Updated: Here We Go Again: Donkey’s In OMG! Love, This Time With A Reasonable Professor At UCSF

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You've got to climb Mount Everest to reach the valley of the dolls.

Holy Merde! Jacqueline Susann Donk is smitten with Alex Marson, a microbiologist with his own lab at UCSF. Did she meet him through Little Brother? Marson attended MIT and Harvard. There’s even a Zuckerberg connection. He certainly isn’t hanging with the woos … or is he? However you slice it, Marson is a giant step up from a philandering middle-aged DJ living in his sister’s basement.

https://marsonlab.ucsf.edu/

Update: Donk is still in Ubud, and Ryan Allis apparently introduced her to Marson. In addition to the woos falling all over themselves re: Donkey’s latest acquisition, Krystal Kahler, AKA Danish Mary, chimed in congrats, though she’s definitely kept her distance from our burro.

Tho EPIC! I wonder what he’ll be saying one year from now.

189 COMMENTS

  1. Here she goes again. Makes a big public statement, with staged photos, and claims that this is the greatest love ever known to anyone ever.

    I don’t buy it. She wants to people to think she’s in love, maybe. Wants to make certain people jealous (as if). This guy isn’t the type she would put on a pedestal.

    Plus, isn’t he going to grow tired of her aggressive stupidity?

    • One thing in her favor, she is growing into the -Miss- Roper look pretty well.

        • Jackie Susann finished many BOOK and was kind to her dog. Donkey would do better to emulate those qualities than to cop her style!

          • Indeed, and forget about those NYC/Hollywood potboilers, Susann’s EVERY NIGHT, JOSEPHINE, about her beloved poodle, is one of the funniest books I’ve ever read.

      • Actually I think she looks really happy, and so does he. Don’t screw this one up, Julia!! I, for one, want the wedding.

        • Co-signed. But I have to say that it’s incredibly lame for anyone over the age of maybe 25 to go gushing on Facebook about falling in love.

          • She wrote some 1000-word screed about her new lovership, but I haven’t seen it yet. We’ve had terrible problems with the contact form, though it might now be working. Oy!

    • She made a huge statement that’s only available to her 5000 FB friends. Who does that? Who feels the need to ANNOUNCE their relationship as though it were a global summit?

  2. Poor guy, may he be spared the fellow PhD scholars of the basement and may she have changed overnight, goddess be. One bit of advice- Do not white knight I repeat do not white knight.

  3. Oh, honey. You asked about crash course in music, but this requires a crash course in therapy. Don’t f–k it up. This actually could be your happy ending. He seems so grounded and normal and good for you.

    • Me too. He certainly could afford the opera, unlike various balding DJs. Gawd, I hope the woos don’t try to get their claws into him. Oh hell, this guy wouldn’t give Ali Shanti or Jena la Flamme the time of day, right?

        • I saw Jay Camm, Grape Nehi’s hubby … oh dear: Ryan Allis, Jena la Fraud, Myka McLaughlin, and Smellsberg.

          • I’m guessing they met at burning man and she’s stage-five clinger’d him ever since. So it’s possible given the climate, he was high as a kite when they met, which would explain A LOT.

      • just remember that he, like every other masculine upon whom a feminine has lay claim, is only one unclear no away from a woo honey pot

  4. He is smart. MD and PhD. I can’t imagine he’d be happy with her after he really gets to know her. And she’s probably just enamored with his education and bona fides.

    • They would seem to have NOTHING in common and surely he’ll get tired of having to make excuses for her when Donk utters yet another inanity during a university cocktail party.

      Who’s Afraid of Julia Wolfe? (Or Hemmingway?)

    • She thinks she’s too good for him and that this *geek* would never cheat on her. This guy pulls more ass than Rain every could.

      • Actually I think she will be intimidated by his brain and try to overcompensate by proving she is tho thmart too, and it will backfire. The only reason I think she hesitated getting involved is because he is not handsome by her standards with a hot bod, and he doesn’t look like he’d be sporting a onesie any time soon.

    • Mostly a producer, including the fine FED UP. Color me impressed.

      marson

      How does Donk expect to hold her own with a family of achievers? Oh, this is going to be deliciouth!

    • This is the best guy she’s dated, probably ever, or at least since Cancer Free Dan. But I don’t see it succeeding. She’s blown smoke up his ass about her past and he’ll find out sooner or later that she’s done nothing in her life and is all a big bullshitter. But maybe he just needs a nonworking caretaker at home, a role she’d be happy to fill.

      Looks like he’s 39.

      • She’s going to demand attention from him 24/7 and he’s a little too busy for that.

        Eventually the cray will burst forth in all its batshit glory.

        • Ruh roh is he in for a surprise if he thinks this currently-“Alex Marson Can’t wait to meet you! And yes. Although I continue to see new depths of her epicness, I do know that I am dating the most epic woman of all time.”

          also what’s this “page” ? ” Jules Cazedessus Check the longer post on her page. Adorbs.”

          • She supposedly wrote a long piece about the NEW greatest love the world has ever known. Marson is going to have the time and the patience to deal with her horseshit?

  5. Zuckerberg connection, Chan Z. gave him money for his research, which sounds impressive. https://www.laboratoryequipment.com/news/2017/02/chan-zuckerberg-biohub-awards-50-million-grants-47-researchers

    So what on earth does he see in A Donkey? She’s probably talked up her brother, and her parents, her connection with the Zuckerbergs and others he’s rubbed shoulders with. I wonder if he’s seen the Big Think Fuck You Money video and what he thinks of that?

    • I’m sure she’s told him many of the same lies she’s told everyone else, including that she was THIS CLOSE to marrying Jack McCain. She flung that in Rain’s face every chance she got, and Marson might be too busy to check out the basement. Plus, Donk has certainly told him, as she told Rain, “everything they write about me is a lie!!” Now, isn’t THAT horseshit the biggest lie ever!

    • She was but she’s legally required to leave and re-enter the country every so often. Once every six weeks? I can’t remember.

      Maybe Dadsers gave her an ultimatum? “We’re not paying forever, Julia, and this one has money.”

      • That’s a recipe for relationship longevity with A Donkey—an absent Donkey makes the heart grow fonder, while a present Donkey’s only gift is the gift of bray and musty odors.

        Wonder if she’s gone through his phone yet?

          • and she was at a wedding wth some other dude in august so. who got that essay she wrote about this ineffable love?

          • There’s no logical reason that this isn’t the reasonable man guy she flipped out on. I think it has to be.

        • I think if we calculated how much actual time she has spent in person with this guy, it would be around the same amount as she spent with Pancakes before crashing his (Cindy’s) pad in Coronado. It is just a matter of time until he realizes he’s stuck his peen in cray.

          • Yes, she’s been in Bali much of the time, getting cheap massages while he works for a living, and works a lot. When he finally gets wind of the insanity, it’ll be too late and Donk will be demanding alimony and the house.

  6. Bad idea. Marrying a guy with his credentials will make her insufferably smug. It’s not like marrying a homeless “DJ” from the dirt festival circuit

    • Well, I take your point. Still, the panoply! The run-up! The selection of the wedding party! The DDDDRRESSSSS! It would all be delicious, despite the off the charts smuggery. (Or perhaps, dare I suggest, at least partly because of it?) Really things have been so dull in Donksville (her life, not this site) lately, that I would welcome some wedding flimflammery.

  7. Ugh. This was supposed to go under Dyspeptic’s comment. I click on “reply” but it doesn’t thread.

  8. I suspect she will lock this one down very quickly. And, he, being under the spell of regular sex, will comply. I’ve become jaded I know but, at a certain age, and with years of scheming behind her, this screams “angling to snare someone who can pay a hefty divorce settlement” than it does “true love”. She’s thinking ahead. And knows that having some kids will increase that monthly check.

      • How do we know she hasn’t already moved in? I doubt she’s going back to live in Bali. He has a real job and sure won’t be taking non-stop vacations from vacation-itis.

        • Only because she has still named Bali as where she lives on FB despite updating to being in a relationship with Reasonable Man.

          • She is actually in Ubud. Maybe they’ll maintain a long-distance relationship? I can’t see it working long term any other way.

        • She’ll just stay with him while she is home from Bali and never move out. Can someone forward Cindy McCain’s digits to his mother please?

          • Just wait til his hardworking parents catch on that their son is in a relationship with a slacker who can’t follow through on anything and expects to be pampered as though she were some prize. #BOOK #reminaginefactory

          • They seem so smart in what they do for a living, so they possibly aren’t pushing him hard for grandchildren. Let’s hope this is true.

            Also, if Judy fucks up his productivity in any way, she deserves all the bad karma she gets. He is on the leading edge of some very important medical breakthroughs. I hate the thought that she will fuck up his mind, even for a short time. I hope he has a therapist as a friend who will spot her NPD/BPD and point it out to him before it is too late.

          • Rhoda has access to Judy’s FB friend list and indicated our burro is online pals with the other members of Marson’s family. You and I have seen the sort of FB messages with which she deluges family members — it’s only a matter of time before they give in and accept her friend request. Anything to stop the harassment!

    • I found myself wondering the same thing, and then thinking, that is what years of not having a regular income will do to one’s shoe collection.

    • I am glad she was able to find a nice black coobie and ridiculous earrings for date night though.

      • You should see the lower half of the outfit: flowy polyester [skirt? palazzo pants?] that wrap around from the back and tie below her navel. Red, to match the earrings. It’s a terrifying contraption.

        I think Noodles has a garment like this, which manages to look OK on her (sorry, I think Noodles’ personal style is kinda cute)… this leads me to believe that Donk is now trying to imitate Noodles. Perhaps the long, black fake hair wasn’t her attempt to be Myka, but Noodles.

  9. The idea of her having kids is scary. And it will likely happen. This guy probably knows how to do IVF in his spare bathroom.

  10. I can’t wait for Christmas! He’ll look absolutely ridiculous in his plaid jammies. Maybe she’ll get a ring and the bridezilla season can begin.

  11. Oh good doctor julia is the next iteration. Remember when she was hanging with that doctor chick and she all of a sudden was a health insurance expert? She’ll be even more insufferable than usual.

    Does she ask people on the street to stop and take pictures of her as she strolls or does she pay someone? Never mind, answered my own question.

    I hope someone gets him a link to a restraining order and a vat of vodka to get him through the holidays.

  12. He seems like a catch!
    What the what does her JS quote under photo mean though? Is she on barbiturates now? Is she saying she’s reached a low with this new guy?

  13. JFAing to add: she is going to have to resist against every impulse in her head and every fiber of her being not to screw this up. Godspeed, Donkey!

  14. Gilly & Albie,
    I’m using the Chrome browser. I tried using Safari, but every time I tried to get to this site/sight/cite, I got a pop-up window informing that Safari Web Content unexpectedly quit, then the site wouldn’t load. Everything else works fine on both browsers

    • I don’t know what to tell you. I’ve posted comments from my iPhone and from library computers, using both when I’m not logged in as moderator “Gilly Blake, Wilmette Journal” and have experienced no problems.

  15. OK, I restarted the computer and am trying again in Chrome. Then I’ll try Safari.

    A few other minor things were a bit wonky, so I did a restart.

      • It seems to work on my iPad (which is old, but I keep updating the iOS), and now I’m trying it in Firefox on my desktop
        *fingers crossed*

  16. Knowing SF the way I do, there are a handful of Bay Area scientists in their 30s and 40s (like that Huberman guy at Stanford) who are on the periphery of woo circles if not fully immersed in them — and have a big following among the Silicon Valley biohacker crowd and wealthy entrepreneurs like Dave Morin who have decided their next big thing is to disrupt health. They maybe go to Burning Man, maybe not, more likely go to Summit, but they aren’t quite woo enough (perhaps because they have real jobs and have to uphold a professional image) to realize how scammy a lot of those people are. I wouldn’t be surprised if this guy is one of them, and that Julia has positioned herself as just un-woo enough (Georgetown! Wilmette!) to be a suitable partner. Wait till he finds out about the fucoid fairies phase!

    • Exactly. She’s shoved Georgetown and Jack McCain down his throat, downplaying or ignoring her “bisexuality” and love of “plant medicine.” Just wait til he meets Jena la Flamme & DJ Deadbeat Dad and reads RBD’s footer!

    • On the one hand, I wouldn’t wish a delusional, personality-disordered, pathological liar on anyone. On the other hand, I don’t know this dude, and while he seems an OK sort, a grown adult who sticks his silver lame gherkin in crazy deserves whatever he gets. On the third hand, schemers like Donk are pretty skilled at hiding their true selves, and she’s fooled a lot of people into believing her various personae.

      • Dr Hammaconda is obviously very book-smart and professionally accomplished, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he was emotionally stunted, a la Sheldon Cooper.

        He may fall for the Donkey’s “epic” persona of the month for a while.

        He will eventually fall down to earth, and they will stay in each other’s lives as friends forever, but it may take him a little longer than usual (birthcray 2019 is my prediction).

  17. Sorry, if he’s hanging around with so many of THAT crowd, then I have to question him. He is either only book smart and has absolutely no ability to see people for who they are, or, he is just as scammy as they are.

    I kind of hope it’s the latter because, otherwise, I worry about him. He’ll be taken advantage of by all of them.

    • I think it’s the former. Did you watch the video at the beginning of this post. She is going to tread her hooves all over this poor guy. He says in the video he hasn’t been out of his lab in the past year.

      • Yes, it must be the former. I have a dear friend, as Noodles would say, who is a professor at Cal-Tech. He’s much better looking than Marson, but I’m relatively certain he was only intimate with one other woman before meeting his future wife around age 40 – he’s 44 now and still in his lab much of the time.

    • I was in a relationship with a guy who’s incredibly book smart — PhD, think tank, and so on — but common sense STOOPID. Always believed the wrong people, put his faith in the worst people

  18. Oh, dear.

    Dr Marson likes to make up words like “epicness”, I foresee their common hatred of the English language we’ll keep them together for many years.

    I am kidding, of course, they will be friends forever-in-each-others-lives by Xmas, birthcray 2019 at the latest.

    PS: Sacha Lalla and the lasso comment, is she an undercover catlady?

  19. Why has no one commented on his visible high and tight jon hammiconda in this photo?!? I can’t be the only crotch lookin weirdo here.

  20. He isn’t very attractive so he’s gonna stat put thru the cray bray. Good job, maw mouth, you got a meal ticket! That’s one mission accomplished in about 38 (?) years!

    Get a pre-nup, Alex.

    • He is a high status wallet, though, and I suspect momsers had a serious conversation with her about getting with the program and stop being so superficial about looks.

  21. ‘Turns out … I fell in love.’ Patronising much?

    Lol good on ya dude. Dudes who live in labs think that chicks who don’t wear bras are so free and easy. Good luck on that count, sucker.

      • Genuine question: Are we sure it’s the same guy? I can see her being a quick rebounder. Or overlapping.

        • We’re fairly certain because of intel received earlier this year. I’ll be posting more about Prof. Hammaconda tomorrow.

          • Hammaconda!

            Finally a neologism I can use! (unlike epicness)

            Dead, dead, dead, 1000 times dead.

  22. Thanks for trying to help, Grifty. I haven’t updated my OS (still on El Capitan 10.11.6) because I don’t want to lose some apps I have that are a bit pricey and will need replacing (some are old enough to be beyond mere upgrades). And I’m working on a huge project and don’t want to take the chance of a botched update at this time

    • You should not lose apps in an update. Mobile is on iOS, if you have a phone or iPad. Desktop is on Mojave now.

      If you update and lose apps, call Apple support and name the new OS as the issue, it is a free call and they willll sort you out.

      I suspect this is the root of the problem. Good luck!

      • I was afraid I was going to lose one of the 32-bit apps I use every single day — Boom, which increases the volume of the internal speakers by quite a lot — when I upgraded to Mojave, but it’s fine. I got it in beta, and I’m sure at some point I’ll have to buy it but not so far.

          • i think handbag means she may lose access to boom.

            team mojave here also – even though i have a mind-mapping application that isn’t compatible. lucky the ipad version still works on iOS 12 so i’m not completely dead in the water.

  23. Oh. No. This guy has an actual career, that’s actually helping people. He’s spent his entire life studying and hunched over a microscope. Now he’s ready to mingle and has met people who spent their lives lying, taking drugs, and pretending to be sexually liberated.

    Enter cloth-eared Judy, whose favourite songs are from Disney movies. Sitting next to him at the opera, whispering keywords she quickly skimmed an hour earlier, playfully tapping his hand as it traverses up her tunic-as-minidress, while playa dust poofs out of the cheap white fur jacket and her drag queen jewellery rattles with every sly turn to see if she’s being looked at by anyone else.

    Poor sucker. I hope for his sake he can see through them all sooner rather than later, and not get scammed.

    • She’s already friended his family on FB – believe me, she friended them, not vice versa – but I’m hoping Sis or his hardworking parents have known someone(s) with raging NPD and catch on to Donkey’s scheming before Marson foolishly walks down the aisle with this hosebeast.

    • Please please please don’t even think of impregnating this psycho, Reasonable Man. She’ll be an even bigger nightmare if that’s even possible with actual innocent victims scarred for life by NPD.

  24. I think he’s hot, he’s probably exactly my type lol (sort of dorky/awkward, really smart).

    I am Team Wedding because the donkey show was getting boooooring while she was all woo all the time, and all those dusty peeps were uninteresting too. I want the Bridezilla, photoshoots, dresses, bridesmaids, the whole nine yards. Then I want Baby Burro, and then Divorce Donkey and the conscious uncoupling. ALL OF IT. GIVE IT ALL TO ME. DON’T CHEAT ME OF THIS, DONK. (I suppose the order of events might be changed up a bit…maybe an oopsie baby burro before the wedding? IDK. I don’t care. I JUST WANT IT ALL.)

    I haven’t been this excited about the show in YEARS. GIMME GIMME GIMME. (ringing self, I guess!)

    Reasonable Man, godspeed. Sorry you’re eventually going to become roadkill on the great highway of love. We’ll be here for you when it happens.

    • You hope Donkey hoodwinks this soft-spoken scientist doing good work into marriage, followed by spawn before the inevitable divorce because you’re bored?

      Wow. Just wow.

      • hey, I’ve gone on record as saying I hoped for a wedding for its interest level and comedy ops, and I’ve cited boredom with Julia’s current wan woo persona, but I certainly do not wish this nice-seeming and accomplished fellow any ill. I’ve always kinda hoped Julia would finally get it together, find a suitable guy and live happily ever after. I mean, Gilly, this is your show, and your fine handwork, so I guess you get to judge us, but……..c’mon. It’s Friday. Let’s all have some Franzia and be friends.

        • He seems suitable on paper but honestly, I would not wish her on him just for,our own enjoyment. I think this will end badly because she is too dominant and her personality disorders could really screw him up. He seems way too nice for her, and we know from experience what Donkey does to ‘nice.’

        • I’m sorry. I’m exhausted and we’ve got all this Halloween stuff going on this weekend. NO YANDY COSTUMES!!

          Let’s face it: If Aggressive Donkey hoodwinks mild mannered Bruce Banner into OMG! marriage, we’ll have content for years.

          Re: the woos, I think they’re a riot – I had no idea this smelly subculture even existed until Donk found her tribe – and even attended Jena la Fraud’s Frisky Friday this morning.

          • I honestly would hire this photographer in a hot second, because Flimme-Flamme looks really pretty in this photo. Good work, photographer person.

          • I’m with you, Albie. She looks great here. I really like the way she’s posed; no foot contortions!

            The whole photo looks good. For once, I’m really impressed with something the woos have done, even if it was just to find a good photographer.

          • I like it too. Glad to see some photographer other than the queen of the photo cliché, Wendy Yalom.

          • Now you three quit yer fawning! Unless you’re willing to sign up for Jena’s free FB group, Thenthual Thiren Activation!

          • I think she has natural beauty when not speaking pretentiously (or dumb woe is me persona ) caked on with spackle and magic markers and hair ironed and in some ridiculous pose, all of which this photo features, and the video.

      • Oof, I guess that did come across as being awful to him. Sorry 🙁

        I mean, it’ll happen or not happen however I feel about it, yeah? For his sake, thinking about him as a real person instead of a new character in my favorite reality show, I do hope she’s either changed or he gets out in time. And certainly I wish no harm on any babies.

        The meanest part of me does think if he doesn’t do his due diligence, he deserves whatever comes, though. I realize that is not one of my better, kinder impulses.

        Thank you for pointing out how cruel my original post sounds.

        • Don’t beat yourself up. Marson is a breath of fresh air after the smells of Wooville, though the poor guy is doomed. This marriage will happen.

      • Sheesh. Bring an innocent child who will have THE most fucked up upbringing into the world just for someone’s amusement?

  25. OT Lilly and that poor little dog’s passing, what I don’t understand is why she didnt milk that for all it’s worth like she did with Granny Moneybags. The JIML loves using that sort of thing to get attention from all and sundry? It seems out of character?

    • I’m guessing because she’d pawned the dog off on various caregivers during the last years of her life and would have looked like the hosebeast she is had she tried to play the sympathy card.

      Stay tuned, bunny. There have been some interesting petco developments.

  26. LOL I know Marson and this is a match made in heaven. While an extremely talented scientist, he’s exactly like Donk personality wise. Totally vain, totally pretends to be something he’s not (NOT a trustfund kid, although loves if people thinks he is). I’m sure he even thinks he is Mr. Big. I bet they get married at NY Library within a year.

    One thing to note, these are very flattering photos of our scientist. Not that it matter, but he’s quite overweight.

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