May I Rant?

lookoutdudes

This still grinds my gears.

And now I can feel it coming. I’m *almost* ready to open my heart for a serious partner. Not now. But … soon. 

Wow! Lucky “boys!” A braying, self-obsessed, stalker-y lunatic who has prompted every dude she’s dated for the past eight years to flee for the hills will SOON be ready for a serious relationship!

Let’s recount. Here’s a random collection of the dudes she’s dated and been turfed by over the better part of a decade (I’d provide links but I am just too lazy; go searching the archives if you want to know more):

Eater Guy: Leaked that she was dating him to Gawker. Dumped. Married someone sane soon after.
Codename TK: Swiftered to avoid spending another minute with her. Dumped but thankfully given an easy out by having an actual girlfriend whom he neglected to mention to an enraged donkey.
Codename PK: Tired of her endless adolescent narcissistic bullshit. Dumped. And guess what? They are no longer “in each other’s lives as people.”
Pancakes McCain: Spent two weeks with her in the “home we shared in Coronado,” seriously weirded out by her hacking into his phone and email and responding coldly to other women as him, dumped her, fled to Guam, fell in love and got married.
JellyD: Terrified by her. Dumped.
Derwood: Lived with her for less than a year; endured her far longer than anyone else has in recent years. Dumped her ass for someone sane.
Avocado: Weirded out by her relentless attempts to nail him down into a serious relationship, including showing up to surprise him in New Orleans. Dumped.

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Will Donkey Be Crowdsourcing Her Next Bowel Movement?

shanti halloween

Switching Over to Natural
———————————
One of my New Years resolutions was to finish the switch of everything in my cabinets – from cleaning supplies to shampoo to face cream – to natural, organic, eco-friendly, healthful products. I’ve been transitioning for the past few years, using Tom’s of Maine (non fluoride) toothpaste and Soapwalla deodorant cream (it totally works, btw) as well as coconut oil instead of lotion, and apple cider vinegar instead of toner.

Do you have recommendations for other amazing natural products? Specifically:

- Shampoo and conditioner
- Bubble bath / body wash
- Hand soap
- Face cream
- Coconut oil (I’ve been getting mine at Costco and I don’t really love it)
- Cleaning supplies (including dishwasher soap and laundry soap)
- Candles / Incense

Or any other tips, tricks etc? How have you made the switch? I didn’t realize HOW MANY PRODUCTS I had until I started the process of changing them over … whew. We really are a consumer culture, even in the little ways, and we vote with our dollars.

Maybe it sounds cheesy, but I want to vote for a healthier world.

She saved the shout outs for the comments and left us shivering with anticipation:

Oh! Hi! Do you listen to podcasts? (of course you do, right?)
What are your favorites? Please don’t say Serial. Other than Serial. Anything but Serial.
What do you like about them? What do you hate about them?
(Yes, I’m starting a podcast sometime this year. It’s about time!)

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Donkey Suck Up #79628 / Donkey Take Down #89563

donkey morin

The second of today’s Morin droppings:

There there is a particular poignance when you witness very old friends who have created an EPICALLY beautiful life together – friends you’ve known since before the engagement, before the marriage, before the companies they started, before the TV and book and media and massive success, before the house they built, before the adorable baby … Friends who you watched MAKE THEIR DREAMS A REALITY while staying grounded in their core values, in their creativity and their love, in their kindness, in their partnership and in their faith. Dave and Brit Morin have inspired me since the day I met them, and spending Sunday with their little family reminded me of what is possible with a truly great partnership. Perhaps it’s not common. But it’s POSSIBLE.

I had almost given up that dream.

Thank you, D & B. I love you!!

You want to dial it down a few notches, Donkey? I’m embarrassed for you and surely Dave’s getting tired of hosting your tongue in his bunghole.

cunt

Gettin’ some get back!

Donkey doesn’t need you, Devin. Not when she has learned self-love and self-respect and self-care and the joys of psychedelic tea.

Beginning Again (Almost Ready)
———————————————

When you think you FINALLY met The One, and you’re ready to commit your heart, your life, your everything to him – and then that relationship blows up in your face in the most spectacular (read: horrifically painful) way you can possibly imagine … it takes TIME to heal, to krazy glue together the shattered fragments of your heart.

There are so many different flavors of breakup. In this one, thank god, I never thought “we should be back together.” No, no, no. We loved each other deeply, but we were not compatible life partners. Honestly, the 90s Don Henley song is true: Sometimes love just ain’t enough.

That said, being ripped apart still shook me to my core – mainly because I was SO CONVINCED he was IT! And if I was wrong about that … if I could be wrong about something so huge … what ELSE could I be wrong about??

That emotional earthquake destabilized my system – my trust in men, my trust in myself – for quite some time.

It’s taken me a little over a year since my big breakup, and two or three short term relationships I knew wouldn’t be life partnerships in the interim … to be super solid, really truly healed.

On Friday, I got the call I had wanted up until about the end of February. We hadn’t spoken in six months when he rang … the “I’m FINALLY calling to apologize, I’m so so sorry” call. Wow.

And you know what? When the call finally came … I didn’t need it anymore. Isn’t that always the case?!? Of course.

But that call closed a loop, finished a cycle.

I felt calm and compassionate, loving but completely unhooked … totally untangled. That’s how I’ve felt for a while with him. It’s fascinating how breakup healing occurs. You can have about 90% of the conscious pain out of your system but that final 10% sticks around for a WHILE. For me it kept showing up in terms of how open I was to actual serious partnership (not at all).

My subconscious was in essence saying: No WAY am I going to put myself through that level of desolation again. Nope, better to just focus on “diversifying my portfolio” in my happiness ecosystem.

So I went deep into friendship and lovership, sisterhood and brotherhood, tribe and community with some pretty spectacular human beings. And I went deep into partnership with the one partner I have for the rest of my life, no matter what … me. smile emoticon

I learned self-love and self-respect and self-care. I nourished my own creativity, my burgeoning art. I danced and I sang and I adventured. I loved many people deeply. I went deeper into my faith and I built a beautiful life with all of the resources I could muster on my own. More importantly, I built a beautiful life of which I’m REALLY proud … without the help of a partner. And now I know I can … I know I can be happy, truly happy, without any man involved, without any knight, white or otherwise, sweeping me off my feet.

And actually, that’s the best lesson I learned this year. I am deeply grateful for the depth of intimacy I experienced with my former partner, for the unbridled joy we experienced together, for the endless learning, for the intensity of our love, but I will NEVER AGAIN get into a relationship that is so insular (read: “co-dependent”).

And now I can feel it coming. I’m *almost* ready to open my heart for a serious partner. Not now. But … soon. (Sigh … I’ve said that for a while: “not now not now not yet!” like someone’s trying to push me out of a plane and I’m not sure if my parachute is strapped on or not)

My goal was for the book to be entirely complete, totally in the can, before I started dating again (I mean REALLY dating … not just dating men who are special and wonderful, but wildly inappropriate for a variety of reasons – cough, you know who you are, hahaha), and I’m still a few months away from that goal …

But after spending time with Dave and Brit today, and witnessing the creative POWER of deep partnership again … I am remembering. I am remembering the strength of a romantic partnership.

I think I had to let go of the dream, to let it die, for it to be reborn again, in a new form.

Humbling, this process. And I can feel my heart still very, very shy. I’m not ready yet. But soon. Soon.

It’s almost time to begin again.

***
For those of you who have been through this process – either with death or divorce or with a serious breakup … how did you prepare yourself to open your heart again?

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None of This is in English

I can’t even appreciate this tear down of Ali Shitty because it’s written entirely in woo speak . If you ask me, all these dumb woo woo bitches can go fuck themselves.

shedressedlikeacockbecausepenisenvy

Priestess This:

Today I received what I receive several times a day: an email asking me to help market another woman’s self-help/spiritual/empowerment program. While I’m familiar with these emails, this one in particular brought up a host of feelings.

The email was written to me by a “program manager” asking me to become an affiliate (make money) by marketing to my audience a “very exciting” upcoming virtual Priestess Program offered by two women I don’t know, who didn’t bother to write me a personal note respectfully introducing me to their hearts, their souls and their missions.

My red hot and holy heart contracted in pain and a fierce feminine energy rose from the core of the earth and coiled around me in a hiss. The following post is an attempt to translate this hiss:

Oh, Fuck No. Patriarchy isn’t just wearing a goddess costume these days, it has managed to hijack the priestess archetype as well. Stick a wad of feathers in your hair, do some rituals under the moon, learn a handful of ancient feminine arts, practice the appropriate amount of self-reflection, sexual liberation, shadow work and yoga asanas, don’t forget to pay the fee, and BAM – you too, can be initiated into priestesshood (in a year or less) and go forth and prosper into the magically-empowered woman you are now being manipulated into becoming!

(sigh)

As we’ve all noticed, “Priestess” has become the latest trend in spiritual titles and the hottest garb in spiritual fashion. What was stretched into “Yogini” flew into “Dakini” opened its’ thighs to “Tantrika” and now dances around a fire as “Priestess”(even better if you list all the above in your tagline – throwing in “Shaman” for good measure).

Now, I whole-heartedly champion and celebrate the fact that every woman carries the priestess archetype, and I want nothing more than for women to reclaim their birthright and enact this organic way of Being of Service, but unfortunately, I have met very few women who are genuinely embodying this archetype in the way this planet so desperately needs it to be embodied at this time.

Interestingly, most authentic priestesses that I have the privilege to know don’t even call themselves “priestesses”. There is no need for a “title” or a costume, a brand or a campaign, a photo/video shoot or a glamorous website. There is no need to lure you into their field or into your Self.

They simply are Who They Are and Offer What they Offer – and if you can’t sense the Holy Fire they come from, tend to, and help re-ignite in others, then that is your loss.

We all know there are real-deal, heaven-crashin’, temple-tumblin’, lineage-rumblin’, earth eruptin’ Priestess Initiations going down on this planet right now, and I’m eternally grateful for the courageous (mostly) undercover priestesses stewarding these intrepid feminine movements. And, if they are being guided to – by nothing and no one else except the only Program Manager they need, The Big She – I am excited when these authentic priestesses share their offerings publicly (via websites, photos, videos, programs, etc), so we can find them, so we can feel what it is like to be offered something from the feminine with no subtle strings attached, and so we can give them the proper recognition, respect AND financial support they deserve.

But, the email I received today reminded me that no matter our best intentions, no matter if we are truly being guided to claim this title publicly and initiate other women into their own remembrance and authentic feminine power – we cannot do so if we are misusing this alluring title for identity inflation or using the power that comes with the “priestess” role for self-seeking purposes.

And portraying and selling this sacred archetypal energy in the way this email (and accompanying website launch page) demonstrated made me even more aware that we will never be able to truly priestess ourselves or others if we are consciously submitting to – or unconsciously clutched in – the clever claws of covert spiritual consumerism, misdirected marketing, and a subtle synthetic system that although looks and sounds right on the surface, is actually vamping our feminine power and perpetuating our enslavement.

Now, to conclude my rantin’ and ravin’, I’m going to inappropriately “add to” one of my favorite quotes about priestesses that comes from Elizabeth Cunningham’s vivacious novel, “The Passion of Mary Magdalen,” spoken by Magdalen:

“I don’t know what it is about priestesses. You can always tell. Or at least I can…I knew a woman in authority when I saw one. Most women, now and then, concern themselves to some degree with pleasing men or people in general [or with trying to “be” someone or “do” something that will bring them fame, money, professional gain, social attention or spiritual recognition]. Priestesses don’t. They have bigger game. Their eyes show it.”

Ladies,

we need to play a BIGGER GAME

(than the current spiritual/self-help market is tempting us with).

And,

Dare to Show It.

(not tell It.)

In other words, we need to do what it is every cell in our beautiful body aches to do with this returning priestess archetype:

Honor It,

Embrace It,

Unleash It,

And protect It like a mama bear protects her cubs,

and a wild woman protects the Sacred.

BAM.

Also? Julia Allison is a dumb piece of shit.

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A Family Member Finally Wonders If Donk is a Drug Fiend

Remember “Cousin Andrea?” On Momsers’s side of the family. A bit of a grifter herself, but apparently has the backbone to finally ask “WTF” of a Donkey.

acidqueen

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