HIVE’s Hilarious Global Grifterfest 2019 Video Is Up, With “Top Speaker” Donkey & Smelly DJs

94
580

Oh, Ryan! It all looks tho groundbreaking and exciting and cultish, like Club Med for woo grifters!

“There’ll be purpose coaching, the designing-your-life workshop, late night art, playshops, improv for leaders, authentic relating games, cacao ceremonies, sound healings, and reiki trainings … ”

Best bits:

An avocado finds his purpose – 1:00

“Executive Chef” Kenny Woods’ appetizing entree – 2:45

“The best of Hive” (I’d hate to see the worst) – 4:00

LOLcredit – 5:40

My word, that video looks like a college recruitment video for USC!

The speaker list and itinerary for the 2019 shitfest will be up in April. Thanks to Grifty for the update.

94 COMMENTS

    • Wasn’t her last HIVE talk during cocktail hour and with middling attendance? I’d wager there were more folks at Donk’s Learning Annex extravaganza.

    • Excuse me! Look how much midwestern verve it took to add a fuzzy white sweater over a tiered chiffon cocktail dress to turn it into casual business attire!

  1. CEOs = People who have made up their own pretend companies
    Leaders = Some guy who does QA, but he does it at Google
    Entrepreneurs = Wannabes

    • This. I know too many people in this crowd. All rich kids with their parents funding their various “start ups” well into their late 30s. Very fake, into “community”, costumes, Burningman etc.

  2. Omg, why is the most soft-spoken and passionless person IN THE WORLD narrating this? I couldn’t make it :20 seconds in.

      • Ryan can’t even count. He says the Hive meeting is four days in the video but it’s posted as three days on the website.

        • From the Hive website: “Our flagship annual event, the Hive Global Leaders Summit (GLS) is a 3-day immersive workshop…”

          A short way down the page: “Every August, we host our flagship event, the 3.5 day Hive Global Leaders Summit (GLS) — a transformational experience…”

          CthulhuLeash Daycare Winehouse-Ripen, better hire yourself a mastermind communications department!

          • The vid cracks me up because it’s so bland and Ryan’s voiceover so dull and monotone. As to the day discrepancy, that’s so Donkey and so Hive – such profethunals!

            Was Call Leech Day out to lunch when this promo was being tossed together? Wouldn’t it be hilarious if she read these comments and the day discrepancy disappeared? Not that she would ever read RBD, of course.

      • My favorite quote from the Gawker piece about Hive: “It’s one of thoste deliciously meaningless TED-meets-Jonestown fantasy camp for wide-eyed nerds with slightly more dollars than ideas.”

      • Hahahaha

        NO.

        But if you wanted to pay me the low price of $459.89 I will allow you explain to me how drinking hot chocolate/cacao leads to effective business practices.

        • Sure, but we need to negotiate the price and possibly the payee. Might I hire Mariana Grace, hypnosis facilitator, as mediator?

          • Wouldn’t a masculine have to pay?

  3. Imagine flying halfway around the world, leaving your business for at least a week, spending thousands and thousands of dollars, just to listen to Ryan’s cronies like do-nothing Julia, her awkward old father, and a burning man hobbit.

  4. Ryan of the Calelochness is “looking for the right buyer” for his San Fran house $6,000,000, on FB of course

    Dr Alex and Donk??? lol

    • I thought CalliopeLaLecheLeague was my favorite iteration of Medusa’s RBD nickname, but I think Calelochness may have just supplanted it.

  5. Oh wow, they got the CEO of Starr Consulting?

    I mean, Starr Consulting boasts an impressive team of [checks website] … this guy and some other douchebag he’s probably related to?

      • OMG their “Our Clients” page is a joke. They aren’t even real testimonials. I actually know one of the people they list, and I guarantee he has no idea who these people are. Also he doesn’t live where they think he lives. The “testimonials” are just random quotes. But they’ll be happy to facilitate a conversation between you and any of these illustrious people!

      • I know the not-Gordon Starr person! Tiny world.

        He has had more prestigious gigs in the past, is all I’m saying.

    • Because it’s supposed to make them look spontaneously ecstatic

  6. Under advisors: donkey,upward spiral foundation. WTF, her mind is spiraling out of control, yikes.

    HIVE= dumb asses with money with nothing better to do then to jump up and down and think about how to change the world. Bitch you don’t need that bullshit, people as I write who are changing the world assholes on their own because they are BOSS like that bitches. A bunch of followers with money, nothing else.

    • I wasn’t going to comment, but I. Can’t. Even. I absolutely love converted properties and lofts and great architecture, but rarely have I seen such a property with a more horrific layout. Fully half the space is wasted, there are meaningless little rooms just stuck together. I’ve never seen a more bumbling execution of adding contemporary design to a building with classical wooden interior details. It is so off the charts bad. And have you ever seen less inviting decor? It’s like the people who live there are avatars.

      • Yikes, that’s hideous!
        Yes, the decor is so incredibly un-inviting; that poor ugly bench with two ugly cushions that’s in one of the landings hardly looks like somewhere you’d want to relaxingly sink-into. The colours, the styling, the everything.

        The first picture on that listing gives fair warning; the wood paired with that awful industrial grey on the doors = yuck. I’ve looked at enough houses (obviously not in that price range) to know to discount the decorating and to focus on the house itself, but it’s really hard to do in this case and even then I wouldn’t want to buy it because of all the work it would need to fix it. The bathroom, kitchen and paint colours…..euch.

        I’m with Grifty – I love industrial style lofts, I love older properties, but whoever did this had no idea how to meld the two and really messed up.

        • Eww! I’ve seen an a lot of houses in the eight years that I sold real estate, so I feel like I am definitely capable of setting aside my taste as far as seeing the appeal a property can hold for others, but this thing is positively horrible.

          One thing that creeps me the fuck out is seating arrangement in a master bedroom pointed towards the master bed… Go back and look at all the seating, including from the little office area, that is pointed towards that one bed. Fucking gag me, that is creepy as fuck.

          That kitchen counter level to floor level transition between rooms is redonkulous, literally, and there was nothing about that kitchen that justified all of the second level overhead cabinets… One stove… One dishwasher… enough storage for someone who throws massive dinner parties on the regular but absolutely no space for caterers to work, etc. it just doesn’t make any sense in there.

          And is that the foyer where you walk in right on the grand piano in that weird room arrangement that features a look into the kitchen only a few steps away from a look into a shower? What the fuck?

          If the property is not listed at least 1 million under market value, he’s not going to move it anytime soon when it looks like that.

          • I am so glad you offered your opinion on this Brayella, I had no idea you were a real estate person! Can you imagine what it would take to make any substantive changes to this place? I mean it is one of the absolute worst layouts I’ve ever seen for a residence. Maybe it could work as an office space, with all the little random seating areas that seemingly make no sense. It’s just nuts!

          • It’s something that I have been away from for a long time but holy hell, it doesn’t take much for anyone to see how very badly that property is partitioned. It truly is one of the worst things I’ve seen.

          • I just saw that it is selling for 500k less than it was purchased for in 2016. Ryan doesn’t seem to be very good with finances.

        • To me it wasn’t so much the colors, it was the mishmash of architectural elements that would be prohibitively expensive to change, because many of them are inherent in the structure itself. Those big glass curved walls and things like that would be almost impossible to change without gutting the whole thing and starting over. And since there are other residences in this building, that may not even be possible. It’s just a mass. The Brits call this a dog’s breakfast.

          • It’s hideous! And I used to own a beautiful two-bedroom converted loft next to the water, but not with decor resembling a postmodern mishmash from hell. Even Robert Venturi would hate this townhouse.

          • Robert Venturi has done some beautiful stuff. But architecture is like anything else–it’s good if you like it.

          • You know who is exceptionally good at this? Dodi’s father. His portfolio is jaw-dropping.

      • OMG I just saw the sculpture in the back yard! I thought it was a junk pile of building materials on a broken down brick patio.

        • Remember when he first put this shithole on the market and tagged Donkey as a potential buyer in the FB advert? ::wiping away tears::

    • legalese! His former home, did he live there when it was a rabbit warren/”shared housing” before someone converted it to this soulless monstrosity?

    • Yikes – the contrast of that grey leather with that wood. I don’t have an eye, but that pains even me.
      I think the house was used to film scenes for Boots Riley’s Sorry to Bother You – the scenes where Cassius goes to the CEO’s house (Armie Hammer) for a party.

      • the hanging faux oculus is the icing on this hideous cake

        a building like that simply is not well suited for a conversion to residential units

        it could have been converted into an open air office space or museum with much more dignity

        • which just goes to show you how skewed the market is because residential prices so high that’s where the money is for adaptive reuse

          • You have to wonder how dreadful your eye and judgment is when you buy a San Francisco property that loses value.

            I don’t think Ryan has good business sense. I don’t think he has a sustainable business model in Hive, and that he’s globally expanding it too fast. KayLockDay is going to have her hands full, and she better hire a CFO pretty quick. The boy from Bradentucky isn’t making good business choices.

  7. Just saw Donk’s friend Nick Bilton on 20/20… anyone watching this segment about a fraudster?

  8. Jumping down the Hive rabbit hole, here is Ryan’s latest brand extension product: a Hive chapter for founders with $1MM or more in sales, called Hive Impact.

    You will recognize his formulaic business model, so prevalent among the woo set, based on the vaunted grifter mastermind. It’s the same one Noodles, LaPhlegm and Shanti use (among others.) Join and you will get a live weekly phone coaching consultation (yeah, that will be convenient to schedule for CEOs around the globe who run busy companies) with Ryan himself and a random blond woman who hasn’t posted any qualifications for her role. Also access to Hive Impact meetings around the world, and other nebulous perks and a veneer of exclusivity that will command a higher membership price than the wannabe level.

    Best of luck, Ryan. Hope this market segment has enough marks.

    http://www.hive.org/impact/

      • What the everloving fuck. This is so offensive. This guy can’t be older than 35, right? What real success has he had in his life? Why should anyone listen to him?

        Instead of having a real career where I work hard and build something, I am going to jump straight to giving advice to others. God, I am so sick of these people.

        • His girlfriend or possibly ex-girlfriend, Danielle Blum, head of HIVE WOMEN, which sounds like an old Batman TV episode, is even more insufferable, what with her 100 trillion advice videos. The condescension is off the fucking charts.

        • He wrote an app and sold it for a bunch of money.

          I’d just as soon take business advice from lottery winners, it’s the same thing.

    • Faith Reed, the blond Afrikaner and head of HIVE Impact, who posted NOTHING about her education or work experience, appears to have NO carbon footprint. Her LinkedIn page is shuttered. Her bio is more ridiculous than Donk’s xojulia page. What founder would pay 60k a year for this bullshit? Also, don’t the masterminds at HIVE proofread/edit their pages before uploading?

      Faith’s passion for people, connection and growth has been the central theme of everything she’s done for the past decade. She believes that when we are truly able to connect intimately with ourselves, others and the world around us, we live more fulfilling lives, build more sustainable businesses and achieve higher rates of success and satisfaction. She is passionate about the development of human consciousness, and is a firm believer in the power of a network of individuals in changing and shaping our world. She is excited by people, the pursuit of excellence, and the power of the human spirit, and her focus in life is always on building relationships, sharing wisdom, and bringing people together for the purpose of fostering growth, sparking innovation and having fun. If she’s not out an event, you can find her at a whiteboard fleshing out new ideas, at home with her family, or half way up a mountain somewhere, enjoying the adventure of life. Faith grew up in South Africa and has lived in Kenya, England, and the United States.

      • Faith sounds like an incredibly annoying woman

          • Oh, she goes to lots of events? Events where she undoubtedly stands around with a glass of rose and talks about herself while wearing giant, terrible jewelry? Then she’s definitely the person I want to take life and business advice from.

  9. “…and even romantic partnerships.” What kind of professional business conference would EVER say something like that?????

  10. Transformational! Purposive (sic) “leaders” only: because space is limited. I am so glad they are going to be having this conversation (and conveniently for the traveling world thought leaders ever purposive, Hive summits right before Burning Man). We should pass a hat/cacao bowl to sponsor someone from the basement to attend. Patreon for the lucky Hive leader (with love and purpose)! Please, somebody, especially if you are looking to connect!

    • Three days with Donk, Dadsers, Kay Leech Day, and the woos from hell? Bunny, you’re asking TOO MUCH!

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here