Updated: Yoo Hoo, Ryan Nickulas!

ryandariuth

Donk’s laying off the scolds – “We have to stop this mindless addiction to single use plastic” was posted two days ago and received only five likes, all from fans in the ‘stans. But there’s always time for everyone’s favorite social media expert to do some FB crowdsourcing:

Does anyone know a really amazing male stylist who can specifically do “rock star” looks? Bay area only please!

Is “rock star” synonymous with aging, third-tier DJ? Not when said DJ is bald! Is our Julie the wannabe rocker? Why limit the super stylist to San Francisco? Can’t Petey fly in Ryan Nickulas to coif the donkey? Maybe our girl TJ Kelly, former Non-Society columnist and “breakout star” of “The A-List: New York” can come along to buff her nails? Just like old times.

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Teej’s latest Instagram pic. AVERT EYES!

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Teaser: If you got this far without vomming, we’ve got some great intel coming your way in a series of posts. Yes, a source close to the donkey has spilled and spilled and spilled!

Update: Julia Allison, a writerly writer who writes yet was dumped by St. Martin’s, clarifies her query:

Jenny Stefanotti: Zoë Brock? Why does it have to me male?

Zoë Brock: I can only recommend Corinna Hernandez at Barrow Salon downtown. She does all Fashion Week Hair in NYC and Europe and teaches styling. No one better in SF. But she’s not a dude. smile emoticon

Julia Allison: Oh lol – I meant for MEN. Like a stylist for men. But now that I reread … It sounds like I want a man stylist. Argh English!

donkey writer

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Birdies Keep Chirping: Donkey & Rain In Marin

snowwhitelily

We received a tip that I think is on the level: Julia is not in Chicago at Petey & Robin’s OMG! downtown condo; rather, she and Rain PhuturePhuckPhace are shacked up somewhere in Marin. Friends of the tipster met Rain & Rainbow at a large social gathering, where they learned of the Marin digs. The two lovebirds allegedly pawed each other the entire evening. I’d like to mention more but need to be cautious for the moment.

Will Mamma Jacy finally get her wedding, the wedding in which Donkey marries someone other than herself?

asswipes

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Julia Allison Is Fucking Nuts

looneytunes

The writerly writer who writes just outdid the wooiest of her woo sisters. No wonder St. Martin’s asked for their money back and told this fucking weirdo to take a hike.

“Go There”

Go there, she said.

Go where?

To the place where the flowers sing and the birds bloom. To the magical upside down world of the fucoid fairies and the docile dragons, of delicate tea pots filled with hallucinogenic brews, of words flowing ever so freely in the air, of damsels who’ve never felt any distress, of white knights with faces painted black, of angels gossiping about poets, of artists and wizards and ballerinas made entirely of cotton candy, spiked collars around their necks.

Take off your veil of pale pink and leap into the desert waves, dance amongst the rocky sand, flirt with the monsoons that threaten to engulf you with their seductive storm.

Empty your soul like the pockets of so many beggars in the kingdom of Midas. Wrap your heart around your hands and touch everything you feel before you ever lay a finger on it.

You are but a fractured piece of light, a beating kaleidoscopic rainbow, a jagged mosaic of a microcosm of humanity. You are everything there ever as and nothing there ever wasn’t. You are morphing before your own mind’s eye, with every breath, into the chrysalis you go. With every breath, out of the chrysalis you emerge.

Inhale the sacred transformation. Exhale the profane transformation.

Meaning is dead. Long live Meaning, in the kingdom, in the queendom, of the glory of our goddess spirit.

– mused February 19, 2015

Some shrooms with your aya, Donkey?

Peter, Robin, and Little Brother must be SO PROUD.

NODEARGODNOPLEASENO

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Updated, Now With Rainbow Creepster: Julia Allison, Who Thinks The Masculine Should Always Pick Up The Tab, Contemplates Her “Feminist” Past

faux feminist

Throwback to 2000 … Age 19, marching in support of feminism and abortion rights in Washington with my “big sister” Kimberly – who was the wife of then Republican Congressman (now Senator) Kirk.

I remember people putting Kimberly in all sorts of boxes. “You’re the wife of a republican official. You must believe XYZ (anti-women bulls–t).” Which she didn’t, clearly.

I’m now older than she was in this photo – and I see it with different eyes.

Here I see two brave women standing in solidarity. For freedom. For respect. For sisterhood.

Until ALL of us are free, none of us will be. — with Kimberly A. Vertolli.

Continuing to channel beloved Noodles Moodley, Donkey can barely function because her heart is breaking for her sisters!

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Such pain! I wonder what she’d do if she ever had a real problem, like Dadsers not paying her rent.

Don’t worry, Donk. The old raunch will kiss it better, and then some.

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Update: Ali Shanti, who wants to kiss Julia all over, is apparently still banging professional hula hooper Michael “Rainbow” Haynes. Skankatron just posted this rather creepy fauxto:

creepyrainbow

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Updated, Now With Nature: I LOVE YOU RAIN!!

PhuturePhuckPhace’s new FB profile fauxto:

buckangel

yoohoo

peeingdonkey

Bottom Picture: Midlife crisis is tho thexthy! Shake it, Rain!

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Update: A conscientious cat peep just sent me an email re: the absence of a comma in the headline. Yes, I do know about direct address! The headline is Julia’s original plea to Rain, in which she employed all caps, no comma, and two exclamation points.

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Update Part Deux: Contemplative Donkey Is Contemplative.

natural donk

“The great potential [of deep learning] is to awaken a powerful new creative impulse inside you, and as you follow this impulse you begin to witness the emergence of your genius. The central technique that makes this possible is Contemplation.

Contemplation is something of a forgotten spiritual path. Unlike meditation, it does not completely bypass the mind, rather uses it in a playful way to open new inner pathways inside our brain and body. It is through sustained gentle contemplation that we can affect subtle changes in our biochemistry.

[Great teachings / self learnings] are designed to be contemplated and digested over time. Each [lesson] contains a unique message, and each message takes time to absorb before you feel a change occurring in your life. Contemplation is far more than simply thinking about something. It is the direct imbibing of a universal truth at a physical, emotional and mental level. Therefore it is a good idea to begin your voyage … With a sense of relaxedness and patience.

To enter on a path of contemplation is to slow down inwardly in order that you begin to see things around you more clearly.”

– The Gene Keys: Unlocking the Higher Purpose Hidden in your DNA

I hope she’s contemplating how lazy one must be if unable to toss off a throwaway self-help book in 3+ years while Daddy pays the rent.

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