Noodles, How Can We Help?

Nisha Moodley can’t stop talking about her five minutes of notoriety outside of Wooville:

Not content to link just to Ashton, Noodles manages to get in a reference to Goopy Paltrow’s pricey L.A. con job:

No one had better give me any grief for reposting a fauxto that’s been plastered all over the internet.

Never forget: http://rebloggingdonk.com/2011/06/30/good-work-ashton/

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134 Responses to Noodles, How Can We Help?

  1. Helena (Surprise Ironic Dracula) says:

    When my brain saw “share her vast wisdom around tantra,” it read it as “vast wisdom around fatwa.” That’s my contribution for today. Ramadan kareem!

  2. Morrocanwear...I love you dance video! says:

    I hope she asked the baby’s permission before she started picking the sweet potatoes out of his hair!

    • Ruby Two Feet says:

      I hope she asked the baby if he even wanted the sweet potatoes!

      • Mrs. Gilly Blake says:

        If Crow wanted sweet potatoes, I hope she asked him if it was ok to add a pinch of brown sugar.

        • Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow Gilly, Real Housewife at Dirt Festivals says:

          JFAing myself to note, those taters were DELICIOUTH! In or out of Crow’s hair.

          potato

          • Frequent Liar Miles says:

            This picture, proudly posted by A Donkey as an indication of her phenomenal altruism, never fails to crack me up. The exploded yam turds are one thing, but then you notice the brown terry-cloth BATHROOM HAND TOWEL used as a kitchen towel. OK, you say, she just grabbed whatever towel was handy to facilitate the distribution of her largesse to the poors; understandable — until you notice that same brown terry-cloth BATHROOM HAND TOWEL hanging on the refrigerator door in her (illegal) AirBnB posting many months later.
            P.S.: this comment is dedicated to Helena, for obvious reasons.
            P.P.S.: where do you suppose the brown bed-linens and wookie-fur coveratures are at this point? Apparently not in Skankatron’s van down by the river.

          • Fell off the rainbow raft says:

            This picture still confuses me. Wtf is oozing out?

          • Stalker is the New pop-up brothel says:

            If you overcook sweet potatoes, the sugar in them caramelizes and, combined with the water in the taters, expands. So they’ve basically boiled over and burnt. These potatoes are pretty much inedible.

          • Helena (Kismet Shamanatrix, CEO of PriestessSensei Inc.) says:

            <3 xoxo

        • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

          I hope Crow sues his mommy at first possible chance. And Shanti’s kids should think about doing the same. All these parents that exploit their kids to squelch their own insecurities is disgusting.
          Also when did truth become known as vitriol? It’s like they all learned a new word to abuse and use incorrectly.

        • Ruby Two Feet says:

          Organic raw turbino sugar, thank you very much.

          So it’s been 11 years since I had last my baby; are 4 month olds eating solid foods now? I remember there was a slow progression into rice cereals, then solids. Has this changed? Genuinely curious, not trying to be judgey about it. Also, trying to fit any scenario that proves my theory Noodles was throwing sweet potatoes around the room in a sleep deprived fit.

          • Wolf, Hemmingway and Khaat whores says:

            My pediatrician’s (a real non-woo doctor) recommendation was to start trying solid foods at the 6-month mark.

            The slow progression concept still stands, you start with baby cereal and assorted pureed food. Certain things, like honey, are a no-on in the first year because there is a tiny chance that they could contain botulism spores (whatever!).

            These days, they also recommend you start with potential allergens like peanut butter, eggs or strawberries early on. Apparently, it REDUCES the chances of developing allergies later on in life.

            My daughter’s first “real” solid was a piece of pita bread at a Middle Eastern restaurant. It was delicious, warm bread, and since she seemed interested we gave her a little triangle of bread and she started to slowly chew it.

          • darling dearest asks permission says:

            some people go with the baby led weaning approach, which kinda throws the slow progression out the window

          • Never the Bride says:

            Noodles says above that the baby is six months old, which makes a little more sense for solid food.

  3. Whatever says:

    Milking this huh noodles 🍜. Paltrow is a woo who happens to be a millionaire, conscious uncoupling that is so woo! She just lost respect. So desperate to keep her 5 minutes of fame. What’s next Oprah willl be back from retirement to interview the girl of woo motherhood. Oh noodles soup so thirsty

  4. Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

    Re: Posting photos = Preach! She just doesn’t want anyone linking her to actual accountability when it’s so much more fun playing #ProfessionalVictim all.the.time. Don’t desperately thrust your insecurities wrapped in condescension into people’s livingrooms if you don’t want to hear what they have to say.

    She also just parasitically, adjacently humble-bragged to be linked to one of the biggest frauds out there-Paltrow. These fools all deserve each other just as long as they’re not ripping off innocent people in the process.

  5. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    Dear Noodles: ::yawn:: L.E.T. I.T. G.O.

    OT but relevant re: Ashton ‘How Can We Help?” Kutcher & Mrs. Nutterworth
    http://reason.com/archives/2017/06/20/cindy-mccain-human-rights-ambassador

    ‘… Donald Trump has reportedly nabbed Cindy McCain to serve in his State Department as an ambassador-at-large for human rights. She would almost certainly concentrate on sex trafficking, which has been the main focus of her recent advocacy—and on which she has a track record of spreading misinformation, promoting policies that make prostitution more dangerous, and partnering with people who use human trafficking as a cover for all sorts of rights-violating behavior.

    Kutcher brought Thorn’s message to Capitol Hill last February—claiming before Sen. McCain and his Congressional colleagues to have helped law-enforcement save thousands more sex trafficking victims than the U.S. government reports finding at all levels.

  6. Malformed Face says:

    WAIT… don’t these woos do ALL THE DRUGS?

    Ali Shanti The comments are such a great insight into the reality of parenting and why there is a huge inter-generational divide and why so many kids are abusively using drugs and alcohol to cope with the realities of their lives.
    LikeShow more reactions · Reply · 3 · Yesterday at 3:58pm

    • Frequent Liar Miles says:

      Plant medicines, ‘scuse YOU.

    • Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow Gilly, Real Housewife at Dirt Festivals says:

      The old raunch has done her best to close the “huge inter-generational divide.” Just ask Fozzie, The Jazzerciser, and Doug Henning’s son.

      ” … so many kids are abusively using drugs and alcohol to cope with the realities of their lives”? Is she referring to her boyfriends? Jesus, Ali, project much?

    • Donkey's Calcified Pineal Gland says:

      Noodles and Ali are posting all over the thread on Ashton’s page, and it seems clear their woo buddies are there defending her too. We all know Shantitown is such a paragon of parenting. Noodles let slip that she sleeps with the baby and was also criticized for that.

      I wonder what goes on in her Noodley head to drive her to present herself as some exalted being with infinite wisdom. Of course she would deny this all day long, but underneath there is some pathology driving her obsessive need for validation as earth mother extraordinaire.

      • The Tortuous and the Hair says:

        Probably some combo of narcissism and greed. Prior to motherhood, she had a sisterhood grift going. She’s got to stay in business somehow and there will always be rubes who fall for the self-help guru schtick. First-time mothers who may be unsure of themselves may be particularly vulnerable for her to prey on.

      • Ruby Two Feet says:

        Motherhood will smack that ego down. The fact that she thinks she’s got it all figured out now just gives me the chuckles. She didn’t annoy me nearly as much as some of the other woos before this new goddess mama incarnation. Now I find her to be just as needy for the everyday life trophy awards as the others.

      • Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow Gilly, Real Housewife at Dirt Festivals says:

        There should be a constitutional amendment banning Ali Shanti from speaking about parenting. Mommy Trainwreck, indeed.

  7. Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

    Oh, shiiiiiit! Judy is going to be so jealous that Noodles got attention from Ashton!

  8. Curling Irons at Dawn says:

    I will say little Crooooow is adorable! She’s a pretty girl, too. Now, if she would just take out the nose ring, ditch the hippies and move on with a normal life, she could have one. She just needs to use Crow’s middle name, especially once preschool starts, if she wants to give him a fighting chance.

  9. Princess WideStance says:

    So I ended up clicking around some woo facebook pages, and got to Roxanne DePalma. Her girlfriend Summer wrote this big long post with 108 reasons why she loves Roxanne. Very woo but actually kind of sweet. Skimming the comments, I come across this:

    Julia Allison inspired by this … Rain.
    Like Show more reactions · Reply · 2 · April 14 at 10:22pm

    …and of course she tagged him. I almost felt sorry for the Donkey, desperate for any public acknowledgement from her dude. He just refuses, doesn’t he?

    • Mrs. Gilly Blake says:

      We need to do a post on wackaloon DePalma and her pill pushing hubby. Julia seemed to be cozying up to the oversexed poly pole dancer and BDSM queen right before she went AWOL.

    • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

      Ow ow ow, the agenbite of inwit. I mean, Cankleshausen.

  10. Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow Gilly, Real Housewife at Dirt Festivals says:

    OT: Pot pusher Ali Shanti is working the long con:

    • Wolf, Hemmingway and Khaat whores says:

      I hope all that weed money will allow her to buy some new turkey feathers.

      Whatever is left of her hair is looking mighty awful.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      living life … on purpose

      On purpose, unlike unamazing mortals impetuously inhaling & exhaling.

  11. Wolf, Hemmingway and Khaat whores says:

    The funniest thing about the Noodle’s story, is that you know the Donkey is seething with rage & envy, because it went VIRAL and ASHTON f-ing KUTCHER retweeted it, and everybody is talking about it.

    She would kill for something like this, she would offer the head of Rain in a plastic (she is cheap like that) tray, if needed be.

    Oh, well, she will just keep posting how grateful and thankful she is.

  12. Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow Gilly, Real Housewife at Dirt Festivals says:

    I wonder if Noodles will post about the latest GOOPY con job to be unearthed. Naw, too busy kissing celebrity ass and playing the victim card.

    http://money.cnn.com/2017/06/22/news/goop-nasa-stickers/index.html?iid=ob_homepage_deskrecommended_pool

  13. Energy Pussy (brought to you by BIG TAMPON) says:

    The Layla that Nisha “honors” has a hilarious video from her Mexican tantra retreat where everyone EXCEPT La Balm is dancing incredibly ecstatically. She is also VERY pro-jade egg.

  14. Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow Gilly, Real Housewife at Dirt Festivals says:

    Ali Shanti weighed in on Noodles’ honor roll. Of course she got in a shill for her hemp pyramid scam:

    “I honor Roxanne DePalma who is putting so much beauty into the world with her videos for Play Den Productions and who lights up my FB feed with so much joy. And I honor Katie Freiling who is inspiring me by finding her inner song-writing and signing muse and creating the Creator’s Portal to support so many creators. And, I honor Renee Jeffus and Kiana Prema, two leaders in this amazing hemp oil business community who are showing what’s possible for women when they share from their heart and have a great business model supporting them. And I honor you Nisha Moodley for creating this thread and reminding us to honor each other. <3"

    • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

      I honor that drugs and no job is the recipe for excessive navel gazing.

    • Dcmbr Song says:

      What’s a signing muse? So dumb, so sad, so….usa

      • Frequent Liar Miles says:

        They are on hand at closings in order to inspire the parties to the transaction to seal the deal.

      • Maze says:

        In Ancient Mythologies the secret/sacred Tenth Muse, Longconai, was also known in some circles as The Signing Muse. She is the muse of secrets, of interconnections, and also shady business deals.

    • Mrs. Gilly Blake says:

      And I honor Ali for taking time out of her home schooling schedule to write this honoring.

    • Wolf, Hemmingaway and Khaat Whores says:

      Is “I honor” the new “I am grateful for this gift”?

      Help me!

      I can’t keep with all the developments in the field of woospeak!

      • Tingolayo says:

        It’s the new “deep bow.”

      • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

        Practice for all the times they’ll be saying “Your Honor” in the nearer-than-not future.

      • Winchester House of Faxutoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

        I thought it was the new “I’m so proud of you” while still making it about themselves.

      • Razzmatazz says:

        From the people who brought you “Happy birthday, allow me to use this occasion to tell people how great I am and positively impacted you/suffered as a result of caring for you”

  15. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:
  16. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    Everyone has surely seen this by now, but no one here mentions how much better a dancer the gorilla is, compared to the donkey. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JfVRmXDJ9p0 SAD

  17. Dcmbr Song says:

    503 messages on radar FYI, damn Russian woos

  18. Woo Detective says:

    Hey guys, summer! What’s everyone reading right now?

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      After seeing him on Bill Maher & finding him to be pretty interesting (you can read a bit about him here: http://maajidnawaz.com/maajids-story/ ), I’m just about to embark on RADICAL by Maajid Nawaz.

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      The Replacements biography. Can’t look away.

      • Never the Bride says:

        It’s sooooooo good! I read it last spring and couldn’t put it down. I listened to all of the music as I was reading it.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Has anyone here read My Lovely Wife in the Psych Ward?
      http://www.marklukach.com/book/ http://tinyurl.com/y8ay8fyk

    • Stalker is the New pop-up brothel says:

      I just finished “The Looking Glass Brother” which is a memoir by (coincidentally) the brother of the woman who wrote “Gossip Girl” about his schizophrenic brother. Not much happens but it’s still interesting if that makes sense. Also (coincidentally) published by St. Martin’s Press!

      • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

        I liked that book a lot, too!

        Stuff I liked recently: Hunger, by Roxane Gay; The Gringo Champion, by Aura Xilones; The Whole Art of Detection, by Lyndsay Faye (Sherlock Holmes short stories).

        • Stalker is the New pop-up brothel says:

          Thanks for validating me! After I posted my comment I read the reviews (scathing) on goodreads so I started thinking maybe I was wrong about the book.

          • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

            I think Goodreads reviews are extremely tendentious, especially in the past two or three years. I’ll dig up my account over there and post a positive review of the von Ziegesar book, because I think it’s definitely worthwhile, too!

          • Stalker is the New pop-up brothel says:

            I just remembered another book I read recently, “The Yonahlossee Riding Camp for Girls”, another interesting book where not much happens.

    • BeepBeepBoopBeepBeep. I Am A Robot. says:

      I’m never current with reading trends. I just read “Wake Up, Sir” by Jonathan Ames and laughed hard throughout! Totally enjoyable!

    • Helena (Surprise Ironic Dracula) says:

      I recently read two books by Jane Fallon, the long-time vibrationally congruent partner of Ricky Gervais: The Ugly Sister and Getting Rid of Matthew (her first, but I read it as second). Fun chick lit with a twist.

      Also, if you want a crime story:
      https://www.amazon.com/Girl-Ice-gripping-thriller-Detective-ebook/dp/B019G6DSDE

      I wasn’t amazed or anything but it wasn’t bad.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      FYI — SOME BOOK-RELATED STREAMING:

      * Anne with an E = based on Anne of Green Gables
      Oh my. I’d forgotten the story & how much I’d loved it way back when. Amybeth McNulty, a young Irish actress, was born to play this particular role, I do believe. Netflix.

      * The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency = based on novels of the same name
      A short, genuinely sweet series (not what you might expect from the name alone; not a bona fide crime genre). Filmed on location in Botswana. HBO channel on Amazon Prime.

      I mention these mainly because they’re fresh on my mind as the kind of shows ya want when you’ve got a mixed bag of people hanging around your house for a few days on end & need something as PG as it gets when a need to veg arises.

  19. Maze says:

    A co-worker recently recommended Louise Penny’s Gamache mysteries to me, so I’m trying them out. Also Parable of the Sower and Parable of the Talents, by Octavia Butler (rereads), and Mortal Suns, by Tanith Lee.

    • Stalker is the New pop-up brothel says:

      What do you think so far? I’ve failed to finish several Swedish mysteries recently. They are SO BLEAK and half the time I can’t understand the significance of what’s going on… what does the anorak mean? WHY THE TEA BAG??? etc. I like mysteries but I am easily confused.

      • Maze says:

        It’s pretty well written. Interesting characters. Good enough that I bought a bundle of three more from B&N instead of just pirating whatever I could rip off blacklib per usual. I hate mysteries that cheat, I was promised these don’t.

      • Maze says:

        Oh, and the anorak is a symbol of the coldness of the Scandinavian counyryside which mirrors the coldness of the murderer’s heart. While the teabag symbolizes a tasty, non alcoholic beverage. Semiotics FTW.

    • IMeantItAtTheTime says:

      Cannot recommend enough. Have read them all.

  20. DJ Telexfree Making Beeps and Boops at Dirt Festivals says:

    Good luck Petey on your dispute resolution biz. Too bad you couldn’t resolve that one between your mom and your wife. Or your daughter and a job.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      lmao

    • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

      I wonder if because he likely got the airbnb nightmare to settle out of court, he now thinks he’s an expert in dispute resolution? Soooo, over-reaching of skill-set is hereditary?
      Slightly O/T Oddly, I had one JA woo-adjacent get one of their minions to reach out and try and get me to remove an article from my site in relation to being associated with a certain rapist. The minion was female and the subject male. When I refused I was told I was not human and was “hurting women everywhere.” Dramatic miscreants who do not understand the difference between negative and truthful information and defamation are keeping unethical attorneys in business. I am all to happy to refer them to my attorneys (none of whom I related to and I actually pay (with money)) and if an attorney were stupid enough to unethically & illegally file a suit, they’d be turned over to the Bar.

      • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

        Actually, he’s the president of the Chicago International Dispute Resolution Assoc., and your attitude is tiresome.

        • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

          Oh that is impressive right along with a lack-luster career as unremarkable attorney.

        • dinkledonkle says:

          Thank you, Scrapbook. I have worked in law for over ten years and we use mediators all the time. Tons of older attorneys or attorneys who are just over litigation transition into mediation and it’s not at all a sign of being a shit attorney. Mediation is a huge part of litigation and is being used more and more as courts are becoming increasingly strapped for funding and resources. Not to defend Peter Baugher or anything, but I’m sure he’s settled tons of cases out of court over the course of his career, not just this hypothetical airbnb suit, and will do just fine as a mediator.

          • melting marionette says:

            similar to restrictions placed on medicine, are you permitted / not permitted to represent family in legal matters? i would have thought that there was some sort of implied conflict of interest.

            i did some consulting work with a physician’s practice recently and got to know the principal provider quite well. coincidentally, at the same time the marionette family was looking for a new primary care physician. the pcp actually declined because he said he knew us too well on a personal basis and that may affect his medical judgement. interesting.

          • Sad Rat In Sidewalk says:

            My dad was a public interest attorney (so, not Big Chicago Law and we sure weren’t rich). In spite of this not being his area of expertise, he represented me in court when I got into a car crash shortly after I’d gotten my driver’s license and the idiot in the other car decided to sue me for alleged serious injuries (he was lying and he lost). Not sure if the rules were different because I was a minor.

          • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

            Many companies unethically force arbitration to protect the company not injured party. Just because it’s happening more frequently doesn’t mean it’s better for victims.
            Whatever happened to don’t internalize the snark?

          • Curling Irons at Dawn says:

            No none. No restrictions. Conflict of interests exist in a legal setting when you have a connection or interest in the opposing party, such that you’d tend not to zealously represent your client because you’re compromised. You’d fight harder for family. Thus, no conflict. Now, is it ideal to represent family in a contentious case? I’d say no. I didn’t represent myself in a family law child support, custody case because I was too emotionally invested in my son. I tended to lose my temper and yell at every continuance and delay and eventually the judge for allowing it. My attorney, as well as two colleagues from law school assisting, handled it for me. They pretty much just saved me from myself so that I didn’t come across plaintiff’s table at someone. I assisted my husband as well in a motion brought by his ex-wife for increased support, but I hired lead counsel as, again, it was too personal to do alone. But a little landlord tenant case is cake. Now, could dadser appear in court for her? No. California has no reciprocity with any state, and he’s not licensed in California. He could be admitted pro hac vice just for that matter, but he’d have to have local counsel supporting his application and representation. Also, everything dinkledonkle said about mediators. It’s standard fare for an older retiring attorney to become a mediator. Lot less prep work and after hours investment. Just show up, work hard to bring the sides together for settlement, and then go home. Mediators are envied by a lot of burnt out lawyers, but one has to be experienced and respected by both the plaintiff’s and defense bar to be successful. It’s a position you kind of ascend to, kind of like in-house counsel. It’s good work if you can get it. Finally, in California, good luck getting the State Bar to do f*ck all about “unethical” behavior. If, *if* you have irrefutable proof of a mountain of rules of prefessional conduct violations as well as Business & Professions Code violations, which are criminal, like maybe video of an illegal act, you may, I repeat *may*, get a lawyer disciplined years down the road. But, that’s going to be way after you lost your claim in court. Also, professional discipline does not equal winning a civil claim. They do not undo a judgment. So, yeah. A litigious person can make ones life a living hell and cost a fortune to defend against, regardless of the strength of a defense or proof of an improper act. Hell, “improper” behavior is just another’s good litigation strategy. That’s why people hate lawyers. They can make life a living hell and vindication or retribution only happens in Julia Roberts’ movies.

          • dinkle donkle says:

            Winchester, mediation and arbitration are different. Mediation is non-binding and a cost-effective way to resolve a dispute; arbitration is binding and forcibly keeps claims that often have strong public interest implications out of court. I do not agree with the use of arbitration clauses and they are unfair. However, unilateral imposition of arbitration clauses has nothing to do with Petey’s new practice. No one is internalizing the snark. Maybe try not speaking on things you aren’t familiar with and lashing out when someone corrects you.

  21. Twitter Banned by Julie says:

    Julie’s time of year is coming up— BM in the dirt desert.
    Is she ready for it? will the experience completely change her yet again?

    • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

      It’s also the traditional timeframe when boyfriends flee. We shall see what happens.

    • Gilly Blake, Unicorn-Studded Rainbow Gilly, Real Housewife at Dirt Festivals says:

      She’s currently attending Camp Grounded, presumably smearing food all over the other adult children while jumping around in her onesie.

  22. Swisss phlegm green unite card caca spirit says:

    I will pay for content! the incatfighting of the defenders of the baughers, after this noodles was once the savant of the woo crowd is too funny

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