Julia: Cuckoo-Bird Harvard Dude Tweets

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I have date 4.5 with Harvard Harley tonight!

Getting a mani-pedi, reading NY mag’s Wedding special – definitely teared up a half dozen times. Awww, weddings. Snifffff

# Running an hour late for my date. Arghgg. WHY AM I IMCAPABLE OF ACCURATELY ESTIMATING TIME?!?

Classy. Tell your countless followers that you’re out with him again, but make sure they know you kept him waiting for an hour as you wept over wedding magazines like a 12-year-old.

RUN, Harvard Dude, RUN!!!

54 COMMENTS

  1. The lateness is just so aggressive and entitled. Why would anyone put up with it? I wouldn’t befriend, date, or have even a working relationship with someone who acts like that. It’s really quite simple; it says that “my time” is more valuable than “your time.” She doesn’t adhere to deadlines with her employers either. Shame on you…Shame on you.

  2. Amy Sedaris on Letterman, 10/22/04:

    Dave: But how’s your boyfriend? Is it Ricky?

    Amy: Ricky. I never talk about Ricky except for on this show.

    Dave: Now, can I point out one thing?

    Amy: Please!

    Dave: Now, Ricky is your imaginary boyfriend.

    Amy: Correct. Losing my head!… Um, but I never talk about Ricky except with you. You’re the only one who ever asks about him.

    Dave: Right.

    Amy: You know, and then some magazine like Psychology Today or Utne Reader called me and wanted to interview me about Ricky and I was like no, and then I called them back and I was like, OK. And we had a nice conversation about him.

    Dave: About your imaginary boyfriend.

    Amy: Yeah. But he lost all his tools in a fire, so they all melted, so he’s going to be joining me a little earlier this year.

    Dave: That’s too bad.

    Amy: Yeah.

    Dave: So he’s a grip?

    Amy: Yeah, yeah, in Argentina.

    Dave: Oh, he’s in Argentina?

    Amy: He’s the perfect boyfriend, you know. Maybe I’m just not all hooked up right. Is that what you said? No, I’m the sanest person you’ll ever meet, I think!

    Dave: Now, you and Ricky had a child?

    Amy: Well, Hercules. We had a baby boy around the same time you had a baby boy. *(breaks into Agnes Moorehead impression)* And then our nanny, she put him down when she was co-signing that check and an owl came down and took Hercules away… So, um, I don’t have an owl but she has a new entertainment system.

  3. I think this counts as the best sex of her life- orgasming over wedding porn as underlings apply toxic pink chemicals to her body.

  4. my favorite new crazy post:
    She goes to lululemon for workout clothes and highly recommends it!

    Hi, dumb bitch.
    I am running my 4th marathon this year and my 12th and 13th half marathon. I get in gym work outs 2-3x a week AND have this thing called a J-O-B which requires me to be available to my clients from 6am until 9 pm Monday thru Friday.

    Good luck with the exercise program You dipshit.

    • Oh my god you make me feel tired, fat and old. Good for you for being so dedicated to running. When I try to run I pee.

  5. If Harvard Hurley have any self respect there will not even be .25 date more. The end, peoples.

  6. An hour late? Seriously. Has anyone here ever showed up for a date 1 hour late?? (excluding traffic accident/justified circumstance).

    • Not to mention that most of the New Yorkers I’ve known are compulsively punctual. You ask to meet them at 3 and they meet you at 3 on the dot, not 3.01. In fact, Jackles might be the only compulsively *late* New Yorker I’ve ever met.

  7. I am not a guy and even my testicles retracted at these tweets. Either he doesn’t exist or he is the perfect man for her if he doesn’t split at the speed of sound upon reading this shit.

    Here are some of the attributes of Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

    -Overreacts to criticism, becoming angry or humiliated
    -Uses others to reach goals
    -Exaggerates own importance
    -Entertains unrealistic fantasies about achievements, power, beauty, intelligence or romance
    -Has unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment
    -Seeks constant attention and positive reinforcement from others
    -Is easily jealous
    -Has a sense of extreme entitlement
    -Is exploitative of others
    -Lacks empathy
    -Displays arrogant, haughty and proud behaviour.
    -Uses denial mechanism to downplay own inadequacies or failings
    -Uses rationalization mechanism to justify self-centered behavior

    Huh. Do you suppose it’s hereditary? Does the disorder develop from the behaviour or does the behaviour develop the disorder? Does this deserve any sympathy at all or does it just sound like a psychological excuse to be a total and unrepentant asshole?

    • I am starting to feel guilty about cackling at the realtime destruction of a person (no matter how vile).

      Nah.

  8. An hour is ridiculous. I feel bad when I’m 15 minutes late. An hour is a really long fucking time. What a serious bitch to do that to anyone. Anyone who puts up with her deserves her.

    • An hour would be impossible for me: seriously impossible, my head would blow up. I compulsivley check the time and re-assess getting ready time, travelling time, unexpected delay time….I am never late for anything. I don’t like to be early either but that’s another thing. This sort of OCD behaviour might be just as weird as anything JABa does but it doesn’t usually inconvenience other people.

      Anyone who kept me waiting for an hour would NOT get another look in with me. That would pretty much say everything I need to know.

  9. Ohhhh…
    I wish you could meet my girlfriend, my girlfriend who lives in Canada.
    She couldn’t be sweeter
    I wish you could meet her,
    My girlfriend who lives in Canada!

    Her name is Alberta
    She live in Vancouver
    She cooks like my mother
    And sucks like a Hoover.

    I e-mail her every single day
    Just to make sure that everything’s okay.
    It’s a pity she lives so far away, in Canada!

    Last week she was here, but she had the flu.
    Too bad
    ‘Cause I wanted to introduce her to you
    It’s so sad
    There wasn’t a thing that she could do
    But stay in bed with her legs up over her head!
    Oh!

    I wish you could meet my girlfriend,
    But you can’t because she is in Canada.
    I love her, I miss her, I can’t wait to kiss her,
    So soon I’ll be off to Alberta!
    I mean Vancouver!
    Shit! Her name is Alberta, she lives in Vancou-

    She’s my girlfriend!
    My wonderful girlfriend!
    Yes I have a girlfriend, who lives in Canada!!

    And I can’t wait to eat her pussy again!

    • No. She gave RBNS and the commenters that one herself. As I said above, her most brilliant invention.

  10. Julia, Arthur Kade won’t be single much longer, what with natural selection and all. Hurry up and call/text/twit him! He’s lookin’ for a “ball-ass, hot-ass” lady he can take to his movie premieres. You know you can’t resist a guy in an extra-small Ed Hardy t-shirt, dripping Axe body spray. Take him out on Lake Michigan in your daddy’s Bayliner, feed him some kielbasa, and the rest is history. You two could even get matching tribal tats on your honeymoon! Let. It. Unfold.

  11. Late for one date last night by at least 45 minutes and tonight it’s an hour.

    She’s spending money she presumably doesn’t have on exercise clothes she doesn’t need for exercise she never does.

    She’s wearing plastic tiaras and cheap “prom”‘ dresses to a d list party and saying it’s all “so much fun!!!”.

    NYC is such a magical place but it’s also full of energy vampires.

    Why is she not in Bellevue? Or Creedmoor….much better!

  12. i guess HarHar has not yet run for the hills. I thought he was gone, after a full day of her not gushing over him. That outfit from last night is CRAZED. when i first saw the photos of it, just her torso was showing, and i thought it was a full-length ballgown. then i saw the harsh black tights. wow, didn’t she used to dress a lot better back in the day?

    • She used to dress better because she was on tv/columnist, so she got loaners more. Also, she probably had access to stylists. Left to her own devices she dresses like a 40 year old barbie.

      • Oh that’s right, didn’t she used to make retarded amounts of money to be on tv for star or something? Wow, sucks when you don’t have 125k a year plus grandma’s money to finance your life, eh?

        When she got shitcanned from Star is when her relevance ended. It’s been a point a to point b descent into fail since then – she gained 20 lbs, lost her tony job, her bravo pilot, and the gossip pubs stopped caring about her. Now she’s fishing for a husband as her last resort.

  13. Honestly, at this point, I just think she is fucking with us. No way is she actually that crazy and stupid. She might actually THINK those things, but even she is not a big enough idiot to actually tweet about wedding mania in a pre-first-date post.

  14. Oh how I wish somebody who lives in her building would pull the fire alarm right about now. I bet a million bucks that she would come running out in her slanket, sleep creases on her face and dried blobs of pink frosting stuck in her hair.

  15. Two hours after tweeting that she was an hour late, this:

    “An route to date – decided to take West side highway to “save time.” Of course we’re stopped in traffic. #ShootMeNow”

    • Julia, let me correct your pretentious cosmopolitanism. It’s en route unless you want to share A specific route you chose with us.
      If I were her date I would have considered her delay of at least two hours as a last minute cancellation.

      • Thirteen hours of Twitter silence – good or bad for Julia.

        Scenarios:

        1. She arrived, he was still waiting, she made it up to him by abandoning the 11-date rule: five hours of sex which she is still sleeping off.
        2. He ditched her, she’s too depressed to twitter.
        3. Killed in a car accident (how often does she go for 13 hours without?)

      • Eh, I think Julia’s silence is because she wants everyone (read: ex-boyfriends, us jealous “haters” who are SO mean, Kevin Rose) to think she got laid last night.

      • They fucked or had a 10 hour chat on date 4.5 about how she needs to change her ways and be more respectful of him. DRAMA.

      • …or maybe Julia got some quality snuggle time. I could see her totally being a chick that “sleeps in the same bed as a guy, but doesn’t actually SLEEP with him” until date 11.5 or whatever.

        all this presumes that HarHar is real.

  16. my first time commenting, so I don’t know if anyone has mentioned on here before – she’s totally copying the main character’s crush’s name “Harvard Hottie” (it rhymes even!) from The Nanny Diaries. Not surprising she has no original thoughts even when it comes to giving her date a code name.

  17. Lilly needs to pee, Julia! Take her out! Wake your Irish sailor’s legs up and get to it!

    Argh!

  18. EEWWWW

    # juliaallison HA! @supersetgreg – I was kidding 🙂 If I’m still at all buzzed, it’s from snuggling. 9 minutes ago from web
    # Cartman-gets-an-anal-probe-20071121032210186_normal supersetgreg @juliaallison you’re still buzzed over 3/4 of a beer 10 or so hours later? really? 13 minutes ago from web
    # Picture_4_normal juliaallison Met HH’s friends last night. Chugged 3/4 of a beer. Tried not to humiliate myself. Still sort of buzzed. 😉 16 minutes ago from web

  19. Showing up whenever at a BBQ counts as a date?

    # @cheeky_geeky – Well, in my defense, he did tell me to “show up whenever” (it was a BBQ). Big mistake. ;)3 minutes ago from web in reply to cheeky_geeky

    Also, if I hear the word snuggling one more time, I swear to God, I’m going to kick a puppy just to equal out the nauseating ‘cuteness’ which sucks because I really like puppies.

    • In the Demented World of Jankles (TM) every phone conversation counts as .5 and every text is .25, so why not.

  20. Did she really “chug” a beer? Ooh, I bet all the boys were so impressed that a girly girl would do that. Sounds like the very definition of humiliating yourself. Last week kegstands, this week chugging. What a klassy dingbat.

  21. OK, Julia, I chugged two beers this afternoon while I watched my kids play in their inflatable pool. It’s really not big deal.
    Ironic slanket, I am with you on “snuggle.” I hope she uses this word with HarHar. If he’s half a man, that word alone will send him running.
    I HATE the cutesy, coy “I like a boy but I’m being all secretive about it!” bullshit. She literally sounds like me when I was fifteen, after I made out with my first boyfriend and got “so drunk” on half a canned beer!!!

    • Does anyone know why my chosen avatar doesn’t show up next to my comment? I found this great little pic of Zoolander doing the kissy-face, but I don’t see it when I comment.

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