It’s really hard to keep track of Jackle’s mood swings. I mean they aren’t even daily or weekly mood swings now — they’re HOURLY.
I’m going to be totally honest: I have never, in my life, been as happy as I am right now, and it has absolutely nothing to do with finances (I have no money) or men (I’m dating a lot of people very, very casually, but no one’s even made it to a third date yet) or best friends (Meghan, Mary & I have been going through some tough times in our relationship) or even family (my mother and I didn’t speak for the entire month of January. I’ll tell you that story some other time …).
I think I’m so happy because I am SO GRATEFUL for this life I’ve been given. I think about being grateful all of the time – several times a day. I never used to do that. I think about it when I’m walking down the street with my puppy, when I drink my green juice in the morning, when I go to the gym (ha!), when I check my email, when I crawl into my bed at night (or, more accurately, in the early AM hours). I thought about how thankful I was when I was on the flight to Munich, when I was in the car heading to Davos, in the tiny, barren rooms we had there (with barely any heat), when we were hiking through the snow in our boots, when we were skiing down the mountain and I thought I was going to die (or just break a femur or two) – at every dinner, in every interaction, I thought about it.
My life is more or less the same – in fact, perhaps by “objective” standards, worse! – but I have never felt so blessed.
I called my grandmother last night and she said this, “happiness is an attitude of gratitude.” It’s so cheesy, right?? But I can’t tell you how true it is.
And it’s the key to unlocking so much of the pain we’re constantly in. Life throws us curve balls all of the time – events and situations and incidents which make our stomach sink with dread, our eyes well with tears, our throats close up with nerves. These things can intimidate us and anger us and – let’s be honest – scare the shit out of us.
But … I’ve found – and I say this only because I’ve tested it extensively over the last year – that if you take a deep breath, calmly take it all in, tell yourself, “this too shall pass,” and believe – just BELIEVE – that things will work out for the best, all the while continuing to realize the blessings you still have, however tiny or seemingly mundane, you’ll find a most extraordinary thing happens: you’re happy
Let me get this straight. You’ve just had a public bitchfight with your supposed best friend over the most shallow of subject matters — designer clothing that didn’t make you look enough like “the hot one.” You’re talking about a need for security and stability just hours earlier. You confess not having spoken to your own mother for a month (I suspect this resulted from her parents’ lecturing her about the lunacy of a bi-coastal birthday party when the economy, and likely her business, is in the toilet. She Twittered and/or blogged about that at one point, and seemed proud that she basically told them to piss off). You’ve apparently not managed to convince the married gazillionaire you confessed to having a “totally inappropriate crush on” to a third date. You are increasingly becoming an international laughing stock — even the Germans are making fun of you, and have you ever seen a German game show? Those people love tacky.
And yet this is happiness? Or is this yet another passive-aggressive shot at whomever you’re trying to prove a point to? I am guessing Mary. Better to pretend you’ve never been happier the day after really hurting a friend than to actually publicly apologize the way you publicly humiliated her, right?