Fauxto Overload, Purloined Passwords & The Reasonable Concerns Of A Reasonable Woman

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Several commenters have expressed concerns regarding Alex Marson’s future, particularly since we know how Donkey behaves once she’s been dumped. The stalker behavior exhibited towards Chad McNally was particularly unhinged. In addition to the daily, incessant texting and phone calls, our burro put up a Facebook fauxto album, “Rain & Rainbow 2015 – 2017,” over five months after PhuturePhuckPhace had dumped her for the final time. The hundreds of fauxtos included a text where Rainy says I love you, their “in a relationship” announcement, private notes he left her in the morning, photos of him picking her up, and dozens of snaps of the two of them kissing. The emotionally healthy Julia that she was at the beginning of this year tagged herself and Rain in each fauxto, as well as liked each snap.

Also earlier this year, demented Judy allegedly gained access to Rain’s American Airlines account and discovered when he was returning to California. He feared she’d arrive at his home unannounced and let herself in, which she’d done before. Not sure how all this worked out, and yes, Rain was seeing someone else by this time.

So, Handbag asks, in relation to comments made by Reasonable Woman:

I wish the thread from the previous post, the one to Latka’s parents that began “If you’re reading here,” could be expanded on and featured somehow. There were even more exploits with exes we could name, but the Rain story is the one I hope this poor family is aware of. The fact that she claims she “spent the year in Bali in prayer” is straight up scary given what she was actually doing. I’ve said it before, but it’s never been more obvious than with Rain: if their genders were reversed, the police would have been called. The level of phone and text harassment, not to mention the emails and photos?!? If a man had done that to a woman, everyone would be in agreement she was in danger, but Judy just skates right on to the next mark unscathed. And while it sure seems like this guy, out of all of them, doesn’t deserve it, NONE of them did. We’d never say a woman deserved to be stalked and tortured by a man just because she was a woo or a DJ who wore deconstructed hoodies or whatever. [REDACTED]s 1 & 2 didn’t deserve it; Pancakes didn’t; Avocado and Rain didn’t, either.

Have at it.

Disappearing Act

Noodles Moodley posted gushily about her new health insurer. I couldn’t tell if she was sincere or if the post was a PAID shill. Judy commented, “I’m going to sign up!” (Does she still not have insurance?) Suddenly, the post vanished.

Memory Lane

I’ve been cataloging the 2009 entries and stumbled across this gem, which is part of Judy’s bio for her first foray into life coaching. She was 28 years old at the time, not 14.

I LOVE MY FAMILY – MOM, DAD & LITTLE BROTHER, MY PET DOG LILLY AND MY GIRL FRIENDS … BUT ON THE SHALLOWER SIDE? I LOVE TWITTER, THE COLOR PINK, HEADBANDS, TUTUS, BALLET, FLEECE PAJAMAS, BUBBLE BATHS, MASCARA WHICH DOESN’T LEAD TO RACCOON EYES, TENNIS GEAR AS DAYWEAR, TECH CONFERENCES, THE TV SHOWS GOSSIP GIRL, 30 ROCK, THE WEST WING, AND CURRENTTV’S INFOMANIA, THAT INCREDIBLE TENSION-FILLED MOMENT BEFORE A FIRST KISS, 50S STYLE FASHION, THE LACOSTE ALLIGATOR, 5 INCH HEELS WHICH DON’T HURT, DVF, BETSEY JOHNSON, LILLY PULITZER & OSCAR DE LA RENTA, “SUNDAY CHECK-IN” VOICEMAILS FROM MY DAD, BATHING SUITS WHICH FLATTEN MY STOMACH AND A-LINE SKIRTS WHICH COVER MY DERRIERE, GIRLS WHO WEAR RIBBONS IN THEIR HAIR, MY IPHONE, MY LAPTOP, MY DIGITAL CAMERA, THE BLOGGING PLATFORM TUMBLR, MEN WHO POP THEIR PINK POLO SHIRT COLLARS UN-IRONICALLY, FAMILIES WHO WEAR MATCHING OUTFITS IN THEIR CHRISTMAS CARD PHOTOS, SPICY TUNA ROLLS, 4 AM, STARBUCKS HAZELNUT LATTES, MARTHA BECK, POTTERYBARN FOR TEENS, CHAMOIS SHEETS, DRESSES AS WALL ART, QUILTED CHANEL BAGS, PEARLS, THE SILENCE THAT COMES WHEN IT SNOWS, FLOWERS SENT BY BOYS, EMAILS FROM MY MOM, HANDWRITTEN LETTERS FROM MY 84-YEAR-OLD GRANDMOTHER, AND RAP MUSIC. AND I AM ABSOLUTELY OBSESSED WITH CUPCAKES.

MY FAVORITE SONG IS JOURNEY’S “DON’T STOP BELIEVING.”

129 COMMENTS

        • Can we all chip in for some vaguely Asian crowns for them? And a trip to Bali for some cheap chair massage?

          • We’ll have to contact that Ka Ka person, the woo who made the creepy crowns for Dima and Mariana’s BM wedding fiasco. Didn’t she live with Rainy & Rainbow at some point? This incestuous tribe is starting to blur into one messy mass for me.

  1. She probably still doesn’t know when to use “which” and when to use “that”

    • Candidly, I learned (relearned) when to use which and that from RBD (still not sure I get it right all the time though). Also, how to properly write: five-year-old. Despite writing a lot, I am not a writer (also learned that here), although I knew that but it makes me laugh to think Judy ever referred to herself as a writer or journalist. Or more laughable, still does.
      Reflecting a lot today on life’s lessons and RBD has taught me a lot. Apologies on the maudlin post.

      • Donkey always claimed to be a journalist and that she got paid $4/word, so she had a responsibility to use the English language correctly.

          • Nobody paid $4/word to the rank and file except National Geographic! And even they don’t pay that well anymore.

            Judy Liar.

          • I wrote regularly for one of the big tech companies and got just north of $2 a word (although I got paid a flat fee by the story, with a word count target), and they were known for paying writers well. I think Vanity Fair and Atlantic pay well for long form articles, but ha, Donkey couldn’t even finish a short puff piece for the online NYT in seven months. A long form article would never see the light of day and need so much editing it wouldn’t be worth it. And Albie’s right, no magazine or newspaper pays much anymore.

          • I just stumbled across this post from September 2009. From Gawker:

            IN YOUR CLINICALLY INSANE THURSDAY MEDIA COLUMN: WE REVEAL JULIA ALLISON’S FREELANCE RATE, MARK WHICKER SAYS MORE UNFORTUNATE THINGS, LAID-OFF JOURNALISTS HUSTLE, AND GARRISON KEILLOR SUFFERS A STROKE. POSSIBLY AFTER HEARING JULIA ALLISON’S FREELANCE RATE.

            HOW MUCH WOULD YOU PAY FOR THE DULCET WRITINGS OF ONE JULIA ALLISON, FAMOUS THINKER OF THE INTERNET? ONE EDITOR ASKED JA ABOUT DOING SOME FREELANCE WORK, AND HERE IS THE PRICE SHE WAS QUOTED, VIA EMAIL:

            UM … YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK 🙂

            I’M AT $4 / WORD, WHICH WORKS OUT TO BE ABOUT $ 2,500 – $3K FOR AN
            ARTICLE / COLUMN.

            I FOR ONE AM HAVING A HEART ATTACK, RIGHT NOW. ENTREPRENEURIALISM! CAN THIS BE TRUE, ON THE ACTUAL PLANET, EARTH? JA TELLS US VIA IM THAT YES, IT IS TRUE. AND THAT SOME UNKNOWN CUSTOMERS OUT THERE ARE IN FACT PAYING HER THIS MUCH MONEY, FOR WRITING WORDS FOR THEM. SO, YOU SHOULD BE INSPIRED THAT IT’S STILL POSSIBLE TO “MAKE IT,” STRUGGLING WRITERS. [GUNSHOT].

          • Common “negotiating” technique among those not averse to lying (I was never any good at it) would be to inflate your rate to see if you could get some unsuspecting editor to go for it. During the heyday of Conde Nast, $3/word was a Very Good Rate for Very Good Writers who were known to produce Very Good Work. Writers who had a track record with the pub. Just do not believe JA ever got $4…I think she quoted it as an aspirational, Carrie-like fantasy rate.

          • “Carrie-like” is truer than you know. It literally comes from an episode of Sex and the City.

        • $4 a word if she brayed it around an unlit stogie, while sitting in her skants and bra on an old man’s lap. Maybe.

          Fuck, was that old man Roger Stone? Too lazy to search the archives, but I can almost feel Roger Stone glaring past Judy’s taxidermy posture in that fauxto.

          • You know, strippers do an honest day’s work, but Judy did lingerie shots for free.

            The dude was not Roger Stone, but my recollection is that he was a homeless or semi-homeless dude who hung out near the Gawker offices. You can see in the photos that his shirt still has the wrinkles from the packaging!

            I hope he got PAID.

  2. I have to push back a bit on the assertion that Pancakes, Avocado, and Rain didn’t deserve it. As a woman of a certain age who returned to the post-divorce dating pool, I learned how to check on the records of the guys I was dating. Finding anything stalkery or rage-y, like disorderly conducts and petitions for retraining orders, was a red flag. Would it have been my “fault” if I chose to ignore the red flags and then got stalked or worse? Of course not. But we live in an era where this information is available, and we can all protect ourselves by looking for it before getting into a relationship with a serial abuser. Pancakes, Avocado, and Rain each made a conscious choice to stick their dicks in crazy. Zero sympathy.

    • Agree about Rain and Avocado, but not so much Pancakes. She doesn’t (or, at that time, didn’t) have a criminal record (to my knowledge), which I’m sure he/his family would have checked for anyone getting close. Beyond that, as the son of a prominent politician, I’m sure pancakes understood and sympathized with the idea that “crazies on the internet talk shit about me but none of it’s true.”

      And, actually, when I write that out, I can sorta understand the same from Rain and Avocado, too. They both have varying levels of tweedling success, so they probably are familiar with the “never read the comments” rule when it comes to the internet. Plus they had each spent time with her as part of their wider social circle before becoming involved, and, as so many who have come here, she does know how to act like a normal person when she’s trying to draw people in.

      She also has her lawyer daddy who is always willing to clean up her messes, and her messes have still been minor enough–like nothing criminally bad–that he had the power to fix them.

      • They still could’ve Googled her and quickly figured out that she’s a vindictive bitch from hell who will stalk them to the end of time

        • Hell, just her Twitter feed was enough to show what an awful person she is

          • As a mom, I have to wonder why all the moms of her victims aren’t all over her lies. I am trying to imagine one of my sons telling me about this great new girl he met. “She’s so nice, mom, and she has a book contract or something. Oh, and she had a documentary show on Bravo about her career as a journalist. I haven’t seen it, but it sounds amazing. Have you heard of Burning Man? Oh, anyway, there are these horrible people online who make fun of her for absolutely no reason. What is wrong with them?” I would be googling that bitch’s name like it was my career while still on the phone sweetly asking the right questions. “Where did you meet her, lovey? Where is she from?”

            I googled They Call Me Donkey before her lips stopped moving on Miss Advised. My fingers would break the speed of light if one of my kids were in danger.

          • Morrocan-I made it to the McCain part of Miss Advised and then Googled her. I wonder if Bravo made her reference the site as part of the contract? It was the only redeeming part of that show.

          • They had me at “They Call Me Donkey.” I was on it like white on rice. Otherwise I’d never have known anything more, or even cared to. I remember thinking, uh-oh, this HAS to be good, because she’d already demonstrated in the show what an asshole she was. And voilá.

          • Morrocanwear, I’m with you re: the fabulous moms of fantastic sons not being more vigilant re: the horror show that is Donkey. When my kid is on her own and tells me she’s in love, the first thing I’m doing is googling his name!

          • She likely tells her dates that we’re just jealous haters who can’t get over her successes. That could make them (at least in the beginning) dismiss much of her Google results. But her social media posts should be a BIG clue to anyone who looks, and I don’t know how many people who are in the age range of her dates’ parents know how to look at social media

          • She also always pulls the “I’ve changed! I’m a whole different person!” schtick, when all she’s changed are her costumes and catch-phrases. Under the thin veneer, she’s still the same dimwit narcissistic hosebeast she always was.

          • Moroccanwear, I literally said “Where did you meet her, lovey? Where is she from?” out loud in my own eksent as I read your comment. Obviously there’s only so much vetting, and so much subtle advice a parent can give, but…these moms are SURELY googling the shite out of her as soon as she clomps into view. I can feel myself internally rearing up and grimacing like a T-Rex at the very thought.

      • daddy fixing criminally bad things – like the sublet/airbnb thing when she and nehi were summarily evicted.

        sometimes wonder what the outcome of that mess was and whether there’s any permanent stain on her record.

        • That eviction is so fishy. Shortly afterwards, she manipulates Rain into splitting the rent on a $5500 shithole in Novato, which they then proceed to AirBNB the hell out of? His name wasn’t on the lease and one wonders if Dadsers was on the hook for the dump.

  3. Just the fact that she once unabashedly posted that Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin” is her favorite song is enough for me to consider her a tasteless psycho hosebeast.

    Add in the fact that she’s worn rainbow pasties with a matching rainbow mini-tie out in public, that she posts screenshots she likes herself of private texts on her very public Facebook, and that she’s essentially a neglectful animal abusing creepy stalker, and this summarizes why she remains still so universally loathed after all these crazy years.

  4. Eh, I still think Alex Marson and Julia Allison are a match made in heaven. Don’t worry your pretty little heads on his account!

      • Agreed. Regardless of personality, being a UCSF med professor is nothing to sneer at – it requires intelligence, effort, diligence, self-discipline, etc. He should be proud of his career. Judy, on the other hand…what’s her highest professional accomplishment during her 38 years? A Bravo show with a 0.1 rating? Dating a Senator’s son? Horizontal scrollbars?

          • “I told the head of pennystocks dot com to put colorful books behind his head in his Facebook profile, you could say I’m disrupting the tech.0 game of socially profiling as a woman in tech and a founder of a side scrolling blog did I mention I licked Randi’s cake?”

          • Does she trot out global leader Ryan Allis? He provided nearly all her income for 2-3 years. Ooops, I forget her “cryptocurrency investments.”

          • lewish howes podcast popped up on my feed recommendations yesterday – maybe she is mis-advising him.

          • This. There’s also no reason to believe that an average stripper (just like any average person) is a braying narcissist or a lying scheming fuckwit or an egocentric parasite or a clueless entitled hick or a stalkery psycho. I don’t have a son but if my OMG little brother dated a stripper I’d be SO much more content with that situation than if he ever came near the renowned consultant to global leaders, Ol’ Donk.

          • Plus, the stripper would have a legitimate excuse to wear stripper heels, and would no doubt look and walk in them much better than poor clomping Rainbow.

        • Do we know that, Grifty? I kind of figured he liked her a lot, lot, and was following her “career”. Like kind of creepy, kept tabs on her over the years because she flirted with him once.

          • Wasn’t stalking her for years. The type of guy who repeatedly follows up with every hot girl he meets. I would guess there are 25 girls around the world he follows up on every few years. Doesn’t care about female accomplishments in girlfriends.

          • Waiting for Wedding Bells -what does “Doesn’t care about female accomplishments in girlfriends” mean? He doesn’t care if they are smart? Have careers or drive?

          • I’m obviously not WFWB, but my guess is that few (if any) of the other 25 or so women respond to his overtures.

  5. I’m just waiting for Rain to mistakenly think the coast is clear and that he is free to become engaged or even have one of those burning man weddings.

    • Donk and Alex, in their undies, will officiate. “You are the archetype of the evolution of relationship, Rainy & Stacey Morgenstern.”

  6. At least Phuturephiphty didn’t come here to lecture us on how Judy had changed, a la Avocado. Which, karma came pretty quickly as she stalked him down to New Orleans soon after!

    • The funniest part of the surprise NOLA stalk was that he blew her off, so she had to return to SF sooner than she wanted, making some sort of pissy comment on FB right before the plane took off. She was too self-absorbed and narcissistic to think ahead that someone that into music wouldn’t want to ditch all his networking and collaborative opportunities during one of the most prestigious music events in the country.

        • Didn’t she come a few months later, though? When they were on the rocks, and she hired him as the after-party entertainment for that cheesy dating seminar she hosted? I think the NOLA jazz festival is held around the end of April each year.

        • I checked and NOLA was early May and Haley was in late July. I’d forgotten how short l’affaire d’Avocado had been. It really was just about 5 or 6 months, tops.

  7. If she did gain access to Phuturephuckphace’s AA account that’s a federal offense. Just like she allegedly emailing Pancakes’ female contacts.

    Yoo hoo Peter Baugher, you ready to defend your adult toddler in court for computer fraud and other stalkery shit?

  8. our burro put up a Facebook fauxto album, “Rain & Rainbow 2015 – 2017,” over five months after PhuturePhuckPhace had dumped her for the final time
    Wow. This sent a chill down my spine, because you know that she probably has private albums of all her relationships she’s had since she first got on Facebook, which must have been back around 2004. Like a virtual graveyard of her relationships of the past 14 years. That’s incredibly disturbing. And, if it were anyone else, it would be very sad.

    • What’s creepiest about it is that she makes it public only to stake a claim and to torment his new love interests, with the intent of breaking them up. Telling new girlfriends that she slept with the guy while the new girlfriend was dating him is something she’s done more than once, and I suspect was one reason why she tried so hard to communicate with Rain’s new girlfriend earlier this year.

    • It’s the Sacred Scrapbooks syndrome. Wasn’t she scrapbooking Paris Hilton et alia way way back in her Georgetown undergrad daze?

  9. Love you all, so blessed! for all you do. Just, can there be another way of quoting things that aren’t bold and italic and that murder my eyeballs to read? Pick bold OR italic, perhaps. XO.

    • I’ll check out the possibilities, NH. This is a new theme and I’m still getting used to some of the changes.

    • Heh. That episode was pretty great at that point. I try really hard to like mega tits and I mostly do, but she was a little off the rails there, IMO. Re: link above I am shocked to know that Joy is in her 70s… WTF?

      • I, too, was shocked to learn that Behar is in her 70s. I had assumed she was 50something. And yes, I try to like McCain but she sometimes makes it difficult and I don’t believe she’s very bright.

        • She was already a grownup when I was living in New York 30 years ago and she was on the radio! She looks great, very youthful skin.

  10. When reading Nisha Moodley’s latest pat on the back/shill, I flashed on Dana Carvey’s Church Lady. “We like ourselves a lot, don’t we?”

    There’s a strong aspect of my essential self that I resist…

    The one who sees beauty everywhere. The one who weaves beauty through the big and little moments of life. The one who revels in the ecstasy of a juicy piece of fruit. The one who delights in reflecting the beauty of a beloved. The one who allows my cells to vibrate with delight at my child’s laugh.

    I limit her capacity to open and receive by creating distraction and climbing into overwhelm. I distort and obscure her expression by over-focusing on pain. I hide her fullness out of concern for being unrelatable.

    And I have compassion for all the ways I do this, because we live in a society that has a messed up relationship with pleasure & sensuality. We live in a society that judges women who feel too good or too bad (we prefer our women numb).

    But the truth that I keep unconsciously yet unsuccessfully attempting to hide is that at my core, I’m an ecstatic woman. I revel in & weave beauty. I delight in the magic of the mundane. I am in love – truly – with humans, trees, flowers, and the cosmos. I could get lost in music for hours, the music dancing me. I exist in a world of sensual delight. When I let go, this is my native state.

    And that’s a primary thread that not everybody holds. Some hold the primary thread of pattern recognition. Others hold the primary thread of multidimensional seeing, or fierce initiation. And on and on…

    But the lens I see the world through is deep, ecstatic love. And I’m remembering that if I don’t allow that truth to be the truth, I limit my capacity to give and receive, and all my other gifts get compressed & distorted as well.

    So here’s to each of us being our full, true, imperfect, divine selves.

    Because I believe that each of us, as a facet of the whole, has innate gifts to bring to the world. And when we bring those innate gifts, through the lens of our essential selves, what we bring to the world is naturally omni-considerate and generous. That is the seed of leadership.

    Each year for the past 8 years, I host a group of 12-18 women for a 9-month journey into our most deeply rooted and authentically amplified expression of leadership. This year it has a new name, and here’s your invitation to learn more: DevotionalLeadership.com

        • Will they manage to stick it out for the remaining two months of their three-month commitment? I’m sure the ecstatic Noodles will let the world know.

          • I never understood the 3 month commitment? What does that mean? I think anyone who has to declare themselves as so incredibly happy, most likely is not but get those dollas, Noods.

    • This is the woo equivalent of posting song lyrics to tell people how deep you are and how no one else appreciates music at your level.

      JFC shut up you fart huffing jackass.

      EYES ROLLING SO HARD RIGHT NOW.

    • So basically she’s saying “I’m a hosebeast a lot of the time so I’m blaming it on society.” Wasn’t she whining not long ago about how miserable, raging and in pain she was? And she didn’t really give a good reason for that? So The Man (patriarchal society) is keeping her from enjoying people, dancing, nature, etc? Is she not jetting off every six months to some expensive retreat for navel gazing and woo hedonism? What the fuck is wrong with her? It’s not like she has to ride public transit and pull double shifts at Walmart to feed her kid and keep a roof over her head. Shut the fuck up and be fucking grateful for all that you have and the permanent vacation layabout lifestyle you are able to live! Who the fuck told you you couldn’t dance or enjoy nature or feel pleasure? Here’s a clue: the voices are coming from inside your head.

      • Eggs-actly. Can’t she just be grateful that her grifting has allowed her, no vowels, and CROOOOW! to live in a California redwood retreat and loll about on comfy cushions while inhaling sandalwood incense?

    • Finding beauty everywhere, in everything, has a very old and significant place in humanity. Nietzsche’s beyond good and evil, the aghori’s of India finding beauty in death and finding god in the dirtiest places, Buddhist detachment ala the gateless gate…. what Nisha mentions are things that are considered beautiful by conventional standards. A person devoted to a life of spiritual examination may have gotten farther along if they weren’t a navel gazer. It’s astounding, really. Do you find beauty when you cut open your finger? Do you witness god when your personal property gets destroyed? The truly enlightened finds the same thing in great glorious orgasms that they find in car crashes. The sacred and the profane fly out the window. It is actually an inhuman state, one can witness it easily at Buddhist temples. It resembles the lizard mind, only highly refined. It is sad to see people spend their money to sit with a mental midget in some far off coast. They should stay home, as Dorothy said, if it’s not in your backward you probably don’t need it.

      • When I was a kid, I inherited a nice microscope from a great uncle, and spent much of my time picking up rocks and looking at insect parts and pieces of plants. There was so much beauty in the microscopic world. I didn’t need money or some pretentious narcissist to show me beauty, I found a whole world of it on my own that other people couldn’t see. It takes no special talent to organize a trip to a fancy place for a dozen people which includes a gift bag of nice smelling stuff. It takes no talent to pretend a vacation is a transformative experience, and charge a premium to say so. It is dishonest. It is a grift. When you are a glorified tour guide who hands out a boilerplate workbook available from any self help website or book declaring it as anything more than that is ridiculous. It’s a fancy vacation for shallow dim rich women with no friends.

    • It says something about your writing when people can’t deduce whether that was what you meant to say or if it was a typo.

      I climb in to overwhelm whenever I try to read her prose.

      • Bahahahahaha…
        Annie Lalala: please give Noodles (and Ali Scamti, while you’re at it) a clear no, or else she’ll be jumping your husband’s bones at the next dirt fest.

  11. OT regarding Jordacted descent into intense eyeliner madness, the last thing i need is a gift guide from the dead-eyed Francesca. Like we get it, you’re obsessed with her, but that make all of one of us.

  12. Hahah since the website updated and is more Google SEO friendly, Google keeps sending me stories about donkeys. I love it.

    • They’re so cute! I was at a petting zoo with my kid earlier this year and we had so much fun bonding with the burros.

      • Have you ever been to the area around Death Valley where they roam free? They’re like the descendants of Gold Rush donkeys or something, and they’ll come right up to you for ear skritches. Imagine yours truly, surrounded by burros and going, “Good donkey! Come here, donk! Gentle, donk, don’t push! Are you hungry, little donk?”

        • I hope you belted out a verse of your song, Tingo! “My donkey hee, my donkey haw, my donkey sleeps in a bed of straw…”

          • My donkey tweet, my donkey eat, my donkey sleep on a brown chocolate sheet [with a disembodied Easter Island head]

          • My donkey’s a bad daughter, my donkey’s a bad sister, my donkey’s trying to trap a rich mister.

            Tingolayo, run little Latka, run.

    • There is an island off the coast of Kenya – Lamu Island – where there are more donkeys than there are humans. We met a couple on safari on our honeymoon who said the donkeys show up to work (I think work = carrying cargo from one place to another) at the same time every day and if there isn’t anything for them to do, they go back home. Did you hear that, Julz? They show up for work on time! Everyday! And they’re actual donkeys.

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