Home Blog Page 2

Vacations From Vacation-itis: Useless Sloth Lazing At Luxury Resort Crashes A-Fest, An Upscale HIVE

49

Our burro needed a break from her grueling schedule in Ubud so made the trek to magical Nusa Duo. She’s staying at The Laguna, a Luxury Collection Resort & Spa, while stinking up A-Fest Bali, an upscale HIVE shitfest that various woos are attending. Admission is supposedly $3900. If Donk couldn’t pay Rain the 4k she owes him, how in the hell could she afford yet another navel-gazing extravaganza?

Ah, Jess Magic. Now we know how Donk got an invite. “But I’m her manager! How dare you charge me to attend! Did you know The New York Times has hailed Ms. Magic as a musical genius?”

Forever lazing, eh, Donk? Will Alex Marson, the current love of your life, be attending A-Fest? What? He’s working in his lab! Absence makes the heart grow fonder?

Everywoo Who’s Anywoo Is In OMG Bali, Momsers Too!

52
"What's the plan now, Julia? I'd suggest putting a bag over his head, leaning back, and thinking of all the money you and your future children will get when his parents die and you divorce him."

Goodness gracious! Everyone and their mother is heading to, or is in, Donkey’s cheap labor paradise for A-Fest Bali, a sort of upscale HIVE.

Launched in 2010, A-Fest is an event that gathers an extraordinary community of change-makers and visionaries who are driven by epic ideas to impact the world – entrepreneurs, employees, artists, leaders, innovators, visionaries and more.

The festival takes place in paradise locations around the world. Here you will receive powerful training, profound mind shifts, bio-hacking techniques, deep and lifelong connections, incredible adventures and unique opportunities to multiply your impact and expand your game.

“Is Alex everything on your 73-point checklist? I’ll never understand why our song didn’t become number one with a bullet!”

In addition to Toilet Julia, Bali welcomes …

Will David Berkowitz crash A-fest and put a ring on it?

Bottom Picture! Strippers Mulia Mallison, Baya Voce, Jennifer Russell, and Blonde Goddess(?) wow Camp Septic with their bodacious ta-tas.

Halloween TMI Weakly: Jordan Reid Snatches “Mother Of The Year” Tiara From Ali Shanti

81

We’ll get back to Donkey & Dave in just a minute, bunnies. I promise! But our dear Rhoda was freaking out over Jordan Reid’s ramshackle brain and insisted I take a look.

Wow. Just. Wow. Nonstop whining about having the sadz because of her divorce – Did Kendrick take her to court for taking the kids out of state? Yet Jordo manages to strike glamorous pose after glamorous pose while experiencing the emotional turmoil of the ages. Most of her posts and poses seem tied to shills. Truly obnoxious shills.

Jordo has a teaser about the horrors of sugar (poison) in Halloween candy. When expanding the post, I was shocked to discover that she provides no healthy alternatives to Snickers and Tootsie Rolls, no apples or oranges, not even sugar-free candy. Instead, Jordacted recommends feeding shitty frozen pizza to your kids in what is revealed to be a shill for Red Baron Pizza! Sixteen gregdamn fauxtos of Jordo, her daughter, and the dog eating pepperoni cardboard. Christ, I would never feed my family frozen pizza, though I have been known to bake cookies containing OMG! sugar.

Other posts are equally appalling. Ali’s “Mother of the Year” successor took her son out of school twice this week, so she the family could go to the beach. Jordo allegedly can’t afford to send her daughter to preschool, but she can afford to live next door to the Kardashians, namedropping them on more than one post. And the whining! Sob Sister bawls her eyes out, stopping to shill a dress, and concluding the post with a pity party about having no speshul someone for whom to wear that comped dress. Boo Hoo!

Nisha Moodley could learn a thing or two from Jordacted. Hell, I hope her exploited kids are getting paid in something other than frozen pizza. I’d hate to see them end up like Gary Coleman.

Never travel without a tube of lube in your back pocket.

http://www.ramshackleglam.com/

Halloween Bottom Brain Teaser: Spot the Son of Sam and win a spooooky carton of Franzia! 👻🎃

Gawker (Sh)It Girl’s Date With Destiny: When Donkey Met David Berkowitz

123

From our burro’s pen:

ONCE UPON A TIME, BACK IN SEPTEMBER 2007, A 26-YEAR-OLD NEWSPAPER COLUMNIST FOUND HER WAY TO A GOOD MAGAZINE PARTY IN NEW YORK CITY, WHERE SHE WAS LIVING AT THE TIME. ACCORDING TO A RELIABLE SOURCE, SHE SPENT THE EVENING BANTERING WITH A WITTY, HILARIOUS 28-YEAR-OLD PHD STUDENT.

AS THE LEGEND GOES, THE SASSY YOUNG JOURNALIST ASKED HIM A SERIES OF QUESTIONS ABOUT SEX, DATING AND ONE NIGHT STANDS, SUPPOSEDLY UNDER THE GUISE OF WRITING ABOUT IT FOR HER WEEKLY TIME OUT NEW YORK COLUMN. NO SUCH COLUMN APPEARED IN PRINT, AND TO THIS DAY, SHE’S UNCLEAR ON WHETHER THAT WAS A MOVE (ENTIRELY POSSIBLE) OR IF SHE JUST DIDN’T GET THE QUOTES SHE NEEDED. THE YOUNG MAN, SUITABLY INTRIGUED, ASKED HER OUT, BUT SHE DECLINED, CITING A CONFLICT OF INTEREST DUE TO “DATING SOMEONE ELSE” (TRUE). IT WASN’T MEANT TO BE.

IN ANY CASE, THE YOUNG WOMAN WALKED OFF INTO THE NIGHT, HAVING NEITHER EXCHANGED NUMBERS WITH THE YOUNG MAN NOR TRANSFERRED ANY PORTION OF THE EVENING FROM SHORT TO LONG TERM MEMORY.

IN FACT, THE ENTIRE FATEFUL INTERACTION WOULD HAVE BEEN LOST TO HISTORY ENTIRELY EXCEPT … IT ONLY TAKES ONE PERSON TO REMEMBER.

AND THE YOUNG MAN IN QUESTION DID.

“Please take down my photo. This picture was taken years ago and I have nothing to do with Julia Allison, though I emailed you immediately after this post went up.”

No dignity? The more things change stay the same, the more things stay the same, which Alex Marson will find out soon enough.

http://gawker.com/305645/good-magazine-party-filled-with-a-lot-of-okay

Thanks for the alert, Sad Rat in Sidewalk!

Updated, Now With “Sassy” Jackass Writing In The 3rd Person : Jacy Is Finally Going To Get That Wedding

137

juliaallisonI love him.
kate_ridesThis is everything ☝️💕✨✨ #love
aylanereoI love your love!!
oliviamhowellSo sweet 💕
sevenate99💚💜💙❤️😀
lacocinita😍 Did he buy you that tree?!
cmc2412Gorgeous couple 😊
juliaallison@lacocinita LOLLLL
farhadiniYay @juliaallison
lacocinita@juliaallison the perfect hippie gift 🎁 😂

A tipster writes:

LOL I know [Alex] Marson and this is a match made in heaven. While an extremely talented scientist, he’s exactly like Donk personality wise. Totally vain, totally pretends to be something he’s not (NOT a trustfund kid, although loves if people thinks he is). I’m sure he even thinks he is Mr. Big. I bet they get married at NY Library within a year.

One thing to note, these are very flattering photos of our scientist. Not that it matters, but he’s quite overweight.

Upcoming posts – “They’re in the queue!”

A pimpin’ pizza extravaganza
Bali Petco horror
The Donk orbit of a very reasonable man

Update: A lot of intel is coming in about Marson, including how he hooked up with A Donkey. I was going to wait until tomorrow to share some of this info in a new post; however, a new commenter beat me to it. Marson IS NOT Reasonable Man.

A true fairytale October 28, 2018 at 4:15 pm:

Not set up by Ryan Allis. This guy has been chasing her for years and totally knows what he is getting. This is her post, after long distance dating for a few months:

Once upon a time, back in September 2007, a 26-year-old newspaper columnist found her way to a GOOD magazine party in New York City, where she was living at the time. According to a reliable source, she spent the evening bantering with a witty, hilarious 28-year-old PhD student.

As the legend goes, the sassy young journalist asked him a series of questions about sex, dating and one night stands, supposedly under the guise of writing about it for her weekly Time Out New York column. No such column appeared in print, and to this day, she’s unclear on whether that was a move (entirely possible) or if she just didn’t get the quotes she needed. The young man, suitably intrigued, asked her out, but she declined, citing a conflict of interest due to “dating someone else” (true). It wasn’t meant to be.

In any case, the young woman walked off into the night, having neither exchanged numbers with the young man nor transferred ANY portion of the evening from short to long term memory.

In fact, the entire fateful interaction would have been lost to history entirely except … it only takes one person to remember.

And the young man in question did.

He held onto the memory of that night for years – 9, to be exact – until July of 2016, when he messaged her on Facebook. He had moved to San Francisco. Did she want to grab drinks?

No response. She didn’t see the message.

Undeterred, in October of 2017, he messaged her again, this time with a now legendary line: “Thought I’d reach out again. I suspect we’d have a lot to talk about. Want to meet?”

Again, she didn’t see the message. And besides, she was in Bali, being celibate. Not the best timing.

But the winds of fate finally shifted, and in July of 2018, against all statistical odds, she ran across the messages, and politely replied. She had just gotten back into the country and, sure, she’d like to meet up. Although she had absolutely no idea who he was (“Remind me how I know you again?” she typed, perplexed.)

As it turned out, he had suspected correctly … they had A LOT to talk about.

So it unfolded, spectacularly – and yes, inexplicably. He started calling three times a day, inexplicably. She found herself excited to pick up every time, inexplicably.

Nearly eleven years after they met, they went on their first date, which he kept calling their “second.” Charming, that one. 😉 The three months of courtship since their first/second date have been nothing less than total magic, both inexplicably, and very explicably.

“I met the person I want to keep talking to,” he said once to her, and she wrote it down in a notes file dedicated solely to his quotes. He’s eminently quotable.

Friends, allow me to introduce the young man in question, my beloved, Alex Marson.

He is, in a sentence: wondrously unique, incredibly kind, completely brilliant, undeniably special, and I am totally, utterly in love.

Also: persistence works!

Oh, Donk, you’re such a prize! Who wouldn’t wait years just to get a date with your sassy self?

A three-month whirlwind romance? We hear kids are definitely on the menu, though they’ve seen each other much less than three months. She was at Burning Man for two weeks after they met, then she jetted to Bali in late September. This is totally wack-a-loon, even for our aging, desperate burro.