“See this, Devin? This is how you do it. This is sexually delicious. Say it with me: Thex-YOU-lee DEE-li-sush. Got it? Now take the picture. We’ll take the opportunity to deal with your lack of heated growth later. I’m tired of achieving vibrational congruance with my ‘back massager.’”

 I’m just going to leave this one alone. Troppo facile.

Now let’s get to the interesting tidbit that I really want to talk about. I don’t know who’s everywhere: you people or Michael Ellsberg. Actualized Horshit had an actual encounter with no-homo-by-choice grifter who gave actual insight into the actual state of the greatest love story ever Facebooked. Turns out, it’s not so great.

Encountered Ellsberg tonight at a small gathering. Had a long, long talk about Donk. My verdict is that he has little to no experience with sociopaths and narcissists, is too eager to see the positive in irredeemable people, and is very nice. Like, too innocent to be a craven a-hole kind of nice. He truly believes what he says, which is just mind-boggling to me.

He did reveal that Donk has wanted to break up with Devin many, many times. Apparently Devin “doesn’t take her shit,” and Ellsberg has had to talk her out of cutting and running. But he thinks Donk stands a better chance of changing with loving people in her life.

I explained to him that what she needs is people who will tell her the truth, not enablers. I told him that if she’s really “changed so much,” I would expect to see some evidence of that — including making amends to at least one of the dozens of people she has gleefully screwed over, threatened, or otherwise tortured. Let’s just say he didn’t disagree with my points, but he is firm in his belief that Donk is “changing” and truly “in love.” I believe that HE believes it, but told him I’ve been watching this online reality show for too long to believe that.

What is funny is that, as with other friends of Donk whom I’ve discussed her with over the years, he had zero argument with my contention that she has a pathological need to be seen, to be admired, to create false impressions of her life in order to attract attention and envy. He claims this is changing. Again, no evidence of that, but time will tell.

…

My own take is that Devin loves that stuff. By “her shit,” I think he meant her being a total a-hole all the time.

Look, the bottom line is that she has wanted to dump Devin many, many times but presents to the world an image of this “checklist satisfying” love story. So she’s still a liar, as I pointed out to Ellsberg. Where’s this “change” happening?

…

I asked him if he saw that and he said, “Yes! They’re in Paris and they’re in love! What is the issue?” Well…

I feel a bit bad for him. He was hurt by the greasy sex gargoyle comments. Truly, this guy seems incapable of being malicious. He really seems to believe the stuff he says (including a sidebar on how he’s been diagnosed as bipolar but thinks “diagnoses can be prisons,” after I told him Donk has serious personality disorders that will require intense inpatient treatment). I just think he’s really psychologically unsophisticated and naïve, but not a bad person.

And her “chateau” has been downgraded to a villa. And everything in the south of France has that raw, non-Photoshopped ethereal glow like she’s stuck in the movie Legend or something. And judging by her ridiculous face, Donks is on her second date with that chick up there.

 The dryer at our chateau Southern France is … the sun.

Yes, of all the magical things that are happening in Europe, this is what Donks has chosen to share. Fascinating, I know. You’re just going to have to live with it. Yes, it could’ve been an epic engagement that revealed new depths to these two buttholes. But it’s not. Perhaps I didn’t visualize hard enough.

Anyway, carry on.

Did I have a vibrationally congruent fully actualized acid trip or did Michael Ellsberg show up in here yesterday and chide us for snarking on a ridiculous attention junkie whackaloon with a busted face?

Spawn of Ellsberg, did you actually mention your father in reference to Julia Allison? Your heroic father, who leaked the Pentagon Papers that revealed the true extent of the U.S. government’s sinister and secretive escalation of the Vietnam War, in the same breath as a braying, man-hungry lunatic on a barely-watched reality show who has proudly put her mental illness — not to mention her tits — on public display for the past eight years?

So she’s grown up? Because it seems to me the ridiculous Paris “LOOK AT US WE’RE HOT AND IN PARIS” fauxt0 shoot just proves that in fact, she hasn’t changed a bit — she’s just found a dickless prop who will play along with her madness because he, too, is a demented narcissist.

Could we ever be happy for her? I’d give her full props if she went offline entirely for a year or two and devoted herself to serious cognitive therapy with a good psychiatrist who would help her understand why she needs and craves public envy and attention, and then loses her shit completely when it isn’t positive, becomes consumed even further with her “haters” and allows the cycle of crazy to spin over and over and over again. I’d read that “book” she’s “working on” if it delved into her therapy sessions and her dedication to becoming a normal, functioning, sane member of society who cared about a single thing that wasn’t about Julia Allison.

If you’ve followed the Donkey Train Wreck at all beyond the point where you got to know her, you’d quickly see that almost all of her personal and professional failures have been a direct result of her pathological need for friends and strangers alike to pay attention to her, to envy her, to covet her life, her possessions, her men, her friends, her connections, and the scheming that has always accompanied those deranged desires. What’s changed, exactly? If anything, her insane vanity has only been kicked into overdrive by a dim bulb who enables her madness as he spews out a shitload of New Age gibberish and tells himself how smart and enlightened he is.

I mean just look at the photo accompanying this post. There she is, posing with a dickhead who made a public rape joke about her — and then PLAYING ALONG with the joke publicly — despite claiming that she herself was once raped, and once outing her own family member’s rape in order to win an Internet argument. That is all class, all sanity, right there. And her recent public proclamations that she privately chastised him for it? Complete bullshit, according to people who know him.

I could go on for screens and screens with concrete examples of what a gigantic, mentally ill asshole she is and remains, but you do the work. And thanks for dropping by. (p.s. Buzzcut — consider it).

Somewhere in Paris right now, a Donkey is settling in.

Has she demanded gluten-free pastries and baguette yet?

Has she posed doing the kissy-face in front of several historical landmarks?

Has she grifted a cheap place to stay?

Has she thrown her first tantrum because a Parisien/Parisienne waiter at Cafe de Flore rolled his eyes at her?

The silence is deafening.

I don’t know what Mandy Stadtmiller is going on about because I read a few paragraphs and OMG, woman, quit rambling and make me a sandwich.  Something about a hit piece on her or fake quotes or not having a fucking point. I skimmed through the rest and this stuck out.

Now let’s look at the issue of unattributed quotes that shit on someone. Like a quote calling someone “bipolar,” which is near-libelous in its irresponsibility, and which this reporter did to me as well as misquoting someone else, which is captured on audio I’ll be releasing on a podcast later.

As someone who has several friends who are bipolar and who have told me never to reveal this condition because of fear of stigmatization, I’m horrified by this kind of quote.

I found it hilarious considering Donk is emphatic in her insistence that her followers read this incoherent screed.

Here is Julia Allison telling Adrien Chen of Gawker that Michael Arrington is bi-polar and refuses to take medication.

And here is Julia Allison asking [Redacted] for a MacBook Air after she claimed during a Gawker livechat that he is bi-polar and he refuses to take his meds.

I’ll let you figure out the rest, cause I have no idea what Marlon or Donkey is whining about.

A great international tragedy has befallen us, and by “us” I mean everyone, everywhere. Julia Allison proclaimed that her throat has succumbed to the viral or [ETA: Shut up, science!] bacterial demon known to most as strep throat. Quelle horreur!

Will Paris and its accompanying engagement happen? Is she really sick, or is she trying to weasel her way out of a trip she can’t afford after braying about it for months, like the last time she was due to go to Paris?

The Feminine Mystique? LOLLIES! There’s no mystery here. Donks is a completely transparent asshole.