Julia’s Brain Speaks And It’s Effulgent, Bunnies!

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JULIA’S BRAIN Says:
June 15, 2009 at 9:16 am | Reply

GOOD MORNING BUNNIES!!! I am still awake after an amazing THIRD night out in a row with my AMAZING new friend JORDANNNNN!!!!! We have gone out to eat and gone clubbing and maybe done some other stuff that I promise is not the reason I am staying up until 7 a.m. and so thoroughly and completely latched onto another person. (wink)

Bunnies, I learned a new word this morning while I was bouncing off the walls unable to sleep. The word is EFFULGENCE and totally replaces ineffable. It means “the state of being bright” and totally describes me perfectly. I am bright. I am a light. I am a rainbow that tastes like a Skittle and all the world is bright and light and I am full of music and wonderful sparkles. That last trip to the bathroom stall was perhaps a bit much, no?

ANYWHOO!!!!! Look at this picture of Jordan and I being gals about town:

http://julia.nonsociety.com/lifecast/123563015-0-0

Are we not the cutest ever???? One of her friends – A WRITER FOR MICHAEL CERA!!!!! – accidentally mistook me for Jordan’s step mother from Connecticut, but I was like, you silly goose, do step mothers wear incredibly sexy pleather ankle strap shoes like THESE??? (I then stuck my awesome shoe on his shoulder, which I am sure the thought was really sexy. Shhh, don’t tell Harvard Harley!!!)

Speaking of him, I went on date 5.24 last week and he has not returned any of my emails, texts, facebook wall posts, notes, mail, or IMs since then. I am really confused, bunnies. Jordan got engaged after six weeks. WHY CAN’T I????? BLERG. It sort of makes me hate her. But then we go to dinner and go out and then stuff happens and then I LOVE HER AGAIN!!! LOVE HER!!!! SOOOO MUCH!!! LOVE!!!!!

Well, bunnies, I really must be going now. I have so much to do today after I sleep off this candy hangover. Candy. Only candy. I have to dry clean my three favorite outfits and go shopping for a new white button up shirt. The buttons finally popped off of my old one and I need to scour the racks of H&M for a new one. Extra sheer is best, bunnies! I also have to spend a good portion of my day scrubbing, drying and re curling my little secret to beauty – clip in hair extensions. Going out to clubs makes them extra smokey and dull, bunnies! That will never do!! Then I have to have a very serious talk with my parents about how my AMEX bill miiiiight be a little outrageous this month, especially after the craaaaaaazy few nights I have been having lately. That cash advance was TOTALLY NECESSARY, MOMSERS!!!!!!

Anyway, bunnies, I hope that once, just once, you will find in your lifetime the kind of love that I have found with my new ineffable friend Jordan. We are both beacons of effulgence in the dark night, lighting the way of happiness for anyone who comes into contact with us. SPARKLE SPARKLE SPARKLE FAIRY FRIENDS!!!!!!!!

17 COMMENTS

    • She is rating the sangria to impress her ex, Ben Leventhal, the EaterNY guy. Just like she “rated” the restaurant he recommended last week, the one where she dined with the effulgent Paul Carr.

  1. Did she seriously go to a club in a white blouse and what looks like a high waisted/past knee length light blue skirt? Is she wearing orthopaedic shoes as well?

  2. Does anyone imagine Julia waking up every morning (sorry, afternoon…such a hard worker!!) and saying to herself, “Now what would Charlotte from SATC wear?”

    Too bad she doesn’t have the looks, money or style to even look like Charlotte’s aunt.

    • She doesn’t have Charlotte’s intelligence/work ethic either—Charlotte’s character was actually a respected art dealer at a gallery before she married her perfect doctor, and then her imperfect-yet-adorable lawyer.
      Also, Charlotte is a very likeable, genuinely sweet-natured character, unlike the phony fame-climbing bitch Julia Allison.

      It’s funny how Julia first modeled herself after Carrie Bradshaw but has since morphed into some Upper East side princess/Charlotte York wannabe. It actually takes money, class, and style to be Charlotte though!

    • I agree. Julia thinks she can play high/low with Charlotte’s look, when Charlotte was constantly clad in Oscar de la Renta and Carolina Herrera. As it stands, Kirsten Davis (gorgeous woman) doesn’t have a model’s stick-size body, but Patricia Fieldman knew how to dress her in a flattering way. Sadly, Julia’s Forever 21 versions of Upper East Side just don’t fool anyone.

      I’m not going to lie, her daddy is kind of a big deal in Chicago. But sweetheart, this is New York. Forget about playing like you’re from UES Old Money when you’re just a midwestern gunner.

      And this is from one midwestern gunner to another.

  3. “DO NOT include shots of my lower half! If you do, do it from a distance!!”

    — Julia, whilst filming the rock-climbing TMI episode

  4. This post did me in. I can’t keep this up anymore. Julia is a moronic twat. A chunky moronic twat.

    • You lasted for an impressive period of time and if it’s of any consolation, I found you very entertaining.

    • Awwwwww. I find myself mysteriously disappointed. I was starting to enjoy the whole person of Go Julia! Go Julia! And now you’ve…gone?

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