Julia: Slave Wanted

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Jackles’s public bleating for a slave is longer than anything she’s written in months. It’s after the jump below, but let me sum up by saying she wants someone, for free, to do everything. That ranges from cleaning up Lilly’s shit to researching blog content and running errands that we already know, thanks to Charlsie, involve returning freebies and attempting to get cash for them or basically being treated like dirt while trying to meet Jackles’s lazy-assed demands 24/7. If yesterday’s shenanigans are any indication, these chores could soon include pounding the crap out of any uppity bitches who piss Jackles off by talking too much or bailing her out of jail when she does it herself. Help in constructing a fake boyfriend and coming up with lies to explain away ridiculous blog posts and/or Tweets would probably also be welcome.

Who would want to work for free for these three, in particular Julia, who is not only viewed as a nobody in Manhattan circles but also as someone who’s barking mad and social and media Kryptonite? The three of them are nobodies, really, going nowhere fast and their names, and that of NonSociety, would mean absolutely nothing to any reputable employer in the years to come. Rather than experience, however, I suppose the poor intern would gain a valuable life lesson in the “Things I Will Never Do Again With A Gun To My Goddamned Head” category. Some wise bloggers have already warned potential interns to stay away.

Read her ridiculous list of requirements after the jump.

NONSOCIETY is looking for TWO AWESOME SUMMER INTERNS!

We’re lucky – we’ve had a lot of amazing interns here at NonSociety – Abbey, Kate, Kay, Samantha, Harrison, Matt, to name a few. Some stay for a few weeks, some for a few months, and some have worked with us for almost a year.

We’re looking for part and full time summer interns – energetic, organized, dedicated individuals with a positive attitude who want to work for us until, ideally, September (or they go back to school).

Read about one of our former intern’s experiences here. We like to think it’s the best internship in Manhattan 😉 (You could have this much fun! or this much fun! this much fun! or even THIS much fun!)

Of course, it’s not just dressing up in costumes and hanging out at Fashion Week – it’s a real internship. That means – and I don’t want to sugar coat it – “bitch work” is part of that. Running errands, taking care of shit. Please realize that. But we think that the good stuff more than outweighs the crap.

Below (in a few ‘grafs) is what I posted to get our last set of Awesome Interns, in 2008. All of the criteria is still the same: we need you to be up for anything, very personable, a fantastic writer, bonus points if you’re interested in being a producer (you’ll be working with TMIweekly, too) or editor. We want creative, organized, dedicated individuals!! An interest in TV, new media, fashion, business and writing is preferred.

We’ll be hiring one or two interns in NYC and one intern (who can live anywhere) who will work virtually.

PLEASE SEND A COVER LETTER highlighting your most awesome attributes. Do NOT attach your resume, just paste it in the body of the text. I hate opening attachments. If you have a blog or a twitter, please send us the link. Please also attach a current photograph of yourself, hopefully one that is fun and expresses your personality. Finally, note your availability (full time, or if part time, when) and your end date.

JOBS@NONSOCIETY.COM – subject: NonSociety Summer Internship

*2008 INTERNSHIP AD*

The Most Exciting Post You’ll Ever Read

NONSOCIETY needs an intern to abuse!

Our current intern, Samantha, is going off to college, something I’ve discouraged for months now, but apparently “getting an education” is important to her. Whatever. If getting an education isn’t important to you, I highly recommend applying for the position of Official Awesome NonSociety Yay Intern Good Job! I’m warning you now … It’s pretty much the best career opportunity OF YOUR LIFE. Not much will compare to this experience, unless you happen to work at Bath & Body Works, which can totally be arranged, because we have hookups, like, everywhere.

Conservatively, 87% of our interns go on to become editors-in-chiefs of ASME award winning magazines within 4-6 days of leaving our comprehensive program of emotional and physical toil. The other 12% are shuttled directly into graduate programs about the 38th parallel and its relative symbolism to Conde Nast & Hearst. 1% are still trapped in the bathroom where we left them during Fall Fashion Week 2007.

We pride ourselves in releasing our interns back into the incestuous Manhattan media world with extensive experience bullshitting, encloypediac knowledge of every datable media/tech guy age 15-63, how to properly field lip dub requests from small towns in Australia, the secrets of posing for the camera in exactly the same way every single time without deviation, and a complete history of every article ever written about or including Gossip Girl.

Possible candidates must:

– know how to twitter that you’re enjoying a really fabulous party when secretly you want to twitter that you’re wearing giant underwear eating cupcakes at home.

– be really good at listening to Meghan talk about her AWESOME iPhone! Tell her she is a geek frequently. Laugh at her jokes! She is the nice one. Everyone knows this.

– tirelessly smile while filming Julia lip dubbing ridiculously age-inappropriate Disney / Lionel Richie songs. Act like this is normal and fun in italics. Say “yay.com” a lot and tell her that phrase is so totally going to catch on. Compliment her questionable choice in wardrobe. Remind her to sleep.

– agree with everything Mary says about fashion. She is the fashion boss and what she says goes, or she will make you cry. If she says you have to buy $785 YSL shoes, you will nod and tell her that is very reasonable, what a bargain, she and Isaac Mizrahi are both very budget conscious, many people will certainly be snapping this footwear up at this price! Or she will make them cry. Then you will go to spin class with her and YOU WILL SWEAT. Or she will make you cry.

– Pretend to like our dogs. Pick up their poop. Pretend to like picking up our dogs’ poop.

– Pretend to like our blogs. Pick up their poop.

– Read and respond to all bossy emails Julia sends after midnight. Realize that Julia only sends bossy emails after midnight. Realize Julia has not gone to bed before 3 am since 1986. Realize that’s a lot of bossy emails.

– Get Julia to places on time.

– Realize Julia has never been on time to anything in her entire life.

– Start a secret blog about being an intern for NonSociety.

– Sell rights to best-selling novel, called “The Devil Thinks She’s Carrie Bradshaw 2.0”

– Retire at 23. Become yoga instructor. Live happily ever after with one of Julia’s ex-boyfriends.

GOD. YOU’RE SO LUCKY.

I wish I could be my own intern.

Email jobs@nonsociety.com – subject title: Intern, yo.

———

okay … I’m a little puckish tonight (um, obviously?), but FINE, I guess I should probably explain the serious requirements – the following was written by Samantha The Intern, because I Am Too Important.

We need someone who can be in NYC day and night. Below is a list of criteria and possible tasks. Experience isn’t necessary but if you’ve got a resume please send it along! Make sure to tell us if you have a blog, twitter, myspace, etc. No school credit is required, but we can give it, if need be.

FYI: A Non Society intern works with Julia, Mary and Meghan on both a personal and professional level. That means, one day you might be picking up dog for food Lilly and Mason, and the next you’re researching great date spots or the newest gadget.

Criteria for a Non Society intern:
A flexible schedule. There aren’t set hours and days, so an intern should try and make their schedule as flexible as possible. One week they might be completely booked with work for Non Society and the next week has only a few tasks to complete.
Residence in New York City, preferably Manhattan, is best.
An interest in blogs and everything that Julia, Mary and Meghan write about.
Organized
Responsible
Creative
Not afraid to give ideas/opinions. (Julia’s Note: Not afraid in general. har.)
Good communication skills

Some possible tasks:
Organizing events
Researching products/places/people
Staying connected with Julia, Mary, Meghan and Megan.
In charge of press books and press kits
Running errands—both personally and for the business
Assisting on photo shoots

Extra credit if you’re 1) a good videographer 2) a good video editor 3) technologically adept (can you fix a printer? email?) 4) know how to put together a press kit 5) know a bit about ad sales

PS. Please let us know if you would be comfortable on camera. It’s TOTALLY okay if you’re not, we just need that info for planning purposes.

PPS. Do not send us nude photos. That is awkward.

36 COMMENTS

  1. The only potential benefit from this internship is being able to fully and honestly answer future interview questions pertaining to “the worst boss/work experience you ever had.”

    • I love the little scene a reader named Chloe came up with at the end of the save the assistants post. It’s about what might happen once a former NS-intern tries to get another job:

      Employer: “Who are these people?”
      Former Intern: “You know… internet celebrities.”
      Employer: “Uh… what?”
      Former intern: “JULIA ALLISON. You know – uh… she… blogs about how tired she is everyday.”
      Employer: “What?”
      Former intern: “You KNOW – she’s hated by Gawker.”
      Employer: “What were your duties?”
      Former intern: “Rummaging through Betsey Johnson’s sample sale… um… getting in line at Magnolia for some cupcakes…. uh…. RSVPing to various F-list events…. booty-calling Wired editor Chris Anderson for Julia…”
      Employer: “NEXT!”

  2. That’s quite a flattering shade of Herman-Munster-Mauve lipstick on Jules in the picture illustrating this post. Very nice!

  3. Internships for ACTUAL, PROFITABLE BUSINESSES don’t even have ads this long. It’s incredibly amusing to read this “attempt at legitimization” bullshit (ie. gratis personal assistance and bitch work – isn’t that all it is and ever will be?) when we’ve long since known NS is nothing and about nothing. Additional laughs for the Mary mentions, as she’s flown the coop; not to mention all the ridiculousness about “connections”. LOL. I’d like to see one NS intern who has parlayed it into a legitimate well-paying job, or even bothered mentioning it. I would not want a future interviewer knowing about my involvement with a trainwreck of this nature, no matter HOW naive I’d have been to take it in the first place. On the other hand, maybe the elaboration indicative of how interns basically ran the business/did all the work propping up lazy non-celebrities would look good for them.

  4. So internships generally involve a lot of unpaid grunt work. However, at the end of the day, if you are working for a reputable boss you’ll get a great contact/reference, meet interesting people, and maybe even considered for an entry level position at wherever you interned.
    With Jackles? Nothing.

    Also, remember when Charlsie told us about how Jackles asked her to come down to her apartment to work on something. Charlsie came right away and jackles wasn’t ready for her so she was told to wait WITH THE DOORMAN. And she waited for 2 HOURS with the doorman until Jackles told the doorman to send Charlsie home–

    YEAH. THAT SUCKS. And no matter how much she tells people there will be grunt work, no one would expect to be treated like that. She’s not Anna Wintour, she doesn’t have Vogue behind her, and this isn’t The Devil Wear’s Prada. It’s The Devil Wears Clothes 2 Sizes to Small.

  5. Also, does this mean that Jackles is staying in NYC for the summer? What ever happened to spending time with dear old Dan who is living at the downtown apartment this summer?

  6. “I have to give Julia credit for being self-effacing in a post where she describes the duties the intern will face, but she’s self-effacing in a very HEY LOOK AT ME AND HOW SELF-EFFACING I AM kind of way.”

    From the linked article. Nail. On. Head.

  7. Mary already has an assistant. She’s living at home with mom.

    Meghan is largely catatonic. No assistance needed there, except to check that she’s still breathing every once in a while.

    But you must have strong arms to be Julia’s assistant, to carry around that gigantic mirror day and night. Also a strong clear voice to respond “You are! You are!”.

    These women are like the Three Stooges of delusions of grandeur.

  8. Please let us know if you are comfortable with doing illegal tasks like returning freebies to stores for cash or credit! It’s okay if you don’t want ot, we just need to know for planning purposes!

  9. Funny how that Georgetown Reunion interview reads JUST LIKE when she speaks off-the-cuff. All fragments and nonsense. Her whole thing in that article is to go off about how “controversial” she was while writing her column while she’s considered conservative/prude these days. Her controversial nature, coming from the family she did and ending up (IU freshman year, never forget. Par-tay school!) at the school she did, was her selling point. But not really, Julia. So you slutted around in college (was that new for you seeing as you mentioned daddy banging on the door while dan was in your room?), you made that known enough through your column and blog around the time. Now she’s going so far in the opposite direction that she often enough has to imply she’s having sex or is even sexually attractive at all. I feel like part of her inane and inappropriate dressing is to keep that feeling of being sexually desirable alive while she in actuality wears her “chastity belt” solely to maintain her image. If a random guy boned her, the news would be all over the street and she’d have no control over it. Also, I seriously wish her the best in finding a guy who will tolerate her game-playing (not moral, traditional, belief-based, nor conservative) restriction of sex that’s largely due to her lack of self-esteem. “The Rules” is a convenient scapegoat when really, we’re talking about a girl who won’t post pictures or will don muumuus and slankets or adopt a slimming pose when she’s feeling a bit flabby. Let’s not even deny that it completely extends to the bedroom and the requisite of having to be naked to engage in sexual activity.

  10. Meg: Some lovely commenter screengrabbed it from her Gawker photo shoot video.

    You know what I tried to find today for this post and could not? That video when she’s at Parsons talking about having a slave.

    If anyone remember where that was, please post the link here, please and thanks.

  11. Here’s how the NS intern ad should REALLY read.

    “We’re lucky – we’ve had a lot of amazing interns here at NonSociety – Abbey, Kate, Kay, Samantha, Harrison, Matt, to name a few (and those who we didn’t – Charslie – well, you weren’t so amazing. xoxo) Some stay for a few weeks, some for a few months, and some for how ever long it takes for them to get credit for the internship.

    We’re looking for part and full time summer interns – energetic, organized, dedicated individuals with a positive attitude (basically, everything we’re not) who want to work for us until, ideally, September (or until we run out of pay to blog companies to stalk).

    Read about one of our former intern’s experiences here, but don’t read Charslie’s blog. It’s so strange how bitter she is about waiting around my apartment lobby for two hours. We like to think it’s the best internship in Manhattan (but then again, we like to think that we actually run a business).

    Of course, it’s not just dressing up in costumes and hanging out at Fashion Week – that’s my job. That means – and I don’t want to sugar coat it – “bitch work” becomes your life. Running errands, taking care of shit. Please realize that by “shit”, I mean that you may be picking up my dog, Lily’s, shit on a fairly regular basis. You also may be returning free clothing and attempting to get gift cards for me. But we think that the good stuff more than outweighs the crap. I mean, you can eat whatever cupcakes I don’t finish!

    Below (in a ridiculously long and wholly untrue list) is what I posted to get our last set of Awesome Interns, in 2008, who all have deserted us for actual internships with actual companies, presumably. It’s worrisome how none of the Awesome Interns answer my 3am phone calls. All of the criteria is still the same: we need you to be up for anything – dog shit, illegal returns, and waiting around for a couple of hours with my apartment lobby doorman, very personable, a fantastic writer to rewrite my 4am introspective pieces about my weight, bonus points if you’re interested in being a producer (you’ll be working with TMIweekly, too, provided that NNN doesn’t pull the plug) or editor. We want creative, organized, dedicated individuals to hold the camera while I pose in odd positions to appear slimming in Betsey Johnson cocktail dresses!! An superficial interest in TV, new media, fashion, business and writing is preferred. We don’t like discussing things behind Cosmo-friendly bullet points and random quotes, and you shouldn’t either.

    We’ll be hiring one or two interns in NYC and one intern (who can live anywhere that I consider geographically desirable) who will work virtually.

    PLEASE SEND A COVER LETTER highlighting your most awesome attributes. Do NOT attach your resume, just paste it in the body of the text. I hate opening attachments because the time spent opening attachments can be utilized sending Page Six anonymous tips about myself. If you have a blog or a twitter, please send us the link, so we know to monitor it during the duration of your internship. Please also attach a current photograph of yourself, hopefully one shows that you are not overweight, disgusting looking, and are appropriately attired in expensive label clothing. Bonus points if you display a Chanel purse. Finally, note your availability (full time, or if part time, when) and your end date.

    xoxo, The Devil Wears Diane von Furstenberg two sizes too small.”

  12. I must say that the picture of her up top there, the one that repeats and makes up the banner, is totally horrifying. I hate to drop Tyra-isms, but girl needs to learn how to smile with her eyes – she looks like she’s in pain.

  13. Whoa! And Charlsie speaks out!

    charlsie: @juliaallison, i rather pick up horse shit/dog shit, any kind of shit than deal with the shit you call “interning” nonsociety intern = joke!

  14. Someone from here pls apply. We need an insider. Already graduated and accomplished professionally? Just massage the truth, jankles-style.

    • Oh! I soooooo was thinking about doing this today. sooooo soooo tempted!

      still considering, but the problem is, I actually do real work.

  15. HAH. Go CHARLSIEEEE, speak the truth on this nonsense! I think Kate G. won’t ever talk shit because she went to events most interns usually wouldn’t through NS (hmm, amazing this happens despite her apparent MIA status as an NS intern for some time.. wonder AT ALL if her appearance had anything to do with it!) and Julia has praised her nonstop. I want to know what Super Intern Kate did with this experience.

  16. Heh. I remember when her first ‘intern’ made Gawker. Chubby girl who wanted to be Carrie Nradshaw and thought Julia was soooo cool. I guess whoever you are you can always find someone to like you. Lesson for the kids out there!

  17. Sweet bejeezus that’s more content written for a stupid unpaid intern ad then all the functions JA attended in the past 6 months combined.

    When a company gets an intern it’s usually so they can have first option to hire on anyone super talented who wants to come work for them. JA is in no position to hire anyone after their internship is over, for her having an intern is a form of self-validation. As long as she has an intern she can pretend she still has an actual business.

  18. Okay, this actually really pisses me off. I have big issues with people who disrespect college interns, even in jest. To be fair, I also have issues with the college kids who would apply for this, because it’s pretty obvious to anyone with a brain what kind of a crappy, disrespectful situation he/she would be walking into. But, the unfortunate Paris Hilton-ization of our society has created a class of people who are desperate to brush up against the leg of any sort of fame/infamy they can get close to (witness: Twitter), so: there you have it.

  19. Notice how her forehead doesn’t wrinkle, even though she’s making an expression that SHOULD make it wrinkle? Botox much?

  20. All of that is a joke. The real existence of being JA’s intern is just a joke.

    Random information about SUPER INTERN KATE, lovely dear intern Samantha told me that Kate disappeared a couple months before I came along and the girls tried to contact her (and when she didn’t respond, the girls were pissed!), but she never responded…So I found it a little weird when Kate was doing the fashion shows with JA. If anything, I think Kate is using Julia to get to do things like that. Run away from the other stuff, and magically appear again like nothing happened during fashion week. Have we seen her since? No.

    Seriously though, I rather pick up shit day and night for my entire summer than work for a joke of a company. I would be more enthusiastic to put that on my resume than interning for NonSociety.

  21. “Jackles’s public bleating for a slave is longer than anything she’s written in months. It’s after the jump below, but let me sum up by saying she wants someone, for free, to do everything.” – So do I…preferably a hot, semi-young (over 21), female…actually, Jackles would do nicely! -pretty smile!- Phtppppph! :p

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