The old raunch has been having a field day with the Harvey Weinstein scandal. Isn’t she SO BRAVE?
Yesterday, I shared my #metoo story and so many of you responded with such love and compassion, thank you.
Today, I share something that feels much harder. And I hope you will not only bring the same love and compassion to me, but to all those who are sexual transgressors and acknowledge their actions and blindness.
It is through this love and compassion that we can all learn, grow and evolve.
It is through this open sharing that we can change things for future generations.
I have crossed sexual boundaries, of both women and men, unconsciously, with lack of awareness and without consent.
I have crossed my own sexual boundaries.
I didn’t understand the impact of my actions. And I wonder how many people felt hurt or confused (or just icky) because of the way I handled my sexuality.
I have grabbed people’s asses without consent, commented on parts of their body, and said sexually suggestive things.
A past boyfriend called it “leaky sexual energy” and I had no idea what he was talking about. I understand now.
I always thought it was welcome. And now, I realize I am not so sure. Because I didn’t ask. I just did it. And maybe it was welcome because I am a woman, but maybe not.
And, how can we women lead the revolution if we continue to allow the masculine parts of ourselves to perpetrate against the feminine both inside and outside of ourselves.
It does feel confusing, even as I write this because I want my sexuality to be welcome.
On top of that, it often did appear to be welcome. And in many cases, I have been celebrated for what seemed to be a comfort with the open display of my sexuality.
I can only imagine how confusing it is for the men.
I’m also aware of the way in which our hiding and shame (and shaming) creates immense pain and conflict that keeps us (and has kept me) from fully doing the work we have been called here to do.
And, in some ways, I can also see that THIS is our work.
Taking full ownership for our actions, asking for forgiveness, and forgiving ourselves, so we may forgive others, seems to be the path forward.
So today, I say #itwasme and ask for your forgiveness and your compassion and your love. Not just for me, but for all those who will come forward and claim the ways in which we behaved with blindness.
If you would like to understand more about the roots of this collective pain, I suggest you read Katie Freiling’s post, in which she writes so clearly about the cause and effect we are all experiencing.
Sexual shame, self-punishment, hiding, rebellion, self-worth, self-hatred, powerlessness, rejection, and ultimately a deep sense of not belonging.
Katie shares that the solutions are “to reframe affection and touch and normalize non-sexual affection again.”
She says “It’s time to reprogram ourselves collectively to remember that we are intrinsically worthy, lovable, and that we Belong.
It’s time to learn about healthy communication and emotional intelligence… how to tune in to what we’re feeling, how to communicate our needs, and listen and empathize with the needs of others.
It’s time to heal… to understand, hear, feel, and empathize with the pain of sexual abuse and trauma (our own pain and the pain of others), without letting guilt stop us.
And it’s time to forgive the predators. Because it’s always hurt people who hurt people.”
I agree. <3
Thanks for the 57,368th confession, Skankatron. Were you one of Julia Allison’s “expert” advisors when she was appearing on “Miss Advised”? Your participation might explain her wildly aggressive, inappropriate behavior towards the men on the show. I’ve found just reading about your sexual kinks has made me feel icky. Here’s hoping you, Julia, Harvey, and Marc Gafni get the help you so desperately need. #pleasurablereprogramming #tocatchawoopredator
For God’s sake, man, don’t go in the door!
Update: She just doesn’t know when to quit, especially when she’s getting attention. Paris truther and general asshat Elijah Ray put the old raunch up to this?
I’ve seen a few of the men in my feed ask the question, what would you like to hear from the men in response to the #metoo’s that are coming out across Facebook.
Here’s my response.
I do not want to hear I’m sorry, though I’m sure many women will.
Personally, I find “I’m sorry” to be empty and devoid of meaning. What are you sorry for? That’s what I want to hear. And most importantly, I want to hear what you learned.
Don’t apologize to me. Tell me you’ve learned something!
I want to hear “I’m responsible, and here’s how.”
Here’s what I did. #itwasme
And here’s why I did it.
I didn’t know.
I didn’t understand.
I didn’t get it.
I was blind and now I see a bit more.
Then, if you want to ask for forgiveness and compassion, please do. But don’t tell me “I’m sorry.”
Artie Egendorf and Booster Blake each posted beautiful examples of this today. Daniel Pinchbeck yesterday. Thank you, men. I welcome links to other examples to be shared here in the comments.
I welcome hearing this from the women too. I want to hear your #itwasme story as well. I shared my example because we cannot overlook the ways our internal masculine has also transgressed the feminine, our own, and others.
There is no blame or shame here. Just deep appreciation for the surfacing of these shadows so we can all learn, grow and evolve.
This is why we are here. To understand and care for each other through all the pain of growth and learning.
Thank you brother Elijah Ray for asking and prompting this inquiry. And to those of you as well who have messaged me privately.