Updated: Con Artists Jena & Sacha Practice The Old Bait & Switch

Come for the druggy chocolate and enroll in a useless workshop in “creativity”:


Last night Sacha and I co-lead a Spring Equinox Cacao Ceremony in NYC.

In front of an atmospheric fire in a Penthouse in SoHo, we gathered in a circle and created a magical mood together.

However, it wasn’t just Sacha and I who created it. The event was designed to be interactive and participatory, so everybody who attended added their part. It wasn’t a lecture addressed to the mind, it was an experience addressed to the body, mind and soul.

Spontaneity and self-expression was welcomed. Exploring new eyes was encouraged.

It was an environment fertile for the feeling of magic and creativity to arise. Within 2 hours, the shift in the participants was obvious. Their eyes had more sparkle. Their voices sounded more courageous.

There was a current of aliveness and presence in the space that is a key ingredient to the generation of magic and creativity.

Our cacao ceremonies are a great place to have this experience, but it’s available to you, wherever you are on one condition: that you are willing to surrender and invite it to happen.

To choose to surrender, and therefore to invite more magic and creativity into everything you do, is one of the most valuable choices you can make in your life. Doing so effects EVERYTHING for the better.

That’s why we’re excited to invite you to our 2-hour playshop to show you how. It’s called, “The 3 Keys to More Magic & Creativity in Your Every Day Life”

In this 2-hour interactive playshop we will show you how to:

— Tap in to the boundless creative power of life itself, and plug it in to your career, your self-expression and your lifestyle.

— Open your awareness to how much creative potential there really is within you, and how to use it to make every day of your life a more magical experience.

— Overcome stagnation, restless and boredom, balance structure and novelty, and channel your creative fire into every area of your life that you’d like to transform.

Investment: $25 in advance, or $30 at the door
When: Saturday, March 25th, 2:00 PM – 4:00 PM
Where: The Alchemist’s Kitchen, 21 East 1st Street, New York, NY, 10003

We’d love you to join us for this engaging playshop on how to bring magic and creativity more alive in daily life for you. Reserve your spot here.


With a magical twinkle from my eye to yours,

With love,
Jena la Flamme

Sacha phones it in:

“Creativity is really tapping into this very core of creation.”

Thanks for that, Deadbeat. Surely you’ll soon have enough $$$ for that green card. By the way, how are those kids back in Switzerland?

Bottom Picture & Flashback: The Guinea Pig of Love attends Pleasure Camp!

I grew up going to camp: sailing camp, ballet camp, Canadian canoe camp, even debate camp. But I’ve never attended Pleasure Camp…until now.

Run by the effervescent Jena la Flamme, Pleasure Camp is a weekend seminar meant to “completely re-wire a woman’s mindset around her own attractiveness and body-image.” It is crucial, Jena insists, that I mend my broken relationship with my body if I want to have the relationship with a man that I’ve always wanted.

“The workshop,” Jena explains to me, “is for women who have struggled over the years with bouts of painful body image and emotional eating and find themselves conflicted about having an attractive body.

On one level they want it, but on another, they’re afraid of the consequences: being considered a threat to other women, reduced credibility in the workplace, undesired attention from men, to name a few.”

So why is finding my ideal man an issue for me? “When you’re in a state of disapproval about your body, men pick up on it,” Jena explains. “A woman who disapproves of her body, her appetite, her beauty, and her pleasure, has a disadvantage in the game of love, even if she’s gorgeous. Great looks may be able to attract desirable men for casual dating, but Mr. Right—the love of her life—is also looking for great self-esteem and inner confidence.”

To say I’ve struggled in the past with my body image would be an understatement. At 18, a freshman at college, lonely and miserable, I started binging on foods that would give me that serotonin kick for an instant jolt of happiness: pizza, ice cream, candy—you know the drill. Unsurprisingly, I gained weight. I hated myself, and I hated that horrible feeling I got after I stuffed my body to the breaking point. I just wanted relief, so I began throwing up. Binge, purge, binge, purge, binge, purge: a massive bulimic was born.

Perhaps it’s not a surprise that I had some of the loneliest, most disastrous relationships with men and sex during those same years. It was not a period of peace, calm, or contentment in my life.

It seems obvious now: every area of your life affects every other area, and if you don’t love your body, you’ll choose men who reinforce your belief systems. In other words, your relationship with your body directly affects your relationships with men. But I didn’t connect the dots.

“Be skinny.” In our session, she explained that, “the turning point comes when you realize animals in nature don’t struggle with body image or over-eating.” Those in the room laughed at the idea of a dog thinking its “too fat” to be loved. “Understand that your body is a living, breathing, feeling, decision-making animal that already knows what to eat, how to exercise, and what it needs to feel great and look great. You just need to get into the ‘right relationship’ with your body, your ‘animal.'”

To further illustrate her point, she asked us all to imagine refusing to give a child healthy, nutritious food, water, enough sleep, access to fresh air and light, touch, movement, and play. What if we never hugged our child? What if we never allowed our child to play? What if we locked our child in a dark room and told him or her to type on a computer for 12 hours straight, stopping only to pour coffee down his or her throat to keep him or her working? The entire room cringed, imagining social workers taking our children away. Except that’s what many of us do to our own bodies.

“You can think of that relationship like your very own ‘inner marriage,'” Jena explains, “and the quality of that relationship—whether it’s abusive, neglectful, or deeply connected and loving—sets the tone for the type of relationship with a man that you will draw into your life.”

After that we broke in groups of five, with one woman in the center directed to dance slowly and sensually, getting into the flow of her body, while the other four support and empower her in a circle. At first I was shy. Being asked to dance the way I do when I’m in a really good mood—alone in front of my mirror, shaking my butt and thighs—in front of strangers was nerve-wracking. But once I let go, it felt so free, so natural.

I finally got it. In order for my future husband to find me sexy, I have to find myself sexy first.

Update: Lurch found scant information avaiable online about Sacha Nielsen, but she did come across this recent photo of the very, very good looking DJ and hot chocolate aficionado.

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41 Responses to Updated: Con Artists Jena & Sacha Practice The Old Bait & Switch

  1. Not! Random! says:

    “My future husband.” LOL. Before the self-marriage, apparently.

  2. Worrisome Pelts says:



  3. Fuckyo Nonburn says:

    “Creatively speaking, I feel creativity is crucial to the creation of creations that create the bounds within which we create. Within these bounds, we must look outside the boundaries in order to creatively approach the creations we seek to create, through an expansion of the boundaries that contain our creations while we look outside those expanded boundaries in order to create what we seek to create within the boundaries we seek to escape.

    “Now give me 30 bucks.”

    • AWO says:

      WTF, where is my cacao?!

      • Malformed Face says:

        That’s $40 more!

        • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

          For $200 more, Jena and I would be delighted to have you join us in our pleasurable matrimonial bed. Ante up $500 and you can stay overnight with us and enjoy an awkward breakfast with our roommates the next morning. Say yes to pleasure and STD’s!

  4. Jenna's Lions says:

    Am I late to this party? Is this what is actually going on at these “ceremonies” ? https://www.reddit.com/r/Drugs/comments/4m9vbm/snorting_cocoa_powder/

    • Albie Quirky Sending Hugs says:

      No, Flimme-Flamme and Deadbeat Dad make a drink in the manner of the ancient Aztecs, as Irish-Australian and Swiss people are wont to do. They linked to a video by a nice blonde lady from La Jolla explaining the magical powers of this indigenous tradition, because of course they did. #pleasurableappropriation #somethingiscomingup #mydinneriscomingup

  5. An atmospheric fire in a Penthouse in SoHo says:

    “An atmospheric fire in a Penthouse in SoHo”.

    Maybe I’m just exhausted at the end of a week of work, but that capital P is giving me the ragies.

  6. Dcmbr Song says:

    She did change her photo for renting the chateau de mesh out,less mons.
    Also unironically mentions a good quality that it’s in a “rapidly gentrifying “part of Harlem, really.

  7. Donkey of Oz says:

    Anyone who leaves their kids is a piece of shit. I don’t care if you’re a weirdo, if you fail as a parent due to selfishness, drugs, or whatever undefined malady this Swiss person suffers from. If you leave your kids, you are a fucked up person. There isn’t much else to say. You certainly didn’t choose well, Jenny. Two people with the ethics of African warlords…. what could go wrong!

    Also, it’s honest hard work more rewarding and lucrative at this point? Just start working! You’re selling $30 seminars on nothing. Literally nothing. Ellsberg’s divorce settlement must be running low.

  8. Fameless Shamewhore says:

    A poem for Saturday by Jena:

    ~ Blessed by Shiva ~

    Everyday, I am blessed
    By the presence of the Divine Masculine,
    By the presence of Shiva.
    I am invited into stillness and prayer.
    My horizons widen.
    My belly laughs deepen.
    My senses sharpen.
    My vision opens.
    I am Shakti, `
    And I am blessed
    By the Lord Shiva
    Known as Sacha.
    I give thanks.
    Om Shiva Shakti Om

    • Never the Bride says:

      This reminds me. If all y’all have not read “A Suitable Boy” by Vikram Seth, do so immediately. I think I’ve read it four times by now.

    • Gilly Blake, CEO, Donkey Disparagement Industry Gilly (and the entire Cosmos) says:

      Yes, she really posted this to her FB page. Yes, it’s stupid as fuck.

    • Tingolayo says:

      These people really resent being white, don’t they?

  9. ok says:

    Top picture looks like it’s been ran through the DeepDream image filters

  10. Lily's Third Eye says:

    Rare to see a man being such a brave pro-crow’s feet advocate.

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