Judy & Chad Issue Joint Breakup Posts – They’re Still In Each Other’s Lives As Friends!

Our burro has been dumped again but is reborn:

I will love this beautiful being for the rest of my life.

So deeply grateful for the lessons I have learned while in romantic partnership with his heart, mind, body and soul. Just as grateful for the lessons I’ve learned as we have embarked upon the most graceful, honoring, loving transition of our lives. Yes, it has been heartbreaking. But the love underneath the heartbreak is fierce and true and so deep that it transcends form.

This two and a half year dance of intimacy has been the most profound relational transformation of my life. Our willingness to stay in the container of – and commitment to – growth, even when deeply uncomfortable (especially then!), along with Rain’s beautiful compassion, patience, intelligence, truth and love has allowed us both to heal many of our deepest wounds.

For me, I witnessed myself becoming softer, more clear, less controlling, more aware, less judgmental, increasing my integrity, my connection with Source, my ability to love both myself and others, burning away painful, disempowering patterns, and most of all, transforming into a woman and partner I respect more than I imagined possible.

For him, I witnessed him deepening his confidence and leadership, and increasing his authenticity, wisdom, awareness and discipline so much that at times I felt like I was living with a sage, or a King. (I was.)

Both of us massively upleveled our health and well-being: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual, while also creating a heart-opened, beautiful, sacred, light filled home together that filled us both with so much JOY.

Our choice to separate came from acknowledging that we want different paths – me, a desire toward deep, collaborative, lifelong partnership (marriage) and a family. Him, a desire to fully explore his own sovereignty, creative expression and healing path.

I respect and adore him. I miss him every day. I love him with all my heart.

We are best friends – and our intention is to remain lifelong allies. (We are even still in love, as it turns out!)

But we are also in acceptance that now is the time for us to lovingly choose new destinies. I fully trust that spirit speaking through each of us as Truth knows far better than I can what is right for each of us, and if I continue to listen, trust, pray and surrender … all that is meant to occur, will.

One more piece, for authenticity. As much as one part of me is calmly surrendered and knows this is for our highest, I want to acknowledge that there are always multiple levels of Truth operating simultaneously. Another part of me is devastated, heartbroken and hurting. I cried every day for months. I have chosen not to romantically engage with any new lover, and so have been celibate since he moved out in August. I am committed to being fully in the discomfort to learn and integrate everything I can from this, and not to distract myself with band-aids in any form.

In many ways, I have been experiencing a complete ego dissolution, a death, a Kali like destruction of every expectation of my life I had. That process is always … well, it’s really f—king intense. And yet it is necessary to whatever new life wants to emerge from the rubble.

So I become reborn, here in Bali. I am learning how to Source my own Truth, how to create my own safety inside of me, not dependent upon another being. I am learning who I am and how I am meant to serve. I am collaborating with spirit to create a new experience of womaning, with a strong foundation: every single beautiful, sad, and profound life experience I’ve ever had. All of them!

And with my rebirth I remember: nothing true can ever be lost.

To Rain, my lover, my teacher, my sanctuary: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I love you.

Still. Always. Forever.

Rain would like to thank Rainbow and The Academy:

Putting words to the amount of gratitude and love I have for this woman and the many gifts our relationship has birthed feels akin to painting a sacred temple
with a single strand of hair.

She left me far better than she found me. And though our romantic relationship has transformed into one of deep friendship, my love for her has only expanded.

We cracked each other open and learned how to love, accept and honor what we found. Like 2 kids playing in a sandbox we learned to create together; a coherent and deeply loving relationship from the previously chaotic landscape of our unhealed youths (sometimes with a similar level of skill). Over time we grew into architects, making epic castles and gorgeous monuments of Love, growth, healing and beautiful experiences together (and not without the incredible support of our friends, community, and family). And now, I feel we have helped each other evolve into the architects of our own destinies.

Not only in the love of our amplified togetherness, not only from her wisdom, but even through the heartbreak of separation and how we chose to navigate it, have I grown into a better Man and partner.

I’ve learned:
– How to be more vulnerable from a place of strength.
– How to love with less attachment.
– How to be present, even when it feels counterintuitive.
– That the meaning I give to any interaction or situation is a choice and not a matter of course.
– That the more responsibility I take for my life, the more empowered I am to improve it.
– How to learn someone else’s love languages, and love them up that way, rather than what feels best to me.
– How to project less and see more.
– How to share and offer with less attachment or energetic hooks.
– That a strong negative reaction to someone else is a wonderful opportunity to look inward with curiosity for its root and explore the potential unhealed wound it reveals.
– That between what I want, and what she wants is a vast sea of collaboration, creativity, and possibility if I only open up to it.
– That in differences of opinion, the frame of “right and wrong” is rarely helpful.
– That I don’t have to understand or agree to Love.
– There is an infinite difference between an internally vs externally derived sense of value.
– That everyone has a different model of the world, and it’s the moments I’m most concerned with someone else “getting” mine that I might look inside and ask “why”?
– That someone’s past doesn’t automatically equal their future.
– How effective unhealed trauma can be at masking its self, how far-reaching its effects often are and how incredibly liberating it is to heal it.
– What it means to leave someone far better than you found them.
– That some of the most personal, profound, revealing and transformative growth experiences are only possible through the reflections of an intimate relationship and how special that is.
– That in many cases, it not only “takes a village to raise a child”, but also a healthy, thriving relationship.
– That the beauty and strength derived from standing in the fire of heartbreak and arriving at gratitude for the incredible gifts it bares feel cosmic in scale.
– That it can be far more liberating to face emotional pain than to turn away.
– That someone knows you love them less by what you say and more by what you do.
– How satisfying it can be to celebrate the little things.
…. and so much more.

I’m learning that it is less about “falling out of Love” and more about learning to change the way I relate to that Love. I seek not to diminish it (why would anyone want less Love in their life!?) but to evolve it; to revel in it.

Julia Allison
Thank you, for your vulnerability, your courage and strength, your wisdom, and your Love that shines with the vibrancy and magic of a unicorn studded Rainbow, brighter than a thousand suns.
I love you.
Still. Always. Forever.

And you thought Donkey’s prose was tortured.

I know that 45-year-old Rain’s heart will go on, presumably with a groupie in her twenties.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

225 Responses to Judy & Chad Issue Joint Breakup Posts – They’re Still In Each Other’s Lives As Friends!

  1. Pink pestilence says:

    “Unicorn-studded rainbow”? Ugh they are both terrible tedious navel-gazing writers

    • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO says:

      “Over time we grew into architects, making epic castles and gorgeous monuments of Love … ” Is Rain channeling Barbara Cartland?

      • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

        I knew when the non-lesbian, lesbian relationship was announced. It played like a desperate, last-ditch effort to and get him back. I’d actually feel a bit of sympathy for both of these fools if they’d just faded into the sunset like any other failed relationship. They couldn’t do it, had to have these self-important public declarations which prove they’re both just assholes who really deserved each other.

        • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

          JFA’ing back on social media in 5, 4, 3…

        • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow says:

          I did wonder if that ludicrous, faux bi-sexual confession, “Yoo Hoo! I’m a thuperthexual woo goddess,” was another pathetic plea for attention from yet another man who’d dumped her. Yep, it was.

          • The Tortuous and the Hair says:

            That, and a titillating come-on to any new lovahs who might be within earshot of her facebook page. “Hey boys, I’m a sexy bisexual now…any takers?”

    • Wolf, Hemmingway and Bleeker says:

      “Most profound relational transformation of my life”???

      Jesus, she sucks at writing.

  2. BeepBeepBoopBeepBeep. I Am A Robot says:

    They are NEVER breaking up. (And per usual, this happened at least 6 months ago. Julia needs her “save spinster face” allotted time.)

    Do I hear TinyNCute dancing?

    • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO says:

      We’d heard they were kaput, and I was convinced he’d run for the hills when she went stag to Camp Septic.

  3. bitchface says:

    I was wondering why she hadn’t commented on Scoble. Now we know!

    • The Tortuous and the Hair says:

      If it would elevate her standing among the woo-folk, I’m sure she would but they probably don’t know or care who he is. If Gawker was still around, she would have inserted herself into the conversation somehow. “I’m an insider, pay attention to meeeeeee!”

      PS I used to enjoy your banter with Solidarity Cat back in the day. You two used to tumble through the comments like kittens playing. I wonder if people have changed their nicknames and are still around or are lurking or what? There are some folks I miss hearing from!

      • bitchface says:

        ah thanks; almost makes up for Gilly being a complete bitchface on the other thread lol 🙂

        • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow says:

          Now see? I just responded nicely to you on the previous post and here you received a response! Good things happen when reading Gay Hendricks’s “Loving Yourself Advanced Program” and taking a course in Transformational Chairwork!

          (It’s a light-hearted joke.)

  4. Random Snowflake™ says:

    This can’t be right?? Julie specifically said “We’re never breaking up!” 😲

    But really, CL has to be smiling about now. Especially after that phone call.

  5. Grifty Shades of Bray says:

    What a moron if she thought she’d change him to be the marrying and having kids kind of person. I know she’s claiming profound transformation but basically she wasted 3 years (because she was not seeing Avocado for a while before Rain came along). Now she’s so far on the woo spectrum that she’s narrowed her target audience down to other woo nutjobs, not the most stable people in the world.

    Of course she has to claim this was the love to end all loves, just like she did with Derpin and Avocado and Pancakes, etc. If I read this drivel and was thinking about getting involved with either one of them, I’d run for the hills as fast as I could.

    • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow says:

      Donk has never been in a relationship that lasted three years. I think the 2 1/2 years with Rain is a record, which she appears to be unconsciously flaunting in that idiotic post. Who gives a shit if she’s celibate? Why would anyone post something like that on Fecebook?

      • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

        Celibate by circumstance is different than celibate by choice. It’s always comical to hear the spin though.

      • ShesJustStupid says:

        I know, right? Celibate for two months!! Also the whole “haven’t taken a lover” is yuck.

      • Now That's What I Call Womaning says:

        She’s braying about the sanctity of her celibacy because I’m guessing that Love(d) You Rain doesn’t see it quite the same way.

        (Donkey: “Yoo hoo, I am not banging anyone else so you probably shouldn’t either, right? RIGHT?!” Rain: “New phone who dis?”)

  6. ShesJustStupid says:

    What utter bullshit.

    TLDR “We broke up because we learned you can have only one narcissist in a relationship.”

    • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

      Comments like this make me miss the like button.

  7. ShesJustStupid says:

    I wonder if she’s going to husband hunt on her trip to NYC?

    Why IS she going there anyway? I would love it if it was to go to court to give back her BOOK advance.

    • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow says:

      I’m sure Petey paid off St. Martin’s some time ago. As someone who grew up with Donkey noted in the last post, he has a pathological desire to protect her from real world responsibilities.

    • Wolf, Hemmingway and Bleeker says:

      Try she will! (the husband part)

  8. Wolf, Hemmingway and Bleeker says:

    To put it shortly, the Donkey is desperate to start a traditional Republican housewife-worthy family and he wants to keep doing lots of drugs and f-ing a lot of groupies.

    So many unnecessary words….

  9. can-swiss says:

    So 35(6?) and single… what’s the plan this time Julia?

  10. Peltamania says:

    Had to take a break from lurking over this: HAHAHAHA. Same as it ever was….

  11. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    Am I the only one who thinks Donk wrote both entries?
    No idea why Phuckphace would go for that, but I’m convinced he did.

    • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow says:

      I think she might have “helped” him write his post – Chad isn’t very well read and not much of a wordsmith (not that Judy is much better) – but if someone referred to me as a unicorn studded rainbow, I would beat him senseless.

      • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

        Agree they’d meet the business end of that unicorn.

    • Stalker IS NEVER BREAKING UP with you says:

      That was my first thought. What tweedler is also a word-vomiter? DJs are not the most articulate types.

      • Mrs. Gilly Blake says:

        Also, what man would write this paragraph?

        “Thank you, for your vulnerability, your courage and strength, your wisdom, and your Love that shines with the vibrancy and magic of a unicorn studded Rainbow, brighter than a thousand suns.”

        • Stalker IS NEVER BREAKING UP with you says:

          no man I’d fuck. Funny how she turns everyone gay.

          • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow says:

            Dammit, Stalker, you know I can’t resist …

          • Ruby Two Feet says:

            My second favorite video ever.

          • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

            For as much as they all talk about sex, they look like they’d be awful at it. Not one among them has any rhythm, including the dj’s.

          • Stalker IS NEVER BREAKING UP with you says:

            “what is this feeling? What is that? A magnificent penis! I have a penis too! Let us surf together on waves of foamy Santorum! Oh gosh I’m tired. We’re so tired. One more high five.”

          • cakez says:

            I’m crying.

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      She wrote Derpin’s goodbye, so yes.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        My mind has blanked that out — was there an RBD post?

      • BeepBeepBoopBeepBeep. I Am A Robot says:

        The negotiating that Donk must do when yet another relationship bites the dust.
        JULIA: “I will exit your life without a scene if you:
        1) allow me to pretend we are still dating for another 6 months.
        b) allow me to write our mutual breakup stories that flatter the fuck out of each of us.
        3) for a new laptop computer or its cash equivalent, I will leave sooner and will not spread any vicious innuendos about your mental health, your sexual deviations, or hint to your new girlfriend that I am still fucking you.

        Deal?

        • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow says:

          Probably my third favorite Donkey video:

          “You were nothing but fantastic and great to me … you taught me more than any one girl could teach me in my lifetime.”

          Stunned silence.

          It never gets old.

          • BeepBeepBoopBeepBeep. I Am A Robot. says:

            So funny!

          • Frequent Liar Miles says:

            Loren has his detractors on here, but this is a work of genius. Artificial voice droning “PinCHes sElf/Self SEEMS to be aWake” is just utterly…utter. Donkey captured at her essential Donkiness. Throwback to when, 2009 (?), it is a really strong confirmation that with Donkey, it’s same as it ever was (as the Basement has continued to point out again and again for lo, these many years.) Bonus: the Orange arches of Doom (horribly highlighted with the frosty-white eyeshadow, that still crops up in Donkey’s maquillage to this very day.)

          • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow says:

            I don’t believe Feldman made this video. For what it’s worth, I love his Donkey sues RBNS puppet show.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            I believe it was filmed by whatshisface the bulging eyes guy … Carp? / Karp? is that even right, or was it Kevin Rose?

    • Yoo hoo!! says:

      Oh for sure. Even down to the matching parentheticals.

    • Sad Rat In Sidewalk says:

      This was my assumption too.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Totally. She had a gun to his head of some sort.

  12. BeginAgain says:

    How many novels has Donkey written about her breakups? And how much of the words that flowed from her keyboard have remained true? Pancakes? Healing Chef? Balding DJ? A side by side comparison of farewell dear lover posts would be amazing. (btw, didn’t she date healing chef for 2ish years as well?)

    Also, this is hilarious “That a strong negative reaction to someone else is a wonderful opportunity to look inward with curiosity for its root and explore the potential unhealed wound it reveals.” So balding DJ often had strong negative reactions to donkey! LOL!

    Not surprised she’s still on the hunt for a ring and a wedding at the university club. This should make the next several months very interesting. Holidays at the retirement home with her nuclear family and perfect “baby” brother, new years eve someplace exotic on someone else dime, then my superbowl: valentines day and her 37th birthday. Amazing! Bring back Randi’s Cake! Wild speculation, she’ll be engaged to some creepster by the end of 2018. And I don’t think he’ll be full woo. I think smarmy older businessman with a side of woo. I also predict divorce by 41.

    • Stalker IS NEVER BREAKING UP with you says:

      I witnessed myself becoming softer, more clear, less controlling, more aware, less judgmental, increasing my integrity, my connection with Source, my ability to love both myself and others, burning away painful, disempowering patterns, and most of all, transforming into a woman and partner I respect more than I imagined possible

      So basing my analysis on the Trump Principle ™ ; that is, everything he denies doing, he totally did it….She’s still a total bitch, still looking for that better offer, still a lying sack of shit, SWEAR TO GREG, still frantically running away from herself and is the same old hamster on the same old wheel, and still up her own ass. Am I close, do you think?

      • Wolf, Hemmingway and Bleeker says:

        She is the least evolved person on the planet and also a General-Kelly level of liar.

        I would believe she has changed if she goes a year without a pointless fauxtoshoot.

        #nevergonnahappen #nevereverever

    • I need Likes to validate my own feelings says:

      So many novels and no book. Where is book?

      • D says:

        Book never got the breakup novel all the other exes received. Honestly, if we go back far enough to journals (starting with cancer dan) all the way through her sad blogs and facebook up to balding DJ, I’m sure she’d have a War and Peace sized book of her breakup scribblings.

        Farewell Dear Lover: We Shall Always Adore One Another & Be the Most Intimate of Friends (or not)

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      There is a lot of shade coming from him if you read between the lines. The relationship sounds like it was a shit show.

      • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow says:

        She probably wore him down just as she wore down poor Debbie Seltzer. He looks so unhappy in that Christmas video shot in front of San Francisco’s legendary BDSM sex emporium The Armory … He and Donkey broke up shortly thereafter.

        Christmas Eve 2013 from Julia Allison on Vimeo.

        • D says:

          Uh Oh, She’s reading here. The video is now private. Still the same old Julia!

          • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow says:

            Click the link and watch on Vimeo! Poor sad Devin!

          • D says:

            Okay, just kidding. I can see it in vimeo, just not here on this site. So sorry, so fat.

          • Donkey's Calcified Pineal Gland says:

            Devin in his heroin chic period.

          • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow says:

            I find him so unappealing but then who would find Ichabod Crane appealing? I still laugh over Judy trying to turn stringbean into a model, a newscaster for her phony news channel, and finally a chef.

            devin

          • BeepBeepBoopBeepBeep. I Am A Robot says:

            Don’t forget the sweater over the sweater moment.

          • Tingolayo says:

            LOOK AT HIM. I love him so much. The fake mic; the dead serious expression; the Easter Island head; the cheap sunglasses (indoors); the pink polyester pocket square; the obvious mouth breathing… how did Donkey fuck this up and lose Derpin for us?

  13. Stalker IS NEVER BREAKING UP with you says:

    OH MY GOD YOU GUYS ITS HAPPENING… or did happen… or she’s finally admitting it happened.

    THEY. BROKE. UP.

    This is like the wedding of Luke and Laura on General Hospital except THE EXACT OPPOSITE!

    OH FRABJOUS DAY!

    so what’s next? What’s on the horizon for Our Burro Julia? PLEASE let it be someone besides the woos, they are so boring, PLEASE give me ACTUAL CULT or YENTA or TELEMARKETER or something exciting! I miss her NYC days too! What will the next costumes look like???

  14. Whatever says:

    These two endless blah blah, never ending drama. Wow basically she wants to be a Soccer mom and he is neverending Peter Pan the end. It does not have to take A thousand words to write what you really want.

    • Wolf, Hemmingway and Bleeker says:

      It’s not like we needed to know anyway.

      Can’t they just have a PRIVATE breakup like most people?

      Oh, wait, no. They are both consummate attention whores.

  15. I need Likes to validate my own feelings says:

    These two twatwaffles are such fucking self absorbed cunty pieces of shit. SO PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER.

  16. I need Likes to validate my own feelings says:

    Fuck these shit heads. Let’s talk about yoga wheels, I thought they were gimmicky shit instagram whores shill but it really opened up my back and I am seeing much more mobility.

  17. Razzmatazz says:

    Source is a concept by which we measure our pain.

    I’ll say it again ….

  18. Aggressively Stupid says:

    That’s a lot of words for “I got dumped again” and “I finally dropped that baggage.”

  19. Random Snowflake™ says:

    I was just thinking.. if Donk for was getting her old $4/word rate for her breakup novels Dad$sers wouldn’t need to pay her rent.

  20. Donkey's Calcified Pineal Gland says:

    Bali is the new ashram. And of course the first thing she does is pose for a bunch of vanity pictures. Tho tranthformed.

    • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow says:

      Several of the navel-gazing goddesses are in Bali and planning some sort of self-love celebration back in La La Land. Details coming soon.

  21. Donkey's Calcified Pineal Gland says:

    So when exactly was it that Tiny ‘n’ cute and Chad had their talk not long ago?

  22. Princess WideStance says:

    His sovereignty? His SOVEREIGNTY?

  23. LickedRandisCake says:

    I hope Chad got custody of all of the torso-less hoods in the split. It’s hard out there for a pimp, after all.

    So, Julia opened up her heart and mind and soul lo these last couple of years just to figure out she wants the same thing she wanted a 22. To be married. And still looking for it from men who pretty much tell her at the outset that they are not interested in that outcome. I mean, a 45 year old traveling DJ who espouses polyamory is not where I’d go looking for a committed relationship but, what the fuck do I know. I’ll just go back to my corner and practice my womaning.

  24. Epictetus Joke says:

    Jesus, talk about heavy handed. I would’ve gone with the Jack Donaghy – Condoleezza Rice method from 30 Rock: text her “me + u = frowny face”.

  25. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    Remind us, whoever remembers:

    Who’s the married woo who seemingly was wooing DJ Phail w/ erotic poetry (I think?) & she was one of a select few he responded to on FB while pointedly ignoring she of the ass of raft? He definitely was already (always?) on the prowl well before August, Boulder, etc.

  26. BunnyBingo says:

    So they still love each other forever and ever amen, but they had to break up. Because.
    So. Deeply. Moving.

    • Frequent Liar Miles says:

      This. So much this. Judy certainly gives up easily on her multiple Greatest Loves the World Has Ever Known ™: Eh, the timing was off, but the whole experience integrated me, as did my previous failure, as did the one before that, and the one before that, ad infinitum. I am so integrated now you don’t even know. Wait til I’m sixty!

  27. Tingolayo Burns Brighter Than A Thousand Suns says:

    I am winced by her. A desperate need for self-help books does not an enlightened being make.

    “light filled home”
    “Kali like”
    “unicorn studded Rainbow”
    Donkey, you pretend to have been a journalist and a writer (hahaha)– learn to use a hyphen.

    I thought her heart was cracked open and she was reborn when she met Derpin. And then Avocado. And then when she married herself. And now Rain?

    She sounds like she’s twelve. Like, the more purple prose she gushes, the deeper her True Love must have been. Cried every day for months? That’s not love, that’s histrionic personality disorder.

    • Dusty Documentary says:

      “Caeli like”

    • Frequent Liar Miles says:

      light-BEIGE-PETROLEUM-PRODUCT-BASED-WALL-TO-WALL-CARPET-filled home. FTFY, Donkey.

    • Donkey's Calcified Pineal Gland says:

      The “heart cracked open” quote always makes me roll my eyes. What is it, three lovers now? I am a few years into this shitshow and am so sick of their woo jargon.

  28. I'm guessing it's biology says:

    UPLEVELED

  29. Ethel egg says:

    My deep hatred of carefully curated chest hair knows no bounds.

  30. Curling Irons at Dawn says:

    “We are not breaking up.” Except when we are.

  31. Goodnight, Wangs says:

    Love that she’s been celibate “since August” like it’s some glorious sacrifice to show the true depths of her mourning. Bitch, it’s only October.

    • LickedRandisCake says:

      Right?

      But, I’m sure she’s had many, many opportunities to take lover. That is 60 whole days she’s had to take a lover and she hasn’t. It is only because of heartbreak that she has not taken a lover. And all that growing that she is doing. It is difficult to take a lover when you are growing. Also, when you are a unicorn studded rainbow. Because, I’m told anyway, that can be painful for a lover. Unicorns have that horn right in the middle of their head. If you were studded with unicorns, a lover would have to be very careful. Hopefully, she will soon find a lover that can navigate her rainbow successfully and painlessly. We should all hold spaces in our container for Julia to find a lover who has a GPS on his dick. So, again, he (or she!) can navigate through the unicorns. Then, and only then, will she take a lover.

    • BeepBeepBoopBeepBeep. I Am A Robot says:

      I’m sure they broke up around her birthday, prior to her inviting Pete to the orgy and just before she clomped off FB. I think her “August sex” was when she passionately kissed that woman who ultimately didn’t appreciate her outing her (and as we know from Donk History, was likely a stab in the back to that woman and an attempt to grab her guy, or an attempt to prove Rain she’s pan sexual and worth a wedding ring. NOPE!)

      • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

        Chad was at the party where Pete was present.

        • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

          JFAing to say that I wouldn’t be surprised if Donkey flew Pete out to have a talk with Chad about his intentions.

          • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow says:

            Oh I’m sure that went well. Petey in his Polo shirt and shirtless Chad.

          • LickedRandisCake says:

            Now see? Always negative, Auntie Gilly. This must be a result of your lifetime of traumatic wounding. Hurt people hurt others, doncha’ know?

            Attire, or lack thereof, is simply a matter of perspective. Don’t think of him as being shirtless, think of him as being hooded. Hoods are much cooler anyway!

          • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow says:

            Negative? No, I am a whole enchilada. My childhood wounding is no longer clouding my goddess ascendancy. I have participated in Transformational Chairwork, attended Tony Robbins’s “Date with Destiny” – 5k and I couldn’t buy my kid braces but isnt’t my emotional being more important? – and read Gay Hendricks’s “Loving Yourself Advanced Program” a dozen times. I am now available to help you heal, Licked. For only $1499.99, you can attend my Bali Personhood Weekend and get rid of those childhood traumas, too! Enroll before 5 pm and we’ll take $100 off (airfare not included).

          • Tingolayo says:

            How sad and limited and unevolved it is, to see a “hood” as merely a “hood.” Why, you can push it off your bald pate and leave it hanging around your neck and voila! It TRANSFORMS into a scarf! Or a neck wrap! Or whatever you want to call it! So versatile, for the low price of $89.99! Edgy, shredded holes included, for that tough guy look!

          • LickedRandisCake says:

            Gilly, I sure do like the sound of your seminar, and I thank you for your kind and generous offer, but, I have to be honest. Know my intentions for this honesty are strictly to uplevel our communication in the hopes of transforming our relationship. So, here goes:

            I simply cannot attend this seminar. I see no cacao, no ceremonial horns and no ecstatic dancing. Instead, I am going to use the $1499 to stock my altar to Kali with dildos, weed and chocolate. It is my fervent hope that this will help me attract a new lover. It has been a full 60 days since I gave up my assless stage chaps to the Godesses of heartbreak. My ego dissolution now complete, my rainbow studded with unicorns, my traumatic wounds healed, I am ready to birth myself into this new existence.

    • Tingolayo says:

      Random hairy, sweaty stranger at Burning Man who performs sacred hoola hooping for a living and is high on Trade Joe’s cacao: “Wanna fuck in the orgy tent?”

      Donk: “No, no, I am practicing Sacred Celibacy in honor of the transition of greatest love ever known. But if you promise to marry me and/or buy me a new computer, I might give you a rebound BJ.”

  32. Because, for fucks sake. says:

    There are two villages missing their idiots.

  33. BeepBeepBoopBeepBeep. I Am A Robot says:

    We are best friends – and our intention is to remain lifelong allies. (We are even still in love, as it turns out!*)

    *Fake News and a donkey kick to TinyNCute, I’m sure.

    • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow says:

      How dare you! They talked marriage!

      From Donkey’s Debbie Seltzer breakup post: “Devin and I made the conscious decision to transition our beautiful relationship of ALMOST TWO YEARS from romantic partners to loving friendship.”

      • BeepBeepBoopBeepBeep. I Am A Robot says:

        And I remember all her “yo0-hoos” to Devin when it was discovered he had a new girlfriend. Something of the nature: “I just came across photos of US. Weren’t WE cute!”

        • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow says:

          No, Judy, you weren’t.

          • Stalker IS NEVER BREAKING UP with you says:

            We all have our favorites and this one is mine. I kind of love Devin for this.

          • Tingolayo says:

            Her “dancing” is always so stompy, clompy, and violent. Even when it’s supposed to be “ecstatic.”

          • cakez says:

            I miss Dervin. Also, I never noticed before how she has to flap more wildly and varyingly than everyone else.

            Never change, Jules.

    • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

      She never misses an opportunity to pee in the corner and remind past and future loves (remember, the ones she danced to honor once at Chad’s birthday!) that she is the one and only true love this man has ever had, so don’t even try to compete with that.

      I hope someone who dates Chad next knows about Donkey, dances at his birthday to honor her memory, and rubs it in her face.

      If she wasn’t so damn smug, sanctimonious and superior about all these relationships and how epically historic they all were, then some people might actually feel bad for her when they don’t work out. Instead, there’s a genuine urge to post the ‘Ha Ha’ point and laugh pic of Nelson from the Simpsons. She brings it all on herself. It’s very Trumpesque for her to want to reinvent history each and every time there’s a breakup, requiring these bullshit paeans honoring the mere existence of her exalted lovers. I’d have loved to be behind the scenes to watch the plate-throwing, screaming and bawling that likely went on for many months between them. Tell it like it it really was, Donkey. Don’t forget to leave out the CL part of the story, either.

      • Tingolayo says:

        Hmmm… if someone were to create a dance to honor Julie Baugher, I wonder what it would look like. Would one wear a certain costume, and perform certain movements?

        (I can’t choose between filthy pink toddler tights or metallic teal chaps! Or red polyester skating skirt with plastic flower headdress… or bottom pic wedgie diaper… )

        • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow says:

          You’re forgetting she’s an international spokesmodel! The tribute dancer must be sure to wear …

          coobie

          • A-Game Content says:

            I’ve seen Coobies advertised in several magazines. Never once was Donkeys face anywhere in sight. I still wonder what kind of ish she pulled with them.

          • Donkey's Calcified Pineal Gland says:

            It was at a time where they thought they needed grassroots support but couldn’t actually pay for it. So they let it happen.

          • Morrocanwear Loves You, Rain! says:

            Coobies and a Chinese wedding dress. With some filthy leg warmers and platform white patent leather boots.

            Oh, can she wear the coobie under the breast exposing shirt? She could cut out the nipples to maintain the integrity of that outfit. And maybe she could borrowBear’s Sgt Pepper jacket when she feels chilly. Also those black rimmed glasses would be a nice accessory.

          • Princess WideStance says:

            And in true Donkey style, she pretended to be an actual “spokeswoman” like she’s Kathy Lee Gifford or something.

          • Stalker IS NEVER BREAKING UP with you says:

            Is that even a coobie she’s wearing? It’s totally different from all the other ones.

          • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow says:

            It’s not like she has brand loyalty. When Donkey was hawking Sony’s Vaio, she was posting about the wonders of her Mac.

            vaio

          • Princess WideStance says:

            The cocker spaniel hair! Almost forgot about that.

    • AnnaPelt Is Happy at 138 says:

      No more dancing!

  34. Rainbow Studded Unicorn says:

    Changing the subject (and also my name)…

    • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow says:

      Ahem!

    • Stalker IS NEVER BREAKING UP with you says:

      wasn’t there a prancercizer lady back in the early internet days?

      • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow says:

        Indeed there was! Say hello to the original woo goddess:

        • Tingolayo says:

          Dear Greg, the camel toe

        • Stalker IS NEVER BREAKING UP with you says:

          Gilly you always deliver! I still feel like I’m thinking of someone else, wasn’t there a woman who dressed up somewhat like a horse and did this, she had a long ponytail or horse tail or something? Anyway, love this lady, she’s got 1000000x more charisma than clop-offstage-donk.

          • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow says:

            Sorry, Stalker, I don’t believe I’m familiar with the horsey lady. Re: the prancersizer, she actually moves on the beat and would never ever attack the back wall!

          • Stalker IS NEVER BREAKING UP with you says:

            It must have been a fever dream. I remember some sort of ponytail and shiny leggings. Who knows. I probably have a brain lesion.

    • LickedRandisCake says:

      Did Elliott of the Cult of Swain get a new gig?

  35. Morrocanwear is in his life as friends says:

    It has been awhile, but after my last breakup I immediately hated him with the heat of a thousand suns and never spoke to him again. My sister’s mild mannered investment banker boyfriend, now husband, called him to let him know that if he as much as whispered my name ever again, he would have him kneecapped, and my girlfriends took me out for drinks and a thorough trashing of his name. Is this not what the kids do nowadays? It feels healthier to me.

    • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

      I’m with you, I’m more of a scorched earth kinda gal. Not sure how crying for two months transitions to overly wordy salad sprinkled with narcissistic croutons, but there you go! It’s not evolved, it’s denial. The lies we tell ourselves are always worse than the ones told to us. I sense a tub full of chocolate in someone’s very near future though.

  36. darling dearest is over this shit says:

    “Our choice to separate came from acknowledging that we want different paths – me, a desire toward deep, collaborative, lifelong partnership (marriage) and a family. Him, a desire to fully explore his own sovereignty, creative expression and healing path.”

    I want to get married, he wants to fuck around.

    • Tingolayo says:

      creative expression=get off the stage, you’re embarrassing me with your clomping

      healing path=my life coach said to avoid toxic people

      sovereignty=???

      • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

        sovereignty = “supreme power or authority” = tired of Donkey bossing him around

    • Not! Random! says:

      Sorry it took them 2.5 years to establish what everyone else understood from the start. He’s just not that into you, Donkey!

    • Greg says:

      maybe they should mate-swap with that vile KC Baker and her husband.

      • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow says:

        They’re kaput. Baker divorced her husband because she wanted to get her freak on, which is basically what she wrote in a 5000-word FB post.

        • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

          So that could actually work as a swap. Except she has a child, and Rain seems allergic to children. Also Donkey’s ego would never tolerate someone else’s spawn.

        • Wolf, Hemmingaway and Khaat Whores says:

          KC Baker of my baby dance fame?

          I am devastated.

          • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow says:

            This promo leaves me in stitches! “And now Miss California would like to do a dramatic reading.”

          • Princess WideStance says:

            “The world was made for people who aren’t cursed with self awareness.”

        • Julia Allison's Epileptic Daunce says:

          That’s what I meant – she and Rain can get their freaks on and Rainbow and her ex can settle down and play happy families.

  37. Dyspeptic would go only if she spoke says:

    The blather, it burns. Brighter than any unicorn-studded rainbow!

  38. Grifty Shades of Bray says:

    “I am committed to being fully in the discomfort to learn and integrate everything I can from this, and not to distract myself with band-aids in any form.”

    Except for buying a new hot chick wardrobe for attending Burning Man, going to Burning Man, seeking solace in the arms of Myka McLaughlin (but celibate!), jetting off to Bali for self-indulgent photoshoots, and planning a trip to NYC. But no band-aids in any form.

  39. Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

    Oh thank fucking GOD, the insanity is back! You knew something was going on when she started posting “look at me aren’t I hot?” photos again.

    So much melodramatic dreck.

    • Morrocanwear Loves You, Rain! says:

      I can’t wait for the next boyfriend! I’m hoping for someone older and even less successful than Rain or Devin. Someone with a terrible entrepreneurial idea (something even worse than the healing chef, if that is possible) that they’d like to speak to her father about. A pig insemination scheme or something really great like that would work for me.

  40. Hroswitha says:

    Okay, you guys are going to have to indulge me here because I feel like a total asshole, but here goes: ha ha ha ha fucking ha.

    When we were kids Julia once told me that she felt sorry for me because I wasn’t pretty enough to ‘get’ a good husband. (I have no concerns about mentioning this because I’m sure she said the same thing to a lot of people.) Hearing that totally devastated me at the time. As an adult I can look back at that incident with some equanimity – and on my best days, even some compassion.

    But that humiliated girl is not quite dead, I’m afraid, because my first thought when I read this post was: ‘Suck it, Jules; I married a tech founder when I was way younger than you and now I have a family and money and an awesome job, so suck it again’.

    Except that I married my husband before he was a tech founder and I did it because I love him and he’s awesome, and we struggled for a long time to get where we are today. And now I feel kind of shitty for being so mean about Julia’s ‘heartbreak’. But not shitty enough to delete this.

    PS I have been lurking here for a LONG time and just finally worked up the courage to post. You catladies are hilarious and brilliant and I have gotten endless book, television, and skin care tips from you. So thanks, bitches.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Wow. So she really was an awful person even as a child. Bullied my ass; she was the one who did the bullying.

    • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

      I love that you shared that story and, that she is racking her brain trying to figure out who you are. To your point, I’m sure she handed out that comment to anyone she ever felt insecure around-so you’re safe.

      • Hroswitha says:

        Truth be told, I don’t really care if she figures it out at this point (although of course my preference is to stay under the radar).

        What’s she going to do? Get mad at me? Tell her parents? I guess she could try to email my boss like she did to those poor unlucky souls who ended up in her sights before. Again, not eager to deliberately out myself, but if the worst happened my boss is pretty fantastic and would say ‘1. None of my damn business, and 2. That’s some pretty funny shit right there.’

        And this is obviously not the time to do it because there’s still so much to say about this post, but sometime soon I’ll tell you guys about the time my family got together to watch an episode of Miss Advised. That was all kinds of cray cray, let me tell you.

        • dr. cupcake cray cray says:

          My cousin married a woman who went to (at least) high school with Julia, and for a moment I was hoping you were her, but then I realized that my cousin isn’t a rich tech founder, so I’m kinda disappointed now. But looking forward to story time about the viewing party!

          • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow says:

            Does your cousin’s wife have any good Donkey tales?

          • dr. cupcake cray cray says:

            I have never asked her. Not exactly the easiest topic to figure out how to broach.

            But Debate Partner Judy comments on my cousin’s wife’s pictures of their kids sometimes, which is so strange. Oh, the stories she must have.

    • Dyspeptic would go only if she spoke says:

      Karma truly is the most amazing bitch!

    • Donkey's Calcified Pineal Gland says:

      And the funny thing is, at that time she had the Baugher hook nose and the overbite and receding chin.

      • Hroswitha says:

        With all due respect, DCPG, you obviously don’t understand the situation. Julia was the most beautiful, brilliant, and talented girl that ever lived – after all, everybody told her so! Also her family is clearly of a higher social class than you could ever hope to understand. Her biggest problem in life is that people just don’t take the time to recognise her specialness.

      • Frequent Liar Miles says:

        Ghost of that nose appears in last post bottom picture (lower case, not THE Bottom Picture.) She looks exactly like her dad.

        P.S.: So looking forward to further Junior Donkey revelations from Hroswitha.

        • Julia Allison's Epileptic Daunce says:

          me too!

          Also Hroswitha – Confederacy of Dunces is on my desert island book list, so I love your name!

    • I need Likes to validate my own feelings says:

      I don’t know you but I love you. She lived in my neighborhood and she was such a fucking eyesore everywhere she fucking went, she’s also awful to that poor old dog. Fuck her and fuck feeling bad for cunty little Julia that was such a fucking loser to even think that about you as kids. If you’re in the Bay Area I’d be down to beer and talk all the shit in the world with you.

      • Not! Random! says:

        I suspect Lilly died long before her relationship with Rain did.

        • Donkey's Calcified Pineal Gland says:

          One would think poor Lilly deserved a histrionic goodbye at least equal to these losers who dumped her.

    • Aggressively Stupid says:

      Of course, Donkey would never get with someone before they had their big idea and stick with them through the ups and downs of making it happen. She wants an insta-marriage to an insta-success.
      I can’t remember which ex-boyfriend it was who recalled a conversation with her where he said something to the effect of, I knew the whole time we were together that you would leave as soon as I bored you. Her response was, isn’t that how all relationships work?

  41. Ser Donksalot says:

    I’m in the Bay Area, and I will say this: La Donk’s wardrobe is pre-malfunctioned, but she wore white and was definitely on the make at Burning Man…and she will fake it till she (not quite) makes it. And goes down swinging. But that’s become her hunting ground, with the Phuture once again so Primitive gone from the realm of the physical…

  42. cakez says:

    Good. Maybe she will stop being boring again.

    • Donkey's Calcified Pineal Gland says:

      It’s so funny how she goes silent only because keeping the masculine requires it.

  43. Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow says:

    OT: Smellsberg is appearing in some creepy web series called “Cannabis & I.” He also just raved about his #metoo confession being picked up by The Washington Post. I wonder who his daddy still knows over there, as The Greasy Gargoyle has appeared in the newspaper more than once.

    • Truckstop trollope says:

      They must laugh, at both their expense, unfortunately, the elder has this privileged buffoon/twerp as part of his legacy. #sad!

  44. calypso says:

    Still. Always. Forever. Alone.

Comments are closed.