Cease & Desist: Michael Ellsberg Solves The Problem of Male Aggression & Oprah Winfrey “Endorses” Wild Vessel

Say goodbye to awkward male-female sexual encounters! The Greasy Gargoyle has the solution:

In the wake of the Aziz Ansari allegations, I’ve created this “Consent Pledge” (for men who have sex with women)– a publicly-made commitment going forward, signed online:

“I commit to making sure all my sexual encounters are fully consensual. I commit to getting a crystal-clear, unambiguous verbal or non-verbal ‘yes’ from my sexual partner(s) before and during sex. I commit to not pressuring her to say ‘yes,’ to stop if she says ‘no,’ and to ask if I’m unsure or if she gives ‘mixed signals.’ I commit to stopping if–in my most honest assessment–I don’t believe that she is sober enough to give full consent.”

Guys–in the wake of #MeToo, please join me in publicly committing to full, unambiguous consent in our own lives going forward, at:


The Consent Pledge is a publicly-made commitment going forward. Signing it does not mean one has or hasn’t followed it in the past.

The pledge is not a “consent form,” which needs to be shown to individual partners. It’s a public commitment, not a legal contract. It needs to be put into practice with partners, but not signed with them.

(There’s a long explanatory FAQ via the link above if you have more questions, with guidelines for how to put the behavior described in the pledge into practice in the real world. I’m happy to answer more questions, but please read the FAQ before posting questions here.)

I’m aiming to get 10,000 men to sign this Consent Pledge by June 1st, 2018–and onwards from there!

(And whether you sign the pledge publicly or not, please follow the behavior described in the pledge anyways!)

Men–in #MeToo, women have been telling us, loudly and courageously, how they want us men to change collectively. The ball is in our court now. Let’s work together and make the world safer sexually for women.

And for everyone: if you think more men need to hear about this, please spread the word and share.

Hopefully, male RBDers will enthusiastically sign Smellsberg’s latest plea for media attention. Has anyone told Laura Kipnis?

In other news, Wild Weasels is holding another “sensuous not sexual” woo shitshow this month. Their commercial for this indoor dirtfest is unintentionally hilarious, playing like an SNL parody. Look for Donkey besties Jess Johnson, Ariel “Dead Russian Hooker #2” White, non-lesbian lover Myka McLaughlin, and Palomi Sheth:

Someone needs to tell WW founders Elana Meta Jaroff and Chelsea Rae that Oprah will not take kindly to two clowns appropriating her image to sell their hippie snake oil. Hope these goddesses are prepared to receive a draconian cease-and-desist order.

Bottom Video! The cacophonous sounds of The Caterwauler, AKA Black Eyed Peabrain, take us out:

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103 Responses to Cease & Desist: Michael Ellsberg Solves The Problem of Male Aggression & Oprah Winfrey “Endorses” Wild Vessel

  1. Central Valley Yokel (AFF) says:

    I disagree with many things about Ellsburg but I don’t hate his pledge. Clearly he is an attention seeker. Am I missing something bad about the pledge though? Additionally, I feel a lot of guys who rush to sign this pledge will do it just to signal their virtue and get sjw points.

    In my experience knowing sjw males, many are involuntarily celibate and are actually more likely than the average guy to harass or badger women. I’ve been thinking this explains some of the truly weird or ugly woo men… Where else would they ever get laid except at these stupid retreats?

    • Central Valley Yokel (AFF) says:

      Jfa-ing myself to add that when I talk about guys like Ellsburg harassing females I don’t mean they do it in an open way (would be bad for their reputation) but rather that they do it privately or using texts/direct messages. They’re much less likely than a normal guy to give a compliment in public or otherwise publicly express interest. And if they see someone confident do sick, they are resentful about it.

    • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

      You mean outside that he himself is and will likely always be a predator? He wants attention more than he wants change.

      • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

        Amen amen. He wants to have the kudos of being publicly uncreepy while remaining creepy as hell.

      • Ruby Two Feet says:

        Yes. This. I can’t help but think this pledge is a ploy to garner potential lovahs.
        Shudder. Gross. Vom.

        • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

          Exactly, I can see it now on a date, telling a woman he signed this pledge followed by “may I show you” with the document covering his junk.
          If some dude told me he started this “movement” I would immediately move him to DNA on my phone (Do not answer).

    • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry says:

      Are you missing something bad about the pledge? Other than Bryan Franklin SJW types attempting to signal their virtue while presumably still harassing young women on the down low ? I think you answered your own question.

    • Never the Bride says:

      You can read up on how sex crimes are (not) connected to being “ugly.” And then read some more.

      This is not about people “getting laid.” Its about repression and violence.

    • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

      “SJW” men aren’t, on the whole, my calendar boys, but they’re way better looking than the alt-right. Apparently nobody’s having sex except centrists?

      But this pledge is gross and ridiculous, because it means nothing. Think of all the people who sign “pledges” in DARE or in their evangelical churches that they go out and break as soon as possible. Pledges are just a way to pat yourself on the back.

      More importantly, there are lots of fucking assholes who use their “pledged” public virtue as cover for predation. Whether it’s rapey rabbi Marc Gafni or Creepy Alton Busey or pervy pastor Clayton Jennings or mall prowler Roy Moore, the public pledge and protestation of being “clean” hides a lot of dirt.

      So at best, this is a meaningless exercise in self-aggrandizement. At worst, it’s camouflage for ill intent.

      • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones, & Ghosted Book Deals says:

        Yep and my only hope as this comes back to one day bite him, preferably in court. Predators don’t change they try to adapt to attract new prey.

      • Ruby Two Feet says:

        This is so true and so well said, Albie.
        And I can see this backfiring a la Noodles claim about asking permission to pick up her son. She had a lot of commentary saying it was over the top liberalism; I think the same could be said for his pledge as well.

      • The Nose Knows says:

        This article is by one of my secret crushes — a conservative mocking the alt-right. He actually went to the infamous Charlottesville rally for a first-hand report on what assholes they truly are


        • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry says:

          “What does an angry white boy want?” To get together with other white boys and play dress up! Why … these guys sound like … woos! And this piece is well-written, smart stuff. Folks on the right and left read Williamson, and he’s a bit of a legend in the theater community.

      • Central Valley Yokel (AFF) says:

        I think a lot of woo and SJW males are motivated by resentment–to oppose successful people– not genuine concern for humanity. That is central to my point.

        I also think of sjw and “people concerned with a just society” as 2 different groups. You can genuinely accept hierarchy as having benefits to society and see capitalism as a valid system for distribution of wealth and still be concerned with your fellow human.

        I don’t know what Reddit or 4chan thinks about the issue. In this case I want trying to be proactive TBH but I anticipated some would disagree. I’m merely sharing that in my life the most disturbing words and treatment of women I’ve seen have been from progressives who are very pro women in public.

        • Stalker does not consent to Michael Ellsberg says:

          confirmation bias. You’ve already said you never saw your frat brothers being inappropriate. Yet fraternity members are more likely to not only engage in unwanted sexual contact but also more likely than other men to be the victims of it.

          Honey, just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not happening. And just because you have one or two shitty friends doesn’t mean that TYPE X PERSON is more likely to assault.

        • The Nose Knows says:

          Plenty of celibates-not-by-choice on the wacky right. As someone who’s mostly center-right and actually left the GOP because of Trump and the odious trail of bigots that follow him, I am more than familiar with the horny losers on the right. Many of them latched onto Trump because they view his family money and his ability to buy women as aspirational.

    • Stalker is the new spanky pants says:

      Afghani, you’re not wrong. That pledge ain’t gonna do shit.

      But your characterization of incels as mostly sjw types is beyond bizarre. From a strictly mathematical standpoint, people who can admit the humanity of other people, like someone interested in social justice can, would have a higher probability of banging someone. Since their pool of potential partners is much larger than that of a fucking nazi.

      Every so often, under that cultured facade, esquire, caulk-lover: your 4chan leaks and it’s not pretty.

      • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

        Yeah, if you go to an incel forum, it’s almost all right-wingers. Nobody’s pool of acquaintances is a statistically significant sample.

        That said, the sensitive new-age guy who uses his left-wing cred as a cover for predation has been known and mocked since the 80s (The Heidi Chronicles, Tales of the City).

  2. Razzmatazz says:

    He’s just trying to neg all wo

  3. Morrocanwear with Antlers says:

    I’d be way more impressed if he just treated women decently, except then we wouldn’t hear about it and he wouldn’t get attention for being so wonderful. Signing some dumb “pledge”? Ugh.

    • Mrs. Gilly Blake says:

      “But, Officer, I couldn’t possibly be a suspect! I publicly signed Michael Ellsberg’s consent pledge!”

    • Ruby Two Feet says:

      Exactly. Is it that difficult to understand?

      I think he would be of much better service if he could use his oh so persuasive writing skills to advocate equal pay for women, especially to his creepy, predator peer group. His “pledge” is reads way more like a online dating profile.

  4. Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

    Also, to paraphrase Chris Rock, you aren’t supposed to sexually assault people. What do you want, a cookie, you low-expectations-having motherfucker?

  5. RollsRoyceRevenge says:

    As an admittedly low-expectations motherfucker, I kind of would like to have a cookie.

    It’s been one of those days.

  6. Aggressively Stupid says:

    Is it really that hard to just ask partners, “would you like to have sex now?” and not proceed unless you get a clear yes?
    Is that really such a boner killer that it ruin any and all sexual experiences? Do you just not like looking your sex partners in the face and listening to words coming out of their mouth or what?

    • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

      Maybe it’s just me but, don’t people usually know the person really well at this point? They’ve built up to this over a period of time, maybe even discussed it well before they’re actually in bed with someone?
      The idea that guys are “reading it all wrong” or “afraid to talk to women” all seems to come down to putting their immediate needs over anyone else’s needs. Don’t expect sex on the first date. Don’t pressure a woman into sex on the first date. Or follow the woman’s lead.

  7. Stalker is the new spanky pants says:

    man that video has everything I hate about woos. Blonde chicks talking into the camera, “slam” poetry, acoustic guitar, cultural appropriation (henna and sage) (which better not be the name of anybody’s twins, goddammit), jarring toddler appearance, token fat person, culty shit, and above all THE DELUSION THAT THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THE WORLD THAT A MASSAGE CAN’T SOLVE.

  8. BeepBeepBoopBeepBeep. I Am A Robot says:

    The Wild Vessel logo: 2 legs straight up and an anus?

  9. Narcissistic Personality Disorder says:

    another nauseating humble brag post from the donk who “lives in Ubud”. as much as she fakes it (being someone on an awakened path) she has not made it .
    I couldn’t post the pictures of her oh so natural face.

    Play Your Range Part 2: Balinese Yoga Hippie (Yippie? LOL)

    – shortish hair (not dyed – natural with “silvers” – nicer word for grays, thanks for that upgrade Adelle – mixed in!) twisted into a messy bun that took 45 seconds
    – no eyelash extensions or fake eyelashes – (thanks for inspiring me to let these go, Cory!)
    – no makeup whatsoever. YES!!! (Brit, could we make this a trend?!)
    – no bra, pushup or otherwise – and definitely not one with WIRE, that’s for damn sure. OUCH.
    – harem pants, which is basically the equivalent of wearing nothing while wearing something
    – nose ring
    – crystal rainbow mala Myka gave me
    – magical rainbow sacred geometry necklace
    – giant comfortable underwear that would turn precisely NO ONE on, but that I love.
    – Patagonia backpack (it took me 4 years of living in the Bay before I caved and bought one, and I’m never going back.)
    – hula hoop, for good measure

    The message?

    1) I am a walking yoga hippie cliche.
    2) I am a very comfortable walking yoga hippie cliche.
    3) Did I mention how COMFORTABLE I am? Even if I am being a yoga hippie cliche?

    Listen, this isn’t a war against heels and tight skirts and underwire bras and makeup. (Well, maybe a little bit.) I’m sure I’ll wear all those things again.

    And it’s not even to advocate wearing an outfit like mine today, because there IS a part of me that thinks I look freaking ridiculous. But I’m okay with that. I embrace that now. I just wear what I want, I wear what feels good, I like bright colors and I don’t give a damn what people think. 😉

    Beyond that, I suspect there’s a REASON people who are comfortable with themselves and have strong somatic intelligence tend to (not always, but often) wear comfortable clothing, clothing they can move in and dance in and BREATHE IN. And there’s a real beauty in going natural, whether or not mainstream magazines advocate for it or ever show it (obviously … they don’t).

    So this is a call to question how you dress and whether it’s serving you, to embrace whatever is true for you, whether that is what society thinks is “fashionable” or whether you’re dressing like you raided an asylum.

    And give yourself permission to “Play your Range” – to change your sartorial expressions as often as you like. Prep one day, hippie the next, sophisticated business person the next. It’s lame when other people put you in boxes, but it’s even lamer when you do it to yourself.

    Do you.

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      I really, really need to see a photo of this.

    • Stalker does not consent to Michael Ellsberg says:

      I need to see this picture.

      And Julia, once again you assume that everfuckinbody is on vacation constantly. There is such a thing as a dress code , a uniform (for work or athletics), basic standards even.

      Sure anyone dressed comfortably might feel comfortable. BUT LIFE IS NOT LIKE THAT FOR EVERYONE.

      In conclusion, shut the fuck up. You do you. But also, know your place, Julia.

    • Frequent Liar Miles says:

      SO EVOLVED compared with her shallow “head-to-toe” describing former self.

      How can her harem pants be basically the equivalent of wearing nothing if she’s wearing giant comfortable underwear underneath?

      She is basically the equivalent of Basic.

      She probably has no idea that Yippies were an actual thing (and that thing was not Yoga Hippies.)

      I too MUST see this picture!

    • Donkey's Calcified Pineal Gland says:

      This reads a lot like her stupid book proposal.

    • Lurk You Longtime says:

      Seems kinda weird that she would post about dressing like a hippie…considering this yoo-hoo just went up today (complete with tags for 20 people she probably wants something from–I didn’t copy them for privacy’s sake).

      Interesting that she’s both trying to avoid the woo-speak she seems to have embraced as well as championing trauma recovery as her new purpose in life.

      Whatever. I’m not going to be able to make sense of it, so I’m not going to try. She also posted a crowdsourcer about what it means to “raise consciousness”, along with another 20 tagged people.


      What term resonates with you as having the least hippie baggage and the most potential for bridging to the mainstream / becoming a powerful category in popular culture?
      1) Transformational experiences
      2) Personal growth work
      3) Healing
      4) Self-Care
      5) Personal development
      6) Self-Help
      7) Upgrading the human operating system
      8) Human potential
      9) Emotional health
      “Healing deep trauma” likely won’t sound exciting or enticing to most people – LOL – but it’s the most powerful step toward the evolution of consciousness I can see, so my theory is that strategic verbiage associated with said trauma healing is crucial to it actually spreading …
      What do you think, cultural meme creating mavens?

      • Donkey's Calcified Pineal Gland says:

        Sounds like a Hive assignment, and typical Donkey, she’s asking other people to do her work for her.

      • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry says:


        • Frequent Liar Miles says:

          Maybe somehow a magical Canadian cat lady savior will step up and provide, as before with Dance Video.
          P.S.: speaking of Canadians, PM is looking hotter than EVER.

        • Donkey's Calcified Pineal Gland says:

          Wait, wasn’t deep childhood trauma the reason Chad gave for not being able to commit? And so now finding a cure for this is Donkey’s mission in life?

          • Lurk You Longtime says:

            She tagged him no fewer than four times in the series of posts and comments she just put up about her new life passion, trauma (specifically she wants EVERYONE to transform, bond, and “raise their consciousness”, a term I put in quotations because she also had to crowdsource the meaning of that.

            Plus someone commented giving her a book title regarding healing trauma. Looks like her new favorite subject just happens to be her ex’s favorite subject?

            This is why I tend to lurk vs. comment: there’s no sense to be made here.

          • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry says:

            I’m flashing on Hillary Swank getting her GED, her B.A., and going to law school so that she might get brother Sam Rockwell, unjustly convicted of murder, out of prison. Yes, Donkey’s mission is equally noble!

    • Handbag Is Not A Toilet Baby says:

      Jesus creeping savior, some of us think about clothes precisely enough to fulfill the parameters of our obligations and THAT’S why we’re comfortable, Julia, ya dumbass.

    • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

      Someone who is *comfortable* doesn’t have to talk about how comfortable they are. Failed again. I image she spins a big wheel like on Wheel of Fortune but instead of numbers it has the latest choices of *career* aka ways to spend other people’s money.

    • Truckstop trollope says:

      So she confesses to raiding an asylum

    • Walk? Not bloody likely says:

      Oh Julia, that’s so cute and special. I’m wearing a loose tank top, long skirt, flip flops, scrunchie, and zero underwear or makeup or jewellery. Because I work from home. I don’t feel the need to describe or explain any of it to fake Facebook followers though, guess I have weak somatic intelligence

      • Walk? Not bloody likely says:

        JFA: Dear Julia, if I finish this project by lunch, I’m going to walk to the deli in this exact outfit to treat myself to a nice bottle of Chenin Blanc and get Friday-day-drunk. Next door’s kid has a hula hoop I can borrow, for somatic intelligence on this important journey. Will I be a walking asylum cliche, or whatever you said? This stuff can be so confusing when you’re unenlightened and have to work 🙁

        • Stalker does not consent to Michael Ellsberg says:

          Fellow worker-from-homer! Your outfit sounds perfect except it’s still freezing cold here so I’m wearing all the sweaters over my velour jeggings.

          Good luck with your project! Hula-hooping your way to the wine store does edge it into asylum territory but in a good way!

  10. Donkey's Calcified Pineal Gland says:

    “giant comfortable underwear that would turn precisely NO ONE on, but that I love.”

    Transbraytion: “the only thing I can find to cover my raft ass, aside from a twin mattress pad.”

  11. Malformed Face says:

    But the whole Aziz Ansari issue is he was a poser who pretended to be a feminist and a “woke bae” only to then pressure a woman into sex. So sorry, not sorry, if I eye roll on dudes signing this, as if it really means anything in their most private moments.

  12. wonkeye says:

    I’m too grouchy to watch the video, but 200 women and 50 men? I’m guessing they’re 50 RICH men. It’s like an episode of Millionaire Matchmaker, except without cunty Patti demanding they all straighten their hair. So enlightened.

    • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry says:

      The gender split mimics that of sex parties in Silicon Valley. A more honest advertisement for this shitshow: You can’t miss Wild Weasels, boys! Every guy will get laid, so register TODAY because spaces for masculine protectors fill up early!

      • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry says:

      • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

        In my day meeting had pros. I think I’ve shared the story before where I was one of three women at a meeting of over 150 men. A woman in the bathroom at the hotel where the meeting was held told me it was her *territory*. Understanding that to mean she was new to the company and her sales territory was in Southern California, I told her I was jealous but would never get any work done if I worked at the beach. She went on to clarify that she was working the bar, it was her territory. I informed her of the disconnect over the word *territory* although the idea that we were both whoring (for different people) wasn’t really lost on me.
        These women at these parties lack any amount of self respect. I have more respect for the pro in the bathroom than I do Julia or any of her friends.

        • Stalker does not consent to Michael Ellsberg says:

          Oh wow, great story! hahaha. That must have been kind of frustrating for you.

          • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

            Thank you, and it was frustrating because these men felt all women were there for their enjoyment or our harassment. It was the industry which worsened when I worked for a similar company based in Menlo Park.

  13. Walk? Not bloody likely says:

    Why is it that that Michael person seems to be the only shirtless person at that party? These ageing woos might get more credit for their “consent” ramblings if they weren’t thrusting their sweaty MDMA-riddled bodies all over everyone in the club.

    You’re not some goofy freshman who recently discovered house music, dude. Grow up and cover that shit. You’re going to get nipple frostbite when you go outside in the cold.

    • Tingolayo says:

      HELLO, that was his wedding* , of course he’s the shirtless one, DUH.

      *or sacred healing commitment space holding ritual

    • LickedRandisCake says:

      This struck me as sad, also. We just don’t know whose version of the story is the truth, or what combination of the two stories are the actual truth. Having been a person myself who has been accused of things I did not do – not anything sex related – while I support the movement, I have been concerned that the pendulum may be swinging too far the other way. Luckily, in my case, I had witnesses to attest for me but, if I hadn’t? I don’t even want to think about it.

      Plus, Rose McGowan seems like she’s really gone off the rails. I felt like she was when she started bashing other actresses for not being Me Too enough for her. But, it was confirmed last week when she lashed out and any and everybody, including, her mgmt, agent, security at a Barnes & Noble an entire studio audience who she didn’t feel defended her against a heckler.

      Also…..I’ve been wanting to bring this up since last week when someone linked it but, kind of feared doing so. What do you all think of this Reid Michalko (creepy Gary Busey) stuff going on? I know this is a very damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation, and I’d like to give someone credit for realizing he did something shitty and trying to do something about it, but all this “accountability pod”, “transparency” nonsense just seems so over the top to me. It’s like explain it, apologize for it, take some private time away to work on yourself, talk to a therapist, whatever. This seems almost very showy at this point.

      • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

        I think Rose McGowan is super troubled, but there are dozens of people reporting harassment and assault by Harvey Weinstein, so I don’t quite see what Messick was thinking in defending him so publicly.

    • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

      Sometimes bipolar disorder is a terminal illness. I’m sure having her name dragged around in headlines didn’t help, but that statement seems like lashing out by a family in pain.

  14. A whole lot of Flapjack says:

    La Flemme has the shits in Thailand:

    All of a sudden I majorly have the runs in Thailand. I’m not feeling as fierce as I look in this photo. Healers, any home remedies available in this part of the world that you recommend?

    And was it the Thai food I ate for lunch?
    Or the bit of tap water that was at the bottom of my tea cup before I added boiling water?

    This too shall pass.

    Um oversharing just a bit…..

  15. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:



    Allison’s passion is mentoring aspiring female journalists & entrepreneurs with unconventional career advice. She has mentored over fifty young women one-on-one. She has also worked with the organizations Oxfam, Women for Women International, and Susan G. Komen.

    *“worked” = Mulia Mallson making a Gregawful Oxfam video, amirite?*

    What caused me to look is this: http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-43013669 but then the bloat & bluster of the latest iteration of Donk’s “accomplishments” gave me such a gut-buster belly laugh, I thought I’d take you down memory lane for the shits & giggles.

  16. Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry says:

    Creepy Smellsberg will jump on ANY bandwagon while riding the success of Spielberg’s THE POST for the next few years:

    • Because, for fucks sake. says:

      She should contact that poor addict he was making sex videos with. I’m sure she could tell her exactly what it’s like to “date” rapey mcsmellsberg…

      And that pledge. What a fucking idiotic idea. You shouldn’t have to promise you won’t assault women. You should just automatically not assault anyone.

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