Updated, Donkey Responds! The Kids Adore Balding Middle-Aged DJ Chad Phutureprimitive & The Same Prerecorded Set He’s Been Playing Since 2011







Once more, with feeling. Why is she wearing Al Pacino’s chaps from CRUISING? Why does she run towards the back wall? Embarrassment? Too much mollie? Peter Baugher must be SO PROUD!

Update: The video of Dancin’ Donkey has been removed – did Dadsers send a cease & desist? – but not before a savvy RBDer saved Julie’s typcially histrionic response:

Expressing her art? Oh please, we are not a-muse-d, “Terpsichore.”

You’re not a professional anything, are you, Donkey? Not a professional writer, not a professional reality shitshow “star,” not a professional dancer. What is it that you acutally do, other than play 36-year-old dilettante on your father’s dime?

Update Part Deux: We’re literally shaking, Donkey, because you had this video removed.

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234 Responses to Updated, Donkey Responds! The Kids Adore Balding Middle-Aged DJ Chad Phutureprimitive & The Same Prerecorded Set He’s Been Playing Since 2011

  1. Winchester House of Faxutoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

    Honestly, it was brought up in the FB comments too, but fuck-that smile is so creepy and doesn’t fit her “movement” or the music. at.all. She fakes everything horribly. It’s pretty funny that these young adults fully recognize she lacks talent and find it’s insulting to Chad’s fans. Julia’s bad for business, think he’d have figured that out by now.

    • Tingolayo says:

      Seriously, this guy seems to have a following (it’s a mystery to me, but he does) and you would think he would have an understanding of what will fly with this crowd. Why doesn’t he see that Donk is a joke with no credibility whatsoever?

      • Frequent Liar Miles says:

        Drug goggles? Oops, I mean plant medicine goggles?

      • Winchester House of Faxutoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

        There have been “daddy’s check cleared” jokes for years and this makes it all the more believable. You’d think even his fellow DJs would even pull him aside and let him know how unprofessional it is.

      • Wolf, Hemmingaway and Khaat Whores says:

        Not so sure about that.

        He usually spins at events as part of a lineup of DJs.

        It’s not like people pay to see HIM, they pay to attend the woo festival and he happens to be one of many performers.

        Still, my heart goes out to his fans, who must endure the contorting Donkey wearing Al Pacino’s chaps from Cruising (dead dead oh so dead when I read that).

        • Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

          He’s never higher than third on the bill, though I believe PhuturePhuckPhace is Michael Ellsberg’s favorite “musician.”

          pacino

  2. BunnyBingo says:

    OMG they’re talking about Julia dancing at his show and there’s actual video of her ‘dancing’.
    My second hand embarrassment level if off the charts.
    If she can watch this sober and think she’s actually good, then I want what she’s having.

    • Goodnight, Wangs says:

      She’s not even on the beat! You can see when she turns to spin how much she misses the beat. She sucks at everything and should just give up on life and go be a real estate agent in St. Petersburg, FL.

      • Wolf, Hemmingway and Khaat whores says:

        Excuse me, but being a real estate agent involves WORK.

        How dare you suggest such an old-paradigm lifestyle?

    • Morrocanwear loves dance video says:

      It’s official. I am breaking up with bottom picture to hook up with dance video. Dance video will be calling bottom picture to advise while I listen in later today.

      I love ❤️ you dance video!

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        YOU’RE NEVER BREAKING UP!

      • Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

        So fickle! Will you and Bottom Picture remain in each other’s lives as friends?

      • Wolf, Hemmingway and Khaat whores says:

        You and that video should move to Guam together.

        • Morrocanwear loves dance video says:

          We are entering an intentional co-living experience in the Sacramento suburbs. There are trees and water and oxygen there.

  3. BunnyBingo says:

    And if you too want to wear a sleeveless hooded shirt with ripped holes here you go:
    https://www.amazon.com/Coofandy-Fashion-Sleeveless-T-shirts-Lace-up/dp/B072J53Z54

    • Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

      hhodie

      • Tingolayo says:

        I see an overlap with DJ Burger King Commode’s wardrobe. Dudes, nobody wants to be around your armpits.

      • Stalker is the New dancing among the tech equipment says:

        makes you feel comfortable all time

        Polyester died for our sins.

    • Aggressively Stupid says:

      Back in MY DAY we got our sleeveless hole-y hoodies the old fashioned way, by wearing the hell out of them until they nearly fell off our bodies. Get off my lawn, Phuturprimative!

      Who am I kidding? IloveyouRain! is older than I am.

  4. Dusty Documentary Series says:

    I’m hardly ever around anymore but you guys this feels like the old days!

    I have watched the video like 8 times. The commentary is the best and love the face imitation.

    Never change, Julesie. Or I mean, keep changing into an entire;y different person who doesn’t even want to keep her commitments.

    And Ali, Landmark? Seriously?

    • Stalker is the New dancing among the tech equipment says:

      hug

      You’re so dusty!

    • The Tortuous and the Hair says:

      Dusty! I’ve wanted to thank you, and Albie and Malf and everyone else who gave such valuable advice re my friend about their first ghostwriting job. Thank you to all! It was very generous of you all to take the time to advise and we’re both grateful.

      Famous author was kind of a dick (don’t remember all the specifics but let’s say my friend earned every penny!) but the book turned out to be a success and friend’s name was on cover as co-author. Friend got some mileage out of that, so it was worth is in the end I guess.

      • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

        Yay! I love ghostwriting happy endings!

      • Dusty Documentary Series says:

        Omg what an amazing update!

      • The Tortuous and the Hair says:

        Yes! Sorry that ^ was scrambled and hurried and typo-ridden.

        Famous Author cheaped out & paid less than Friend hoped for and was a general pain in the ass, but the book came out in December and made it onto the NYT bestseller list, and that’s an intangible that you can’t put a dollar amount on.

        Friend got another ghostwriting offer recently that fell through but led to contact with an agent who I think is going to sign Friend (they might have signed already–it sounded like a deal was imminent last we spoke). Friend has been writing non-stop for years and this has been a big exciting adventure that will hopefully kick things up a notch. ~So proud! LOL~

        Your collective wisdom was so helpful; that was the first “big gig” and Friend wanted to put the right foot forward without being taken advantage of. Thank you again!

        • Dusty Documentary Series says:

          truly fantastic

        • Dusty Documentary Series says:

          Oh poor Julesie is shaking?

          She saw CL dancing on stage and decided that she should have her job, her boyfriend, her costumes and inexplicably, her skill and natural talent. Fucking psycho. CL said here that Julia wanted an introduction to costume sponsors. That clearly did not go over well because she is wearing garbage.

          I know you can’t “steal” a boyfriend. But to weasel your way in while pretending all the while to be the present girlfriend’s friend (most likely to gain intel for manipulation), and then claim the newly available dancer slot is all bad enough. But this monster is so entitled that she is now shaken because people aren’t praising her like they praised the original.

          That moment in the “dance” when Julia’s face is at its most intense, smiling like a plastic disney animal, and sort of shooting her hands up like oh-wow-I’m-magic? I actually recognize that moment. She is imitating CL. I know, I know, CL never looked that cheesy, of course not, no one ever did, but I specifically remember CL’s more authentically in-the-moment and joyful version. I looked at old video for like 2 min but gave up and went back to work.

          Jules is going to cry herself to sleep on her enormous pillow if her name does not appear in CL’s immediate family’s last will and testaments. It is sick.

          She hasn’t been victimized this hard since that imaginary homeless man did not punch her in the face.

          • Fell off the rainbow raft says:

            She was so creepy with her method to making friends bs and it all made sense when she came out as tiny dancer wannabe. It amazes me how she tries so hard to be someone else and it always falls flat. Even when she imitates every little bit of what she learned from the other girl down to the dance moves and arm waves.

          • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

            She just thinks if she shows up in the right costume and has the right photoshoot to document it, she’s entitled to the job. See also theriouth buthinethlady, angel investor, author at book, embodiment of love, car wash bra spokesmodel, fashion designer’s muse, republican housewife, etc.

    • Wolf, Hemmingway and Khaat whores says:

      That video is Christmas, Hanukkah & Kwanza in June.

  5. Frequent Liar Miles says:

    Are Ketamean Girls the millennials’ iteration of Catladies?

    • Winchester House of Faxutoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

      I guess but Ketamean is horse tranq, I know it’s also a party drug (where people fall through glass tables) so I’m not really getting how it correlates to “mean” but whatever.

      • Frequent Liar Miles says:

        It’s a (kind of clever) play on Mean Girls, which Donkey has accused us of being; hence the connection.

        • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

          I’m often slow on the uptake and a poor speller.

      • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

        Ketamine is the drug. Ketamean is a portmanteau.

  6. Princess WideStance says:

    It’s pretty special that all these people recognize what a stupid, inauthentic burro she is just by watching that “dance.” Brings a little joy to my heart.

    Holy hell, that was the WORST dancing ever. Canklehausen off the charts. I’ve got ointment if anybody needs some.

    • Tingolayo says:

      I am so winced for her.

      Imagine that you’re really into this music and have been following Choad for years, or you’re a Burning Man veteran who’s really into the self-reliance and artistic part of it, and suddenly someone drags this clown to your events and ruins it.

    • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

      What she thinks she looks like:

      • Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

        How did she go from prima ballerina with ABT to druggy groupie dancer for some third-tier DJ?

        ballerina

        • melting marionette says:

          her calves get me every time. not about me, but i’m a prolific runner and exercise or not, my fetlocks don’t look anything like that

        • Tingolayo says:

          the bow legs, the sickle feet with no arch, the lack of turn-out, the inability to go en pointe without propping herself up by holding a railing… she has never been and could never be a dancer

          • melting marionette says:

            also – are leg-warmers supposed to stirrup under your pointe shoes like that?

          • Tingolayo says:

            Of course not, but Donk is always, always full of fail.

            Leg warmers are for warming up, at the barre. You wouldn’t dance or even walk on that slippery knit fabric.

            But she’s not dressed for a class, because she’s wearing earrings and a tiara. In short, she has no idea what she’s doing.

            Also, she walked around filthy city streets with what’s basically a pink sweater on her feet. But then, she wears pink tights to dirt festivals.

          • JuliasTooSmallTutu says:

            She never got as far as getting en pointe when she was taking ballet. Her own words were something to the effect of her ballet teacher gently suggesting that she switch to modern dance.

          • Never Ever Breaking up with slimeball DJs or getting a job says:

            She probably had shitty ankles and feet like me, it’s hard for me to go over the box thanks to genetics.

            But I would never in a million years think of wearing brand new pointe shoes, tiara and legwarmers as a costume to trample around NYC, what a fucking hick.

            I’ve also seen those fucking monster calves in person, she’s practically deformed. They’re HUUUUUGE.

          • Julia Allison's Epileptic Daunce says:

            I don’t know anything about ballet but this is all so sad and gross.

        • BeepBeepBoopBeepBeep. I Am A Robot. says:

          She slept her way there.

      • Wolf, Hemmingaway and Khaat Whores says:

        What she actually looks like:

      • Aggressively Stupid says:

        Actually, I’d say she thinks she looks like this:

        “I’m doing ballet, but to edm. I’m sooo edgy and original. Nobody has ever done this before!”
        Uh, no. It’s been done by far more talented people than you.

    • Dances with Epilepsy says:

      He plays the same set since 2011 because his girlfriend only knows the one dance and he doesn’t want her to look silly.

  7. Frequent Liar Miles says:

    I wish there existed a transcript of the background commentary on that video. All I could make out was something about “boyfriend,” possible speculation that the teal chaps cost 69 dollars and “kick, kick … slide to the left.” Was T&C cheated out of her closure meeting with CHAD and this was her revenge? If so, sweet.

    • The Tortuous and the Hair says:

      …because my boyfriend’s playing… fool, you mean nothing… cause I got that bathing suit… for like $109… honestly her face… is the best part (camera pans to girl grinning maniacally)… kick, kick, slide to the left…

  8. Princess WideStance says:

    Looks like Gram C. has paid a visit to the basement. 🙂

  9. Goodnight, Wangs says:

    I love how even while dancing for RAIN she has her mouth flapping braying open with a giant gaping maw. Donkeys gonna donkey. Close your mouth, donkey.

  10. Handbag Is Not A Toilet Baby says:

    I’m not exactly defending Rainman, but Mr. Handbag would happily involve me in every aspect of his profession if I so much as hinted I wanted to be, and I’m grossly unqualified to do *anything* he does. And he would do so not because of plant medicine goggles, either — he is simply blind to all my faults. Maybe Chad feels the same way? Twue wuv, and etc.

    • Worrisome Pelts says:

      This. Mr. Pelts would tell you I’m a shoo in to be the next pope, if I told him I wanted to stand for election. That I am a non-Catholic woman would seem a trifle to him.

      I think what these two are blinded by is ambition, though.

      • Morrocanwear loves dance video says:

        I’d like to think that the devoted spouses of RBD, including my own, would try to shield us from humiliating ourselves in this way. Mine would be too protective of my feelings to allow me to make a spectacle of ourself

        • Morrocanwear loves dance video says:

          Okay, I actually presented this situation to my husband to ask him what he would, in fact, do. Sadly, the video was taken down before he saw it, so I told him that it was something like the movie Florence Foster Jenkins if Meryl Streep was dancing instead of singing and doing it even more terribly. And if, in the movie, Hugh Grant was also the accompanist,wearing headphones and a hooded tank top. Also, instead of being a lovely person with a terrible disease, Meryl Streep was a terrible person with no disease.

          He said he would probably try to save me from my own worst instincts, which pretty much describes our marriage.

    • Stalker is the New dancing among the tech equipment says:

      It’s probably something like true love but with more pathological narcissism.

  11. LickedRandisCake says:

    I have never understood, since we’ve been following the woos and their dirt fests, the purpose of any of these dancers. That is to say, sometimes we are very nice and complimentary to the woo adjacents who stumble over here simply because they are not Julia. Fuck the DJ, get on stage. This seems to be Phutureprimitive’s “reward” for the ladies who sleep with him. It is not exactly a career path for legitimate dancers.

    I did cringe for Julia though. My butt actually involuntarily clenched while viewing this video. Not only is the outfit from The Gong Show, she is off balance, clunky and breathing like she just ran a half marathon.

    That aside, does the audience itself really clamor for this type of entertainment? So much so that, if a DJ doesn’t have a dancer, they go home really disappointed? Is it provided because the music played is so phenomenally boring and one note, that the audience needs an on stage distraction so they don’t aimlessly wander away from the show? Is it because, when you dose yourself up with plant medicine, a ripped up hood with vanishing torso is just not visually stimulating enough to satiate you and combustible sateen thighless and assless chaps to feast your eyes upon is simply the only thing that will do?

    I mean, I was stoned as hell at the Def Leppard concert I went to when I was a youth and, the last thing I thought of to say to my friends was “Damn, sweet show. But can only give it two stars. No ecstatic dancers.”

    • Stalker is the New dancing among the tech equipment says:

      I also do not understand why dancers at an electronic show. I’ve never been to an electronic show but I’ve been to raves. There’s music going on so the AUDIENCE can dance. How do you go to an electronic show and just sit there looking at the stage? I don’t understand kids these days.

    • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones, & Ghosted Book Deals says:

      It’s interesting when CnT was dancing with him he always tagged her as ‘ritual dancer’ but crickets for Julia.

    • Rhinestone Technology says:

      Like the new version of 60s Go-Go Dancers.

  12. Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones, & Ghosted Book Deals says:

    Someone found footage of La Fraud’s cab accident: Google Kid has shocking bicycle accident.

  13. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    Did Donk-who-never-reads-here get the video removed?

    • Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

      Or did Peter Baugher, who’s now been extra attentive and generous since that threeway on the couch with Bry & Jen?

    • Frequent Liar Miles says:

      Wait–did Dance Video move to Guam without us?!

      • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

        Did the healing shit dust off his attorney letter-head or just pass it on to InsaneRain?

        • Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

          God only knows what Julia and/or Rain might have promised GC in exchange for removing the video.

    • Wolf, Hemmingway and Khaat whores says:

      I hope a copy has been saved to the RBD vault for posterity.

    • Dances with Epilepsy says:

      I cannot think of any legal reason why he would have to remove the video. She was “dancing” in a public place, and is arguably a celebrity. I can think of some practical reasons for removing it, but no legal ones.

      • Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

        It’s relatively easy to get content removed from FB, at least initially, and the only reason Donkey wanted her Stonehenge dance removed was because she was being called out on her shitty moves. Folks paid to attend this smellfest, Julia, and have every right to criticize what’s on stage.

        • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

          She probably reported it as bullying.

          • Tingolayo says:

            Well, she IS an anti-bullying activist. And a volunteer with Big Sisters. And a volunteer with seniors (AWESOME seniors only, please).

          • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

            And dropped a couple of last names starting with Z.

  14. Frequent Liar Miles says:

    “But damn, I never want to go out on stage again, ever, after reading these comments.” Is that a promise, Donkey? Then our existence has not been in vain.

    • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

      The thing is it wasn’t us! It was people who actually go to PhuturePhiphty’s tedious tweedling shows! Judy, just accept that nobody fucking likes you unless you con them into thinking there’s something in it for them.

      My heart is broken because I didn’t save a screenshot of that truly insane costume. The bell-bottom Mylar chaps were breathtaking.

      • Tingolayo says:

        I’m sure you can find the outfit on Yandy. Don’t forget the flappy epaulet thingies.

    • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

      Did she say that?

      • Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

        She did. I wish she’d promise never to write again. Oh wait, she made that promise to St. Martin’s and, for once, kept her word.

      • Frequent Liar Miles says:

        She did indeed, and more. It’s in the recent update Gilly posted above. It is in response to white-knight “Terspichore.”

    • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

      She shouldn’t be on stage in the first place. She’s not a dancer, never trained as a dancer, outside of wearing the occasional “costume” and yet knowingly and willingly chose to dance in a public venue then unethically contacted Facebook to have the video removed. If people wonder why she’s the third most disliked person on the internet…

  15. Kristoffer edland says:

    Y’all please remove the screenshots with my name. this is hilarious but not cool to post up our comments without our permission. Fuckin scribble the names out or something pleeease.

    • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

      But you posted it publicly on Facebook. This is a reblogging site.

    • Little Orphan Lilly says:

      Kristoffer, while I’m not a mod here, I’m sure nobody wants to pull you in to any drama you don’t want to be associated with. That said, regarding your statements on Facebook that you’re “pretty sure they can’t do this”…like, welcome to the internet bruh. If you post something without being absolutely sure it’s locked down tight, and even if you think it is, the odds are someone else can share it without there being a damn thing you can do about it.

      Again, that larger point aside, we’re reasonable people here and I think wouldn’t want to keep you tied to this if you don’t want to be. I’m just saying…other corners of the internet will not be anywhere near that reasonable. Learning that lesson here, rather than elsewhere, would be a good decision.

    • Never Ever Breaking up with slimeball DJs or getting a job says:

      Have you heard of the “change your privacy settings” song?
      It goes…
      Chaaaaaanege your privacy settings
      If you’re going to talk shit

      Chaaaange your privacy settings
      Or just don’t be a dick

      Because the internet is a great big place
      The Googles will crawl that space

      Anything you say and post
      Even a picture of rump roast
      Will be associated with your name

      Just you change your mother effing, father fluffing, donkey stuffing, back peddling game.

      • Stalker is the New dancing among the tech equipment says:

        flailing arms
        smoov move
        at the most important part running backstage
        yoga 101
        shit eating grin

        There, I just ritual-danced to your magnificent masterpiece.

    • Cuckoo In A Tutu says:

      It’s a screen shot, genius. No one could have found this site by googling your name…. until you posted here to whine about it.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        LOL, true dat, but WTH does their group know (before now) about the perils of stepping in Mulia Mallison’s far-flung donkey dung?

        I looked up his music & have to say (not being even remotely a fan of EDM): his stuff beats PhucksPharmAnimal by a longshot, IMO.

        It’s kinda funny, if ya think about it — maybe KE can become an honorary [REDACTED] in exchange for a bootleg copy of our ol’ bootphace Donk … wink emoticon

      • Stalker is the New dancing among the tech equipment says:

        actually if you google his name this image does come up!

        #themoreyouknow
        #googleismagic

        • Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

          I didn’t find it, but if this image does come up, it’s because his name is in the comments on this page.

  16. LickedRandisCake says:

    Why in the hell would you put on shiny blue assless chaps and dance around on a stage in front of a crowd of people if you even had the tiniest inkling of a worry about what people are going to think of your mad dancing skillz?

    I mean, it’s one thing to go to a dark bar and down a few and dirty white girl your way through a few songs, (that’s how I do it because I have zero, and I mean zero, rhythm), and hope nobody notices because they are just as drunk and embarrassed as you are. It’s totally another to wear the outfit she wore and put yourself front an center in front of a crowd, quite literally, INVITING attention and commentary, and then complain about the meanies.

    But the drama! She’ll never hit the stage again! Barishnikov cried.

    • Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

      Bottom line: People paid to see this show. Donkey, as inexplicable as it seems, was part of this show. Thus, she is subject to criticism.

      • LickedRandisCake says:

        Damn right. Mariah got slammed for that NYE debacle. Whitney was also raked over the coals for her later in life performances. And they both have a more than respectable body of work behind them. But JA should be spared the slings and arrows of the paying customers.

        At least she found out one thing….she no longer needs to worry, lest she find out she’s not good enough. The people have spoken.

        As for me MOAR ECSTATIC, INTENTIONAL DANCING, PLEASE.

    • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

      She’s falling back on her old MO — fishing for sympathy by responding to critical threads, threatening to bail, hoping someone will say “Nooo, Rainbow, don’t quit! Keep dancing, you evolved spirit, you!”

      I hope the fact sunk in for her that a number people other than those on this blog think she’s a poseur and her boyfriend is joke.

  17. Tingolayo says:

    She has always been the sensitive type, shy and self-conscious, hating attention, as you can tell by the photos on this very page.

    But seriously, if you put yourself out there at something that people have PAID to attend, you have to accept the honest feedback from audience, the same as anyone in any movie, tv show, art exhibit, workshop, etc.

    A healthy, “conscious” adult might

    1. realize you’re a crappy performer, cut your losses, and move on… maybe help out backstage, filming the show, whatever
    2. realize you’re a crappy performer, like 95% of the regular old population, but do it anyway because you like being on stage, and don’t care that you’re out of your league, but be realistic that you are not delighting your audience… maybe stick with dancing around in your Burning Man camp with your other non-professional friends
    3. dance in the audience, where it doesn’t matter what you look like, and just have fun
    4. accept that when you date a performer, he will perform with other women… support the women who ARE good dancers and deserve a paying gig
    5. realize that you treated someone very poorly and as a consequence they need to vent with their FB friends… so you should stay out of it instead of pouting that they’re mean
    6. practice and get better

    • Tingolayo says:

      JFA meant to reply to Licked but whatev

    • LickedRandisCake says:

      Is all lost here? Can’t she just go back to standing next to him in the DJ area, putting on that fuzzy bear hat, bopping her head up and down and staring vacantly at the masses to the rhythm of Rain’s sweet mixes?

      She’d still be on stage and the world can get back to spinning on its axis again. Yes, it will be hard to imagine life without JA’s ecstatic offerings but, life does move on.

    • JuliasTooSmallTutu says:

      That’s my argument, if I pay to see a performance (and you couldn’t pay me to sit through any of Phuturefuckface’s shit) I expect that everyone on that stage is a professional. I’m not paying to sit through Petey Baugher’s little princess’s backyard show. Nor did anyone else at that festival judging by the comments.

      • Aggressively Stupid says:

        LIKE! BUTTON!

      • Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

        Yes! Yes! Yes!

        She never wants to be judged by the same rules as everybody else.

      • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

        Maybe this why Ali was so sad she had to miss his performance while at scam school across the country. I imagine all of Julia’s “friends” laugh at her not with her, especially in this circumstance. I’m sure she laments about the terribly exhausting schedule and having to keep her “dancer’s figure.”

    • Wolf, Hemmingway and Khaat whores says:

      #6, #6 and #6, a million times #6.

      Donkey is so full of herself, that she thinks she does not need to learn, or Greg forbids, practice. She believes she can become a singer by taking a voice class over the phone with Jaaaahhhhhs in exchange for a facebook mention.

      She doesn’t need to “learn”, learning is for losers who follow old paradigms. Education “curtails your genius”. Her charisma, charm and sheer personality, not to mention ravishing physical beauty and sex appeal, will do the rest and the world will be in awe of her immense talent.

      What. A. Tool.

      • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

        I love that she was “shaking” after reading the comments. My guess is from anger and not embarrassment. Sadly lacking in self-awareness will always end in anger for her and amusement for us.

  18. Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

    I sure hope that the wonderful Gram Master Flash sends that video to the mods of this site. Under what guise did she have a video filmed at a public venue taken down from someone’s public Facebook page?

    • Mrs. Gilly Blake says:

      Emothional dithstreth?

      • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

        Yes, it’s much easier to threaten & intimidate a bunch of honest kids than it is for her to look reality in the face. Sit down not so tiny dancer.

    • Stalker is the New dancing among the tech equipment says:

      PhuturePrim has the sole and perpetual copyright on the “bzzz” sound so it was a violation of his rights.

  19. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    “I’m not a professional dancer, but I wanted to perform for people who had paid money, because that’s what nonprofessionals do! I mean, I love to dance, professionals love to dance, so…um…what’s the difference?

    “It’s like when people were so MEAN about me wanting to be an NBC reporter at Fashion Week! I love being there, real reporters love being there, so what’s the big deal if I walk around with a microphone from a defunct NBC subchannel and interview busy people?”

    • Handbag Is Not A Toilet Baby says:

      Just came here to say the same thing. People paid to be there, and she STILL believed she should get an ego-stroking trophy for participation. In all endeavors she should be above criticism. It’s incredible.

  20. Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

    “I was afraid to dance, lest that I was not “good enough.””

    Verily, Donkey, would that you ever be “good enough” at anything you profess to do. Prithee, one must toil largely and educateth oneself greatly lest one embarraseth oneself.

    • Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

      She can’t have it both ways. Repeatedly dancing at smellfests, hooking up with Chad and getting him to dump CL, who actually is quite a good dancer, replacing CL on stage, then attempting to claim amateur status, thus being above criticism, when anyone calls her out on the clomping. Once an asshole, always an asshole, eh, Julia?

      More interesting is that the kids are onto PhuturePhuckPhace, the fact that he’s sitting there onstage with the same prerecorded crap he’s been playing for the last five years. It’s always a cheap hustle with this tribe, isn’t it?

      • Morrocanwear loves dance video says:

        Even Le Roi de 🍔 is writing new music in his toilet studio.

        • Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

          DJ Commode promises never to play the same prerecorded garbage night after night after night.

          burger

          • Tingolayo says:

            I spy a piece of genuine Jedi Jewelry (and a polyester track suit, and some kind of leather strap over his shoulder.)

            He cleans up purty good, though.

          • Frequent Liar Miles says:

            He’s looking OK. It’s probably taken this long for the Shanti-stank to wear off.

      • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

        There are young ladies at our twice a week beach drum circles that outdress and outdance Donkey. She has zero self-awareness and is totally delusional about her lack of ability in so many different areas. And then she has the nerve to act all hurt when people call her out on being a tryhard phony who always demands to be the center of attention.

      • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

        I liked the idea on the thread that suggested he select dancers from the audience who send in links ahead of the show. That would make Julia insane seeing as how he likes to fuck the help.

        • Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

          I’m not surprised in the least but this is old school sexist creepy. Time to join the 21st century and get a new paradigm, PhuturePhuckPhace.

          • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

            Oh I agree, on a previous post he stated he wanted more women in the industry but for dancing cause our little brains certainly couldn’t handle pushing play on a pre-recorded set from 2011.

          • Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

            I wonder if more women pushing the button on the prerecorded set would lead to more boyfriends clomping all over the stage.

            asshat

          • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

            His shirt is as subtle as “Rainbow’s” clown costume at burning man, but he’s in waaay better shape.

          • Tingolayo says:

            I think Derpin has those shorts in green.

          • Frequent Liar Miles says:

            This is illuminating. I never knew there was such a thing as a half-bra.

    • Dcmbr Song says:

      Had me laughing at verily

  21. BunnyBingo says:

    Apparently they are called ‘rave chaps’ :
    https://www.funkypair.com/r-3476-iridescent-chaps-chaps-only/

    • BunnyBingo says:

      Or this one might be more your cup of tea:
      http://www.yandy.com/Metallic-Galaxy-Chaps.php

      • Tone-deaf and beautiful MEMEME says:

        I really hope she has the cowboy outfit at the bottom of the Yandy page.

        • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

          My theory is that she hits them up for whatever they’ll give her for free. She tells them what she is going to be wearing it for and then they just comp her outfits. They probably still don’t know she doesn’t actually have 130,000 followers.

          • Tingolayo says:

            But… but… that was her OLD self, who grifted free costumes. She LITERALLY doesn’t recognize ANY aspect of her old self. That’s what a crucible does!!!!!!!!!!! Now she sews her costumes by hand from organic fabric.

          • Random Snowflake™ says:

            Only the finest organic polyester for our Donkey.

    • Stalker is the New dancing among the tech equipment says:

      but it’s not a goddam rave! The audience is just sitting there watching! huff

      • Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

        Chad’s show looks about as exciting as a root canal. Zzzzzz …

  22. ShesJustStupid says:

    Oh come ON. ISIS can post videos but Facebook takes down a bunch of kids laughing at some shitty dancing opportunist asshole?

    • Morrocanwear loves dance video says:

      And here I was wondering what to wear for the end of year celebration at school.

      • Frequent Liar Miles says:

        Oh, I gather you are referring to the rave chaps cited above. I have to chime in to admit that I spent an exponentially disproportionate (as Donkey would say) amount of time at my errand desk this afternoon doing image searches on “Mylar exotic dancewear chaps,” “boho cutout festival bellbottoms” and the like looking for Donkey’s particular teal monstrosity, but it was nowhere to be found (though there was a horrifying array of similar iterations.) Perhaps hers was custom as the muse for Strippers-R-Us.com or some such. Fuck you Emilio Caudillo; THIS is success.

  23. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    I know nothing about the technical points of dance, but her covfefe is excellent.

    • Tingolayo says:

      She is a self-described covfefe-ist who majored in covfefe at Covfefetown University. She was in a failed covfefity series and had a brief covfefe column for Covfefe.com. She now does lots and lots of covfefe at home in Covfefe County, where she says she has a covfefe consulting business called The Covfefe Factory.

    • Wolf, Hemmingway and Khaat whores says:

      Her covfefe is top-notch, but we can’t say the same about her xkrrrtrli.

      • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

        If she just reached out to her sisters, I’m sure she could find a xtkrrrtrli course for a low introductory price.

  24. Teenage Angst Hates Donkey says:

    What fucking planet does she live on? Misanthropic teens / early 20s types from ANY alternative scene aren’t into entitled twats. There’s no room in the world for our donkey… whIch is perhaps the one thing we may have in common, although at different ends of a bizarre and many angled spectrum.

  25. Aggressively Stupid says:

    Look at all those basement kittens in the making! I love them to pieces.

  26. Veruca Salt Lick says:

    I’m watching a documentary on child sex trafficking which features interviews with Cindy and John McCain. Politics aside….it seems so nuts JA thought she could ever obtain a permanent spot in the McCAin family. Cindy focuses her time on humanitarian causes while at age 36, JA shakes her rump in really tragic chaps during a daylight EDM session. Pitiful.

    • Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

      Did you see the video Julia shot of Pancakes getting an award or graduating? I can’t recollect the event. Anywoo, when they announced the wittlest McCain’s name, Julia whistled and stomped her feet as though she were at a Blackhawks game. Cindy, at the end of the row, shot her a look. As Pancakes walked to the stage, Julia kept the camera trained on Cindy because she was the more recognizable face!! Cindy kept side-eying the creep with the brownie. I knew Donkey’s days were numbered, and we hadn’t even gotten to the house they shared on the island of Coronado.

      • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

        Also, she was wearing a black satin prom dress.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          https://s8.postimg.org/eclrsfof9/nutterworths.png

          While on the subject of these batshit people, McCain was a pain in the ass just now during the Comey hearings, when he relentlessly wouldn’t / couldn’t separate two separate issues. #shuddupmanpayattn

          • Cindy McCain says:

            Well it was pretty early in the morning for him and he’s working hard for the people of Arizona and every violation of the spirit of the law is very distressing to him…

            Oh who am I kidding. He’s been confusing me with Meghan for years. And he doesn’t even recognize the brown one.

          • DJ Telexfree Making Beeps and Boops at Dirt Festivals says:

            He sounded like a confused old man with dementia onset who thought he was being clever. SAD!

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            @Cindi McCain — you unwittingly pegged it (lest you ARE the REAL Mrs. Nutterworth?!?) — toadie up & blamed his momentary lapse in clarity on staying up too late watching the Diamondbacks.

            Which would you say came 1st, his use-by-date or Donk’s?

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            I’ll try to quit harping on McCain, but this random tweet was semi-lulzy:

            Tim Dotcom ✔ @timothypmurphy
            Just tuning in but I thought John McCain made a really important point about eggplant octopus football cheeseburger television pancake
            12:12 PM – 8 Jun 2017

          • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

            #TermLimits

  27. Never Ever Breaking up with slimeball DJs or getting a job says:

    Hey Choad Phuturephuckphace,

    Mash your face into the keyboard twice if Donkey is threatening to blackmail you or has promised all sorts of fame and networking bullshit.

  28. Sad Rat In Sidewalk says:

    I’m out of the loop but did this get on RBD’s radar for completely random reasons? Was a catlady searching for Phutureprimitive and the public FB post showed up? Seriously amazing if so.

    • Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

      We were tipped off re: video and a commenter also posted a link in here.

      • Sad Rat In Sidewalk says:

        Ohhhh OK. I had no idea and was wondering if it was total coincidence!

  29. Handbag Is Not A Toilet Baby says:

    It’s interesting to read this post from beginning to end, and see how many of us made essentially the same comment and almost at the same time, but in response to different threads. We can ALL grok what she either can’t or refuses to see.

  30. winnetkasnot says:

    Hey, everybody. Occasional poster here, though I haven’t posted in a while because I’ve been working on BOOK. I posted many moons ago asking for advice on agents and got tons of useful responses.

    Just wanted to say that today is the day — I sent BOOK off to various agents. Whatever happens next, your advice was so helpful. Now, back to the popcorn and ritual dancing.

    • Malformed Face says:

      Girl, go!

    • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

      OMG OMG OMG OMG you are a shining star and Inwish you all the success.

      • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

        “I wish,” that should have read. I is good editor with much fancy education.

    • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

      I hope you sent it to Bleeker Street. 😉

    • Dusty Documentary Series says:

      That’s amazing!

      If you followed the template provided by JA and posted here I’m sure it will be a raging success!

      All jokes aside, I wish you the very best and hope to see a happy update here soon.

    • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

      Very inspired and looking forward to hearing of your future success!

    • Twitter Banned by Julie says:

      Julie is from WILMETTE, Illinois.

      FYI

      • Twitter Banned by Julie says:

        just fact checking.

        • DJ Telexfree Making Beeps and Boops at Dirt Festivals says:

          Did you know? She grew up just miles away from Northwestern.

          • Tingolayo says:

            Are you kidding me??? That’s craaaazy!!! I hope she puts that amazing fact on, say, her Airbnb profile! People need to know that!

    • mcakez says:

      Grats winni.

      • winnetkasnot says:

        Mcakez! Haven’t seen your name in forever. Hope things are all still going well.

    • BunnyBingo says:

      Awesome!

    • The Tortuous and the Hair says:

      Good work! This basement is full of first-rate cats.

      Now sit back and presence a book deal 🙂

  31. mcakez says:

    What the fuck I miss video? Bullshit.

    • Morrocanwear...I love you dance video! says:

      I am devastated about what you missed. I wish I could diminish the wonderfullness of the video to mitigate your pain, but it was truly amazing. I will attempt to describe it, but I can’t begin to do it justice.

      Picture the worst dancing you have ever seen. It is Julia, complete with flailing narms and awkward dance moves picked up from watching Preschool dance recitals. Having looked up the word “ecstatic” online, Julia grimaces at the camera. It isn’t just a few seconds, but a several minutes long experience.

      Because I was at work, and because it was Chad, I had the volume at zero, so I couldn’t hear the dialogue. At some point the camera was turned on an audience member who was making fun of and imitating her ugly facial contortions.

      Julia continues stomping around the stage; running sometimes, waving her arms like one of those blow up guys at a used car dealership, and generally looking foolish.

      Mcakez, you deserve the video in the same way we all deserve the wedding.

      • Frequent Liar Miles says:

        Pretty succinct description (even though you neglected to include reference to the teal Mylar bell-bottom Al-Pacino-in-Cruising rave-chaps that were the icing on the cake of Donkey’s latest flail/fail.)

        • Morrocanwear...I love you dance video! says:

          Yes! Of course! The chaps, which were shiny and mesmerizing.

          • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

            Imagine tight polyester mylar granny pants with iridescent teal mylar chaps over them, clunky black sneaker type shoes (maybe even her usual Velcro pair), and a crop top with teal shoulder pad/epaulets. It was such an ugly outfit and so antithetic to her alleged earth mother goddess persona. Nothing flowy or Stevie Nicks here, more like a short bus Barbarella.

          • Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

            And the running to the back wall for NO APPARENT REASON!

        • DJ Telexfree Making Beeps and Boops at Dirt Festivals says:

          Hahaha! Love it. Also: imagine the dancing happening amongst randomly stacked chairs and equipment in some quasi-storage area

      • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

        Mcakez, she was dressed like a space-aged baked potato with 90’s shoulder pads…on the outside.

        • Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

          We don’t need the “like’ button back; we need a “love” button for the comments in this thread.

      • Eyegloss says:

        My favorite part was when she was running back toward the front of the stage and tried to do something like a cheerleader kick (sorry, not a dancer), but it ended up looking like a giant awkward step because her foot didn’t make it above her waist.

        • Frequent Liar Miles says:

          That was my favorite part, too. It looked like she was trying to save herself from falling; her hoof just came abruptly stomping down. I’m sure the stage was LITERALLY SHAKING.

      • Tingolayo says:

        With softness, I will add that VIDEO included a few of Donk’s signature moves that you’ve already seen if you’ve watched Stroke Face Red Skating Skirt with Plastic Flower Headwear from the Craft Store, or Filthy Pink Tights with White Lipstick at a Dirt Festival (or if you’ve ever gone to a little kid’s dance recital).

        What made this the perfect shit storm was a few new moves that were totally insane PLUS the insane gaping maw PLUS the clomping toward the back wall PLUS the insane costume PLUS the audience comments PLUS the Mary Katherine Gallagher Superstar Lunge.

        • melting marionette says:

          must not forget the “wait-for-the-drop namaste handclasp”. this was last used when another chick danced her off the stage at another festival – cannot recall if it was where the original bottom pic was shot.

      • Rhinestone Technology says:

        And also she did Prayer Hands, to give it a Hindu/Buddhist/Sacred/Holy Twang, cuz that’s how she rolls.

    • neverbotoxed says:

      I know, right?! Someone please tell me they took screenshots.

      • Frequent Liar Miles says:

        There are none that have surfaced so far, but every tiny detail is burned into my (and probably most of ours) mind’s eye–for example: not just epaulets, but LIME GREEN FEATHER EPAULETS. NOT TO MENTION THE DANCE MOVES OMG THE DANCE MOVES.

        • Wolf, Hemmingway and Khaat whores says:

          That video captured a wondrous magical moment.

          Words aren’t enough to describe it, but I am going to attempt a taxonomy of the dance moves:

          1) Ouch! My back hurts!! I am gonna bend over until it passes
          2) My face shows the unbearable pain of acid reflux, if I could only throw up, maybe if I throw my head this way, or maybe to the other side, no, no to the other side was better
          3) My fingers are shiny and sooooooooo interesting, I will follow them with my eyes all the way to the sun
          4) A mouse! A mouse on the stage! I must run to the back wall NOW!

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Donk’s hoof wear may or may not have been steel-toed work boots … her dancing was as if her hooves were tethered to the stage while she attempted to stomp out jokey birthcray candles that kept flaring back up … she charged the back wall at one point like the roadrunner who’d suddenly spotted the tunnel but, damn the luck, the hallucination apparently dissipated, so she returned to ye old stomping grounds & attempted to climb an imaginary rope before doing some half-assed lunges … all this while gaping the maw as if baring her teef was part of a sadistic mating ritual & she’d been on hella dry spell.

      Bonus: a precious girl who turned camera on herself & aped Donk’s facial tics.

      The costume may or may not have been fashioned out of a used slip-n-slide.

      • Grifty Shades of Bray says:

        Also, that time she flatfoot-widestanced the crowd in that ridiculous outfit and mimed an exaggerated prayer gesture with faux-ecstatic facial gestures indicating how very thpiritual she is.

        Donkey, the phrase Dance Like Nobody is Watching is there for a reason. It’s not Dance So Everyone Can Watch and Laugh. If you aren’t a trained dancer qualified to be on stage, stay in the audience and do it for yourself instead of for your stupid ego. You are really more and more like Donald Trump every day. Lying your ass off, pretending to be more competent than you are, and then acting offended when people laugh at you, the emperor with no clothes.

    • BunnyBingo says:

      I believe she was aiming for ‘ethereal’ but it came off as more ‘unfortunate’.

  32. Donk, Donk. Who's There? says:

    I couldn’t stop watching that vid and now I feel a void. Come back, vid. The girl who turned the camera on herself is adorable.

  33. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    For those who missed the video, it looked like this (2009), except with sparkle chaps and some kind of ambient aural gonorrhea. The audience reaction was about the same, too:

    http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_vJmq_s-InUM/Sgy5z1BZhXI/AAAAAAAAAbg/x7qH-A5HOIY/s1600-h/moo.jpg

    • Gilly Blake, PowerpussyCEO Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

      If somebody doesn’t appropriate Ambient Aural Gonnorhea as a user name, I’ll lose all faith in humanity.

  34. Never Ever Breaking up with slimeball DJs or getting a job says:

    How long before Petey Bogger gets a wailing donkey on the phone claiming her internet bullies are out to get her and he should send a C&D ASAP!!!

  35. Subtle Tweets says:

    Hi. I don’t comment much but I’ve been following the Julia show for years. I just can’t believe this dancing thing and I finally had to comment. She is so embarrassing. I don’t understand her lack of shame. Sometimes, when I am in a dark and sad place, I wonder “Am I the Julia in my life?” I know that I’m not, I’m hardworking, I am kind to a fault, etc etc…but sometimes you wonder. And I think that’s ok, that’s kind of what keeps me in check and helps me to be my best self.

    But, back to the dancing. I’m not a professionally trained dancer but I do a very specific type of dancing with LEDs that I’ve been practicing for over 6 years. People *love* it when I dance. They come up to me and want to watch, ask me questions about my skills, my friend brag about my dancing talents and beg me to dance even when I’m exhausted, and so on. Dancing makes me happy and while I’m glad that people enjoy my dancing, I personally don’t think I’m that good. All I see is where I could get better, where my skills are lacking, and the gulf between where I want to be and where I am. This all being said, I would NEVER in a million years have the delusion of grandeur to think that the world needed me to share my dancing talents on-stage at Red Rocks in front of a crowd who paid to be there! I just can’t believe her!

    • It floats! It floats! says:

      It really does showcase what an opportunist she is. Like, doesn’t matter what the form of self-promotion this relationship allows her, she’s not going to miss it. Any self-promotion is good promotion.

      I can’t remember the outfit exactly but I remember wondering if she was wearing a dragon costume.

  36. Barking Mad says:

    I have a copy of the ineffable dance, if someone will provide an email address!

  37. Money Repeller says:

    I thought “ketamean girls” was pretty funny tho

  38. Tingolayo says:

    Reporting live from the carwash. The Coobie situation is: several solid colors, several tie-dyed colors, still genuine polyester, still made in China.

  39. Rhinestone Technology says:

    I know I’m late to the game here, but on a related/unrelated subject: I asked my millennial daughter about something she calls “girl code” — an unspoken but rock -solid agreement that anyone a friend has dated is off-limits to you. Forever. It doesn’t matter if the relationship ended a decade ago.

    You simply cannot date that person and still think of yourself as a decent human being. “Not even if your friend broke up with him?” I asked. “Nope,” says Daughter. (I’m going to ask her if you can date that person if your friend is now happily married to someone else!)

    Having grown up during the morality-free 70s, I sometimes have to ask my offspring about social standards. I can pretty much guarantee kids these days would hang Julia by her ears.

    • Tingolayo says:

      IIRC, Judy even said it herself, back when she was trying to be Carrie Bradshaw. She always has her sisters’ backs.

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