Rogues’ Gallery: Avocado & Melania Tie The Woo Knot At BM Wedding Of The Century

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Avocado’s Camp Septic wedding was mentioned briefly in comments when we were transitioning to the new host, but I thought the EPIC event was worth revisiting. Enjoy!

64 COMMENTS

  1. Chuppah, darling, not awning. Don’t think Donkey is one of the holders.

    I was surprised to see an Asian lady in the pantheon of sisters, but my recollection is that it’s Avocado’s brother’s wife/girlfriend.

    Melania looks pretty in her ridiculous wedding garb (is she picking up radio transmissions on that headdress?) Avocado looks like Popeye ran through a flag store. I hope the idiot couple will be very happy.

    Love that Flimme-Flamme couldn’t be bothered to wear white like everyone else.

  2. For a moment I thought Avocado was wearing two beach towels sewn together, a look popular in my household in the 1970s.

  3. I hope Donkey realizes that this is how a proper Burning Man bride dresses, and not like what she wore, she, who would have fit in better at a freeway-adjacent La Quinta ballroom.

    Note also the lack of preachy woo placards and the obligatory amateur interpretive dance recital.

    • Also, have your wedding on playa, not in some shitty makeshift Camp Septic tent, so that EVERYONE can witness your love.

  4. On behalf of us relative newcomers, what are the “real” names of the bride and groom? Stalking minds want to know! And can we talk about the individuals in that group shot? (Who is the woman at lower right and why is she impersonating the President?)

    • How dare you! Jess Magic brought a black man to Camp Septic to teach gospel to these oppressed white people. I rest my case!

    • These fart huffing ass clowns are seriously offensive. Other culture aren’t personas or divine or some random shit you designate. Go fuck yourselves you “woke” ass bitches.

  5. I genuinely don’t know how Donk survives humiliation after humiliation like this. She stalked the shit out of Avocado, he dumped her, she wouldn’t let go until she found a new victim but still made it pretty clear she’d go back to DB in a heartbeat. Now she’s at his wedding on the playa, scene of their original interactions, after having been humiliated into marrying herself?

    I would need to be so fucking doped up to handle this level of demoralization.

  6. Is this THE DJ or is there another hairless DJ? Totally lost track, sorry.

      • Ah, got it. This one trustfunder with wooish mom in Hawaii and the other one bad man that played that cute and tiny while fooling around with a Donk.
        Neither plays good music either if I recall.

      • A/k/a The Human Experience (his nom du tweedle) and David Miguel (his nom de ugly “art”).

        Also, he came here to lecture us on how Judy had changed, which I always enjoy. Chad Phuturephiphty at least didn’t make that mistake.

  7. Ah, yes. Longtimers here (and on Gawker, pre-RBNS) remember when she thought she was too good for [Redacted]. We thought Prom King was a new low for her. But no, she keeps digging down and down and down.

      • Only in that Prom King was a rich bro type without any of the techy/intelligentsia/cultural -nfluencer glamor Donks felt she so richly deserved. I believe one of her complaints at the time was that he didn’t “read enough.”

        • Prom King comes from 9 figure “fuck you money” and yet works instead of yachting and skiing through life. His family has 2 huge yachts flagged in the Virgin Islands and one of the largest houses in Aspen – like 15,000 sq ft. At least one Gulfstream hey too (owned not leased). Yets family seems super tight and he and his sister work with the dad and have actual experience, not just handed the keys. Julia never dated a guy who had more, but get head was so far up her butt, maybe she thinks she did.

          Prom King ended up marrying a woman he’d known since college and who *works*.

          https://www.google.com/amp/s/pagesix.com/2015/01/30/perry-weitz-is-living-the-lavish-life/amp/

          • soooo altruistic – the class action lawsuits that generate that kind of FU money usually net peanuts for the plaintiffs, and yet he is living like a (prom) king off settlement money… whatever

    • As a fellow longtime Donkologist, I believe Prom King just SEEMED like a downgrade because this was when she was in the thick of pursuing tech founders and men adjacent to the media scene. She disdained “boring” guys like attorneys and finance bros, which in retrospect is pretty laughable.

      But beyond his basicness, the real reason she screwed up with PK was, IIRC, that one of her exes, five-dresses guy, had just gotten engaged and she was losing it. This was when she sent the email to the fiancée about some supposed “overlap” between them.

  8. Are those collection baskets? If so, it must be to collect notes/poems of well wishes because I can’t imagine any woo actually having any money, let alone be willing to give it away.

    • True for the most part, though Bear Kittay has money, as does Papa Chevalier, Jena la Flamme’s target who turned the tables on the gold digger and married his grandson.

    • WTF? I have no idea what she is on about wrt the cup of tea. Are you really meant to do that with hot liquids? And if it’s a balance thing, why didn’t she at least fill the cup with (boiling) water? She’s a weird, spacey preying mantis.

      • Like her husband, Melania doesn’t have a lot going on upstairs; however, that lack of intellectual acumen hasn’t stopped her from attempting to run several grifts.

  9. Prom King comes from tacky ambulance chaser money and if I’m remembering correctly, he was kind of dumpy – not hot.

  10. Ugh. I don’t know how this wound up unthreaded

  11. I was a fairly chill bride. My bridesmaids wore different dresses. My officiant was a gay woman minister. It wasn’t a lavish affair. Even when we renewed our vows, everyone wore winter white, but my brother still showed up in a purple shirt and my nephew in an argyle sweater. No biggy. But, you know where I absolutely draw the line? Pants. If you’re not wearing any pants, you are absolutely not attending my wedding, much less officiating. And by pants, I mean, something, anything, over your underwear. And, an ornate belt isn’t going to cut it. So, not so fast, Jess Maaaaaaajik. Gawd, what’s wrong with these people?! Drugs and photography are a dangerous combination and this is the result.

  12. I had a drag queen as one of my bridesmaids. Not because I was trying to be edgy or anything; one of my BFFs was a gay man who did drag a lot & told me he had always wanted to be a bridesmaid, so I thought, whatever you want, friend!

    I mean, it’s your wedding, Avocado & Melania, so have it however you like, guys. But I have to admit all the cultural appropriation gives me some serious icky feelings. I have probably dropped enough hints so that you guys can guess that I work in a museum, and we talk about this issue a LOT. Just writing the catalogue entries for ritual clothing and jewellery is sensitive for a variety of reasons, and even our in-house curator would never dream of just sticking on a headdress. I can’t even *imagine* what our Native American curator would say about the use of feather bonnets. Probably very little before her head would explode.

    But I guess it’s real sparkly and pretty and ‘spiritual’ so white people should feel totally fine about just doing whatever they want with it, right?

    • When it’s all about ME ME ME, you can bet the woos are doing whatever the hell they want. Cultural awareness and sensitivity be damned!

      Re: the bridesmaids posing with Melania. I’m not sure their outlandish appropriations are in the same league as good drag, but these feminines are certainly doing some form of camp.

    • Yes, these are all questionable choices. But, again, *pants*. When you go to a wedding, or officiate it, with nothing on over your underpants, it may be time to rethink your whole life. I don’t see how everyone is just so numb to this wooy sideshow act that they are cruising by this so easily. All I can think of is, “Who lives in a pineapple under the sea…” But, even he wore square pants. Homeless people wear pants. Who goes anywhere in just their underwear, much less to a wedding?! I think it’s time to name what we all might’ve contracted watching the donk show all these years, reality dysmorphia by proxy. If you watch this s–tshow long enough, you lose all ability to comprehend its f–ked-upness on a very basic level. Like if I were to walk in this hotel bathroom and find a mermaid in the tub but only wonder aloud why the water is green. There are some fundamental questions I may be failing to ask.

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