Julia: Yoo Hoo, I’m Here!

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You can always tells Jackles is in a manic high when she starts throwing around excess adjectives and adverbs and superlatives. The last couple of days have been epic. EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE IS AWESOME, PEOPLE!!!!

Eye-roll. Here are some more from the last couple of days, which of course ended with her usual manic “I AM BLESSED!!!” and “I’M SO EXCITED I CAN’T SLEEP” Tweets in the wee hours, which must mean Harvard Harley is pulling away and she’s wanting to make it clear she is HAPPY!!! and SO BUSY!!!!:

The endlessly genial Howard Polskin, Senior Vice President/Communications & Events of Magazine Publishers of America.

The terribly personable Rodger Berman

The Canadian ball of sweetness, Rachel Sklar

The tanned, in shape and extremely personable Howard Dean

“They had some of the best music (hip-hop/rock/rap) – both DJs and live – I’ve heard at ANY party, EVER.”

“Feeling so lucky to be able to work with such AMAZINGLY talented people!!”

“Just finished a meeting w my ridiculously talented @TMIweekly producer, Kathleen Grace, now off to meet with my awesome lit agent @KateLee!”

“Getting a double water with the gorgeous @RachelSklar. The rumors are true: I’m in like with her.”

Personable has become the new “ineffable.”

65 COMMENTS

  1. Hi everyone. Here is another example in which WordPress seems to have elongated a photo. Before any accusations of Jackles Photoshopping begin, rest assured the photo looks normal on her “lifecast.” It only looks Paula Abdul-ed here.

  2. Well, so she may be as excited as a puppy peeing on itself over these random people and events. But at least she got rid of the hideous black tights.

    • Dahling, I adore that IM conversation. Sklar just says every damn thing I would want to say to Julia, no apologies. What is weird is that Julia never takes offense, she just keeps hammering her (dumb) point.

  3. Why does she think it’s appropriate to dress up like a ‘ballerina’ to go to this thing? What is her thought process when she does shit like this?

    The bun is ugly. And so are Megan’s trousers.

  4. Hmm.. staying up until 6:00 a.m. gushing about how life is SO SO SO AWESOME AND BLESSED right now? I smell another crash coming right around the corner. Her up/down/up/down cycles of mania are really sort of disturbing to watch – it’s like a real time episode of Intervention, except for there is never any intervention.

    She’s probably been sucking up to Rachel Sklar lately because she provides access to the Internet Week stuff going on right now. Like Randi Zuckerberg and Sarah Lacy, once her usefulness runs out we won’t hear about her again. Julia has no real friends, only “strategic partnerships.” When Julia finds herself alone again and the party invites/plus ones run dry, we’ll hear more sob stories about how she’s SO.SO. exhausted and just really, really appreciates alone time and is tired of “exhausting” parties.

  5. I would say that it’s the idea of ‘literary agents’ that’s brought on this exessive overwrought language. She’s flexing her vocabulary muscles to wow the illiterate masses and demonstrate to any potential publishers that she’s got mad writing skillz. Considering the amount of drek that actually gets published these days she may pull it off but anyone with real writing ability and real skills recognize thesaurus vomit when they see it.

    • All the big thesaurus words in the world can’t make up for gems like this:

      “After the meeting, I walked back to my place, a few blocks away, to meet Megan, who had driven in from Long Island for the Alvin Ailey performance.”

      – from Julia’s blog post recapping her day, which is perhaps the longest thing she’s written in months.

    • Wait, I may have been too harsh with Julia. Crafting a coherent and concise original thought is impossible when you don’t have an original thought in your head. She’s probably doing her best, poor thing.

      • Here is the entire post, in all of its bad syntax/run-on/incomplete sentence glory. She actually wants a book deal? Bless her heart.

        “My day, broken down:
        Woke up around 10 am – answered emails, got ready for Mirror Awards luncheon at 11:45 am, cabbed it to the Harmonie Club at 60th & 5th (I would have walked, but I had on heels and I didn’t want to be late). After the luncheon (which I left at 2:30), I subway’d to 29th & Park for an hour plus long meeting with TMIweekly’s producer, Kathleen. Then an elevator ride for a half hour hang out with David at Tumblr (Tumblr’s offices are below NNN’s). After that, I cab’d it to ICM’s offices on 50th & 8th to meet with my lit agent, Kate Lee, for an hour (coincidentially, she’s also Rachel Sklar’s lit agent! And Paula Froelich’s! And Jeff Jarvis’! I’m in pretty fantastic company.)
        After the meeting, I walked back to my place, a few blocks away, to meet Megan, who had driven in from Long Island for the Alvin Ailey performance. Since they were dancing in Brooklyn, we drove, getting there just in time for the 7:30 curtain (thank god for iPhone’s GPS, although BAM – the Brooklyn Academy of Music – isn’t exactly hard to find, I can get lost in my own bathroom, so. You know. GPS helps.) The performance ended around 10 pm, so we drove back into the city to pick up CD in Union Square (by that time, it was 10:30), and took her to Morandi, on Waverly & 7th, in the West Village. We sat down for dinner around 11 (first food I’d had since lunch – I was starving!) and Megan finally dropped me back at my place around 1:15 am …
        Now I’m home, Miss Lilly dog needs to be walked, I’m exhausted and SO looking forward to bed.
        Goodnight!!!
        xoxo
        Julia”

      • Jacy, this may help: go to settings, miscellaneous and UNcheck the crop thumbnail to exact dimensions. It sounds like a weird thing to do, I know but if it makes things worse you can always set it back.

      • Oh, and then you’d have to upload the image again. I don’t think changing the setting will affect images that already exist.

  6. Julia does not know how to tell a story whatsoever. She never has anything compelling to say! Look at bloggers like Dooce and PW (my favorites, so I always reference them). They are storytellers. They write interesting stories about their misadventures that are accessible to a large audience and warm the heart. All Julia can do is list activities she does, as if that makes her interesting. Imagine what a *real* writer could have done with Julia’s full day of activity. We could have been painted an interesting picture!

    Ugh, Julia, you have NO TALENT and have skirted by on only your looks and bullshitting. It is absolutely annoying and a disgrace.

    And here’s an exercise. Practice writing without using the word “I,” Julia. I dare you.

    • The surest sign of a bad writer is over-use of adjectives and adverbs. Rather than describing what they see and how they feel, they have to lean on purple prose and fancy words that really don’t tell anyone anything.

      Seriously, what does “incomparable” and “ineffable” and “amazingly talented” tell you about anything or anyone. Tell people WHY you would describe them that way.

      She’s a tool.

  7. God, now she’s posting an exchange with Dave Morin. This is another sign of manic breakdown mode: She starts posting exchange with someone well connected that she knows. That paragraph about her day? She thinks she lives a glamorous life. She hung out with a friend from long island, visited friends at their offices, talked to her producers about how to save a fledgling taxi cab show, and met with Katie Lee.

    BTW, Katie Lee is a no nonesense, tough as nails, editor/agent. I wonder how long she’ll put up with JA’s nonesense?

    • and even her “friends” only acknowledge her with a lame “haha”. wouldn’t it have been much funnier if there had been no reply, and julia had continued her manic IM soliloquy? “dave, why won’t you answer me? dave, didn’t i just write the funniest thing ever? haha?! i’m so blessed to have you as my friend, facebook rocks! uh, dave…? fine, i don’t need your replies and validation! and your girlfriend is ugly! have a nice day! xoxo”

  8. Also, she was shitting on Huffington Post and Ariana not too long ago and quite publicly. I see she’s come back around to Ariana and Huffington Post. Probably knows that HP is about the only place that will publish here right now.

      • Exactly. Her New Year’s resolution to write for the Daily Beast hasn’t happened, so now it’s back to the old huffington post.

  9. Woah, I don’t know if this is showing up on anyone else’s screen but when I look at this picture there are blue-ish blobs on her chest/collarbone region. Possible photoshop clues? I’m not really psp-savvy so I don’t know.

    • Weird! They weren’t noticeable to me before but now it’s all I can see. What ARE those?

  10. “Endlessly genial.” What a fucking moron.

    Can you imagine how her “best sex I ever had” story will read?

    The Best Sex I Ever Had, by Julia Allison

    He was INCOMPARABLE! It was relentlessly exciting! It was awesomely amazing! It was ineffable!! Magical!

    The end

    • You say that like it was ever going to be completed, let alone get published…

      I keep wondering though what publisher could possibly be conned into thinking a book by her would actually be profitable. She doesn’t have a compelling story to tell, nor does she have the tools to tell it.

  11. Once again, she has one night out with friends and she’s SO SO HAPPY. Honey, most of us hang out with our friends on a regular basis.

  12. I know it is tempting to make fun of Julia Allison’s pretty princess ballerina bun, but I must say it is a vast improvement on the usual Fran Drescher/headbanded/ratty extension/BoPeep corkscrew curls look.

  13. I was sitting directly in front of Julia and Megan at BAM last night, and I have to say, she’s not wrong on this particular account. Watching the dancers from Ailey is a really moving experience, and she absolutely seemed to be absorbing the performance like an adult–no talking, no picture taking, no tell-tale iPhone glow emanating from her lap, while meanwhile, I sat there hating myself for being distracted by an Internet microcelebrity when there was truly phenomenal art to absorb. As funny as I find this site to be, I was forced to confront the fact that hating Julia Allison definitely says more about me than it does about her, and I’m ready to move past that.

    Yes, her priorities are out of whack; yes, she’s dishonest with herself and others about who she is and what she does, but she’s not terribly different in that regard than many other self-centered people. And honestly, I was reassured by the fact that in the face of true artistry, passion, and skill, she knew enough to just shut the fuck up and watch instead of half-assing a blurry iPhone picture of the pink dresses in the Otis Redding number. Yes, readers–there was an entire section of this performance where the women wore floaty pink dresses and the men wore hot pink pants and shirt, and JA did not say a WORD about it. Whether that’s because she was lost in the performance or because it didn’t have anything to do with her and thus she didn’t care, I don’t know…but I’m hoping that it’s the former.

    • Ha, ha, haterz, I can sit quietly in a theater seat just like you. Do you like my dress?

    • BFD. Julia mastered a skill competently performed by a majority of second graders. I personally need more than that to be reassured that she’s not socially autistic.

    • fish is an apt moniker: something smells fishy to me. But I’m sure that says more about me than it does about this comment =)

      Plus, I am not sure but I think we have just been rebuked?

    • Yeah, Fish – your defense of her is she acted like an adult at a live performance?
      Strange.

      And besides, I’ve seen manic toddlers and small primates momentarily mesmerized into silence by spectacle so not let’s not build this up too much.

      • The quiet during a performance explanation feels flimsy. I don’t see how it negates any of Julia’s long-time ugly behavior or really changes anything.

        I do however understand about Fish feeling uncomfortable over being more concerned with Julia than she should have been during a breathtaking, lovely live performance. Having an epiphany and change of heart because of that? That does make sense to me.

    • If you were directly in front of her, how could you tell what she was doing throughout?

      Although I appreciate your sentiment here.

  14. But didn’t she tweet during the perfomance?

    “Ailey’s “Hymn” just brought tears to my eyes. God is definitely in the auditorium right now.”

    • Well, like commenter fish above, you’ve have to be sitting directly in FRONT of her to know whether she was tweeting.

      • Okay, sorry, for those of you not familiar with auditorium layouts, you can be sitting a row ahead of someone but still a few seats to the side, and because of the fact that the rows curve, people behind you are in your peripheral vision, at least if their face is lit up blue from an electronic device. You may find a seating chart helpful in clarifying this issue.

        She was absolutely tweeting, emailing, doing I-have-no-idea-what during the multiple intermissions and I agree that the ability to sit still isn’t exactly a redeeming quality. I meant more that it made me think about what a waste of energy it is to think this much about someone who is clearly just playing a part she thinks is appealing–it was interesting to see her when she wasn’t “on,” even if that was only because there was no one there for her to kiss up to.

        Of course the first place my head went to was how totally ridiculous it was that she was clearly dressed expecting photographers to be there, the bun really isn’t really a great look if you’re not the one onstage, blah blah blah…and I was just left with a heaping pile of “so what?” Exposing the million little weaknesses of any one person on the planet isn’t really that important. I don’t defend Julia, I question the impulse to run her out of town on a rail because she acts just like thousands of other narcissists in this city, except with more tulle.

        Obviously I’m not a regular commenter here and I don’t intend to be, I just thought it might be interesting to hear you all weigh in. But no, naturally you would immediately call me out for something fishy like not providing clear evidence of my Sightline of Non-Tweeting. Let’s definitely go to the shallow bitchery instead of the larger, vastly more interesting questions you all are more equipped than Julia to address.

  15. OH MY GOD MEGHAN IS SUCH A BITCH.

    http://meghan.nonsociety.com/post/121159283-0-0

    “My sister and I are having an Amazon book buying binge. She’s introduced me to one of the most entertaining authors Jennifer Lancaster. We’ve been reading her blog out loud all morning laughing hysterically. If you (like me) are easily entertained by an out of shape author talking about her weigh issues this is the video for you.”

    • What an awful way to describe her experience reading Lancaster’s blog. So crass, so trashy. And ugggggggh, they’re sitting at home on a work day buying shit off Amazon. GET A JOB.

    • Anorexic Meghan and her even more anorexic sister laughing at a struggling, but talented fat woman is rich.

      • One can see her ribs in the black outfit she had on at the Webbys!!!

        Did you happen to see Mary recommending a ‘pro-ana’ site, stating the pictures were interesting?

  16. You see, HarHar, I like the bal-eh and I can keep my mouth shut, no matter what your sister-in-law says. I told you, all the rest of it is just an act! That was the real me at the bal-eh. You see, I can wear a simple white dress and put my hair in a waspy bun! And my pearls, they’re freshwater, of course. You should have seen when I picked up Lilly in my white dress, it was so perfect ’cause she’s white too! Wah, I wanna be a Wall Street wife, I wanna be a Wall Street wife! My lease renewal is coming up! Please, HarHar, I’ll be a good girl.

    • And, where is fair Brooke Parkhurst (also in the Gawker photoshoot) these days?

      Married
      Published book
      Pregnant

      Must drive Julia batshit crazy….

      • Whoopsie!

        brooke has given birth and is married to a chef that she is collaborating on a SECOND book with.

        her baby girl is beautiful…

        That is all.

      • And she produces REAL content. Besides her book, she’s published recipes, and has had cooking segments on internet video shows. She’s had a column about food trends, I think she even had her own line of food products. Her recipes have always looked amazing, she’s a good writer, and her on camera persona, while not 100% natural yet in my opinion, is likable. She comes up with her own material, doesn’t ask readers to do her work for her, appears to work hard and do a lot and does not complain.

        She is successful, from what I can tell from a wealthy family, and appears to have a great life but manages to convey info about her life withought an ounce of bragging. Her personality makes her likable and makes the audience want to root for her. Contrast with Julia, whose audience is made up of wanna-bes, wanna-dates, and haters. I feel bad saying that but isn’t it the truth?

  17. Julia comes off like such a bratty little diva in that Gawker pin-up video. And you know she acted that way just because that was the hottest she ever looked and she really did think her famewhore career was about to hit the stratosphere at that time. Funny how acting like such an entitled bitch early on ruined her; Bravo don’t put up with that shit.
    Oh, how the mighty have fallen!

    • Julia was attractive at that time. But she acted like God’s gift to boners. And she wasn’t all that, at all. In the tiny new media world of NYC, she stood out. But please. On the (ridiculous) NYC scale of actresses (including the many who never made it), models, trophy wives, and normal women with careers who happen to be beautiful, she wouldn’t rate at all. And for men who were grown-ups and didn’t oogle women like pimply teen boys, she had zero special in intelligence or warmth or talent. She was really unlikeable.

  18. has anyone seen the most recent TMI?? Its unbelieveably, hilariously terrible. that voice! she really is like a donkey on PCP.

  19. We’re missing the big picture here.
    Julia Allison went to Brooklyn last night.
    I’ll bet that’s a first for her. For realz.

    That is all.

    ps.
    Big uuuuupz Broooook-lyyyyn!!! BK in da house, Nillas! Woop! Woop!

    • You’re forgetting when she was dating Charles Forman, who lives in Brooklyn, and Tweeted that she might want to move to Brooklyn.

      Shoot me now for remembering that.

    • Well yeah, because that’s where J. Lodwick and HIS CURRENT BKLYN DANCER GIRLFRIEND hang out/live! Was that the first thing anyone else thought? Have I been following these fools too long? (Yes)

  20. The Mania continues:

    First this:
    # Need rec for fish or sushi type place for dinner w/ @PaulCarr tonight. Want to try something different. Thoughts?26 minutes ago from web

    But the world’s most obnoxious user of TWW quotes had rejoiced too soon:

    # Apparently I’ve double booked myself. Was meant to dine with @Lock at Lure Fishbar tonight, set up last month. Now? It’s a CONUNDRUM.21 minutes ago from web

    Paul, being a good sport, was all too happy to stand back:

    # @juliaallison You should dine with @lock. Long-term plans outrank short-term ones. That’s the rule.13 minutes ago from web in reply to juliaallison

    Now I’m waiting for the Steele tweet saying, no, Paul, YOU go …

    And no word about HarHar for how long now?

  21. Fish, I agree that it’s getting out of hand when we jump all over newbie commenters who’d like to offer different perspectives. Fish has a valid point, and I’m glad s/he offered it.

  22. Fish: Very well stated and intelligent. Thank you for saying it and in many ways, I agree with you, yet I still cannot quit!!! WHY CAN’T I QUIT YOU, JACKLES??

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