In 2010 Julia threatened to quit the internet, but didn’t. Declared Jordorable and the Puerto Rican one to be as close to her as sisters, but had a nuclear fallout with one and doesn’t see or speak to the other anymore. Had a lot of professional photos taken for a job that currently doesn’t exist. Got a boyfriend and publicly declared she didn’t love him but constantly talked about marrying him then proceeded to wail and gnash her teeth when he broke up with her. Held a birthday party in New York then SF in one weekend, at which she told people she was raising money for a charity, but didn’t give the money to the charity or participate in a related charity walk for which a friend paid the very expensive entry fee. Engaged a website full of haters in chat, emailed the moderators on several occasions throughout the year and is quite likely to have left comments under a false name revealing details about the boyfriend that dumped her, despite saying repeatedly she doesn’t read said website. Went to an ashram, but not before sending an email to the fiancé of a previous boyfriend telling her there had been an overlap in sexual relations. Auditioned for, then pulled out of Oprah’s star-hunt/reality show because the contract meant Julia couldn’t protect her “reputation” – she can do a perfectly good job of ruining that herself, without signing a draconian piece of paper thankyouverymuch! Went to fashion week twice and took lots of unflattering, unfashionable photos of herself (and stole watermarked images from Getty’s website to prove how famous she is). Got another boyfriend, sent him e-cards of questionable humour and taste, then cheated on him when the son of a famous politician flew her to Florida for a quick fuck. All this while being outraged at the men who dumped two of her girlfriends right before Christmas. Cheating on someone isn’t as bad as dumping them, especially if you get away with it, which Julia didn’t because she can’t do anything right. Now that she’s newly loved up with her Republican (and no longer “very liberal” in her political views), the wedding talk is back in full swing. And so we say goodbye to one year of crazy, pause to take a breath, and head straight into another year of What. The. Fuck?
Because Even Obese, Jealous, Basement-Dwelling Cat Ladies Need Sustenance
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