticoat (also known as underskirt in UK and slips in the US ) is an article of clothing for women, specifically an undergarmen to be worn under a skirt, or saree . The Petticoat is a separate garment hanging from the waist .

  20. The things about the exes comment is that she’s using it as a dig to someone by qualifying the statement by saying it applies to *most* of them. So while this seems to ostensibly be a shout-out to all the ones she’s BFF with, it’s really a subtle, passive aggressive dig at the one she doesn’t like. She truly is the Underminer.

    • Oh, I’m sure this person will lose a lot of sleep over this while the others might think: “Damn, I wish that was me. How did she do it?”

      It’s funny that what Julia regards as a blessing is probably seen as a curse by most other people.

  21. Holy shit, did I ever miss a whole lotta crazy over the past few days!

    What a damn silly question. Cite examples, please, because I don’t believe for a minute that any exes accept your syrupy, insincere advances or that you actually feel that way at all.

    I also don’t believe that she has any latent lesbian tendencies. She only says things like this to imply that she might be up for a little bi action and fire up the imagination of whatever man she has her sights set on. It’s a manipulative misdirection like the ‘I don’t want to get married, I LOVE being single!’ schtick.

    Did she give a photo credit for this pic? I kind of like the composition – it has a wistful quality that would appeal to me if I didn’t loathe the subject so much.

    • I think it’s a great photo because it captures Julia’s true self: a sad clown. It also captures everything that is so sad about her: the busted, lonesome face, fixing the awful signature bobby pins-and-hideous headband hairdo, the too tight clothing, the pathetic petticoat, the sad hand-me-down Chanel purse, the lumpy, muscle-less legs and cankles, right down to the cheap shoes. Even the water in the corner – don’t forget everyone! Sad Clown does not drink!! Only water for this Sad Clown!!

  22. where did you find that picture? julia seems so very sad and pathetic. i wonder if she ever pauses to think about what she is actually doing with her life.

    she says she runs a start-up, but a vanity blog and endless self-promotion is not a viable business.

    she says she’s a journalist, but she doesn’t report on anything of significance despite the fact that there’s plenty going on in the world around her (davos, inauguration, iran, MJ, and on and on and on…)

    she says she’s a writer, but only writes captions to pictures of herself and the occasional “reader” email supporting her latest stupidities

    she says she’s a conversationalist, but the conversation is always one-sided and the topic is always “julia allison”

    she says she is so busy and so exhausted, but she regularly stays up to 5am posting meaningless drivel and tweeting “:)”

    she says you shouldn’t speak ill of people you don’t know, but she jumps at the chance to go on television to gossip about people she can never hope to meet.

    what is she doing? how can she be so blind to the fact that she has been given every advantage and has managed to waste every opportunity that has been handed to her.

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