How Do You Spell WOO? I Spell It A-S-S-H-O-L-E

I made a quick trip through FB Wooville and discovered this new eyeroller. Teasing the boys!

Tho cute! Tho hip! Even I thought Jaahass had better taste in partners-in-slime than annoying-as-fuck exhibitionist Isabella Konold.

Back in NYC, Jena and Sacha are hosting another caca ceremony:

We welcome you to WOOM for a transformational journey, where you can drop the baggage of your daily life, and tap into your wiser self, and lift yourself up to the sky. We’re going to help you fly and dance, laugh and cheer, and even cry if that’s what you need.

Come experience deep relaxation, inner joy and self-healing in safe ceremony created for re-union with Self-Love.

Surely Sacha’s children can tell us all about their daddy’s penchant for self-love? Will there be any Christmas presents this year, Deadbeat DJ?

Jena was also thrilled to share this milestone in Sacha’s EDM career:

Not surprisingly, this track is NOWHERE on Beatport’s Top 100:

Finally, Boulder is going Duck Dynasty. Ali Shanti is posting about her homones – no one cares, Skankatron – and Ryan Swain is starting to look inbred:

Michael “Fozzie” Jacobs is back in the tattoo parlor:

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59 Responses to How Do You Spell WOO? I Spell It A-S-S-H-O-L-E

  1. Ser Donksalot says:

    WooHOO! Fucktards.

  2. bitchface says:

    I wanted to hate that Fozzie guy’s videos but he is obviously in need of some serious mental help. They all are, but on the Woo scale where one end is cray and the other is grifter he’s def on the intervention side.

    • Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow Gilly, Real Housewife at Dirt Festivals says:

      He’s such a lost soul. Fozzie trashed the woos (especially Bryan Franklin), returned to California, went back to Boulder, posted about serious alcohol and drug issues, got a job at a restaurant, and now seems to be jobless and stoned 24/7. I’m guessing his parents have done several interventions since high school.

      • Veruca Salt Lick says:

        Seconded. It’s just one terrible life choice after the next.

      • Morrocanwear Loves You Rain says:

        From what I have gathered he is just kind of a loser. He was a misfit in college and seems to be doing a Julia now. He can’t possibly be supporting himself in Boulder, but has cash for bad tattoos (and Boulder rent, and weed, and whatever else). As a parent of late teen and early twenties kids, it is hard to navigate the post-high school years, but it isn’t like they are toddlers. You can tell them no, and if you have told them no in the past and meant it, they will probably believe you as young adults.

  3. Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

    I hate when people brag about “#1 on” something when it’s clearly that they’re #1 in some sub-sub-sub category. I’m the very best over-50 potato-masher east of the Mississippi!

    Also, Duckface is single now? Sorry about the lo$$ of that true love.

    • Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow Gilly, Real Housewife at Dirt Festivals says:

      Even Fozzie had a #1 Best Seller at some point in some totally horseshit sub-sub-category.

      What or who the fuck is Alben? Some DJ buddy of Sacha’s that he knew back in the old country?

      • Sacred Scrapbooks (where the swimming pool is) says:

        It means albums in German.

        • Mrs. Gilly Blake says:

          So Antlerface is like David Hasselhoff of the EDM crowd?

          • Veruca Salt Lick says:

            I once met The Hoff randomly in a Petsmart in Encinitas, California. It was not long after that unfortunate cheeseburger incident. He looked surprisingly good in person. I can see why the Germans love him given their penchant for the cheesy.

    • Morrocanwear Loves You Rain says:

      I am pretty sure it was someone here who explained to me how that worked, because I was hate reading a couple of blogs where the authors kept celebrating how they had written the number one bestseller on Amazon and I had no context outside of the New York Times Book Review and I was confused. When I found out they were the number one bestseller in the Sexy Romance/Hot Scuba Diver/ Orphaned Travel Nurse category during the 4 hours they offered their book for $.01 on Amazon, that made more sense.

      • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones, & Ghosted Book Deals says:

        Dead.

      • Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow Gilly, Real Housewife at Dirt Festivals says:

        Who do you think you are? My mother is an orphaned travel nurse!

      • Worrisome Pelts Needs Subtitles says:

        That was me.

        One of my brothers is the “best-selling” “author” of multiple “books” using that technique. He’s a less successful Donkey who went to a pretend school of psychology and also claims to be a success screenwriter. He saves my parents the trojble of paying his rent by living with them and claiming he’s generously letting them live with him.

        Clearly, I have a lot of feelings on the subject.

      • Highly curated box of porno mags and vhs tapes says:

        That’s the plan for my upcoming coffee table book:

        A pictorial history of dance fever costume designs- the early years: 1977 to 1981

        • Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow Gilly, Real Housewife at Dirt Festivals says:

          Now that I’d buy!

          deney

          • Ruby Two Feet says:

            Danny Terrio and Motion. Now THAT’s dancing, Donk.

          • Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow Gilly, Real Housewife at Dirt Festivals says:

            And those “amateur” contestants on DANCE FEVER would never have complained about being filmed!

        • Morrocanwear...I love you dance video! says:

          If my excitement at the thought is any indication, you won’t need to use that trick!

          • Highly curated box of porno mags and vhs tapes says:

            My biggest problem is procrastination

            I woyld neede a publisher whi is very generous with letting deadlines slide over and ovet again 🙂

          • Mrs. Gilly Blake says:

            May I recommend St. Martin’s Press?

  4. bitchface says:

    Also, why are none of these chicks plump, chunky, fat? A couple of the dudes are but even there, most are slim (not fit looking, just thin)
    – too many drugs; don’t eat
    -all forms of body dysmorphia
    -shunning of the not-slim in the “commune”

    I know it’s not because they eat organic vegan 24/7 and are in great shape because of all that tantric sex they do! lol

  5. melting marionette says:

    ah yes, beatport. the myspace of the self-publishing EDM music scene.

    do a search on the alleged #1 track, it comes up, but with no attribution to the extremely good-looking horned-one. this atrocity does though:

    https://www.beatport.com/track/hid-feat-sacha-nielsen-original-mix/9410457

    • Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow Gilly, Real Housewife at Dirt Festivals says:

      I barely made it through three minutes and that track clocks in at 15. However, I’d be willing to spend the $2.49 if DJ Deadbeat Dad would send the money home to his kids.

  6. Curling Irons at Dawn says:

    I knew a California woo like Crazy McSwainy and watched him spin out of control on drugs and mental meltdown until he became downright frightening. Then, I warned people he was dangerous and was going to hurt someone. Sure enough. He did and ended up in jail after committing a hate crime. Even then, his enablers justified his actions and defended him. And that Swain character has all the same characteristics, especially the narcissism and simmering rage under the surface, the demand for sex from women on command, the resentment of women who reject him, the whole “when a boy becomes a man” blabbering sh*t in the mid to late 30s, the incessant lying and break from all reality, the claims to “help” the underprivileged which isn’t so much help as manipulation of sycophants, the delusions of grandeur and christ complex, and the constant attack on former partners or women previously in his life. Honestly, he disgusts me and he scares me. He seems as volatile and unpredictable and capable of violence as this other woo “brother”. Oh, and the obsession with the internet and making incessant videos and speaking to non-existent fans. They’re both as creepy and unhinged as Charles Manson. I’d just be cautious with that one. He seems legitimately dangerous.

    • Handbag Is Not A Toilet Baby says:

      I completely agree.

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      Some of the weirdest stuff is when he baits his “followers” by saying he’s going to start a revolution with all his millions of dollars and do they want some? He’s so clearly been cut off from his money somehow. And he rarely seems to actually hang out with anyone. Would love to know the story here. For a while, I thought he was under house arrest because he NEVER left home.

      • Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow Gilly, Real Housewife at Dirt Festivals says:

        He’s screaming into the void at this point. Any local “followers” abandoned Mental Dental when the money ran out and the non-stop house parties finally did stop. This won’t end well.

      • Curling Irons at Dawn says:

        Yes, it’s sorta pitiful that he doesn’t realize how obvious that is and only suggests something’s askew. But, house arrest seems like a reasonable explanation.

      • Because, for fucks sake. says:

        He’s the poster child for what attending one of these “transformative” woo weekend workshops can do to a person with undiagnosed mental illness.

    • DJ Telexfree Making Beeps and Boops at Dirt Festivals says:

      Clearly everything you said spot on… but hoping this stops short of McTeague, no joke

      • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

        I cannot stop thinking about McTeague whenever he comes up!

        And yes, Curling Irons, that is a great analysis. Sorry you encountered a toxic dude like this in real life.

    • The Tortuous and the Hair says:

      Of all the woos, he seems the most fucked up. Sadly, probably beyond redemption.

  7. Fameless Shamewhore says:

    I don’t think Jahssss can ever have seen Thelma and Louise, which was about two women who find their true selves only once they escape from the men in their lives. It is definitely not about two chicks who are “single and ready to mingle”.

    Once again, the woos ruin everything.

    • DJ Telexfree Making Beeps and Boops at Dirt Festivals says:

      Seriously. She’s a fucking idiot.

      • DJ Telexfree Making Beeps and Boops at Dirt Festivals says:

        Also read that stupid hashtag as “free orange humans” (insert Trump joke here)

    • Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow Gilly, Real Housewife at Dirt Festivals says:

      The woos are culturally illiterate. Julia Allison barely knows three visual texts and clearly didn’t read many important books in high school. Now she reads slop written by her besties when they were doing psychedelics.

      Oh, and leave it to two of these assholes to turn an actual feminist text into a lurid Sapphic display for the likes of Daniel Schmachtenburger.

      • Razzmatazz says:

        Still doing the “let’s pretend to make out to turn on the boys” thing, two decades after sophomore year.

    • Helena (Kismet Shamanatrix, CEO of PriestessSensei Inc.) says:

      THANK YOU. I was wondering if I remembered that movie completely wrong.

      • Morrocanwear...I love you dance video! says:

        next we’ll watch an upbeat comedy about a wacky mom and her kids called “Sophie’s Choice”.

        • Helena (Kismet Shamanatrix, CEO of PriestessSensei Inc.) says:

          Watch out for George and Lennie, the slapstick comedy duo in Of Mice and Men!

          The Day of the Locust is another knee-slapper full of crazy adventures; hey, it has Homer Simpson in it!

    • Aggressively Stupid says:

      Also they die at the end. I’m guessing they’re not planning to reenact that part.

      • Stalker is the New Praise KESUS! says:

        This too.

        I think the movie Jass is meaning to reference is “Looking for Mr. Goodbar”

  8. DJ Telexfree Making Beeps and Boops at Dirt Festivals says:

    Lulz at Ali’s Ho Moans

    Typo and it stays!

  9. Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow Gilly, Real Housewife at Dirt Festivals says:

    Ali Shanti is giving a talk on “The New Economy Business Model,” but whatever she plans on spewing seems to be an attempt to drag unsuspecting Boulderites into the hemp bidness.

    #pleasurablegrifting
    #raunchyoldcon

    • Swisss phlegm green unite card caca spirit says:

      What “are” plans “are”. Yeeeshh

      Hear her talk? Ugh, my ear and what is with it with the perma feathers, maybe they really are stuck in the mattedness

    • Tingolayo says:

      Multi-level marketing scheme=sharing healing medicine with the world. Those woos are so selfless!

      • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

        This bugs me. While there are medicinal purposes they’re not selling it that way nor are they qualified to do so. Preying on those in serious medical need or desperate for help is parasitic on a whole new level, even for her. Upside FDA & FTC won’t take kindly to making false claims in internet advertising.

    • DJ Telexfree Making Beeps and Boops at Dirt Festivals says:

      Holy airbrush, Batman

      • Mrs. Gilly Blake says:

        I know! I first thought that fauxto was of Lucille Ball in MAME, but the turkey feathers and porno eyelashes gave the real culprit away.

        • Tingolayo says:

          I hate Ali Scamti and her self-absorbed busy work. Imagine getting your hair and makeup done and hiring a photographer for a stupid Facebook post. No wonder Donkey feels at home with these clowns.

          Today my volunteer group had an 8:30 am meeting. On a Sunday. We are all busy people with real jobs and children and responsibilities, and we still dragged our asses there. It was held in a dingy community center, not Costa Rica. Nobody wore chicken feathers in their hair. Nobody Facebooked it. Nobody held space to discuss their feewings of vulnerability. There were no goddess circles and no multi-level marketing. Nobody was naked. We just got stuff done and moved on.

          • Mrs. Gilly Blake says:

            I love you. My kid learned about a program to feed the homeless and so we drive 40 minutes each way twice a month to do just that. We don’t take photos or videos of ourselves, and I’ve never mentioned it on FB. These assholes would be braying about it non-stop while calling themselves goddesses.

  10. Tingolayo says:

    This reminded me of every single pretentious woo goddess holding sacred space griftfest that Donkey’s dumb tribe produces:

    http://www.elle.com/life-love/sex-relationships/a45225/a-nudist-resort-promised-to-liberate-me-but-objectified-me-instead/?src=social-email

  11. Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

    I laughed today thinking about what these idiots call “art” because I’m obsessed with this, which is actual act. https://www.facebook.com/businessoffashion/videos/10154900490407428/

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