Gawker (Sh)It Girl’s Date With Destiny: When Donkey Met David Berkowitz

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From our burro’s pen:

ONCE UPON A TIME, BACK IN SEPTEMBER 2007, A 26-YEAR-OLD NEWSPAPER COLUMNIST FOUND HER WAY TO A GOOD MAGAZINE PARTY IN NEW YORK CITY, WHERE SHE WAS LIVING AT THE TIME. ACCORDING TO A RELIABLE SOURCE, SHE SPENT THE EVENING BANTERING WITH A WITTY, HILARIOUS 28-YEAR-OLD PHD STUDENT.

AS THE LEGEND GOES, THE SASSY YOUNG JOURNALIST ASKED HIM A SERIES OF QUESTIONS ABOUT SEX, DATING AND ONE NIGHT STANDS, SUPPOSEDLY UNDER THE GUISE OF WRITING ABOUT IT FOR HER WEEKLY TIME OUT NEW YORK COLUMN. NO SUCH COLUMN APPEARED IN PRINT, AND TO THIS DAY, SHE’S UNCLEAR ON WHETHER THAT WAS A MOVE (ENTIRELY POSSIBLE) OR IF SHE JUST DIDN’T GET THE QUOTES SHE NEEDED. THE YOUNG MAN, SUITABLY INTRIGUED, ASKED HER OUT, BUT SHE DECLINED, CITING A CONFLICT OF INTEREST DUE TO “DATING SOMEONE ELSE” (TRUE). IT WASN’T MEANT TO BE.

IN ANY CASE, THE YOUNG WOMAN WALKED OFF INTO THE NIGHT, HAVING NEITHER EXCHANGED NUMBERS WITH THE YOUNG MAN NOR TRANSFERRED ANY PORTION OF THE EVENING FROM SHORT TO LONG TERM MEMORY.

IN FACT, THE ENTIRE FATEFUL INTERACTION WOULD HAVE BEEN LOST TO HISTORY ENTIRELY EXCEPT … IT ONLY TAKES ONE PERSON TO REMEMBER.

AND THE YOUNG MAN IN QUESTION DID.

“Please take down my photo. This picture was taken years ago and I have nothing to do with Julia Allison, though I emailed you immediately after this post went up.”

No dignity? The more things change stay the same, the more things stay the same, which Alex Marson will find out soon enough.

http://gawker.com/305645/good-magazine-party-filled-with-a-lot-of-okay

Thanks for the alert, Sad Rat in Sidewalk!

123 COMMENTS

  1. Ugh can we not call him hammaconda, gross. I don’t need to call him by what merely appears to be just shitty pants and lack of supportive undergarments.

    Prof. Fug and real life Miss Piggy are a perfect Muppet couple.

  2. I have always dreamed of being invited to a party where drinks are served in tiny translucent plastic cups.

    • Wolf, did I ever tell you about the loony fratboy who lived in my building in San Francisco, next to the OMG! marina? When he wasn’t complimenting me on my looks, he begged – I MEAN BEGGED! – me to go to parties where they served drinks in translucent plastic cups! Like I hadn’t had my share of taking SIPS out of plastic cups when Donkey and I were at Georgetown. Sheesh!

      • I am at your service.

        It actually wasn’t too hard to find this because I remembered the party in question from my bygone NY media days. It also occurred to me that this was the sort of thing Gawker would have written about in Donk’s heyday. And sure enough…

  3. I’m genuinely curious!

    Why would a dude, who’s known about her for years, and I’m sure is aware of this site, let her post about him? Whatever amazeballs accomplishments he makes, his name will forever be tied to a Donkey.

    It just seems a-dumb.

    • Oh I know. Especially a goddamn professional, a scientist and academic with credentials and students and colleagues … some of whom will start calling him “David Berkowitz, Donkey Fucker” behind his back.

      • I work in cell therapy oncology research and the Parker Institute people are known as sort of hacks… not really serious about patients and research, more in it for the glamour and the parties. We have a PI at my institution who is all about the Parker Institute scene and the other PIs roll their eyes at him behind his back and sort of look down on him as basically being a sell out. I assume UCSF people feel similarly about Donkey’s new dude.

        • Very interesting. I was just thinking about what a sheltered life I must be living because “vapid famewhore” and “actual scientist” seem quite incompatible to me. Not that I know many famewhores or scientists IRL. I can now see how there might be an intersection, though, strange as that may be.

          • You live in a civilized country where scientists don’t have to constantly go begging plutocrats for money to do science, though. The system here in the US is super gross. I will not continue the rant beyond that.

        • Oh, this is fascinating. The scientist as D-List celebutard wannabe, so of course Berkowitz has been pursuing a D-list celebutard for the past decade. This wedding is on!

        • Did I ever share the story of being in the UCSF ER at the same time as Sean Parker? Anyway, I had sliced my foot on some glass in a bag of recycling and lived closest to the UCSF Parnassus campus (also where I had given birth months prior). While I was sitting in their tiny ER waiting room, whom did appear, gurney-bound, ash-faced, and holding the hand of his personal cardiologist (they were all shouting about it, so I couldn’t help but overhear), but Sean Parker. This was just before his ecosystem-destroying wedding in Big Sur and the only reason I noticed him, besides having literally half the staff of the damn hospital hovering around him, was his grey-haired, elfin looking girlfriend. Anyway, cocaine is a hell of a drug.

          • That’s pretty funny! I see Mark Zuckerberg quite frequently (generally while waiting in line for coffee in the Stanford basement burrito shop) and the first couple times I’ve seen him I always think, “huh that guy really looks like Mark Zuckerberg!” and never realize it’s actually him until I see the entourage of fanboys he’s with and pick up on how they’re acting all like happy puppies around him.

  4. There is a very sexxxxy photo of the professor on his mom’s facebook page from last Thanksgiving. Anyone else think he sort of looks like he is wearing a diaper?

  5. the smug is off the charts

    also, amazing that she had no recollection of chatting with a Harvard grad / harvard MD/PHD student “all night”

    She really must have been holding out for only an OMGFounder back then

      • Also, he was so completely below her “high standards” at the time. She probably did remember him as that laughable dweeb who tried to chat her up at the party.

        She was hoping for the hot tech VC Guy with the sick whip, not baby brother part deux. Now that she has run through all of the bad DJs, she is sufficiently desperate to consider him.

  6. i wonder what kind of crazy plot lines and punch lines will be written for the upcoming reality series?

  7. So he met her at peak Donkey: she still had the Fox/Star gig, Gawker was covering her incessantly, her delusions of grandeur might seem plausible to the clueless. Now if he in fact continued to pine for the chick with the enormous mouth and low-cut dress, he must have watched Miss Advised; and if he still found her charming and desirable, maybe he also enjoys running in circles on the beach and falls to the floor when surprised.

    • If he’s aware of at least 1/10th of her bullshit during the last 11 years, this sad sack deserves every bray he’s about to receive … until Donk files for divorce.

    • And I find highly unlikely that he never saw this site/cite/sight

  8. In the original Gawker post but not in the RBD recap of it… Donk was not so subtly trying to OBO [REDACTED] for Good Magazine’s trustfunder founder, and even said as much on the record to the Gawker reporter.

  9. One of the figures in one of the Gawker photos emailed me hours ago, asking that the picture be taken down because it was soooooo long ago and s/he has nothing to do with Donkey. The emailer does, however, seem to still be reading about Donk on this blog.

    I will take the damn thing down and edit it when I get two minutes.

  10. Wait? So did grandma-mummy-bags send Julia this tool and she had to work through the tool chest first?
    I believe this renewed meeting is also known as mutually settling. How romantic.

  11. Friends, I have to tell you that all this discussion of baby burros has me pretty freaked out. Like I said, I grew up in an environment very close to Julia’s and it took me YEARS of therapy before I thought I could be a decent parent. The thought of her with a child dependent on her gives me chills of horror, not even kidding. That is absolutely the worst outcome I could imagine. Maybe I’m taking this too seriously, but I really am horrified that it seems like that possibility is on the table now.

    • This was also my first reaction. It’s a horrible horrible thought and truly tragic if it were to ever come true.

      • Yep, I really hope they do not have baby burros. Let these two tools live miserable lives together but please do not bring innocent children into this. I shudder to think of how they would be treated and the toxic environment they would have to try to survive.

        • Not to mention the shnozz they’d get from both parents!

  12. Well, I hope he makes better decisions in the lab than in his personal life. I doubt he actually stalked her for years because she was someone he wanted to “keep talking to.” If they spent the entire first time they met talking about sex, and if that motivated him, I doubt he’s actually interested in much more than just banging her for a while.

    If this isn’t Reasonable Man, and it likely is not, go back and read about what she said about him. She allegedly met RM in March and said they became very serious very quickly. And that ended in August. And so now she’s very serious very quickly about someone else? This just sounds like desperate Donkey to me. After 8 months of celibacy (the horror!) she dives into two self-labeled “serious” relationships starting the minute she gets back, punctuated by one or two trips back to Bali.

    Donkey always gets tripped up when you map out her timeline. In typical fashion, she’s declaring victory before she’s even out of the gate, posting what looks like engagement photos after a couple of dates. She never changes.

    • Desperation becomes her at this point. We’ve received 100% confirmation from two sources that Marson is not Reasonable Man.

      This new courtship has been whirlwind, even by Donkey’s fly-by-night standards. She’s already FB friends with Marson’s entire family and he’s FB friends with Allie Baugher. You can bet Rain PhuturePhuckPhace certainly wasn’t!

  13. It’s all coming full circle. 2007-2009 is my favorite Donk era. I wonder how many sips she logged in the old spreadsheet that night?

  14. On her left – is that the grey haired dude from catfish? If so… are we all just in some weird ass reality show from hell? Did the reckoning (or whatevs that thing is called when people float up to the sky leaving us cool ass people behind) happen and this is our hell?

  15. Wait, in that first picture, isn’t that him? Of course with the benefit of some orthodonture to fix an underslung jaw? It looks a lot like him.

    • Orthognathic surgery is extremely painful and usually done in children between ages of 12-15 during the summer because it’s brutal. It’s an open-reduction external fixation procedure (meaning there’s external hardware on the outside of the patient where the parents have to through a series of screw turns more the mandible. It looks like a medieval torture device. And from feedback from my former surgeon’s, patients liken it to torture.
      The point being, something’s not tracking with trust-fund persona and lack of orthognathic surgery.
      Personally, I think he pulls it off. This however would have been a procedure done by wealthy families with good insurance.

        • No, it requires an OREF mandibular advancement. Braces are for the teeth. To be clear I think he wears it well.

          • I’m so sorry, ss;sf. Help me here. Do you think he has had the surgery? Because he looks more, uh, impaired in 2007, than in the recent pics. I can see why Donkey might have ignored him in 2007.

    • …. which I love, especially since Donk used to brag about how beautiful the children would be if she got knocked up by Alexander Marquardt.

      • Well, if he has an underbite with lantern jaw and she has an overbite with receding jaw, that would cancel out, right? Right?

        Imagine Donk’s original Baugher nose with that underbite and jaw!

      • <blockquote.Donk used to brag about how beautiful the children would be if she got knocked up by Alexander Marquardt.

        Why? Does she not understand that any offspring would get only 50% of its genes from him and, sadly, 50% from her?

        • And her 50% includes Nose 1.0.

          Does she even understand that surgically altered features do not magically become part of your DNA?

  16. Lots of people talking about how he’s her meal ticket. Now this guy is no carny DJ, but he’s still an associate professor at a public institution. He’s not exactly making the big bucks.

    • Parents have money, his lab has a big Chan Zuckerberg grant. He’ll be fine. He probably has or will have some $$ board memberships on biotech companies as well.

      Compared to Phuturephiphty and The Modesto Strangler, he is rolling in cash. She’s got to set her sights on attainable.

      • Amazingly, Donk still expected Rain and Debbie, the masculines, to pay for everything. Now she’s found some schmoo who’s gung ho to empty his wallet for an epic donkey. Will our girl fuck this one up too?

        • I’m torn about my prediction. On the one hand, Donkey always finds fresh ways to fail. On the other hand, Dodi B.’s biological clock is likely ticking as well, so. Plus if he’s also a pretentious asshole…

          • I always thought that if she met someone equally as toolish as she is, that there would be a chance. If he fell for her at the height of her tacky NY infamy and wanted to pursue her all these years, then there is a screw loose and maybe he’s the one. Any guy who knows about her famewhoring history and still wants to be with her deserves all he gets.

            Then again, as I said in another post, after her interrogation about his sex life in NYC at that party, maybe he just wanted that long last opportunity to bang her, and after he gets that out of his system, he’ll move on.

  17. She “didn’t see” the FB messages. Um, yeah right. She ignored them because she had some sexily sexual woo dude in her sights. Then when she got back to the States she was like, eh, I guess I’ll message this ugly smart dude.

    Desperation, it’s the world’s worst cologne.

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