Updated: Miley & Ariana Together: 34-Year-Old Julia Allison Is Beside Herself!

julia-restard

This made me so FREAKING HAPPY. Wow. Angel voices, come to earth.
Dressed in onesies! Does life get better!?!??!
(PS. I own the unicorn onesie Miley is rocking. Of course I do.)

animal-onesies-300x280

Of course, not a single fucking word as to why Cyrus and Grande made the video – to empower LGBT youth – instead we get Donkey squeeing HER FREAKING HAPPINESS over celebrities wearing attire previously “modeled” by our lady of introspection and Goat Soap for a cut-rate L.A. internet wholesaler.

THIS IS SUCCESS!

Update: Yoo Hoo!

avo

She must be trolling us, right?

Posted in Uncategorized | 52 Comments

DJ Commode, AKA Majiii, Forgot to Take His Ritalin

jumpin commode 2

Professional narcissist Ali Shanti has clearly been a wonderful influence on her equally self-absorbed, childlike piece, Michael Austin Jacobs. Fozzie can’t stop posting cryptic confessionals loaded with woo speak, all about how he’s still battling THE FEAR while trying to be “totally in alignment with the frequency of Love.” And like his cougar mama, Fozzie goes on & on & on. The bearded boy even occasionally ties in these manic overshares with some new “entrepreneurial” brainfart:

A few years ago, I lived a life where I was stressed out almost everyday. It felt like the weight of the world was sitting on my shoulders in every moment.

Blah, blah, blah, and then comes the Ali-esque sales pitch:

Why am I sharing this? Well, I want to share with YOU what I learned from these yogis, gurus, and shamans – the basis for living a life where you know how to manage, face, and work through your emotions (rather than boxing them up). And I am creating a video series to teach you just that.

If this sounds of interested to you, simply comment with “I’m interested” and I will add you to the list.

With Infinite Love,

Michael aka MAJiii

Don’t hold your breathe on this one. We’ve not heard another word on DJ Commode’s spectacular mixtape, nor did he follow through on “Messages from Spirit,” that e-mail service sending daily platitudes to your inbox. Isn’t Majiii also writing another #1 Best Seller? Anything to avoid taking his Ritalin, finding a real job and stop relying on his parents for money. Sound familiar?

crystal kook

Posted in Uncategorized | 124 Comments

Did Things Not Go Well With Robin?

Because not a single word and we went from this …

tacky donkey

… to this, a woo incarnate, topless and with one of Carmen Miranda’s old headdresses perched atop her empty noggin:

donkey woo

“Mom, this is Philippe! He’s a high colonic love coach and he flicked my clit over and over and over again when we went to the most delicious New Year’s Eve orgy ever!”

woo

“Jess was there too! She helps people find their authentic voice through over-the-phone consultations. Sometimes we Facetime sing or talk in British accents. What? You and Dad got the bill? Then thank this amazing goddess for helping me find my inner radiance!”

jess

You can forget about those fantastic sons of powerful moms, Robin.

Posted in Uncategorized | 110 Comments

Happy Mother’s Day to Ali Shanti, World’s Greatest Mom!

shanti-angel

As Donkey forces Robin to run across the Golden Gate Bridge this holiday – “But, Julia, it’s freezing out here!” – I thought we’d honor the biggest mother of them all, Ali Shanti. Who else would try to get her hands on her mother’s meager retirement savings while forcing Mom into a 196-square-foot hovel? Who else would hope her daughter quits high school so she could work Mom’s internet scams? Who else would leave her kids with the ex-husband while off getting her clit flicked by Pamela Madsen? Only you, you old raunch!

In honor of Mother’s Day, Shantitown posted a link to her original blog – drumroll – The Intrepid Mompreneur. Yes, the old girl’s interent scheming began with pimping out her kids:

https://alexismartinneely.wordpress.com/

Shantitown also posted a dubious “How-Old” fauxto of herself and her two favorite marks:

old raunch

Other than this fauxto, not a peep about poor Ronnie Martin. The holiday is clearly time for the old raunch to reflect on herself and her feelings:

One of the things I have been working on is feeling all of my feelings.

I have closed down many of my feelings over the years because I didn’t know how to feel them safely.

I was afraid that if I felt them fully, I would behave badly. And sometimes I did just that.

Reactionary. When my feelings overtook me, I acted poorly. I made bad decisions.

So I learned to control them. Shut them down.

I thought this is what it meant to be powerful.

Cold. Distant. Icy. Frozen. Non-reactive.

I am discovering that’s a lie. That is not power, it’s the opposite of power.

Power is feeling it all. Showing up for it fully. And behaving with grace through it all.

Learning, growing, evolving.

waliloon

Posted in Uncategorized | 89 Comments

Forever Crowdsourcing: Occasional Dog Owner Julia Allison Needs Some Attention

lilly

My sweet pup is now 11.5 years young, full of energy and healthy – but in the last 8 months she has developed cataracts. Despite two surgeries they aren’t much better than before. I’m looking for any ways (natural?) of healing them. Is there such a treatment? I can’t bear the thought of her suffering.

But she can easily bear the thought of dumping her for weeks, months, at a time in another city?

Crickets about Robin’s visit, but Donkey did find time to share this dubious, condescending crap from a woo named Ali Ma, “a creatress at Radiant Phoenix”:

While waiting at Glen Park for a friend to scoop Harmony and me, on carless school adventures, an old developmentally disabled man with a cane approaches me saying: “I’m scared. Can I sit with you?” Of course, I say, “It’s hard to be a person.” He is like a baby, crusty eyes. Wipes his drool and tells me that he is frightened; people are so unkind to him. “Will you hold me,” he curls into my shoulder and I sound an “Ohhh,” and feel honored that this being has come to trust me in this moment to give what I have generously to give. He asks for what he needs and tells me how he hurts and for the briefest moment before his bus arrives, we connect in a deeply human way that I realize many of us rarely experience. I tell him he will be ok because he communicates so well! I learned so much from him about how to express humanness. When the bus arrived, Harmony went to hold the bus so that it wouldn’t leave without him. She did so with the force of a mama bear. This was all a 5 min encounter, but one that has changed my life. ‪#‎urbaninspiration‬

ali ma

Posted in Uncategorized | 66 Comments