Perthithanth Payths Off: Alex Marson Is Making Old FB Posts Public

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One assumes this piece of writerly writing is the missing attachment:

ONCE UPON A TIME, BACK IN SEPTEMBER 2007, A 26-YEAR-OLD NEWSPAPER COLUMNIST FOUND HER WAY TO A GOOD MAGAZINE PARTY IN NEW YORK CITY, WHERE SHE WAS LIVING AT THE TIME. ACCORDING TO A RELIABLE SOURCE, SHE SPENT THE EVENING BANTERING WITH A WITTY, HILARIOUS 28-YEAR-OLD PHD STUDENT.

AS THE LEGEND GOES, THE SASSY YOUNG JOURNALIST ASKED HIM A SERIES OF QUESTIONS ABOUT SEX, DATING AND ONE NIGHT STANDS, SUPPOSEDLY UNDER THE GUISE OF WRITING ABOUT IT FOR HER WEEKLY TIME OUT NEW YORK COLUMN. NO SUCH COLUMN APPEARED IN PRINT, AND TO THIS DAY, SHE’S UNCLEAR ON WHETHER THAT WAS A MOVE (ENTIRELY POSSIBLE) OR IF SHE JUST DIDN’T GET THE QUOTES SHE NEEDED. THE YOUNG MAN, SUITABLY INTRIGUED, ASKED HER OUT, BUT SHE DECLINED, CITING A CONFLICT OF INTEREST DUE TO “DATING SOMEONE ELSE” (TRUE). IT WASN’T MEANT TO BE.

IN ANY CASE, THE YOUNG WOMAN WALKED OFF INTO THE NIGHT, HAVING NEITHER EXCHANGED NUMBERS WITH THE YOUNG MAN NOR TRANSFERRED ANY PORTION OF THE EVENING FROM SHORT TO LONG TERM MEMORY.

IN FACT, THE ENTIRE FATEFUL INTERACTION WOULD HAVE BEEN LOST TO HISTORY ENTIRELY EXCEPT … IT ONLY TAKES ONE PERSON TO REMEMBER.

AND THE YOUNG MAN IN QUESTION DID.

HE HELD ONTO THE MEMORY OF THAT NIGHT FOR YEARS – 9, TO BE EXACT – UNTIL JULY OF 2016, WHEN HE MESSAGED HER ON FACEBOOK. HE HAD MOVED TO SAN FRANCISCO. DID SHE WANT TO GRAB DRINKS?

NO RESPONSE. SHE DIDN’T SEE THE MESSAGE.

UNDETERRED, IN OCTOBER OF 2017, HE MESSAGED HER AGAIN, THIS TIME WITH A NOW LEGENDARY LINE: “THOUGHT I’D REACH OUT AGAIN. I SUSPECT WE’D HAVE A LOT TO TALK ABOUT. WANT TO MEET?”

AGAIN, SHE DIDN’T SEE THE MESSAGE. AND BESIDES, SHE WAS IN BALI, BEING CELIBATE. NOT THE BEST TIMING.

BUT THE WINDS OF FATE FINALLY SHIFTED, AND IN JULY OF 2018, AGAINST ALL STATISTICAL ODDS, SHE RAN ACROSS THE MESSAGES, AND POLITELY REPLIED. SHE HAD JUST GOTTEN BACK INTO THE COUNTRY AND, SURE, SHE’D LIKE TO MEET UP. ALTHOUGH SHE HAD ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHO HE WAS (“REMIND ME HOW I KNOW YOU AGAIN?” SHE TYPED, PERPLEXED.)

AS IT TURNED OUT, HE HAD SUSPECTED CORRECTLY … THEY HAD A LOT TO TALK ABOUT.

SO IT UNFOLDED, SPECTACULARLY – AND YES, INEXPLICABLY. HE STARTED CALLING THREE TIMES A DAY, INEXPLICABLY. SHE FOUND HERSELF EXCITED TO PICK UP EVERY TIME, INEXPLICABLY.

NEARLY ELEVEN YEARS AFTER THEY MET, THEY WENT ON THEIR FIRST DATE, WHICH HE KEPT CALLING THEIR “SECOND.” CHARMING, THAT ONE. 😉 THE THREE MONTHS OF COURTSHIP SINCE THEIR FIRST/SECOND DATE HAVE BEEN NOTHING LESS THAN TOTAL MAGIC, BOTH INEXPLICABLY, AND VERY EXPLICABLY.

“I MET THE PERSON I WANT TO KEEP TALKING TO,” HE SAID ONCE TO HER, AND SHE WROTE IT DOWN IN A NOTES FILE DEDICATED SOLELY TO HIS QUOTES. HE’S EMINENTLY QUOTABLE.

FRIENDS, ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE THE YOUNG MAN IN QUESTION, MY BELOVED, ALEX MARSON.

HE IS, IN A SENTENCE: WONDROUSLY UNIQUE, INCREDIBLY KIND, COMPLETELY BRILLIANT, UNDENIABLY SPECIAL, AND I AM TOTALLY, UTTERLY IN LOVE.

ALSO: PERSISTENCE WORKS!

Bottom GIF!

53 COMMENTS

      • Good G-d, I hope not! We’ve got enough homegrown assholes without importing more

  1. So if she says she remembered nothing from that night she met him, how would she know he was witty and hilarious?

    Also, Dodi will be sorry he gave her his logins. This has her hoofprints on it.

    • I think he might be digging the attention. Dodi did try out for a reality show and has allegedly been trying to get a date with the (former?) media whore that is Donkey for the last 10 years.

      • I think he comes from a long line of attention whores.

        His parents were featured in the NY Times years ago (some catlady posted the link) on some fluff piece about apartment decor, for no particular reason except that they wanted it and knew somebody connected to the Times.

        Of course, he has no idea that this time his fame comes with some very heavy strings attached.

        • Eh,I’d give them a pass on this. His father is a very prominent architect in the NY metro area and seeking out this kind of publicity is just business as usual.

  2. Why does it look like three hands are being held? He has a death grip on her wrist AND it looks like two hands are being held?

    • Good eye, Hawkeye! That has GOT to be a fauxtochoppe fail because it truly looks like two clasped hooves! Is it possible that LeBurra got an engagement ring for Craymas and isn’t ready to break the news? I wouldn’t put it past her to be trying to make up a fantastical valentines day engagement or some such bullshit.

      Or, is it just that Pettifogger’s hot little hand clasped around his hot little credit card is the mystery paw / pa in there? We already know that donkey never leaves home without it…

        • I think it’s just the poor quality of a cellphone pic.

          Her thumb is on the outside, clasping his.

          Apart from that, I can only see 8 fingers.

      • No way would she keep an engagement under wraps for more than a millisecond!
        If he proposes, she’ll have it all over social media and send a press release to Page Six (just like she did after sipping water with some NFL player) before he gets the ring on her hoof

        • Agreed. Even if he asked her to hold off announcing an engagement, she’d find some way for the to “accidentally” reach social media, maybe even Page Six!

      • OK, so I stared and stared at this until I finally got it… It’s just her right hoof and his huge paw surrounding it, her left hoof is not in there… but why does her pinky finger looks so freaking wide? LOL, she just can’t do anything right.

    • Weird. Always thought the comments on her fauxto shop were stretching it without lookibg at her thighs. Looking at fingers was more acceptable. Seems shopped. If this dude put or puts a ring on it means he has no, no friends sad. Just dont procreate please

  3. So over 10 years he sent her two FB messages that are the equivalent of the ‘u up?’ text and that’s an incredible love story?

    The woos fail at reading comprehension big time.

    PS: The cray is starting to show. Run for the hills, Dodi! Run as fast as you can and never look back!

      • And like the others, he came out looking like a haunted man who has stared into the abyss – and saw the abyss stare back

        • Truth. He looked like a pale and hollow cheeked heroin addict toward the end. Six months after the breakup he looked like a new man.

        • In their final video, in which she’s ordering him around during a Christmas tree purchase in front of SF’s Armory, Devin looked like a concentration camp survivor about to break into tears.

          Be afraid, Alex. Very afraid.

  4. “As the legend goes” — what a self-mythologizing jackass.

    His post was almost 3 months ago. I wonder if he still enjoys being Tintin in the Land of The Dunning-Kruger All-Stars.

  5. SHE WROTE IT DOWN IN A NOTES FILE DEDICATED SOLELY TO HIS QUOTES
    And I’m sure the file is called “PhD,” which is alongside files of “Base Model,” “DJ1,” “DJ2,” “Donut,” and “OMGMCCAIN.”

  6. So my question is, why this post change right now? Did she guilt him into doing this for keeping their relationship too low key? Did she get his log-in and do it herself? Is he doing this to prepare his friends for an engagement? Just seems odd he’d post this instead of one of the newer pics. And again I don’t see any reply from mom or sis, unless I missed it.

    • Nope, no reply from Ellen or Eve. But how in the hell do either Donk or Dodi know gushing McCall Manning Dempsey, proud southern mamma?

  7. I don’t get it. Why would such over the top congratulations messages be happening for two people who just started dating? It’s so weird

  8. She feels NGMB has blessed this union, please note the use of the word “unfolded” in her description of a love unparalleled.

    As NGMB would always say: “let it unfold.” Hence the LIU tattoo on her wrist.

  9. I’m confused or maybe just dense. Did they get engaged or simply start dating? These congratulatins are so over the top for just two people “going steady.”

  10. I’m confused or maybe just dense. Did they get engaged or simply start dating? These congratulations are so over the top for just two people “going steady.” Or maybe they announced their second date blow job.

    • Maybe they upgraded to “In A Relationship with X” on Facebook the same day this was posted? That is a big deal apparently.

      • She’s posted it, he hasn’t. And no one new has commented on the post from 11 weeks ago. I suspect his friends and family are more invested in his science than in some privileged stage 5 clinger he recently acquired who has staked a no-backsies claim on him.

      • They both upgraded to “In A Relationship With X/Y since October 24.” On December 12, donkey backdated the “since” to August 11.

        At some point, Dodi stopped showing the relationship to the public.

  11. The epic story of a dude whose messages and timing reveal that he probably jerked off over a Donkey’s Facebook profile pics.

      • It’s unfortunate that she’s the brunette who decided to board the meal train. I fear he’s being pressured by Donk, her family, and her griftery friends to such an extreme extent, he’s temporarily convinced he’s experiencing the greatest love the world has ever known. I hope Dodi’s family gives him a reality check.

      • Exactly.

        In the twisted mind of the Donkey, he was staring at the computer for 10 years, anxiously awaiting for her reply.

        But the truth is that she was one of dozens of women he hit up looking to give his hammaconda some exercise, and it wasn’t until SHE desperately answered his old message that they went out.

        Greatest love the world has ever know 2 Electric Bugaloo, indeed.

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