Updated: Julia Allison Has Gone Full-Blown Woo, Off the Fucking Rails

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Wild Weasels sure did a number on Donkey!

Such a circle jerk! Donkey read more self-love drivel published by Vanity Press and has been reborn as Pelé, the Brazilian soccer legend? I just kant.

Petey and Robin must be SO PROUD of their Georgetown grad-u-ate, but are they willing to keep subsidizing this bullshit?

IRL Bottom Picture: Take a bath, Pelé!

Update: Rain’s new FB cover fauxto, or, “Yoo Hoo, Young ‘Uns, I’m Back on the Market!”

92 COMMENTS

  1. Yikes, Julia Allison must look like ravaged dog shit IRL these days, if that there shit ton of facial fauxto-chopping is anything to go by.

    • I tend not to comment on her looks, but that second mugshot has been so obviously fauxtoshopped to oblivion …

  2. At first I thought she was doing the splits between two logs in the top picture. I was almost impressed with Donkey for a second.

  3. Oh gawd. I can’t even..

    PLEASE help me find the Native American groups that educate bored white chicks on their cultural appropriation and sexualization of traditions by outing them on Facebook with a firm “NO. STOP THAT.”

    Donks is “channelling” Native Hawaiian’s volcano mother spirit while wearing their sacred pukka shells in a headpiece…

    I can’t even…

    • You do not mess with Pele, or take on her name. Especially when you are an ignorant haole.
      It’s so wrong. So, so wrong.

    • So apropos, particularly because she’s both looking and behaving more and more like Ali Shanti every fucking day.

  4. Good old Donkey, back to beating off to dramatically manipulated pictures of herself. It’s always Halloween in Donkidelphia.

  5. Every transformation, every rebirth, every reinvention of the Donkey, leads to…. yet another pointless fauxtoshoot.

    There isn’t enough Shakti in the world to change that!

  6. Her hair!!!! I can’t stop looking at it. She bought one of each color at the discount nylon extension store.

  7. Looking at Lalla’s comment, I think this is a couple years old, taken at the pepperoni nips photo shoot. Donkey finally got enough dough to pay the photographer, apparently. This was for her OMGBOOK so of course when she screwed the pooch by failing to write it, she (aka Dadsers) had to pay for the photos.

  8. When my mother was about Julia’s age (but with two kids already) she went through a major woo phase that involved a lot of divine feminine wisdom and searching for ley lines and psychic fairs in Holiday Inns and rebirthing ceremonies in womb-shaped tents and her buying me a past-life reading for my tenth birthday. BTW I still have the pastel drawing of me, surrounded by all my past incarnations, that came along with that reading. Spoiler alert: I was always a princess or priestess and always in some vaguely European context.

    Anyhoo these few woo-ey years were extremely annoying but even at the time I realised that my mother was desperately unhappy and looking for something that had meaning in her life. And eventually she got into therapy and went back to school and made some other really significant life changes. And the woo phase passed and today we only have to endure the occasional mention of heart chakras.

    I know it was exceptionally stupid of me, but I actually thought for a little while that Julia might have turned to the woo in a sincere (if misguided) attempt to rethink her life. Like perhaps this was a phase that was going to end up making her someone… not kinder or anything, because I think that’s beyond her, but just less horrible, maybe. But what’s happening right now is just a different view of the same empty mirror, isn’t it? Just photoshoots and Photoshop and quotes on Facebook.

    • “And the woo phase passed and today we only have to endure the occasional mention of heart chakras” should win some sort of award. Seriously, I hear you here and have had friends and one relative who took a detour into Wooville when attempting to find themselves. However, they were all much younger than Donkey and eventually got their shit together, which meant leaving the drugs, the faux enlightenment, and the sense of entitlement behind. As for Donk, she loves the attention, being constantly praised by a posse of similarly minded asshats who would never even slightly critique her worst behavior. And they all love fauxtoshoots! Just ask Wendy K. Yalom and her coffee mugs.

      • Absolutely. I feel like for most people it’s a relatively temporary phase.

        And also I guess what I was trying to say was that a lot of the woo people I encountered then or since were totally sincere. Sometimes batshit insane, but well-meaning. But with unerring accuracy Julia has managed to attach herself to the griftery sleazy bottom-dwellers in this absolute bottom of barrels. Or they’re just the only ones that will tolerate her.

    • Funny how with most people from way back in the day being dirt poor and dying young, not one past life trip ever involves the subject being poor, diseased and or dying as a small child. Of all the billions of folk who have ever lived , only a handful were royalty, I always wanted to ask a past life woo-ster how they always get customers who beat the odds.

      • Funny how Cleopatra reincarnated about like 600 million times, pretty much every woman with dark hair that ever talked to a woo grifter was Cleopatra in a past life.

        • No way, you guys! *I* was Cleopatra! What are the odds?

          She was literally the only non-European incarnation I have ever had, apparently. I mean, I get that she was a Ptolemy and therefore Greek and therefore European depending on which definition you are using, but I’m kind of straying from the point here.

          I was also apparently a priestess in King Arthur’s court in Glastonbury where they were apparently Druidic worshippers of the divine feminine. In case you’re interested.

          • Ha! Glastonbury! The exact place where England’s largest hippie music festival takes place every Summer.

            What an amazing concidence!!

            The woos are so lazy, they can’t even bother googling something that is not so obviously fake.

          • God, Glastonbury. If you ever want to drive yourself absolutely insane with rage, I would recommend visiting the Tor on the solstice.

    • I suspect it’s half and half – she may have turned to this seeking inspiration (if not enlightenment per se) and then immediately fell into the box of tinsel and mirrors. She’s like Lily Bart from The House of Mirth in that she always mistakes an aesthetic choice for a moral one. Only, you know, unlike Lil, she has no taste.

      I also think Burning Man was a huge experience for her because she was coming down from the reality show/Fashion Week fake NBC mike/healing chef bullshittery and the idea that you can just pepperoni your nips and wave them through a weekend had to be (somewhat genuinely) refreshing.

        • i agree that’s what she did but i don’t blame her for it — i believe she saw aesthetic choices exactly as moral choices. unfortunately, both cost money.

          • Do you mean Lily or Julia? If Lily, then no, I don’t blame her – the whole culture was moving in that direction. If Julia, I admit this is where I have a touch of sympathy for her – women are under such pressure to APPEAR moral that far better people have fallen for the “If I look good, I am good” fallacy.

            Shit, it’s how half the shampoo in the 1970s was sold.

            I, of course, look amazing.

          • Gee, your hair smells terrific, RRR. Also, I rather liked Terence Davies’s adaptation of THE HOUSE OF MIRTH.

          • I hated it. Davies completely misunderstood Wharton’s point and the lead role was miscast. Gillian Anderson? She’s beautiful but give me a break. Helena Bonham Carter might have understood the role. Agent Mulder weeping away in floor-length lace was cringe-inducing.

            Laura Linney nailed it though and Whatshisface Ginger wasn’t half-bad as Selden.

    • Good to know Donk and Mama Blockhead are still in each other’s lives as friends! That woman has to be the ONLY mother of Donkey’s beaus who has ever liked her, but Julie H. doesn’t seem to have a lot going on upstairs.

  9. Did Rain have to travel to Munich to buy the German tourist capri’s? Only one tiny step up from cargo shorts.

  10. Apologies for the multiple posts, catladies, but I wanted to check my new gravatar. Grandma’s in charge of childcare tonight, so I’m rewatching Zoombies with the mancat and some G&T’s, and trying out gravatar for the first time. Because I know how to party.

    • Basement means never having to say you’re sorry for multiple comments. On the topic at hand, as soon as I saw the waxy quality of Donk’s very photogenic face I thought of THE Monika de Meyer, but I’m glad to know there are more photographers out there with that level of artistry.

      • If you have Photoshop (and I realise that Julia does *not*) you can download a bunch of actions that will make your portraits look just as gorgeous, glowing, and ethereal as Pele up there! I tried some of them once on a selfie I took but the result just creeped me out.

  11. All this faux goddess shit piled on her body, and yet it’s still little Donkey, smugly looking into the camera, forever and ever.

    • Those orchids in Top Picture are fake as fake can be. I don’t know why this annoys me; everything else in the picture is obviously fake, especially Donkey. I guess it’s just because they fooled me at initial glance (as did A Donkey when first encountered); I tend to resent being taken in by fake crap, however momentarily.

  12. OT: Duluth Community Theater presents … Four Slender White Women in BODY, a performance piece about negative body images.

    “See this ass? This is the juice of divine goddess.”

    My God, they expect people to pay to sit through this amateurish garbage? I suppose the masculines will keep sneaking glances at their watches and phones, waiting it out for the strip show finale. Will Donkey be there as creative support, becoming so caught up in the moment that she flashes her hoo-ha?

      • Just wretched. I cannot believe the woos go on and on about the brilliance of Konold, whose performance art horseshit wouldn’t have seemed fresh in 1982.

    • I could not make it go, can just see the opening screenshot, but is this an actual video from the most current Jaahass goddess gathering? I have questions: Do they get a huge discount by ordering turkey feathers in bulk? Was the gathering held in the community center of a rundown assisted living facility? What is that sad etiolated houseplant to the left of the random mismatched stage curtains in the backround? More specifically, what goodies accompany that lone bottle of wine on the party-favors table? No rope? No dildos? No weed? Dilettantes.

      • Ew, I just made it go, then like 10 seconds in immediately had to make it stop. Was Stacey Morgenstern involved? It smacks of her fine imbecilian hand.

        • Wouldn’t Morgenstern be too busy banging Rain now that he’s a free agent?

          • I’m going out on a limb and thinking Mr. “I’m So Poly!” Greggers, is going to make sure his poly rules allow him to “F*!&^*” everyone and anyone. But *she* can only f&*^!” the people he deems okay. Rain will not fit into that category. But pot bellied Bryan Franklin definitely would.

    • Are they making fun of Donkey? Bragging about Burning Man, constant juice fasts, talking about loving your body while simultaneously hating your body. It’s getting really Donkey up in here.

      Also, that’s the worst acting I’ve ever seen and I did high school drama.

    • Ummm.. WTF? Did people actually pay for that?

      I’d love to think they’re making fun of JA but I think they’re making fun of GP. Which has so many levels of irony to it.

      • $49 in advance, $59 at the door. Hopefully Konold was able to pay her rent this month.

    • How is this real? I keep expecting Parker Posey to come out, because this has to be a Christopher Guest joint.

    • Do these people not have anyone that loves them enough to tell them this is the embarrassing equivalent to kids acting out a play in their backyard for neighbors? Seriously, no one?

  13. I binge-watched “Wet Hot American Summer: 10 Years Later” yesterday and thought of all the cat ladies whenever Lake Bell and David Wain came onscreen, playing a woo couple who think they know all the secrets to relationships (and aim to profit from it). Seemed just like Lalllalallllala and Treeben.

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