Fivehead, Skankatron, Hallelujah Breeder, PhuturePhuckPhace – A Woo Super Roundup!

Poor Jena & Sacha! Depsite all their woo compatriots, they still can’t rope any sucker into living with them:

Meanwhile, over in Boulder, Ali Shanti is just one of many woos bemoaning the death of epic sex goddess Psalm Isadora, but the eulogy is all about …

That’s funny, Ali. We don’t remember you ever mentioning Psalm, either.

I assume Stacey Morgenstern, Rain’s reincarnated “breeder” sidepiece, is also adjusting to the loss of Psalm, but she too has more important concerns. Let’s name the baby!

Donkey didn’t offer any suggestions. Methinks she’s too busy getting ready to dance for us while Rain spins at the next Garden of Eden dirtfest:

Splash on that glitter, Judy!

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80 Responses to Fivehead, Skankatron, Hallelujah Breeder, PhuturePhuckPhace – A Woo Super Roundup!

  1. Stalker is the New Ringling Brothers Pigeon says:

    I read Ali’s comment as “grifting circles” and paused to note the spark of self-awareness that was quickly blown out by her gasbag huffery puffery.

  2. Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

    It’s a pretty impressive level of narcissism when you make an acquaintance’s death a showcase for your own enlightenedness. Good show, Ali, you may make the Olympic team yet.

    • Gilly, Real Housewife at Dirt Festivals Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

      The operative word here is “acquaintance.”

    • Stalker is the New Ringling Brothers Pigeon says:

      “As I witnessed the storm of treason and corruption overtaking the White House, I stopped to think about ME and how I beat Nordstrom at its dirty ways by declaring bankruptcy soon after one last wild blowout in Vegas.”

      “Hillary lost the election just like I lost my twelve, million dollar businesses.”

      “There was a mixup at the Oscars just like the mixup in the orgy tent at Burning Man when someone grabbed a tube of Ben-Gay instead of organic coconut lube.”

  3. Stalker is the New Ringling Brothers Pigeon says:

    Jena, nobody wants to live with you because you’re looking for a single person or couple. Everyone in your circle is enmeshed in a tangled web of half-assed polyamory.

    • Tone-deaf and beautiful MEMEME says:

      It does make me laughed that she swapped out the pubic mound photo.

    • melting marionette says:

      applicants must like ikea.

      • Frequent Liar Miles says:

        I spy: dirtypillows.

        It’s always off-putting when you view a picture that somehow simultaneously delivers a horrifying olfactory sensation. Unwashed scalp/cacao/cheap incense is what I’m getting.

        Some moron will take her up on her offer, though, I am sure.

      • Malformed Face says:

        That room is horrifying. For $1600 you can get a studio in BK (some parts) or get a roommate and a decent place for $3200;

  4. Wolf, Hemmingway and Khaat whores says:

    The glitter picture is disturbing at some many levels.

    That cameltoe is painful to watch, it must REALLY painful to wear.

    Her facial expression in pictures it’s either tripping balls (as in this picture) or the fake smile (as in 99% of her pictures).

    And don’t even get me started on the abuse of glitter!

  5. LickedRandisCake says:

    Dear Stacey, the name Psalm just became available.

    What? Too soon?

  6. Frequent Liar Miles says:

    So funny that Stace is agonizing about Morganstern/Morganstein/Morningstar and yet is one of those hippies who don’t know how to spell hippie.

    • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

      She is such an idiot. Doesn’t want to use Morningstar, despite that this is what her name means in German.

      • Gilly, Real Housewife at Dirt Festivals Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

        Please, it’s our job to know these things. You certainly don’t expect Stacey to research a new name when she’s busy having acid flashbacks of her Xena incarnation?

  7. Dust in your toot-toot says:

    Have the five Donkey methods for organizing a home been discussed? I see a BOOK guest appearance!

    https://makeitbetter.net/home/neat-method-5-tips-organized-home/

    • Frequent Liar Miles says:

      Ooh, you askin’ for a blastin’ from machine-gun kitteh.

      • Gilly, Real Housewife at Dirt Festivals Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

        Rat-a-tat-tat. I’m too tired even to post that damn GIF.

        Discussed at length near the end of the comment section in a recent post. Again, I’m too tired to provide a link.

        No Good Gilly

    • Telexfree Antofagasta says:

      I hadn’t seen this. BOYFRIEND BOOK BRIT OMG

    • Sad Rat In Sidewalk says:

      Molly Graves’ husband is Ryan Graves, a very senior exec and co-founder (?) at Uber.

      If Julia is trying to dig her hooves into Travis Kalanick (he’s single!) by sucking up to the Graves, that would be SO FUCKING HILARIOUS

  8. Excellent Smells says:

    I don’t care what you people say, sometimes I find the woos more interesting than our original subject. they’re just so… prevalent.. so familiar yet odd… so uncreative… and so dang griftery. and have to say, I have been wondering what mental dental is up to.

    • Frequent Liar Miles says:

      When I think of him, which is infrequently (OMG, did I just sorta ring myself?), I picture him in a Facility. With limb restraints.

    • Gilly, Real Housewife at Dirt Festivals Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

      You can easily look him up on Facebook. Someone in the basement indicated that ol’ Swainy had gotten his act together.

  9. ShesJustStupid says:

    I went down the rabbit hole of the Psalm suicide. Yikes. She was raised in a Christian Cult and sexually abused by her father with her mother’s knowledge. She eventually became a healer for others and then she killed herself. The “healer community” is very upset. One sensible comment was about how these spiritual healers need to accept pharmaceutical help as sometimes necessary.

    • Whatever says:

      That is so terrible, Jena mention her and went on with her all about me. Poor soul such sadness all they can think about is themselves, assholes.

      • Gilly, Real Housewife at Dirt Festivals Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

        Jena posted a risqué photo of Psalm and this:

        This week, one of the most mesmerizing women I’ve ever met, passed away. The legendary Psalm Isadora, tantra teacher extraordinaire, completed her life, and we are collectively feeling the deep grief of her loss. My tears have been plentiful.

        I met her at a MIndValley event in New York, with Vishen Lakhiani, and felt an immediate kinship with and admiration for this blazing goddess.

        She interviewed me via video when she was in Malaysia and I was in Mexico. She shared my message with her audience, and vice versa. We spoke on the phone and through the net, and because I was away when she brought her event to my town, NYC, I sadly never saw her again in person.

        I was always so deeply proud of Psalm as an expression of the Divine Feminine in female form. Her presence was intoxicating. I was so proud of everything she’d created, and her reach. She was prolific!

        I’ll always be grateful that I met her, and I shed tears for her loss.

        Here’s a video about the trauma she lived through. She speaks about death in this video and it puts it all in perspective. I highly recommend checking out this video. It’s life-changing.

        • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

          Awkward choice of words considering the woman’s demise.

          • Gilly, Real Housewife at Dirt Festivals Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

            I find this all rather disturbing. Psalm uses childhood sexual abuse to build her business, which consists of telling others how to heal from the horrors of the past and emerge as oversexed phoenixes from the ashes. Her branding is accompanied by highly sexualized photos, the same sort of exhibitionistic impulse that Jena and her lot display again and again and again. So they use Psalm’s storyline to justify their own excesses, er, “liberation”?

          • ShesJustStupid says:

            Ultimately, it seems that she was trying to go cold turkey on Valium and alcohol while being bi polar and this increased her depression. I’m not sure what I think of a sex abuse survivor taking back her power by emphasizing sex as a kind of cure all, but I’ve never been abused.

        • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

          “I was always so deeply proud…” unless you are a parent, you are inspired by someone’s actions not proud you condescending deluded asshole.

          • Gilly, Real Housewife at Dirt Festivals Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

            The woos use that term over and over again when talking about their co-conspirators’ alleged accomplishments. SO PROUD!

    • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

      Poor lady. That’s a sad story all around.

    • Hot Foot Lurch is Not My Guru says:

      If you look at her website, some person from India is shaming her for not being as spiritual as she studied to be. It is a picture of her next to some menstrual blood-smeared statue. I mean, what is the purpose of publicly shaming someone who was experiencing such agony that she killed herself? Who the eff cares? Everyone knows these woos are 95% poseurs anyway.

      • Gilly, Real Housewife at Dirt Festivals Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

        ::shudder:: The woos, especially the ones in the “healing community,” are so toxic. And Judy Albertson jumped right in, eager to roll in the mud with them.

  10. grammarian of happiness says:

    everything is lifechanging, yet nothing ever changes

  11. Goodnight, Wangs says:

    How much do they want for rent? They must be asking for an outrageous amount if they are having problems filling it. Or they come off as completely obvious weirdos no one would ever want to live with and everyone nopes out after touring the space and meeting them.

    • Fuckyo Nonburn says:

      I can see them following too closely behind prospective tenants while entwined, touching each other inappropriately, and making googly eyes at the person.

    • Gilly, Real Housewife at Dirt Festivals Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

      I believe it’s $1600, as indicated in a craigslist ad.

      • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

        That’s pretty reasonable for a house share in Harlem, but if it were $16 it would still be unreasonable for a house share with these freakazoids.

  12. RollsRoyceRevenge says:

    I read Stacey’s request for two words smushed together and immediately thought “cunt-face” but realized that Mandie Eriksen already beat her to it, so there you go.

    • Gilly, Real Housewife at Dirt Festivals Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

      How dare you! Mandie spends her days “making people’s dreams come true!”

      http://guestofaguest.com/new-york/you-should-know/you-should-know-mandie-erickson

      • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

        I only have those dreams when I’ve mixed Vicodin and red wine.

      • Ali Shanti's Pubic Lice says:

        She looks like an even less attractive Julie Klausner. Does she have a lisp or a baby voice?

        • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

          Judging from her television appearances, I think six-packs-a-day-and-screams-at-the-help is closer to the mark.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      WIDE-LEG STANCE! PELT-PULL!

      I’ve seen everything I need to know about this jenny.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        Also? Does her alter ego have an alter ego? “Bewitched” was added later, in a different hand, on top of white-out tape. ??

        Stacey could grift Mandie’s help re: a much-needed woo aka.

        #pleasurablecontriving #someoneishorkingup

      • Tingolayo says:

        She drinks vodka “martinis” (extra dirty, lord help me) and goes to Kabbalah. I’m done.

    • wonkeye says:

      Her secret crush is her father. These people have so many issues. I wonder if he buys her slutty underpants too.

    • The Tortuous and the Hair says:

      Was there a Mandie that worked for the NY Post or Daily News that was once in JA’s orbit? The name seemed familiar but I was expecting to see a different person when I clicked Gilly’s link.

  13. Never Ever Breaking up with slimeball DJs or getting a job says:

    I know how they have all this time to fixate on body glitter, group sex and vaginas being wo/man handled all the fucking time…they just give up all the time they would need to be responsible functional human adults! Having well adjusted children? Fuck that noise! Making sure you have enough money to take care of them? Crowdfund that shit! Taking control of your own destiny? More like scam gullible vulnerable people into emotional hostage situations!

  14. Lulularouse says:

    Funny how Jena writes “WE are looking for a single or a couple to join ME…”

  15. Handbag Is Not A Toilet Baby says:

    That Stacy Morgenstern post is so creepy and transparent. The narcissism of the woos overwhelms me sometimes.

    • Because, for fucks sake. says:

      It might just be me, but when I read her post it felt like she was basically saying “I want a new name. My husband doesn’t like the idea and won’t let me do it unless he approves of it”

      Am I the only one who got that feeling?

      • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

        Name change to distance from previous ethical & or illegal behavior is common especially among the woo-crew.

        My guess is the husband wants a real sounding name for her so that when he inevitably leaves her he won’t be associated with her any longer.

        I suspect these women *think* it’s their idea to come up with a new name but they’re too self-absorbed & dependent on the *masculine’s* opinion to realize they’ve been manipulated into doing it.

      • Gilly, Real Housewife at Dirt Festivals Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

        But the woo goddesses are throwing off the chains of patriarchy, especially when they perform in Stacey-supervised Camp Septic strip shows for all the boys.

        • Because, for fucks sake. says:

          It really is unbelievable how much these “progressive” women act like they’re living in 1950. 1950 might even be ahead of their time.

  16. Razzmatazz says:

    Wild at Heart? More like Eraserhead, amirite?

  17. Lily's Third Eye says:

    That party looks fun – albeit herpes laden- if you are on X, and attending 1-2x a year but as a permanent lifestyle it’s a hella lame choice and shows me how low JA has sunk to enable rather than face her own NPD. I can smell the sadness behind the permanent vacation from here. All these years later JA is STILL 1. grabbing identities off the men she dates,2. Checking out through relentless drama / adventure seeking and navel gazing. Difference now is she’s added drugs and or sex / love drama , spiritual mumbo jumbo to the NPD and they are likely to accelerate each other exponentially. That’s a recipe for hiding from life for a looong time if she chooses to go that way. I still feel like she has covertly narcissistic parents who made her feel fraudulent and afraid to fail, and she has shame over flaming out in NYC and the fact this blog exists , so she is fearful to take the risk to try for real goals and fail again, instead wants to hide with her “tribe” – many of whom are very young, or have untreated mental health and addiction issues , which should be a big fat red flag. I know we all know this but it just struck me harder today. JA if you’re reading I know this blog seems mean, but I guarantee you if you committed to doing something good in the world and set and met some goals for yourself like having a job or going to real therapy or doing 12 steps
    everyone on here would be pleased for you. I know my fascination with JA stems from my mom’s NPD and my own unresolved behavioral shit, and now I am working on that stuff in a real way I see it’s not as hard to
    handle as it seems when one is in the numb zone.
    But I guess this is just JAs path, even though it looks like a train wreck from here. #sad

    • Winchester House of Fauxtoshoots, Microphones & Ghosted Book Deals says:

      “now I am working on that stuff in a real way I see it’s not as hard to
      handle as it seems when one is in the numb zone.”

      Good on you for having a profound sense of self-awareness which is necessary to create positive change. It’s also why the lack of self-awareness & the inability to take accountability will keep the *star* of this page (numb or not) on rinse & repeat, whether her fb page is private or not.

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