The Woo-Tard Clan: Donkey On Lesbian Lover’s Heterosexual Commitment, Nooodles Asks The Big Questions, Jaahass’s Stripshow Leaves ‘Em In Tears

Myka McLaughlin, bithecthual Julia Allison’s faux butt buddy, and her seemingly nice beau moved in together:

Ten days later, Donkey posted a hearty congrats. Myka has yet to respond.

Nisha Moodley apparently got over the sniffles and found time out from her insanely busy schedule for a happy ending:

Well, like, Noodles, I haven’t had a massage in a couple of years because I’ve been too busy carpooling kids and tending to a farm. You know, like, being a mom. But I’ll let you know the minute I find some time for ME!

Finally, “Transformance Artist” Parker Posey Isabella Konold and Jess Johnson’s BODY, which explores negative body images as experienced by four slender white women who expose their hoo-ha’s to all the boys, opened to rave reviews and demands for an original cast album:

Boulder media critic Ali Shanti made the trek to California and was beside herself!

Even Cory Tanner Glazier, whose piece was in the piece, was in tears:

Oh, please! Konold ain’t Diamanda Galas. None of these folks thought they were watching Sweet Dee and some barflies send up performance art on “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”?

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69 Responses to The Woo-Tard Clan: Donkey On Lesbian Lover’s Heterosexual Commitment, Nooodles Asks The Big Questions, Jaahass’s Stripshow Leaves ‘Em In Tears

  1. Pink pestilence says:

    Among its many flaws, the videos they’ve posted make it seem like they’re mocking women with body issues. Airhead dialogue, valley girl accents, cheerleaders? Especially when the women are already conventionally thin and attractive… Yeah, it’s dumb to have body issues if you’re already beautiful, I guess? I really don’t get what they’re saying. And I can’t believe people sat through this garbage with a straight face.

    • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry says:

      I know! The thing comes off like an SNL sketch performed by men in drag. I burst into guffaws when body perfect Adelle Juliet burst onto the stage and began yelling about being a masculine jacked up on coffee. She seemed to be mocking young women who have body issues. Just bizarre.

  2. Razzmatazz says:

    No more crappy apartment complex backgrounds for Myka’s lipdubs. Place looks nice, maybe this guy will even buy her props, and a puppet show stage so she can branch out into live performances.

    • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry says:

      Maybe Myka can go on the road with BODY if Jess’s uke concert schedule conflicts with the groundbreaking performance piece?

  3. Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

    These women must be part snake. How does anyone unhinge their jaw to open their mouth that wide?

  4. Stalker is the new trickle-down rage says:

    I’M a mOm whicH MEANS I aLwAys NeeD a mASsAgE

    Because nobody else ever has any stresses.

  5. LickedRandisCake says:

    You know, sometimes I think they are punking us. Whenever we make fun of their woo speak, they double down and make a statement such as “allowed the clear knowing that it wanted to be birthed to live through her.”

    I don’t even understand that. Once you birth something, doesn’t it, in fact, live outside of the something it is birthed through and not through or within that something any longer?

    In all the nonsense these people spew, there is only one thing so far that I’ve actually understood. And that is that I must give Ali ScamMe a clear no if I don’t want her sliming up my husband in her orgy tent.

  6. Wolf, Hemmingway and Khaat whores says:

    Wanted to be birthed to live through her?

    Surrender to the flow of what wanted to happen?

    Prayerformance?

    WTF is SK3B talking about? Did she like the show?

    I read her comment 3 times and I still can’t understand what on earth she is trying to say.

    • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry says:

      I think Bilbo Big Scams has been ingesting psychedelics since she managed to get her paws on that woo outhouse in Boulder.

  7. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    Is Mulia Mallison jizzing herself over yet another ugly sweater because it’s the matching one worn when those three doorknobs got together that one time in CO to commiserate about being dumped by the same guy?

    • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry says:

      I’m guessing that’s one of the community sweaters, which Donkey is citing because, dammit, she knew Electric Barbarella before live-in Rob did. Crap, I cannot find that unholy trio post anywhere and I wrote the damn thing. Anywoo, here’s Donk in yet another Christmas sweater:

      frandonk

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        I searched too — no luck, obvs. Wondered if that one gal, the non-attn-seeking one (I presume) had managed to get all evidence of it removed? Not like anyone could blame her …

    • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

      Yes! You win the Donkeymas prize!

  8. Morrocanwear with Antlers says:

    I think ordering up your masseuse according to their sexuality really disrespects them as professionals.

    • Mrs. Gilly Blake says:

      Don’t be too harsh on her, Morrocanwear. Noodles hasn’t yet held her Bay Area “inclusivity” goddess get together, so she’s bound to discriminate until that historic moment takes place.

    • Amuse-douche says:

      I was felt up by an “intuitive touch therapist” aka masseuse after a chiropractor visit. I was young and it was my first time going to a chiropractor (car wreck) so I didn’t really know what to expect. After the adjustment she led me to another office where a different woman explained what she did (didn’t really make sense to me) and started the massage. She spent way too much time complimenting my body while touching places she definitely (now I know – I was super confused, vulnerable because I was half naked, and just freaked out) shouldn’t have been. On my drive home I was like why did she need to touch my damn labia?! WTF just happened? I still don’t care about the sex of my masseuse – predators come in all flavors.

      • Morrocanwear is in your life as a friend says:

        Yikes. I have to ask the nice kids who shampoo hair at the salon I have been going to for 15 years that I don’t like to be touched that much, so your story is my nightmare.

  9. Frequent Liar Miles says:

    What is that … Place? (Envelope? Container?) in Third Picture with the grim lighting, soiled rumpled sheets and smeary essential oil bottles arrayed on a faux-granite Corian counter? It looks like an abbatoir waiting to happen. Imagine how it must smell (hee! MUST! see what i did there?). No wonder grubby Jean Gray thinks her Harlem flophouse is the shit.

  10. The Real Afghani Dadster Friend says:

    It’s acceptable, even admirable, to hate cishet men these days.

    Thanks Noodles.

    • Stalker is the new trickle-down rage says:

      Yeah, that’s uncool. But, these people aren’t breaking new ground at all. Their ideas focus on the little lady/big strong man. They are a Dick and Jane book covered in playa dust.

  11. Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry says:

    Breaking News! Isabella Konold wins multiple Tony Awards for BODY and would like to thank the American Theater Wing:

    Wow. My heart is overflowing with gratitude, inspiration and ferocious devotion. I am both deeply humbled and full of pride. Pride in my sisters Adelle Juliet, Jess Johnson, Debbie Lichter and Krista Richards for their AMAZING performances on Saturday night in BODY- The Raw Truth About Body Image. And pride in women all over the world for everything they have endured and all they are rising from. Pride in my brothers who received our transmission so beautifully and for standing for the rise of the feminine. And I am humbled by the support and love for this piece of work/art/transmission that grew in my heart and was birthed as a true labor of love.

    When I heard the call for BODY, I resisted it. I did not want to be the voice for this. So I asked (begged) Spirit to guide me if this truly was mine to do. I wanted to walk out on this show many times and I questioned and doubted myself right up until the very end. This show was HARD. It pushed every edge and demanded that I GROW and TRUST and HEAL and walk my damn talk. Doing what’s ours to do can be a motherfucker and a TEST. But when we say YES, Spirit truly does guide if we listen. I am SO grateful my heart won over my head because I did not know what I was doing MOST of the time. Is there a call you’ve heard that you’re not listening to? Please listen. Please say yes, even if you don’t know what the fuck you’re doing. We NEED your voice.

    I am so in love with every being that created the space for BODY to emerge. My Wonder Woman Sylvia Ferrero, THANK YOU for saving the day. You are the bones inside the BODY :). Courtney Acamo for your beautiful voice and stage management.

    Alicia Lynn Diaz, I’m honored to walk beside you in purpose and play, thank you for creating our container and being a fucking GODDESS of Spirit and Earth. I love you. Phyllis Leavitt, just everything. All of it.

    Thank you to our team of smooth stage and sound angels Dave Kemp, Ashlie Sarna, Arielle Moskow, Michael Angel-Om Brooks, Nancy Zacharakis, Eloy Maes, Carlyn Shaw, Rachel Fink Parks, Stephanie Ellis, Julie Hollingsworth, Renee Throckmorton, Claudia Cristina Fernandez, the super duper team at Station Co-Lab, Craig Saloner, Amy Saloner, Robert Goodman and Jess Marie Larrain for being AMAZING. Leanne Tibiatowski, thank you for planting the seeds and fertilizing the soil.

    Damien Noble Andrews thank you for creating such art. Can’t wait to play with you again soon! Jess Davies, thank YOU for creating such art. I fucking love you.

    Lindsey Ward and Andrew Reed thank you for capturing this night and for creating an EPIC fight scene. Andrew, I hope we made you proud :).

    Andrew Hewitt, thank you for championing this work. I cannot tell you how much your support means to me.

    Daniel Schmachtenberger, you inspire me to grow bigger wings and bigger balls. . . um, I mean. . . lead with Courage and HeART.

    Thank you Spirit and Great Mother for guiding me, for impregnating me and for asking me. . . for TRUSTING ME to steward this work. I am honored, I am humbled, I am blessed to be a vessel. Please remind to say THANK YOU for allowing me to serve, thank you for the honor of stewardship – rather than resentment and resistance to the call. THE ONLY DIRECTION IS YES.

    • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry says:

    • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry says:

    • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry says:

      • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

        Look! I’m dressing up like a cute, sexy cheerleader to mock the concept of fetishization! Later, I will get my carefully groomed, gym-toned body all naked to mock the concept of the male gaze! Are you looking at me, dudes? I’m hot but that’s not the point!

        At least shove a yam up your ass like Karen Finley.

    • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry says:

    • Hroswitha says:

      A couple of years ago my friend asked me to give a paper at a conference that she was organising about disrupting our discipline or smashing the canon or embodying scholarship or some damn thing. I should have known better than to agree but I owed her a favour.

      My paper was followed by a woman who said she had a lot of feelings about the gaze and the gendering of experience in academia and she was going to express those through ‘authentic movement’. Then she started flailing around and offering an imaginary sacred chalice to people and another friend of mine whispered to me ‘I’m about to have an authentic movement right now’.

      There’s really no other response to this kind of self-involved idiocy, is there?

    • LickedRandisCake says:

      It is very obvious to me that she did not know what she was doing most of the time.

      I always resist watching these videos because A) I always think they can’t be as bad as stated and B) the second hand cringe is…..unpleasant. Unfortunately, even though I resisted, spirit guided me towards watching it today. All I can say is Oof. I mean, THIS is the way you want to present serious topics like body image? With the valley girl speak? THIS is what made Cory Tanner Glazier weep extra sad and salty tears. THIS is what made him really understand what women have been enduring for eons?

      Ok.

      • Tingolayo says:

        I actually thought the screen grab was from some random “light saber kid/leave Brittney alone”-type thing that Gilly had found on YouTube. Nope, it’s the actual piece [of shit].

        There are people who perform actual brain surgery who don’t congratulate themselves as much as these useless, deluded turds.

  12. Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

    Who watches these poorly acted after-school specials? Sorry, I loved after-school specials, that’s not even a fair comparison. I just can’t imagine asking my parents, friends etc. to attend something like this and not expect a straight up 5150 immediately following.

  13. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    LMAO @ Megatits talking on The View about those who snoop a SO’s ph, etc …

    HI, DONKEY!!!!!!!!!! ::winky-face emoticon::

  14. Walk? Not bloody likely says:

    Looks like the stringy-bangs hairstyle runs in Myka Bi Bestie’s family.

    Also: $50-60 to to watch some amateur dramatics in a shabby community centre seems excessive, no? Who has the spiritual vigor to have manifested sufficient material means to bless goddesses like these, at this time of year?

    Some of us need that money to treat elderly parents to a folk-rock concert where we all get to sing along to Jethro Tull and throw up from too many “Christmas Pudding Shots”, rather than from body issues. Love means never ever forcing people to watch a skit about fitting into expensive black lycra.

    These people always follow up every little woo-burlesque opportunity with a long list of self-congratulations disguised as thank yous. A “performance” of that calibre merits a shout-out to the light and sound person, the person who donated a case of plonk for the afterparty, and the person who put away the chairs and swept after everyone left by 11pm. Not an effusive grateful monologue to every single one of your social media follows who gave you a like. Festering arseholes, the lot of them.

  15. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    Shoutout to LA basement dwellers:
    Hoping all are safe & remain so — can’t watch news of fires w/out bawling my eyes out.

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