Mid-Week Madness: Noodles, North Dakota & Narcissism

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Noodles Poodles attended Summit L.A., bawling her eyes out and determined now more than ever to “restore the Sisterhood”:

Ah, yes. Judy doing what Judy does best: fawning over folks who are far more successful than she could ever hope to be. Dadsers and Nutty Granny Money Bags taught her well.

But why isn’t our burro at Summit in La La Land? Even her non-lesbian lesbian lover Myka McLaughlin is attending. Could it be because Donkey has been banned from Summit events? Rumor has it something, or someone, went down when Donk was hired to perform Kama Sutra yoga with a woo masculine during Summit at Sea.

Mercifully, the breakup with Donkey seems to have had no effect on Rain. Fargo or bust!

Look who has an online campus store! Hey, undergrads, wanna look just like a bald 45-year-old DJ who’s been playing the same set for six years?

Finally, Ali Shanti shills a 12-step anti-narcissism program. You’ll never believe what healing entails, well, actually you will.

God bless Jean Brodie!

90 COMMENTS

  1. Jesus, I hate that solipsistic woo. I promise you, Perri, that there is a highly toxic relationship in my life (with an elected official who wants to take away my health care, raise my taxes, and maybe start a deadly war to get his ratings out of the toilet) that has absolutely zero to do with my inner toxicity.

    And I own my inner toxicity, Perri. Where I spit, nothing grows. Ever.

    • Like most of the woos shilling “expert” advice, Perri appears to have no degree in psychology or social work, nor is she credentialed to be a counselor. Some of the comments aren’t appreciative of Perri’s notions of “personal accountability.”

      Rebecca Liston
      I cannot (nor will I ever) look at a woman who has been abused in her relationship and say, “Dearie, it’s just your own toxicity shining through.” Why won’t I do that? Because it’s kinda shitty to say that to someone who is being beaten. And. Because I couldn’t possibly know if that is TRUE. Nor can you. And furthermore, I wouldn’t do it because it is often a tactic used by an abuser to keep their partner in the relationship — “You are the one who needs help! This is just you seeing your own shadow side! You need therapy! You’re the fucked up one.” If I had a nickel for every time I had heard that…

      Brent Skinner
      ding ding ding ding ding… we have a winner. NPDs are notorious for telling those they target that he or she is the one who’s messed up and needs therapy. It’s the nuclear option of shaming tactics. It’s just plain wrong on every single effing level. They are sick, and while it’s good to be self-reflective, sometimes an asshole is just an asshole.

  2. When I look at the “work” or writings of any of these woo people I am blown away by the endless posturing, preening, and traveling… For so little payoff. They spend hours upon hours just to end up with the same quality of life they’d have from some basic job, but with none of the benefits or security

    • This. The same folks attend the same “transformative” shitshows, which usually have hefty price tags. One assumes they’re all being comped in exchange for endorsements, which would explain, for example, why Jena is always crowdsourcing for freebies, Jess had to start an ill-fated patreon internet beg, and Swiss Mister can’t afford to buy his children Christmas presents.

      • Except Ali scammy has several multi-million scams going and won’t even let her daughter escape in Jordan for goodness sakes.
        Who flies half way around the world to surprise their daughter? We plan to visit numerous times a year when we can swing itbin my fam, what with work and school..plus we have the joy to know and anticipate That seems totally bizarre to me.

        • I can’t help imagining conversations in the Shanty household.

          “I put aside my fear of travelling without a romantic partner, and my money dysmorphia, to foist myself upon you unannounced, daughter!”

          “Err, thanks Mom. Listen, about me going to college next year like we discussed…”

          “Sorry, I’ve only been able to manifest narcissists this year, not real scam victims, err I mean clients. You and your brother will have to embrace crystal wrangling and shoelessness as your future. Now make sure you look as underfed and unwashed as possible when you call Grandma so she sends you Christmas money, I need to be in the Caribbean for December. Byeee!”

          • This would be funny if it weren’t so goddamn on the mark. Mother of the Year Skankatron wanted her daughter to sell dreamcatchers, basically wire and turkey feathers, and was pissed off when the kid instead took a part-time job at the mall. Of course, Ali came to Facebook to bitch about her daughter’s independence. Just revolting.

        • Only way this would be better would be if she not only surprised her daughter but surprise-dinosaured her daughter.

          (Sorry I still don’t remember which brilliant basement dweller coined that, but I love it forever.)

    • I think it might be a rosary which is equally as horrific.

        • Well, Devin got the glasses, so it seems fitting he’d get pearls. She might have an accessory break-up kit ready at all times.

          • Oh no-thank you-I’m glad I could make someone laugh today. XO

          • Oh so true-I really think she thinks she’s better than Devin and Chad so giving them something is akin to charity. She needed to keep a piece of Hautecakes to try and prove her self-worth.
            Wow that’s a sad fall.

          • Heh-heh-heh-yes. You’re probably right, she needs to keep the High Status Marker Belt but is generous enough to pass on her own High Status Markers to the less fortunate.

      • They are delicate exquisitely sensitive MUSICIAN’S hands, I’ll have you know, the better for tweedling on an e!ectronic push-button thingy, accompanied by an ecstatic Donkey-dancer hurtling itself stage right to commune with the back wall amongst random sound equipment.

        • You are right, I am just a bitter and twisted unenlightened person incapable of Unconditional love.

          His hands are perfect to play the piano, and by piano I mean my 2-year-old daughter’s toy piano.

      • Tiniest finger award belongs to the short fingered vulgarian, our current president.

  3. Restore sisterhood, good grief seriously what a bunch of bs
    Noodles posturing her scam is the ultimate in restoring women with money their self worth. How freakin easy restoring rich person problem. Try to restore the poor such hopeless women who have been oppressed. Please poodlesyou are as dumb naive and self righteous such typical rich women mentality ?

    • Indeed. “Restoring sisterhood” for Noodles involves a group of upper-middle-class white women with time and money on their hands jetting to some tropical locale. There, they will run naked on the beach and bray at the goddess in the moon. They will dance and dance and eat gluten-free food. Each woman will reveal her innermost secret, e.g., “I want to open a pottery school but am too scared!” After each reveal, Noodles and her marks will hug the woman who’s sharing and shout in unison, “You can do it!” That’ll be $1999.99, airfare not included.

      Since I know you read here, Nisha, I’ve got your number, haven’t I?

  4. I like how Donkey immediately brays, “How dare those national leaders not have my woo-sister speak at their conference!!??” and even Noodles is all, “Calm down for a hot second, will you?”

    • Noodles indeed shut Donkey down immediately.

      This is so obviously her work.
      This is so obviously our work.

    • and yet not one goddam word about ACTUAL changes that occured on Tuesday. So many firsts … first transgender person elected, first Sikh elected, first black woman mayor of Charlottesville… TUESDAY WAS AMAZING AND TRANSFORMATIVE but in wooville… crickets.

      WE HATE YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE IGNORANT & LOVING IT, dumbass woos.

      • Well, no one in the woo community is non-binary, practices a persecuted religion, and almost none of them are non-white so it doesn’t relate to them at all since none of them can see beyond their own belly button.

        • Even so they are or present as female and therefore since they are all about ~sisterhood~ they should be stoked for all the ladies that got elected.

          BUT YOU AND I BOTH KNOW they can’t look beyond their own clitoriseses.

    • Judy’s response seems passive-aggressive. Noodles used the vague phrase “I had the pleasure of sitting in on,” rather than “attended” before Donk stepped in to clarify.

      • I thought she was trolling for work. The great Silicon Valley *coach* could get her on that panel, just mark PAID in the email.

    • I think it’s so telling that A Donkey thought Nisha was qualified be on that Summit panel next to people who had such superior levels of experience and leadership. Then again, Donkey has always had delusions of her own worth as a speaker. Where is your TED talk about sponging off your parents, Donkey? I really hope she is blacklisted from Summit and that someone has the balls to tell her exactly why. Not in their league, poseur!

    • I am dead. Obviously I have to get one of the disembodied hoods to wear with my very Tapout looking PhuturePhiphty tee, then accent the hood with some PhuturePhiphty pins. Go full Tweedledumb.

      The Cankleshausen is so real right now. So real.

      • Go for the Mesh* Hood–it’s reversible, so two (2) edgy (as Donkey would have it) accessories for the price of one. Much bargain.

        *I don’t see how that thing is mesh, by any stretch. Should have consulted with Smellsberg or Al Pacino in Cruising before settling on this description

      • Are they disembodied hoods one size? I’d hate to send you and Mr. Quirky matching ones for the holidays and they not fit properly.

      • albie, i would have an independent testing laboratory check the lead content in those pins prior to this.

    • Wow that’s him in the shirts (jury still out if those are his disembodied heads) but that’s not Julia in the girls shirts.

      • What a tacky opportunist. Not exactly painting a lightning bolt across one’s face to resemble Ziggy Stardust, eh, Rain? More like …

        donny

          • we had one of those transistor radios when i was a kid. still recall the “scritch” static noise when you first turned it on, and the tinny sound quality. those were also the days of zinc-carbon batteries that would swell and leak all over the inside if they went dead and you left them in there too long.

          • We didn’t have fancy smancy CDs and iPods and phones with music! In my day we had bulky transistor radios that sounded horrible and had batteries that would leak all over you and your skin would get splochy and fall off … and we liked it!

            grumpy

  5. Define Sisterhood for me and tell me why it’s important. But not over a 3 day course where it costs $2000.

    Didn’t think so.

  6. So what’s the rumor, Gilly? Is if Jules did some unwanted advances that in these more enlightened times we can recognize as assault?

    • No idea, Stalker. I was taking my cue from Sad Rat In Sidewalk, who seems well connected. S/he writes:

      That sign Noodles posted was part of the set decoration at the Summit Series conference over the weekend (saw a few industry people I know posting pics of it as well). Has anyone ever confirmed that Julia has been blackballed from attending Summit again after the cruise ship trip? I’ve heard rumors but have never been able to verify.

      • We saw Judy making unwanted advances on the TV, though only at the level of nagging clearly uninterested dudes for a kiss. Who knows what’s in the outtakes?

        • Please tell me it’s not something about indiscriminately grabbing weiners because she’s a reality TV superstar and therefore above reproach.

          • when you’re a [z list wannabe hanger on barrel bottom reality tv] star they let you do it!

            There’s no way someone as desperate and entitled and with such fucked up views on sex love and dating as Julia Allison got enthusiastic consent every time.

      • Hi catladies! Sorry, it’s been a long few days of desk errands.

        I know quite a few people who go to Summit events, as well as a handful of others who work there. Couple of things I can confirm 100%:

        — Julia tried to get herself invited to a Summit event on at least one occasion years ago and was turned down. I have posted this on RBD before. The instance I am aware of was way back in her OMGTECHFOUNDER days, likely when she was dating Forman.

        — When she got the invite to Summit at Sea two years ago and started posting on social media about how she would be attending, multiple people involved with Summit’s organization (as well as investors) were given heads-up warnings that she is no good. One of these may or may not have been from me to a Bay Area VC friend, amounting to “This is a woman who plays up her credentials to land rich men, so you all should be very careful.”

        — It’s well-known among Summit regulars that the organizers will uninvite people who are too salesy or who attempt to use their events to blatantly profit or land clients or investors. They also hate freeloaders and anyone who asks to be “comped” in any way. On a few occasions, outright scammers have tried to take advantage of their network. They are very careful.

        What I CAN’T quite confirm but have reason to believe is true…

        — A friend who works full-time for Summit refused to confirm any specific questions of whether Julia was blackballed from future events, but did say when I plied him for info that some culling of future guest lists went on in general. Very wink-wink, nod-nod behavior.

        — I have been unable to confirm that Julia attended Summit at Sea for free or was considered an “employee” of any kind.

        — When the former Smellsberg GF came to RBD to spill the dirt, she mentioned that in late 2014 Donk was throwing a party for Ken Howery, who she was dating in some non-exclusive capacity. Ken is a PayPal and VC billionaire, and also notably is one of the investors in Summit. He’s building an enormous house on their ski mountain.

        This makes me wonder how much Ken had to do with Donk’s desire to infiltrate Summit and/or whether he was her route into the event. She couldn’t have gone as his unregistered guest, because cruise ships have pretty tight security checks, but he could have invited her in a way that bypassed their regular registration and vetting process. That said, she was allegedly “involved” with him a full year before that event, so who knows.

        The fact that Julia has never attended any Summit event again…not their big events, not their ski mountain to see Noodles and her dudebro…makes me think that she has been blackballed outright. It’s possible that if she did get in for free the first time around (though knowing Summit I honestly cannot see how she did…they are airtight on the no-comping rule unless you are a marquee speaker) Summit simply told her she’d have to pay the next time, and she refused.

        But she’s clearly getting money somewhere, which makes me think Dadsers would cough up for Summit if Donk pestered him enough.

    • never heard of a double-boiler? direct heat will scorch it.

      p.s.: injured foot? where are her crutches?

      • The cacao has healed Jena’s injury! Make sure to attend the next healing ceremony. Only $60 for a cup of hot cocoa.

      • Holy cow you’re not kidding, she’s got the flame super high for melting chocolate. I watched it because I don’t understand cacao and I still don’t. Is it just unsweetened chocolate that they’re melting and adding sugar to? What was the spice she had, cinnamon? What do they do with it after they scorch it to a sludge, add milk to dilute it? They actually drink this shit?

        I don’t expect you to know the answers but i have so many questions.

        • Yes, it’s unsweetened chocolate in the form of cacao seeds, which can be crushed into nibs, paste, or powder. It looks like she’s melting a bunch of chunks of the paste, or paste that’s been pre-formed into discs.

          You can make it with milk or water, and add whatever chai-type spices you’d like. Pepper is added for heat. It’s very sludgy and has a musty quality. Allegedly it gives you energy and brain stimulation because…. chocolate.

          You can totally do this at home and you don’t need to pay a white person who calls himself a shaman to do it for you.

          Also: she wants a medal for being up at 6:30, aka “before dawn”? Bitch, I’m up at 6:30 every day because I have a job.

          • Not trying to one up you, Tingolayo, but I’m up at 6 am M-F because my kid has to catch a school bus at 6:40.

            FUCK YOU, JEAN GRAY.

    • JADE EGG CEREMONY ON NOVEMBER 22ND IN NYC!

      Ughhhh, my stomach, brain, all over organ failure…

  7. What is wrong with her balding self really? Brewing for ten stupid ass women making ?, literally throwing in whatever she finds, seriously scamming idiots in drinking what she has made. Ohh and double boiler or hey microwave that will burn choco,ate but she is diluting it with pepper and sugar, yikes. First and foremost would never drink or eat anything bald bitch would ever make, she honestly evokes dark and weird vibes. Stay away from a person with evil aura.

    • PEPPER????? that’s what that was??? God that looks horrible. I agree she’s got a pinchy little mean face.

      • She says she is going to add “cayenne” pepper at some point.

        Also, cardamon, or cinnamon, she is not sure.

        Basically, whatever expired spices the previous tenant bought at the local bodega in the winter of 2004-05.

      • chili peppers and chocolate is a great combination – whittakers (new zealand) does an excellent chili-chocolate tablet (bar); have not tried the lindt one, but people have said it’s also very good.

        also the basis for mole poblano – mmmm – just may have to drag the catwife out for mexican this weekend.

  8. Ummm… I don’t even want to post the FB posts here because it’s quite tragic, but has anyone looked at Ali Shanti’s page? A friend was in a terrible accident and here is one of Ali’s responses:

    “Any idea why no visitors? Ugh, I wish we had gotten her estate planning done. ”

    Really????

    Then there’s this insanity from Wali:
    Wali Rahman Accepting Rumi and his ways are not new to Me …My Dad was a great rumi fan .. And Rumi was not a Gay Neither and never My dad …
    As I was what happened at 2015 with sabrina was tragic ..Nobody blames me for that …I discovered it late too late …
    I always had a friend Rumee cousin…His dad kept his name on Mevlana Rumi’s name who is not a Gay ..West made it up

    Huh??

        • Rani Lisa Herman
          Hey. She wasn’t nodding she responded to a few questions though w yes or no. I got to see her the first day yet her Mom doesn’t want her to have any visitors? except Steve is there- he had met her Mom before. I hope this Wil change soon. I feel some loving energy and presence from her friends would be helpful!
          Like · Reply · 5 hrs

          Ali Shanti
          Rani Lisa Herman really? Any idea why no visitors? Ugh, I wish we had gotten her estate planning done. ?
          Like · Reply · 5 hrs

          Rani Lisa Herman
          I was thinking the same thing. Her Dad is there as well and I think they are meeting w someone today (Dad-Steve and Mom) to figure out who has the power of attorney. Makes me think how important these things are. I don’t know the laws around it- sounds tricky and complicated.

          When I tune into Jennifer she welcomes loving calm presence of her loved ones and friends. I met her Mom briefly when she arrived yet didn’t really get to talk w her- she was flustered ofcourse yet I was thinking maybe I could go over today and try and connect w her. Have you ever met her Ali?

          I don’t know if she knows how close we are. It is heartbreaking to not be able to see her at this time. And I keep sending her as much love, energy and connection as possible.

          • I really can’t imagine why the parents wouldn’t want these woo visitors (enormous eye roll). WTF is wrong with these people?! Respect the damn parents’ wishes for fuck sake.

          • Poor Ali! She couldn’t get her hands on her BFF’s estate before the woman’s mom and dad showed up. Ugh.

          • That poor clueless girl, she’s talking power of attorney while it sounds like scammy is trying to slide her hands into the estate?
            She should have a picture of the grim reaper on her business cards. She is truly shameless.

          • I hope she gets tripped up in one of her many schemes and is sent to prison for a long time. She could spend her days making dreamcatchers for 10 cents per hour and spend her nights being some lifer’s bitch.

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