Jess Johnson Turns Stripper, Promises “Supreme Amount of Truth & Raunch”

The folks responsible for Wild Weasels are bringing another extravaganza our way! Jess “The Caterwauler” Johnson, Adelle Juliet – Medimeal heiress and Cory Tanner Glazier’s piece – and nutjob “performance artist” Isabelle Konold are gettin’ nekid and showin’ off their hoo-ha’s. Only $49 if you buy your ticket early, $59 at the door:

BODY is a visceral experience of the hunger pains of the feminine.

And it is a Rally Call. . to all. A call to reawaken, to remember. . . to RE-incarnate.
It is a call to Come Back.

BODY is about women AND it is about men. It is for women AND it is for men.
It is for us all.

We’re getting naked. And unlacing the corset of this suffocating shit once and for all.

Dress for the Theater – Cocktail attire encouraged. Featuring. . .
Debbie Lichter
Jess Johnson
Krista Richards
Adelle Juliet
And of course. . . Isabella Konold.

I can’t wait for four gym perfect, conventionally pretty white women to school me in body dysmorphia, can you?!

If oversexed, shady BDSM queen Roxanne DePalma – check out her X-rated FB page – is going, the stage show should be edgier than a lap dance at Spearmint Rhino.

I cannot embed this short, appalling “rehearsal” video, but if you’d like to watch Jaahass play a cheerleader who bleaches her asshole …

Where’s Judy in this mess? These are her BFFs – she and Jaahass just went around the world with Ryan Allis, as it were, so to speak – and surely our burro was at Wild Weasels. We’re not going away, Donkey!

In other earth-shattering news, Noodles Poodles has the sniffles:

I assume those “critical work tasks” include getting the word out re: upcoming navel-gazing goddess fest in Mill Valley:

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82 Responses to Jess Johnson Turns Stripper, Promises “Supreme Amount of Truth & Raunch”

  1. Stalker just turned into Kamala Harris for 37.5 seconds says:

    Do they ever get tired of whiffing their own fumes?

    Who am I kidding, of course not. I’d love to see them doing something NEW for once. I’m not asking for the secret of cold fusion but jesusfuck do they ever do anything that doesn’t involve arm flailing?

  2. Hroswitha says:

    My current reality: awful head cold plus headache; kitten with 2 ear infections; about 10+ hours of desk-errands to get done before tomorrow for my actual job (and I feel lucky I have no meetings so I can do those hours from my house while looking after said kitten); a parent waiting to find out if another open-heart surgery will be necessary; and a partner who is out of the country for more than 2 days.

    It never even occurred to me to list those things out until just now, and I have no intention of posting bare-shouldered pictures of myself looking wanly provocative along with that list. I haven’t bitched anywhere except via text to my best friend because that’s what best friends do and even then it was only for like ten minutes because she’s a grown-ass woman who has her own stuff to deal with. And no one else cares, not because they are shitty people, but just because this is life as an adult for sweet Jebus’ sake, and overall things are pretty good even if I’m having a crappy week. And, with softness, Nisha: if this is as bad as it gets for you, you’re doing pretty fucking great.

    • Can’t Remeber My Screen Name And They Are Too Boring And Scammy For Me To Put Forth The Effort says:

      Good luck and blessings for you. I am at 50 going to AA and not drinking a liter of vodka a day for 20 years. We are adults who live as such. I enjoy these idiots sad day to day loser lives because mine has never been or can ever be as useless as theirs.

      • Hroswitha says:

        Congratulations, Screen Name; that’s sincerely awesome. Two of the people closest to me are years into their sobriety and I know (as well as anyone on the outside can) what a courageous thing that is to do, every single day.

      • Peltvest says:

        Sending love and best wishes (with kindness)

    • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry says:

      Similar reality here: I have a chronic illness and was given new medication that was not appropriately labeled re dosage and so was incredibly ill last night. Doing much better today but I still had to get up early in the am and get a kid off to school, answer lots of client emails, get a marketing proposal in before noon, drop off books at the library, go grocery shopping, and be back home before 3 pm. Like you, I didn’t post about my illness on FB, complete with sickie wickie fauxto of myself doing a come hither pose.

  3. Can’t Remeber My Screen Name And They Are Too Boring And Scammy For Me To Put Forth The Effort says:


  4. Whatever says:

    I love you all, these bitches are CRAY. Imagine magicless so many people are going to have nightmares yuck seriously. So basic four white woman getting naked really? Yawn…
    Noodles poodles sick wow like hello what happened I thought drowning
    Yourself with herbs would bar you from getting sick. Another basic bitch, poodles so boring, basic and out of touch. Poodles is sick dumb ass bitch we have Modern Day Slavery happening right now in Libya. Omg these hags seriously one is stripping and the other bitching Wow selfish and inconsiderate.

    • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry says:

      As Stalker asked above, why don’t these women actually do something worthwhile with their time?! A show in which they whine about their bad body images and strip before an audience of leering men? Really? As Cory Tanner Glazier predicted, Jess Johnson is changing the world!

      • Helena (Kismet Shamanatrix, CEO of PriestessSensei Inc.) says:

        Seriously. They are turning me into such a fascist. DO SOMETHING RESEMBLING ACTUAL WORK FFS.

        Also, side point: I know all these dolts are more or less expired, not 15 years old (nor 15-years-old, in Donkspeak). They didn’t grow up with Facebook and Instagram. Is it really so WILD and revolutionary for them and everyone they know to ponder doing something that is “not necessarily Instagrammable?” Bitch, what did you DO with your time 10 or 15 years ago if the mere thought of spending a day off social media deserves such drama today?

        Have they never met anyone like me (more or less their age or even younger) who doesn’t use FB or Insta at all, never has? I swear I don’t think that makes me better; I mean, I AM better than these assholes but this is not the reason. Most of my friends are on some sort of social media, I don’t care, they don’t care that I’m not. THAT is why these idiots baffle me so much. To literally everyone I know, it’s NORMAL “to just be together in the real” (barf), and that includes all the people I know who, unlike me, think FB is worth their time.

  5. The Real Afghani Dadster Friend says:

    Nisha and her “mountain of work”… Lol… STFU.

    • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry says:

      Excuse you! Noodles is behind on some “critical work tasks,” namely the upcoming Mill Valley Narcissist Fest with Donkey. Don’t these asshats ever tire of the navel gazing?

      See update.

      • The Real Afghani Dadster Friend says:

        Hey lets hold a hippie gathering in maybe the most exclusive, uptight town in the most expensive region of the US. So care free and edgy!

        Is mill valley even remotely hippie anymore?

        • The Real Afghani Dadster Friend says:

          Their next East coast get-together should be in Greenwich.

        • dinkledonkle says:

          Nope. My husband grew up there in the 80s and 90s along with several of my friends. It hasn’t been hippie in years. Everyone left for like, Mendocino and Nevada City. I grew up in Santa Cruz during the same time and I went to school with kids who got Beamers with big red bows on them for their 16th birthdays.

      • Frequent Liar Miles says:

        “I love a fucking flower crown”– OMG, Crow-Mother, way to extend your disingenuous questioning of the buzzwords of the Self Industry to the sartorial equivalents of same. What’s next — looking askance at your stupid nose ring and considering extracting it as inauthentic? (No? But maybe you should.)

        P.S.: Pls notify Donkey that there is no “Muir Valley” (unless this “Ginny Muir” now has sovereignty over 94941) so she can deploy her streaming mascara accurately.

        • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry says:

          I love that Nisha, nearly the only non-white woman of this grifter rat pack, calls for this important discussion of “inclusivity,” which apparently has little or nothing to do with including something other than white women with gym toned bodies.

          Fuck your fucking flower crown and your snacks, Noodles.

        • Tingolayo says:

          Dear Julie: I think that Noodles means real flowers, not huge plastic flowers that were made in China and bought at WalMart. Keep trying!

  6. Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

    Noodles: shorter = life
    If these people ever had real problems…

  7. PrincessWideStance says:

    A cheerleader who bleaches her asshole… That was pretty great. I just can’t get this kind of quality content anywhere else. <3

  8. Helena (Kismet Shamanatrix, CEO of PriestessSensei Inc.) says:

    OT: I know this is ancient history to most (probably all) of you now, but would anyone care to talk about the Mad Men ending? I’m referring mostly but not exclusively to this:

    And like most others, I’ve come to love the show.

    • Ser Donksalot says:

      Don Draper came up with the Coca-Cola ad campaign “I’d Like To Teach The World” (a real-life ad) whilst he was at an Esalenish Cali retreat. the receptionist from Esalen appears in the ad (the Mad Men revision). Cool, mellow, jazz Don won out over wan Don (and landed Coke. a Whale! I thought it would end with an ad, but my guess would have been for an airline showing the Boeing 747.

      • Never the Bride says:

        Don’s little smile at the end could have been “YESSS! I landed Coca-Cola!” or “YESSS! I figured out which persona to take on in order to land Coca-Cola,” or “OMG these woos are crazy.” It didn’t mean, “Ahhhh, I have found the answer in the woo,”–at least not sincerely.

    • Wolf, Hemmingway and Khaat whores says:

      I did not like the ending at all, so after all the pain (dead mother, raised in a brothel by cruel relatives, the war, the Dick Whitman identity switch, the alcoholism, the sex addiction, the lying, the cheating, the betrayals) he hangs out with a couple of smelly hippies for a weekend and comes out transformed?? Not buying it.

      I also didn’t like Betty’s end. It was like the network allowed them to glamorize smoking for 1000 episodes in exchange for giving a character lung cancer. Very contrived.

      • Helena (Kismet Shamanatrix, CEO of PriestessSensei Inc.) says:

        I know what you mean about Don’s “enlightenment” (my mom, with whom I saw it, was seriously pissed off and claimed she wouldn’t have watched the final episode had she known it was going to end on such an “offensive” note, ha), but I’m inclined to agree with Never the Bride. I thought for sure that he was just happy to nail the Coke ad idea, but then some things I read about it made me doubt my interpretation. But I understand it was most likely deliberately unclear. Here’s what Jon Hamm has to say:

        I totally agree about Betty. I figured a doctors’ association or someone like that made them give her the cancer.

        Another thing: could some kind hater explain the Don-Megan ending to me? I think I missed an episode somewhere in between because at one point they were somehow still trying to make it work and then all of a sudden (but I do think I skipped an episode) the divorce was a sure thing and Megan didn’t even seem able to look at Don without getting angry. And she took his million dollars saying something to the effect that giving her the money is “the least” he can do, and then she was gone. Something must have happened that I didn’t see or get.

        • Woo! says:

          It’s been a bit, but if I recall correctly Megan wanted to pursue an acting career and she needed to go to L.A. to do it. I think Don was going to work at the L.A. office, but then that didn’t work out and Megan was digging the L.A. scene and Don was kinda indifferent to Megan so they split up. I’m sure it was much more nuanced then that, but you get the gist.

  9. Random Snowflake™ says:

    Noodles: Advil Cold & Sinus = No nasal nonsense, sick or allergies. Guaranteed. Stop whining, drive to the local Frys/HEB/Piggly Wiggly/Randalls/Wegmans/Safeway/etc.., get you some.. and stop whining. Damn girl.

    • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

      Also, postmates delivers (if she really doesn’t want to pack up and go to the store) also see baby daddy or is he useless?

    • Wolf, Hemmingway and Khaat whores says:

      Noodles: I am sick, overwhelmed by parenting and in need of help, but I still have time to write 500 words of drivel about it on the Internet.

      Just get off the damned computer and DO something.

    • Never ever breaking up or getting a job says:

      Lol I got a flu shot yesterday because the last time I was sick theast thing I wanted to do was blather on about it online or even look at my phone let alone be fucked enough to take a photo.

      Narcissism is helluva drug.

  10. Aggressively Stupid says:

    “This something that our community has never experienced before,” says moron in the middle up there.
    Really? Conventionally attractive women stripping for men in the name of empowerment? I’m pretty sure this community has seen plenty of that.

    • Not! Random! says:

      I get the sense that it’s usually not a clear commercial transaction, but usually done in the hope of being the “cool girl” who can score the tech sugar daddy. The straight commercialization is as edgy as a strip club. Diablo Cody did it two decades ago.

      • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry says:

        Wasn’t Cody going to blurb BOOK? I know she has some sort of connection to Donkey.

    • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry says:

      So. Cutting. Edge. “Bulimia is so ’87, Heather.”

      Of course any “performance art piece” involving “body image” is just an excuse for the boys to watch another strip show. Shades of Camp Septic productions and Jess’s shitshows at The Garden of Eden.


      • Tingolayo says:

        I don’t know which I love more: Ali Phoni’s blue steel, or the fact that Donk is always loud, braying, and pushing her way to the front.

        • Never ever breaking up or getting a job says:

          Don’t looks like a time traveler from the 70s that went too far back in time and ended up in the Stoned Age. (or Bronzed Age, insert joke there).

          #flammablepleasures #myauraismadeinchina #authenticitycostume

        • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry says:

          McLaughlin looks higher than a kite. An attempt tp relive her Electric Barbarella modeling daze?

          • Donkey's Calcified Pineal Gland says:

            For a pretty woman and former model, she has a really unattractive midsection. Reminds me of that Bensimon chick’s body, from the Real Housewives.

    • Julia Allison's Epileptic Daunce says:

      Debbie Lichter is a shrieker! I had to whip my earphones off at the end.

  11. Stalker just turned into Kamala Harris for 37.5 seconds says:

    It is my duty to inform you all that the Honorable Musician Blockvacado has released a new album

    • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry says:

      I listened to three minutes of the first track, “Slow Down.” Could it have been any slower? I seriously was reminded of my mother’s Yanni CD collection that she bought during the 1980s.

  12. Wolf, Hemmingway and Khaat whores says:

    Kinda OT: Oh, New York Times, you crack me up:

    Free Julia!!!

  13. Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry says:

    Available for a happy ending, Ali?

  14. Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry says:

    Ali Shanti IS Bilbo Baggins in “The Lord of the Rhinestones”:

    • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

      How is this real? This is so ridiculous.

      • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry says:

        As I type this, Bilbo Big Scams is LITERALLY turning into a financial wizard!

        More mushrooms, Skankatron?

        • LickedRandisCake says:

          The ceremony is free. But the stick’ll cost ya $1499.

          • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry says:

            $100 off if you pay before 5 pm!

          • LickedRandisCake says:

            Things are tight around here. Will you take $5 and the inventory of 300 flower crowns I have leftover from my last Presencing Your Pussy Power seminar? Attendance was not quite what I had hoped for.

    • Greg says:

      this is so awesomely embarrassing. It looks like she is wearing those velvet burnout pants that are so so tight on top and so so big on bottom. I’m sure all witch doctors wear a full face of cosmetics too.

    • Never the Bride says:

      I guess it would be offensive to Ewoks, so I won’t.

    • Tingolayo says:

      One of the things I love most about Ali Shamti is how she gets a blowout, eyelash extensions, and a professional photographer for these “natural” moments.

      • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry says:

        Photograped by Wendy K. Yalom, woo grifter official fauxtographer, in exchange for an endorsement. Kc Baker recently posted:

    • Never ever breaking up or getting a job says:

      Nothing quite says stewardship of nature like flying around the world for no fucking reason other than to clit flick and run scams around the world when flying is a huge contributor to pollution and the biggest dent in your carbon footstep.

  15. Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

    Re: Bottom Screencap:


  16. Never ever breaking up or getting a job says:

    These useless bitches need to get together and do something worthwhile for woman kind…like fucking volunteer or raise funds for battered women. But no they wanna eat local organic cheese plates and mash their clits to Futurephuckface, so empowered and shit. Yawn.

    • Tingolayo says:

      It’s disturbing how deluded they are. Donk actually thinks that going to parties for her own pleasure, doing fauxga for her own wellbeing, and performing a “self wedding” in front of her friends are all somehow benefitting the world at large.

      She refuses to do any type of meaningful work, and truly believes that taking fauxtos of herself drinking a green juice is providing some type of service to other people.

      • Never ever breaking up or getting a job says:

        Woo response:

        Self care is a revolution in female power, by embracing our royal ancient heritage of coming from Mother(earth) we must assert our place in the universe by treating ourselves as queens.

        Blah blah blah something about motherhood and yoni stuffing vagina worship faux feminist bullshit vaguely defensive but also passive aggressive humble bragging.

  17. Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry says:

    Bilbo Big Scams would like to thank The Academy for moving from Game A to Game B, and that includes everyone but Donkey. I actually read Skankatron’s post and still have no idea what the dusty queen of psychedlics is talking about. Morfing into a forest troll? Christ, I feel sorry for this wackjob’s kids.

    And today, the threshold will be crossed, in community.
    When I first landed in Boulder, in year 1 of a 7 year of cycle of transitioning from Game A to Game B (though I didn’t know it on those terms at that time), one of the first places I visited was the StarHouse.
    At the time, I had no idea of the role StarHouse would play in my life, but I could feel the call to something greater than my mind could understand.
    As the last year of that 7 year cycle began, on my 42nd birthday (two years ago), I was called into the heart of the land, deep into the Earth, listening.
    And I heard her call, though I didn’t even dare to imagine that moment, in the heart of Sophia, would initiate the transition of stewardship of this land into my heart and hands.
    Nor did I imagine that this land would be the place where a Game B reality could be made manifest.
    But, a part of me knew. And so, over the past two years, I simply kept showing up, doing what was mine to do, saying yes, being unreasonable, giving more than I even knew I had.
    I didn’t have a strategy or a plan.
    Really, I just kept surrendering. And trusting that she would guide me.
    Step by step, heartbeat by heartbeat, I kept following the call, and inviting others to join me in the listening.
    Two weeks ago, on my 44th birthday, I completed year 1 of a new 7 year cycle, and stepped fully into my commitment to change.
    Today, those who have been guided into their own full yes, join me to cross this threshold.
    It is time to Embrace Change.
    Because you see, Change is the only thing we can truly count on and surrender into, and it begins with each of us letting go of whatever we thought we knew and saying yes to the deeper calling of our hearts.
    It is time for a shift from Game A to Game B.
    Many of us know it. Some of us are living it. And it’s time for all those who are ready to step in and embrace it.
    StarHouse will hold us, as she has been, under the stewardship and vision of David and Lila all these years.
    #EmbraceChange #Starhouse #One
    Thank you Cydney Fodeman for opening this gateway for me.
    Thank you Lila Sophia Tresemer and David Tresemer for trusting me with your hearts and to hold your vision.
    Thank you Artie Egendorf for mentoring and shepherding my heart.
    Thank you Nicole Daedone for seeing me way back when.
    Thank you Cory Tanner Glazier and Andrew Hewitt for saying yes to and embracing change.
    Thank you Adelle Juliet and Gil Oren for your consistent and steady wisdom and support.
    Thank you Corin Blanchard for your ever devoted heart, mind and soul.
    Thank you Erik Lawyer and Holly McCann for mapping and modeling and living the vision.
    Thank you Gia Medeiros for listening and surrendering.
    Thank you Christopher Lindstrom Brian Weinberg Michel Bachmann for carrying the torch.
    Thank you Josh Zemel Jess Nichol Lorena Palazzo Robert MacNaughton Decker Cunov Michael Porcelli Josh Levin Melody Indigo Markel for holding the flame of authentic listening, so I could hear what’s true.
    Thank you Wendy K Yalom Kc Baker LiYana Silver Jennifer Russell Annie Lalla Nisha Moodley Jena la Flamme Jess Johnson Tara Eleanor Divina Gabrielle Sundra for holding my little girl in the arms of the powerful feminine, so she could feel safe enough to let my woman out.
    Thank you LuAnne Hage Robert Kandell Amy Jones Teddy Tehrani Brendan Hayes Raj Sundra Allison Osborn for stepping into your leadership in such a way that I could be free to surrender ever more deeply into mine.
    Thank you Kelly Notaras and Sarkis Love for getting me, and yourselves, so I could get myself more.
    Thank you Joanne Rees Ehlinger Martha Hartney Judy Shannon for being my first friends when I didn’t even know what friendship was, and mothering my children with so much love, when I didn’t know what it meant to mother.
    Thank you Ronnie Martin and Courtney Blair Kaia Neely and Todd Patrick Neely because I am you.
    Thank you Sarah Grace for trusting me to hold your heart.
    Thank you Elijah Ray for singing us through the portal.
    Thank you Renee Jeffus for inspiring and calling forth my deeper clarity and commitment.
    Thank you Daniel Schmachtenberger for anchoring ever more truth into my being. We are doing it!
    Thank you Edica Pacha for capturing me in this place.
    Thank you to ALL those who contributed time, energy and attention to my growth and the transition of the StarHouse over the years so that these two happenings could collide. It’s all happening. It truly does take a village. There is so much more to come and I look forward to welcoming you home.

    • Greg says:

      She didn’t thank her boychik either.

      • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry says:

        I think she’s single these days, though she’d never hesitate to give a happy ending massage to Mental Dental and his Charles Manson-esque posse. The last boyfriend, a juggler and hula hooper, went into rehab, after which he and Ali were together, then they weren’t, then they were. Who the hell knows? Again, those poor kids.

    • LickedRandisCake says:

      So, is what she saying here is that she has become the new proprietor of Star House?

      And I just want to say, thank you RBDers for getting me, and yourselves, so I could get myself even more.

      • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry says:

        She doesn’t have a pot to piss in, so I wonder how she got her hands on this property. Did the legal beagle become a “trustee” for some woo’s parent’s estate?

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